Liu 2

Everytime you look at me, I look away. Everytime I look at you, you look away. When will we stop?

I stared at Cheol-Yong's eyes, brown and shining and blotchy with red, but also broken and lacking all the charisma he used upon me just a week ago. Where was that immature prince? Where was that passive fighter? Where were those dull, strong eyes? I honestly had no idea at all what happened to him, but as soon as I turned around and stepped tentatively towards the shaded spot, scattered with crunchy old leaves and covered up with tall bushes and a huge tree as a canopy, he looked even more devastated. Even his finery was dimmed down a bit, which was actually impossible considering he was wearing a silky, striped black fedora, furry black pea coat, and pricey white skinny jeans shipped just from Korea the day before (don't ask me how I know this). Even his velvet Chucks were dusty and toned down from their greatness due to the many leaves.

But, none of that compared to when I silently tip-toed my way in front of him, quietly crouched down, and, wiping my mouth of any popsicle residue, lightly tapped his red hair.

Of course, at first he just stared me, as if he was wondering, 'Just what the hell is this normal tomboy doing in front of me?' Then, he looked a bit horrified as he bit his thin, pink lip and cast his eyes down, as if he felt embarrassed that just a week after harshly beating me up, along with my new friend Kibum, he's now degraded in front of my sight. I wished I could tell him that in fact, I didn't care. I didn't care about that at all. I told Kibum to not worry about 'those babos' anyway. Just like a clean slate, I wiped them from my mind and started over. At least, I thought, until now.

'Cause right then, I didn't know what the heck I was doing not picking up my popsicle to throw away before walking back home, before Janice would demand about my whereabouts, and before I would miss my midday meal of what I hoped was a huge, cheesy, and warm slice of pepperoni pizza. Despite my legs clamoring for some rest from their stinging cramps, though, my mind gave no thought of giving in as I stayed crouched in front of him for five to ten minutes, just waiting for him to come around. All around us, the gentle winds of early fall tickled our hair and clothes, and the golden sun twinkled through the various green and brown leaves of our tree canopy like stars, in which the leaves looked black to the sunlight that looked almost white in my eyes. That day was just another perfect late fall day, just like the time I first came across Cheol-Yong and Kibum. I had no idea that I would ever get involved with two Korean guys in just a week, but oh well, what could I do? Besides go along with the flow, nothing.

So why not make it better?

Finally, he croaked, the dull, passive look quickly masking itself upon his once broken face, "What are you doing here?" The way he said it, even as a five-year-old, so reminded me of Janice during her high school years, when I was only four or three yet never really heard so much as a drop of honey from her voice. Well, actually it was only once she was halfway through her senior year that she started turning really passive and cold, but still. From that experience, I knew I should've backed off, but as always, my feet were rebellious when it came to these boys and stayed where they were, forcing me to heal people's hearts. Or at least try to.

So I said, finally plopping down onto the nest of crunchy leaves below me (and ignoring the great crack! that came fom underneath my old blue jeans), "I don't know. Why don't you tell me?" 'Cause for some reason, I do want to hear what's ailing you...I guess I have a hand in helping people.Which was actually kind of funny considering I only helped myself before, but maybe it was also because I never faced someone helpless before me like these two?

Ugh, I don't know. I just don't.

Especially when, after I replied, Cheol-Yong made a face and said, already looking like he wanted to get outta there quick, "What kind of an answer is that? Just go away; I never wanted you here anyways!"

"Whoa, calm down! I was just wondering if you're okay, that's all..." I trailed off, my fingers gripping hard onto my backpack.

"What do you think? Of course I'm not okay," he exclaimed, sending me a glare. Well, so much for trying to get rid of grudges. "And why aren't you with wimpy Key-Boo for once? Did he leave you too like you deserve?" Whoa. What did you say, Mister CY?

My innards boiling, I huffed hotly, and...

"Yah, why don't you just shut up, huh!?" I nearly shouted, instinctively grabbing a good-sized rock near me and preparing it to throw it smack in the middle of his angry white face. Seeing my missile all ready and good to go, he stumbled back, his eyes wide before he frowned and opened his mouth to probably insult me again,when I cut him off and cried out, "You know, you don't always have to be so mean to look badass like you do now!" His head crooked to the side, probably not knowing what 'badass' or 'shut up' meant. Don't ask me how I learned that either. But anyway, I continued, my arm still hung and ready to launch, "If you're sad, then don't cry by yourself! if you're mad, don't be mad by yourself! Being lonely just makes you mad even more, like you are now. Being mean does not mean you're cool, Cheol-Yong!"

And, I thought, as I watched him frozen in his half-crouch, mere feet away from me, it's my first time I'm helping anyone besides Kibum, who by the way is not Key-Boo. He's not. But anyways shouldn't you be thankful? I mean, I hit you twice last week, yet I'm being this nice to you now...plus we're only five! Just how bad can you be? Kibum cooperated and is now my friend but...why aren't you trying to join? Am I just that "uncool" or -

"I'm leaving," he whispered, now fully standing up, prepared to take off, probably to his museum-sized mansion. "Forget that this ever happened, okay?"

"But...how can I?" I softly asked, averting my gaze from his angry eyes to my own worn-out sandals. "I mean...you were crying. That must mean you're really sad about something...right?"

