Liu 4

Sometimes memories are all you have left. In that case, are you going to leave us two with good or bad ones? It's all up to you...

Still nervous from that intensifying dream I experienced the night before, I wasn't able to fall asleep as well as I used to, even if it was late 10:45 PM. I only really drifted off to sleep once I heard my sister's bedroom door click shut through our thin white walls, Myungsoo having left an hour earlier. I would've guessed it was past midnight, although the milky white moon slanting in through my circular window gave no notion as to what time it was; only that it was night time, a time where imaginations were free to float adrift within the air without having to worry about how embarrassing or horrifying it might be during daytime, exposed to where everyone can see. Night time was a time where all the things that might seem awkward or shameful during the full vision of daytime were considered fine, as they happened under the darkness of night where no one may see or witness their greatest secrets. So, I was kind of afraid that my mind would do the same - drift off towards another haunting dream like I had when I took a nap earlier on that day. It was just turning evening once I woke up anyways; what worse dream could I possibly face during the heart of night?

Fortunately, I didn't face anything. Anything at all.

And the next morning, I didn't see him, who I'd pretty much identified as the main essence of my dream, especially after glancing at a small triangle of my terrible doodle that previous afternoon peeking out of my trashcan -

Cheol-Yong.

Sure, his other immature accompanies were there; Sang-Hyun nearly burnt my back with a glare, along with the three others, at least until his older sister Sandara, who was in grade five by then, clouted him in the head and made him turn away. His other sister, Daromi, who was in grade three, then worked on the others, soon making them all retreat back to their secret (and probably better) hangout spot. Watching that, I made a mental note to thank those two Park sisters sometime soon.

But other than that, nothing else changed. No shift within the mute passage of time, no little dampening to the fine, cheery weather of mid-fall, no little tingle in my soul warning me of something else that could possibly happen. And definitely no more fights breaking out after our harsh little performance. Kibum and I still attracted looks every now and then from both boys and girls, but they dare not approach us just in case Cheol-Yong decides to go full-out on them, too. I sort of wondered, as Kibum and I reluctantly shuffled back to class after an intriguing round of soccer that morning before school started, just where in the world Cheol-Yong might be after crying like there was no more reason to live, although I squished those feelings down harder than the modeling clay we were given that morning to mold into anything we wanted.

It was a good punching bag, for one thing, but I had no idea what to do with it. Krystal Jung to my left was already expertly molding a pair of ballerina flats, engraving in the shoe with her nail the names 'Jessica' and 'Krystal,' while Luna Park in front of me was quietly but intently working upon molding a mike, custom-made just for herself. Even Kibum was making something, although I couldn't identify it just that moment, since it was still mostly a lump. But at least he was doing something. My portion of clay was just sitting there, grey and lumpy and slightly wet, just like my own grey-streaked hands were. Mr. Bang told us to use the clay to express ourself, meaning either what we liked, treasured, or wanted to be, but I didn't have an answer for any of that.

Or did I?

Tilting my head to the side, and ignoring the shock of black bangs that half-blocked my sight from the sudden movement, I considered briefly what my mind whispered for me to mold, before a smile finally drew out of my lips and my hands finally started moving to the flow of creativity. There was only half an hour left, but thankfully my own invention would be easy; I just needed to concentrate. That wasn't too easy to do with everybody else in the classroom jabbering and laughing and squealing and crying like there is no tomorrow, but pretty soon even those disturbing noises melted down to just a numb, buzzing background music that I hardly paid attention to as, after movement and movement, the clay started to come to life. Only when Kibum exclaimed a delighted shout of surprise was I jolted back to reality.

"Wow Amber! Did you make that yourself?" he asked, grinning from ear-to-ear. I didn't think it was something that big to be proud of, but then again, that boy was delighted in nearly anything.

Nevertheless I smiled and nodded, looking back down upon my hand-sized crane. The edges of the wings hanged down a bit due to the lack of extra clay to make it strong, but all the clay went towards the main body, neck, and head, so there wasn't much I could do. Despite the unsharp points, however, I was pretty content with how it looked. It reminded me back to when Janice wasn't with Myungsoo and she was actually an older sister, when I was three and she first mentioned to me about cranes, teaching me how to fold one before folding me about ten of them for me. I still remember her words perfectly, albeit my young age: "Amber, you see these? These are mini birds. They're called cranes, but I don't like that name. I think the term 'Wishing Birds' is better, don't you think?"

"Why are they wishing birds?" I asked curiously, picking one lemon-colored bird up in my palm. With our limited access to the really pretty crane papers, we couldn't make them super fancy, but instead cut a regular origami paper into four perfect squares to fold them into miniature pieces. They were probably the size of a baby turtle, which was why I looked at them in fascination, wondering how birds as small as these could possibly be considered as animals that could fly.

