005  ☆ Tears of Frustration

☆Characters: Park Bom (2NE1)
☆Summary: Tears of frustration were tears simply let out due to frustration.
☆Date: May 10, 2012
☆Poster: FlyingHigh
☆Type/Genre: One-shot, Angst
☆Word Count: 1906

Park Bom bit down harshly on her lip, restraining herself from screaming her lungs out. If she screamed, it could damage her voice. And worst of all, it could get her kicked out of YG Entertainment. And she didn't want neither of those two to happen. The more words that came out of Yang Hyun Suk the harder it made her bite her lip. She could already taste the metallic taste on her tongue, but that didn't stop her from biting her lip. It took willpower for Bom to not let go and restrain herself. 

The other members of 2NE1 could see her struggling. They could all see, even Hyun Suk, the frustration in her eyes. Her lip was quivering, which could be from the pain or because she was restraining herself. The second oldest of the group, Sandara Park, also known as Dara, shot her a worried look. Bom ignored it, as she was focusing on the pain she was giving herself.

Hyun Suk sighed, not wanting to see Bom in pain. He knew he was the reason for her doing this to herself. "Alright, you girls can go. But remember what I said." The other members signed in relief, finally able to breathe properly again. Bom didn't feel any better, as she continued on biting her lip. The girls all bowed before leaving, Bom the first out the door.

"Unnie!" yelled the maknae of the group, Minzy. She called for the oldest, but it was too late. Bom walked away from them all without saying a word and without looking back. Minzy's shoulders slacked, as the oldest was nowhere in sight.

The leader, Lee Chaerin, called mostly by her stage name CL, put a hand on Minzy's shoulder. "She will be alright, just let her vent out her anger." CL sighed, and then motioned for the others to follow her out the door. "Let's go back home. When Bom releases all her anger, she will be back." Minzy and Dara both nodded their heads mutely, before the three made there way out front door of YG Entertainment.

As the three were making there way towards there van, where their manager was patiently waiting for them, Dara stopped walking. This went unnoticed by the other members, as the two just kept on walking. Dara looked up at the sky, which was now almost pitch black. She cupped her hands together and did a silent prayer. After that, she followed the rest of the members inside the band. All of them had only one thought in their minds: Bom.

☆

Bom breathed in and out heavily, beads of sweat running down her forehead. Being inside the room with Hyun Suk was suffocating. She was glad that she was finally out and away from him. Although she felt bad for leaving the members, she needed to leave the building. Bom needed to be alone. Who knows what she would of done if she stayed? Bom wasn't the best at controlling her anger, and she was afraid that she would accidently take it out on one of the other members. And the other members wouldn't talk back to her because CL and Minzy were younger, while Dara was too soft-hearted to yell back at her. Dara would silently take it with silent tears running down her cheeks. And Bom didn't want to do that to any of them.

She clutched her head with her hands, grabbing fist fulls of her long hair. The words said by Hyun Suk ran through her mind endlessly. No matter how much she wanted for it to get out of her head, it wouldn't. The more she remembered his words, the more hair she continued to pull. It brought her pain, but she merely ignored it. She ignored the fact that she could rip her hair out of her skull if she continued pulling harshly onto her hair. Bom didn't care, as she only wanted for his words to go away.

"We have been working on your U.S. album for quite some time now, but it seems that you are all not giving much effort into it." said YG as he stared at them all with his stern gaze. All the members avoided his eyes, looking anywhere but at him. "Especially you, Bom." Bom tensed as she heard her name being called.

Bom shook her head, grabbing even harder onto her hair. That wasn't true, she was working hard. They were all working hard. Why couldn't he see that? Why couldn't see all the hard work they were putting in to their album? He didn't understand.

"Bom, you need to put more emotion into your voice. I need to be able to feel the power and emotion while listening to you sing. If I can't feel it, then no one can."

Emotion? Bom scoffed as she finally let go of her hair. Her skull was beginning to ache from her pulls. He wanted emotion and she was trying to give emotion. He just couldn't feel it because he just wants to scold her. The whole time, Hyun Suk was scolding her and only her. In the beginning it was about the team, but then it changed to her. To her being the problem.