What he said next though, shocked me, shocked me to my very core, as I realized that he was utterly and completely blind to one of my most hardest feats -

"What's it to you?" he mumbled, before dusting himself off (oh geez) and stalking away without one glance back. Not like I really expected him to do so much as to look back, but maybe, just maybe he didn't have to be so mean. Everyone else at our school was decent enough when I first stepped into this pre-school in the last week of August...I was fine being alone, but then Kibum came along and he made it better than my days already were. This past week has been full of pleasantries from our personal mini games to all the delicious snacks we exchanged, like Pepero and Goldfish snacks. He taught me how to play soccer, I taught him how to play Chinese jumprope (in which we both msierably failed, but oh well). The two of us constantly got scolded for talking, but that only helped us to join forces and shush each other up whenever possible, which was another fun challenge all on its own. It was the little things that mattered, at least for us two.

But I guess, for him, he needed more than just 'the little things.' Apparently an ordinary Chinese girl good at fighting wasn't, in fact, good enough. Maybe he needed a girl like Krystal. Or Luna. Or a super-duper rich girl who just happens to meet, if not exceed, his own standards of confidence and evil demeanor, along with his finery and colored hair.

Who knew, though, that once I finally managed to fully let go of Cheol-Yong and just focus upon my friendship with Kibum...that years later, his wish would finally be granted? That he would finally receive his reward for his unexpected gush of tears that one mid-afternoon? That soon, for the first time, I might see him smile...?

But...who also knew that that lucky girl wouldn't last? That the rare, fleeting, but treasurable smile wouldn't last forever? And that in fact, my own smile wouldn't last, and so would even Kibum's? That soon, everyone's hearts would be crushed?

Who knew?

Certainly not I, nor Kibum, and sadly not even Cheol-Yong, as we kept walking, step-by-step in our obscure path of life, not knowing where we're going but trusting our own instincts anyway.

~*

"Amber?" my sister called out from her room, that day once I stomped towards home and blasted open the door, feeling sulky and not wanting a bite of the pizza I fantasized so much before meeting...him. (No explanation necessary right?) The various crumbs of leaves still toussled within my wind-swept hair was enough of an answer, along with my sticky fingers perfumed with the scent of pineapple. I was trying not to regret it, but once Cheol-Yong's flaming red hair finally escaped my sight fully, I tried to scoop up the melted popsicle off of the clean, slick sidewalk to the nearest dumpster, for the sake of the better things in life. I wasn't going to let Cheol-Yong ruin everything in my life...Plus, at least Janice is home, I thought, which might've turned out for the worse or the better. Neither one of us ever knew; we just had to let things carefully unfold...

"Hi, sis, I'm home!" I cried out, hurriedly shaking off my shoes and putting down my backpack, which fell in a clunk! from all the easy-to-read, raggedy but usable Manga books I loved to read. Before doing anything else, though, I ran over to the kitchen sink and hastily washed my hands so that she wouldn't have something to go on about me again. Once I was done, I quickly padded my hands within a small, soft pink towel (hers, not mine) before scampering back out the living room, figuring out what I could possibly do next before mom and dad came home at the strike of twelve. Quickly scanning the small living room with my eager eyes, though, I found to my disappointment that I wasn't the only one home.

'Cause, sitting upon my favorite, one-and-only blue, mushroom-shaped sofa a kind neighbor once gave me, was the boyfriend I ultimately hated the most out of my sister's vast collection -

"Say hi to Myungsoo oppa, Amber!" Janice chimed, now lightly walking out of her room with a white tank top, black booty shorts, and a huge, baggy purple hoodie with bear ears attached to the hood. Of course, I thought, resisting the urge to roll my eyes, even if she looks like a professional to her colleagues, there's always that cute and revealing side of her...just 'cause of...him. Automatically, as if it knew just who it should turn on for, my insides started fuming with anger, and I could literally hear the pulse in my ears as I casually spoke out, the best I could, "Hi, Myungsoo." Her words, not mine.

With a small smile, in which Janice assumed he was just shy, but in which I already knew that he was just uninterested, he nodded at me before beaming at Janice as she planted a kiss on his head and crawled onto his lap, her thin legs draped gracefully over his as his hands s around her waist and his head zoomed in on hers, making me slap my palms to cover my eyes. Please, in front of a five-year-old? I thought, complaining inside as I hurriedly - and silently - shuffled into the kitchen, where I let out a sigh of relief and began making my usual peanut butter and jelly sandwich (Quite a cook, eh? It's kind of obvious why I learned, I think).

When the simple but tasty sandwich was complete, I scooped up the remaining crumbs and threw them into the sink, and then slowly emerged from the kitchen, only to see Myungsoo and Janice never having budged even an inch from their previous position. Well, unless you counted their hands constantly swarming around each others' bodies and the occasional head turn for better-feel-of-each others'-lips thing. But still.

Feeling lonely and neglected, I held in a sigh as I picked up my backpack and quietly padded towards my tiny room, where I eased the door shut, gently, completely cutting myself off from my sister once more. Just like Cheol-Yong did to me. And just like I hoped those two people won't do ever again, starting from right then on. Oh how I yearned for another one of Kibum's silly games and innocent smile. Or even another tiring match of soccer, coupled with some sweet chocolate Pepero sticks. Anything to brighten up my so-far murky day.

'Cause so far, being anywhere without Kibum by my side seemed to bring about nothing but pure unhappiness.