"'Cause, besides the fact that if you make a thousand of these, then you get a free wish..." Janice trailed off, looking thoughtful before her own pink one, "I feel like you could wish anything upon these birds, and they'll just carry it to the skies, where God will read your message and relay your wishes through the whims of fate...Does that make sense, Amber?"

At that age I hardly knew any of the words like 'whim' and 'fate,' but I felt I got the gist of it and nodded eagerly, making Janice laugh before she enveloped me in a huge bear hug, brushing her fingers through my hair as she mumbled, her breath warm on my forehead, the wish that I would always be happy. Unfortunately, those times were over. Such good times cannot exist for too long, I learned. But...that didn't mean that her theory of cranes and wishes were also over, right?

I didn't exactly know what to wish for, as Kibum and I were reminded that we only had one minute left, and I swept the last remaining scraps of dry grey clay onto my palm to throw away, but I figured I could make one for my newest friend. I didn't know my parents too well so I couldn't guess what wish would be best for them, and Janice...Well, she had enough company to wish her luck in numerous areas of her life, so I didn't think much of her either.

And Cheol-Yong?

Well, I resolved to forget about him, starting from that morning anyways, along with the freaky dream. He just...wasn't worth thinking about, stressing over, and leaking sweat and tears from after a frightening nightmare. He didn't do anything for me anyways, and he clearly he doesn't have any plans to either.

Besides, I thought, as I happily held Kibum's slightly slumped but nevertheless perfect bicycle in my hands, gazing at it wondrously before we both ran up to the waiting line to organize it on a counter, it's just Kibum and me, I guess.

Which...is good enough. Right?

So, I thought, right before I completely gave my molded crane up to the awaiting counter where everyone else's creations all resided, some perfect, some messy, some slumpy, I wished, briefly closing my eyes, right there, with everyone passing by but no one really noticing or disturbing, I wish that...

That Kim Kibum and Amber Liu can be happy best friends.

And, as he and I went back to talking about whatever delightful childish nonsense five-year-olds talked about back then, my mind chirped, hoping it wasn't too late, forever.

"Why'd you make that bird, Amber?" he asked curiously, once we sat back down in our hard wooden desks and colorful chairs.

I smiled and, determined to keep my wish silent so that only the crane and the skies could possibly know it, I replied, "Just to make a wish."

His sparkling eyes widened as he asked, excitement evident within his small face, "What is it?"

"Can't tell you!" I teased, laughing as he briefly pouted before grinning again. "But," I added thoughtfully, "I do hope it comes true."

"I bet it will, don't worry," he assured happily, always being so happy-go-lucky. I still have no idea how he was like that, but sometimes I can only guess.

"Do you know what my own wish is?" he then asked, well, more like whispered, now that our teacher resumed talking about something else.

"What is it?"

"That you'll be happy, Amber," Kibum shyly admitted, his pale white face blushing with a pale shade of pink, reminding me of the cherry blossom petals nearby my house, always flying and fluttering past our windows like multitudes of butterflies. "You sometimes look really sad, especially because of him. Don't be so sad Amber; be happy!"

At that time, I only regarded his wish as something nice to hear, a sign that indeed he did care about me and that I really did make a good friend. At that time, I just grinned and mumbled a quick "thanks" before both of us quietly turned to the teacher, my heart secretly fluttering with happiness. At that time, I thought everything would be okay, for once, and I thought I actually felt truly, genuinely happy through the powerful wishing magic of the cranes and the sky.

However...it's only now do I realize that he just spoke his wish aloud, which immediately undoes the wish that could've been true.

But I didn't know that back then, did I?

I didn't know any of that...

Nevertheless...Starting from there, as if the creator of the skies decided to take some mercy on me, he allowed both of our wishes to expand for a great seven years, granting upon us two nothing but pure happiness and friendship, both flourishing between us as each and every day passed by. Cheol-Yong never bothered me again, both in and out of my dreams. Sang-Hyun too never bothered me (although that was partially due to the amazing Park sisters), my sister didn't hurt me and make me lonely as much as she used to. Even Myungsoo didn't come over as often! Kibum didn't get bullied anymore, and now I had a reason to go to pre-school, kindergarden, and elementary school every day. It really did feel nice to have someone who'll listen to anything you say and not judge or overthink anything but just listen. Despite how he was a guy and I was a girl, we both clicked so well I never even thought about having a gal friend to hang out with. Eventually, as our class grew and seperated into different classes and schools and grades, cliques formed and things like rumors and secrets and judging existed, but again I never cared. It just never crossed my mind that it might be strange of me to be friends with only one person, but that was just the way it was.

At least, until I turned twelve.

'Cause after the strike of midnight when I turned the age of those two digits...

The length of the wish reached its limit, its magic expiring.

And with my only source of escape undone, it was all I could do to withstand everything suddenly coming back...