Wendy does not know how she ended up here.

Well, that’s only half a lie, her memory is slightly hazy but the images on the screen in front of her definitely align with what she remembers. She was at a club, dancing with some pretty woman and way too drunk to make any rational decisions. So, she left with said woman and now there were clear images of her and said woman way too close to be friendly circulating the internet and media sites. Wendy knows two things; one is that this is not a good look for her or the group. The second is that her drunken mistake just outed her.

“I think these images speak for themselves, there is no denying what we are seeing here, is there Seungwan?” Wendy doesn’t look up as the executive speaks, she can hear in his voice that the company is less than thrilled about this.

“No, sir.” She barely recognizes her own voice, never in her life would she describe her voice as small or timid until this moment.

“I cannot fathom why you believed this to be a good idea but given the location I’m sure you didn’t have the sense to think it through.” He leans back in his chair, and she can feel his eyes boring holes into her, she doesn’t look up. “Luckily, we can use your evident inebriation as a fallback plan to excuse this… deviant behavior.”

The word stings, a devastating reminder that this wasn’t just about her being drunk, the issue runs deeper than that. She bites her lip, taking a deep breath and keeping her head down. The others hadn’t spoken a word, and she can’t be sure if she’s imagining their shock, or their silence is telling of how they truly feel.

“For now, you’re going to issue a personal apology for acting so crass and unruly in public. All your activities will be suspended indefinitely, and we will investigate this further to ensure that nothing else will come of it. As for you, I suggest you take some time to sort out your priorities. This is not a lifestyle that will align well with your future at this company or within this group.”

It was a threat and they all understood it. Wendy’s heart drops into her stomach, the thought of losing her career because of a part of herself had always been a deep-rooted fear of hers and now it was a real possibility.

“Are you threatening her?” Irene asks icily. It was the first time any of the others had spoken, and Wendy isn’t sure if she’s relieved or not.

“There is no threat here Joohyun-ssi. What you do in your free time is no business of ours, but when you make it public and cost us money, then it becomes something we have a say in. It appears Seungwan decided to put her unruly lifestyle above the group and this company, and the vile behavior exhibited in these photos is costing us –and you all – dearly.”

“Don’t talk about her like that.” Joy snaps and Wendy feels her breath hitch in at the thought that they’d defend her. She had put all of their hard work in jeopardy, all of the years Seulgi and Irene spent training, the hundreds of sleepless nights, all the sweat and tears and literal bloodshed. One drunken decision had made all of that irrelevant.

The air is tense for a while afterwards and nobody says anything. Wendy had yet to look up, too afraid to face any of the people she loves so deeply. She can’t fathom the disappointment on their faces aimed at her, she’s not sure she can handle that.

“That was all we had to say. If there are no questions, you’re dismissed. Just remember, our suggestions are not to be taken lightly. There is one path to redemption here, and you need to follow it closely.” The executive stands, the other staff who had remained silent for the entire meeting followed behind him.

“I’ll pull the car around.” Their manager says once everyone leaves, giving the five of them privacy. Wendy almost wished he hadn’t left, the silence that followed was deafening. She refuses to look up, staring at her hands despite feeling multiple pairs of eyes burning into her.

“I’m sorry.” She whispers, she knows it means nothing in the end. All her remorse could never make up for what she’s done to them, for the hardships she’s causing.

“Let’s just talk about this at home.” Irene says, standing and putting her coat back on. The others follow suit, Wendy the only one remaining in her seat. She’s not sure her legs will support her if she stands, so she waits. She can hear the others leave the room, a gentle hand patting her shoulder softly before the door shuts.

They had left her behind, and maybe that was for the best.

-

They didn’t talk about it.

If she was being honest, they hadn’t talked about anything at all. In the days following the incident, Wendy issued a public apology that had mostly been written by the company and had made her sound ashamed of what she had done as if it was some terrible crime that she needed to repent for.

The media backlash was worse than she thought, and she realized how this incident would follow her forever. There was no sweeping this under the rug, whether the company statements and her apology were believed or not, this reputation would always cling to her from now on. Her phone had been blowing up nonstop since. Many messages from her family members either offering support or condemning her. Old friends she hadn’t spoken to in years wondering if she was well. Some deranged fans who had her number threatening her, disgusting vile messages that she knows the company will do nothing about.

It was too much of a headache, so she turned her phone off. But the constant influx of messages was less unsettling than the silence that had taken over their once lively apartment. None of the girls had spoken to her much, granted she had been spending most of her time in her room, but still none of them had checked on her more than a few times.

Seulgi and Joy tried, offering to bring her food if she was hungry, but she could see the way Seulgi stood a bit farther away from her, or the way Joy couldn’t look her in the eye. Yeri had knocked a few times to ask if she was okay, but she never bothered to come in. And Irene hadn’t spoken a word to her.

That part hurts Wendy the most.

