---We all have our tormenting moments aroused by chaos and disturbances but somehow we can find, that serenity within our hearts that sets us free from all the worries as it somehow renders our vision clearer as we come to terms with our appreciation about things we so much took for granted such as friends and family and even life in itself with its sweet bitterness we rely on its randomness and appreciate each moment we breathe, laugh, or cry. Jay now doesn’t   take his illness as a tough test from heaven or punishment he could now appreciate life as he wished and live for his passion. ----

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                     Glass after another, he tried to drink the pain away ; at least he tried but the bitter taste of death began to take over his everything now. Now,  that he knows that the girl he once parted from for so many years reappears in front of him just like a cursed gift from heaven. Just when he gave in to his destiny she was her whom she had to take that away from him. The girl he secretly liked but couldn’t love is his lost first love and this, happening now, would compromise everything. He never planned for love but it knocked his door : should he open the door or close it just like a forgotten memory ; a memory which should belong and remain in the past. to the past. Jay kept drinking on and on as flashbacks of the incident with Chaerin endlessly repeated itself when that necklece fell off from her…and she kept it all this long. He couldn’t take it anymore and threw the bottle into the wall. he looked into the mirroras if he couldn't recognize himself anymore and threw a punch into it breaking it into pieces and got out the house. he went on walking and walking with his hand still bleeding, not knowing where his legs would take him but there he was at her apartment : that cheap rooftop room thinking over and over how much suffering she must have gone through all this time; having nothing when he had everything. Jay rose his head up and began shouting not knowing if it was because of him being drunk or the pain he felt whenever he thinks about her : "Chaerin-ah yah …Chaerin-ah …," suddenly saying her name had just another feeling now she’s no just a stranger he befriended but rather the love of his life was right there …well he can say that because life now is the remaining six months he has.

                        The lights went off, in the middle of the dark and cold night, but Jay couldn’t care less if it rained rocks …Chaerin came down running breathless, when she opend the door she saw him there sitting, she put her hand on his shoulder asking in a whisper : "are you crazy? What are you doing here?  Just go, the neighbours will go mad; stop it Jay." begging him to keep it down and dragging him out so as the old adjumma won't hear them or else she would make a fuzz..  But, he had no time to listen to reason; his mind was jacked up and his heart was about to burst into flames. He turned around and stood  facing her trying at the same time to keep ballance. He dragged her down the dark ally but Chaerin stopped and took his hand off but soon felt some greezy liquid and realized that he was injured but when she was about to reach for it, he pushed her against the wall once again and was about to punch it but ended up slamming his palm just close enough to her head when she closed her eyes thinking about the pain it would cause him, but her fear soon vanished as she opened her eyes to come face to face with jay who got close to her smelling alcohol :  "Jay you’re drunk ...What happened to you?…"

                        But, rather than waiting for an answer, the rain started falling and they were both just standing there soaked and breathless looking restlessly into each other’s eyes. Jay’s eyes turned red as they surrendered to the weight of tears thinking that she wouldn’t notice because of the rain but Chaerin had already reached to his cheek with her hand and kissed him with such passion and lust they couldn’t fight anymore. He kissed her back pulling her to him: her body felt so warm, that roughness and coldness just disappeared, for once she didn’t feel the urge to hide her sensitive side. The emotion just flew in making one, robbing her hand around his neck, he felt like she could brush his pain away because for that moment; he could only embrace her and the present : no past ... no future ...- for once his head was clear -. They could kiss forever and just stay that way and life was complete for both of them. unfortunately, happiness always comes short in its race with reality. Jay pulled himself back and decided to just leave as much as he wanted to tell her who he was, he couldn’t…He was not worthy of her tears because he has never been there for her. So, he couldn’t speak and decided to leave but Chaerin hang on to him, hugging him from the back and started crying : "but why do you always do that to me? …" -not knowing that Jay was trying his best to fight his tears, he pressed his hands against hers so tightly into his stomach while she leant her head on his back : "Why does it hurt so much to love you? Tell me ...Why?" closing her eyes as she tightened her grasp around him.

                    Jay, startled at her confession answered: "You won't understand...I have no right to love you...I just...you shouldn't." he responded trying in the meanwhile to think of a reason, a plausible reason...but none came to his mind. He untied her arms around him and looked at her : "look at you ...all wet because of me... don’t cry please, I’m …please preserve those precious tears for the one who’d deserve them the most because it’s just not …me..." But Chaerin jumped to him holding his injured hand into her hands pulling it closer to her heart crying: 

"can’t you see ? Whenever, I see you, it just feels that life makes sense. Whenever, im' with you enything i do becomes so much interesting. Sometimes, it hurts so much when I can't see you even for a brief moment. You've become my addiction and being without you is like you are depriving me from air. You are the air that keeps me alive when for so long I felt like dying a billion times a day. With you, i'm complete. I knew life through your eyes, and your smile is like the fuel that keeps me going through the hard times. Why can't you see how you changed me?" holding it even tighter as she kissed it.

                      Overwhelmed and moved by her tears, Jay pulled her closer and kissed her on the forehead as he whispered; "if our journey was to be cut short one day, would you still walk down the road with me? ..." Chaerin looked at him puzzled, but Jay didn't bother to know her answer when he confessed: "I love you..." Chaerin couldn't contained her happiness, eagerly kissed him. Under the rainy night, nothing mattered no more like the love he had for her. jay thought that he should embrace this heavenly gift, to love and die being loved. Whether it was selfish or not it was not the time to think about it, as they walked holding hands, what mattered at this moment is that: he was happy!!

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I hope it wasn't boring 'cause it's a little bit long, I guess^^