"You also need to lose more weight, Bom. You've gained at least 3 pounds in the last few days. It's probably from all your midnight snacking, which I will put an end to today." YG slammed his fist onto his desk, causing them all to flinch. His gaze was now only on Bom, his actions showing that he was upset, but his eyes showing that he was apologetic. "From now on, you are not allowed to eat around midnight. Only three meals a day without any snacks. I will get Hwangssabu to create a schedule for you. It will tell you when and what to eat. You are to follow it until I end it. Understand?"

No, she didn't understand. Bom felt her eyes beginning to brim with tears. It was like he was calling her fat intentionally. He didn't want to call her those words out loud in front of everyone or herself, and so he just explained it in a different way. Either way, she felt as though as she had been insulted. Bom clenched her fists tightly, breathing in and out. She needed to control her anger, she couldn't let it get the best of her.

Looks weren't everything, he should know that. Hyun Suk has told them all countless of times, with the exception of Dara, that they all looked ugly without make-up. She always hated it when he did that, but held in her anger. Instead, Bom smiled it off like it was nothing. Although in the inside, she was deeply hurt by his words. She wished he would be more considerate and careful about what he says.

"When it comes to looks, Dara is the best." Dara gave him a small smile at his compliment. The others couldn't help but envy her. "She is skinny and is a natural beauty. Which is something that you don't all have."

Dara. Dara this and Dara that. She had the most fans, more than everyone else in the group. She was a natural beauty, looking flawless without make-up. Dara was skinny and it was almost impossible for her to gain any weight. She had so many features that Bom wished she had. Dara had the looks, the skinny body, many fans, ect.

Bom let out a sarcastic laugh as she listed all the things that Dara had and that she didn't in her head. She was feeling jealous of one of her own members. A member who was like a sister to her. Her eyes filled with tears and before she knew it, she let them all out.

Not only Hyun Suk's words were in her mind, but by now... Words by others were in her mind. Looks was something she took pride in. In 2NE1, she was the one who cared the most about her looks and body. She was always the one to feel the most insecure about herself. Bom would always wear make-up because she felt without it. Many people have seen her with make-up and were now used to seeing her with it. Whenever they would see her without it, they would hardly even recognize her or make unnecessary comments about it.

"Bom has gotten chubbier."

"Bom looks so plastic."

"She looks so fake."

"Why won't she just come out and admit she had surgery?"

"Too much corn for you, Bom."

Bom wasn't blind, she knew what others would say about her. She reads articles about herself and the other 2NE1 members. Even articles about other idols or Korean celebrities. She would also pay attention to the comments. When she looked and read the comments, she couldn't help but regret reading them. It only brought her self-esteem down and her insecurities higher.

Corn was something she loved, so why stop her from eating it? What's wrong with being chubby? There isn't anything wrong with that. People can question if she had plastic surgery or not, but it doesn't change the fact that she has a great voice. If she didn't have a great voice, she wouldn't be the main vocalist of 2NE1.

More tears slid down her cheeks, but it wasn't because of sadness or pain. It was all because of anger. She felt anger when Hyun Suk kept on scolding her. Bom had to bite her lip to hold herself from retorting back at him. If she did, her career could possibly go down the drain.

She felt anger when she read all those comments about her. Though there were many positive comments, there were also negatives. And she couldn't get any of those out of her mind. These tears were all the anger she has held back until now. She finally let it out and it felt good. Her anger was slowly diminishing as she shed more tears. Not tears of sadness, but tears of frustration.

Tears of frustration were tears people cried because of anger or frustration. It wasn't because of sadness or pain, just merely anger. It was a good way to let your anger out, because that way you wouldn't be hurting others. When people were angered, they would resort to violence or lash out at others. Shedding tears didn't cause harm to anyone.

That was the reason why Bom needed to get out of the room. She didn't want to lash out at anyone, or even worse... Use violence against them. They were all to special to her. Even if YG was the part of the reason why she was frustration, he was still someone special to her. She could lose them all with one snap of anger, and she didn't want to do that.

Your not weak for crying, because it takes a lot of strength to hold in your anger, sadness, or pain. Bom had learned that a long time ago. Whenever you want to cry, just cry. Don't hold it in, because you will only hurt yourself more by doing so. Once you let it out, you'll feel good. That was how Bom felt, she felt good. After letting out her anger through her tears, she didn't feel as angry as before. Tears of frustration is one way to deal with anger or frustration.

FlyingHigh Speaking:

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