It was a particularly nasty fight with Irene that had been the catalyst for her careless night out. They had been fighting a lot recently, not seeing eye to eye, and after a stupid argument had turned into loud yelling and charged words, Irene had cut deep with a comment that sent Wendy storming out of the dorm.

“It would be a miracle if anyone could put up with you long enough to genuinely love you.”

It was the worst thing Irene had ever said to her, or any of them really. It might be the worst thing Irene has said ever in her life, Wendy isn’t sure but what she does know is that it cut right through her heart and she’s not sure they can move past that.

She’s not sure she can move past that when she’s been in love with Irene since the day they first met.

So, Wendy spends all her time wallowing in all her misery and the girls let her. She doesn’t know what day of the week it is when someone enters her room, pulling her from her half-conscious state.

“We’re going to our schedule; do you need anything?” Seulgi asks softly, and if Wendy pays close enough attention, she can hear the guilt in her voice. Because of course, Red Velvet’s schedules haven’t been cancelled and postponed, just readjusted to exclude her. She supposes it’s only fair that the others get to continue on while she doesn’t, it was her mistake that got them there in the first place.

“No thanks.” Wendy says weakly, doing her best not to sound too emotional even as the tears begin pooling in her eyes for the hundredth time. She hears Seulgi sigh before her door shuts again. Wendy listens closely to their muffled voices in the hall, waiting as they grow smaller and smaller before he hears the front door shut and silence follows.

Only then does she let herself cry.

-

She dreams of Irene. Her smile, her lips, her beautiful voice, everything about her that Wendy loves. She dreams of their soft moments, when Irene slips a hand in hers and lays her head on Wendy’s shoulder. The moments where Irene would crawl into her bed and tuck her head under her chin in the middle of the night. She dreams of Irene and everything she wishes they could be.

Her dreams are interrupted by a hand shaking her shoulder, warm and gentle. The first time anyone has touched her in days and she feels herself leaning unconsciously into the touch.

“Joohyun unnie?” She whispers softly, blinking her eyes open and trying to adjust to the light coming from the blinds.

“Not quite.” The voice responds, and Wendy rubs her eyes to see better. She’s surprised to find Taeyeon standing above her with a soft smile on her face.

“Taeyeon unnie? What are you doing here?” Wendy was totally confused and feeling a little embarrassed with how terrible she must look right now.

“You haven’t been answering your messages.” Taeyeon gives her a tender look, sitting on the edge of her bed. “That and Yerim is worried about you, she asked me to come check on you while they’re out.”

Wendy feels a bit bitter. “She lives here, if she’s so worried, she can stop avoiding me.”

“I don’t think they understand, Seungwan-ah.” Taeyeon says quietly, she reaches out and grabs Wendy’s hand to give it a squeeze. The small gesture made Wendy’s walls come crumbling down.

“It’s been so hard unnie… I don’t want everyone to hate me.” Her voice quivers and her eyes water and she looks down before she can see the pity on Taeyeon’s face.

“It’s not fair, you don’t deserve to be treated this way for being you. They’ve known you for so long, they should understand that you’re still the same person.” Wendy had been needing to hear words of encouragement for so long now, and finally hearing them was killing her inside.

“I didn’t ask to be like this, I don’t want to be like this.” She whimpers, shaking her head and pulling her hands up to cover her face. The bed shifts again, and Taeyeon’s arms wrap around her tightly.

“There is nothing wrong with who you are, do you understand? You are beautiful and talented and so amazing and who you love does not change that.” Wendy’s shoulders shake with sobs as she leans into Taeyeon’s arms. She needed this so badly, for someone to tell her she wasn’t a monster, for someone to hold her and make her feel normal again.

They stay this way for as long as Wendy needs, Taeyeon holding her close and running her hands through her greasy hair and whispering words of reassurance. Only when her tears dry does Wendy pull away, face flushed from crying and sheer embarrassment.

“Did that feel better?” Taeyeon asks, smoothing out her matted hair a bit. Wendy just nods softly, hiccupping and trying to calm her breathing down. “Good, go shower and then pack a bag. You’re staying with me tonight.”

With no room or any interest for arguing, Wendy does as she’s told. She feels a lot better after her shower, not feeling as embarrassed about being perceived by Taeyeon. She can’t help but flush a bit at the tender smile on Taeyeon’s face, or the way the older woman pulls her into her arms again.

Taeyeon’s hair smelt fruity, her perfume subtle but slightly floral. Wendy can feel her lips against her neck and her warm breath tickling her skin. It embarrasses her how her body shivers at the sensation, how warmth shoots up her spine. Her mind moves a mile a minute with every breath and touch from Taeyeon, and she forces herself to pull away to calm her racing heart before the older woman noticed and changed her mind about her.

“Let’s get going.” Taeyeon says, and if she had noticed the effect she had on Wendy she didn’t mention it. Wendy follows obediently, sitting silently in Taeyeon’s car as the woman sings along effortlessly to the songs on the radio. The scenery flies by and Wendy gets lost in her own mind in the meantime.

She wonders if the girls will ever forgive her, or ever love her for who she was. Would Irene ever be comfortable around her again? She can’t fathom the thought of any of them hating her or being uncomfortable around her. She’s pulled from her thoughts by a warm hand gripping hers, pulling it gently from her forearm where she had been incessantly scratching the bare skin.

“Stay with me Seungwan-ah.” Taeyeon says, lacing their fingers together and pulling the brunette’s attention back to reality. Wendy’s not sure she’s ever felt more grateful for someone’s attentiveness to her, Taeyeon really might just be her savior in this mess.

She still thinks so hours later when the sun has set, takeout boxes sitting empty on the table in front of them next to the open bottles of fancy wine Wendy can’t remember the name of. It’s late and soft music fills Taeyeon’s apartment as the two women sit on the couch sharing laughs and stories of their glory days.

Wendy feels that same warmth now, when Taeyeon leans her head against her shoulder and sighs happily. Conversation has lulled but its not awkward, and when Taeyeon takes Wendy’s hand, running her thumb over the top of it.

“When did you know?” Taeyeon asks eventually, and she doesn’t have to elaborate for Wendy to understand what she means. She hummed thoughtfully, it was a foreign feeling to be so comfortable thinking and talking about it.

“I think I knew when I first kissed a boy, it was nothing like I had been told, and then my childhood best friend insisted we practice kissing because I must’ve just been bad at it according to her. Well, we did and that definitely solidified that I was attracted to women.” She can still recount the butterflies she felt the first time she kissed her best friend, it’s the same feeling she gets every time Irene smiles at her.

“That makes senses, I didn’t kiss a woman until I was 25, late bloomer I guess.” Taeyeon says it so nonchalantly and yet it ripples through Wendy like a shockwave. Taeyeon has kissed a woman. Taeyeon likes women.

“You… are you?” She can’t bring herself to even say it, too stunned still by the revelation. Taeyeon just hums softly, pulling away with an amused smile when she sees the bewildered expression on Wendy’s face.

“I’m biual, I didn’t think it was much of a secret.” Taeyeon laughs a bit at Wendy’s surprise, reaching out to cup her jaw and closing . “Careful, you’ll catch flies.”

“Wait does… does Yerim know?” She asks, eyebrows scrunched in confusion. If the maknae did know but still felt comfortable with Taeyeon, why would she feel otherwise with Wendy?

Taeyeon just shrugs a bit. “I haven’t mentioned it, so I don’t know. But she’s friends with Kibum too, and was very close with Jonghyun-ah, so I don’t see why she’d feel any different about you for this reason.”

Wendy just takes a deep breath, feeling her eyes water and she looks down trying to pull herself together, so she doesn’t breakdown. She can’t help the few tears that escape, lowering her head to wipe them away quickly.

“Hey, hey don’t cry.” Taeyeon soothes, cupping Wendy’s cheeks and forcing them to meet each other’s gaze. She uses her thumb to swipe the tear tracks away, smiling tenderly.

“I’m just… I felt so alone and now… thank you unnie.” Wendy leans forward into Taeyeon’s body, feeling comfortable initiating contact. Taeyeon doesn’t hesitate to wrap her arms, letting Wendy cry it out again against her chest.

Taeyeon her hair lovingly, thankful that she was able to make Wendy feel a little bit more normal about everything. She keeps a hand on Wendy’s head when the younger woman pulls away, keeping them close. Wendy flushes again, meeting Taeyeon’s gaze and melting under the tender look.

“Unnie…” She whispers softly, eyes darting between Taeyeon’s eyes and her lips, overwhelmed by the emotion and alcohol flowing through her system. She wants nothing more than to kiss her, and based on the way Taeyeon doesn’t shy away from her gaze, she assumes the older wouldn’t mind it either.

“Seungwan-ah, you are so beautiful.” Her slender fingers wipe the remaining tears from Wendy’s rosy cheeks, the skin softly and making the brunette shiver. Wendy her lips, gasping softly when Taeyeon’s finger swipes across her lower lip afterwards.

“Unnie… can I?” She whispers, waiting impatiently for Taeyeon’s affirmative hum before leaning in and connecting their lips. It starts out nervous and slow before gradually heating up. Wendy ends up settled in Taeyeon’s lap, kissing her hungrily as if her life depended on it. Taeyeon reciprocates with just as much passion, hands resting on Wendy’s hips and moving up to rub at her exposed skin.

They break apart as Taeyeon begins trailing kisses down her jaw and neck, hands wandering underneath her waistband and sliding across her lower abdomen. Wendy shivers at the feeling of Taeyeon’s fingers trailing over the top of her , warmth pooling in her stomach.

“Please touch me.” She begs quietly, turning into puddy in Taeyeon’s calculated hands. She’s lain on her back, her pants being slid down her thighs and kicked off easily. Taeyeon lets out a satisfied hum at the wet spot darkening Wendy’s grey .

“So beautiful.” Taeyeon whispers between kisses as she removes the brunette