Two Years Later

Staff Sergeant Byun Baekhyun did a last walkthrough of his barrack to ensure that everything was in order before he shipped out.  He knew that his reports had left the barrack in tiptop shape, but the activity calmed him, gave him something on which to focus instead of the fact that in a few hours he would be seeing his parents for the first time in two years.  “Aigoo, aigoo,” he muttered as he sat in a hard wooden chair, to log into his bank account and transfer funds from savings into checking, so that he could put down a deposit on a gositel as soon as possible.  

His parents had invited him to return home, but he wasn’t about to give up his hard-won freedom.  Logging into his account was the work of a moment, but as soon as she saw the balance, he was…perplexed.  It was a lot higher than he expected.  Clicking on activity gave him another surprise.    Confused, he called the owner of the depositing account.  

The phone rang once, twice, then, “Hello?”

“Yah, hyung-”

“Ah, you saw?”

“Mm.  Why?”

“I don’t need it.  We just received a judgement.  The court ordered the purchasing company to not only honour their contracts, but to pay for both pain and suffering of its clients, as well as court costs and lawyer fees.”

“Damn…as expected, hyung is the best.”

Beomseok laughed.  “You did all the legwork, I was just the pretty face.  Hey, you get discharged today, right?”

“Mm.”

“After you get back to town and settle down, give hyung a call.  I’ll treat you to a meal.”

“Yah…I’ll hold you to that!” Baekhyun chuckled.

Beomseok snorted.  “Alright, I’m hanging up.”

The call disconnected, and Baekhyun lifted his glasses to pinch the bridge of nose as he sighed again, this time in remembrance.  

Kyungsoo sat, silent and watchful as Baekhyun paced, explaining that he had received his draft letter, and was going to accept., rambling about serving his country, growing as a person, becoming a part of something bigger than himself.  Finally, when he had worn himself out with unasked for explanations, Kyungsoo blinked, and looked away.  His lips parted, and he appeared to be debating something.  Unvoiced decision quickly made, he shot Baekhyun a perceptive look.  “Who is she?”

Baekhyun’s eyes widened ever so slightly before he brought his expression back under control.  “What do you mean?”

Kyungsoo sighed, tapping his fingers restlessly on the table.  “Hyung.  I’ve known you since I was eleven years old.  The dark circles have disappeared - you’ve been sleeping.  I don’t hear your stomach gurgling anymore - you’ve been eating.  You’ve been smiling for no reason, and I saw you the other day when you tried to flex your bicep.”

Baekhyun spluttered, at a loss.  “Tried to-”

“It was pitiful,” Kyungsoo deadpanned before softening his teasing with a gentle smile.  “I’ve been here before.  I know the signs.”  Kyungsoo laced his fingers together on the table and leaned forward.  “You were starting to,” he searched for a word, “to bloom--”

Baekhyun cringed.

Kyungsoo nodded, waving a hand and leaning back, “I know, I know, but, “ now he shook his head, “I don’t know any other way to put it.  So, to go from that, to this…all of a sudden,” he lightly struck the side of his hand against the table.  “Who is she?”  

Baekhyun deflated, sinking into a chair opposite Kyungsoo.  “Who cares?”

Kyungsoo eyed him carefully.  “I want to hear about her.  What happened?”

Baekhyun pouted.  “It doesn’t matter now.”

Kyungsoo’s jaw hardened.  “It matters when it affects my business.  Now I’m not only going to have to hire someone to cover the City Hall contract, but to help me around here.  So hurry up and tell me, or I’ll tell noona that you’re coming to dinner, and that you’ve had a change of heart on her cucumber kimchi.”

Baekhyun scowled. “That’s cruel and unusual.”

“Zucchini doenjang jjigae…galbi jjim, eeextra spicy…”

“Kang Iseulsshi, alright, write it down if you need to, Kang Iseul!” Baekhyun shot back.

“Alright.  Tell me about Kang Iseulsshi.”

Baekhyun scuffed the toe of his boot against the ground.  “She’s this…sunbae at work.  I just thought…I thought that there was something there.  I even heard that she was having some trouble with her grandmother’s nursing facility, and I…retained a guy I know.”

Kyungsoo’s eyebrows shot up.

“A lawyer!” Baekhyun clarified.  He leaned forward.  “Look, she has her grandmother in this nursing home…”

***

Surprisingly, Baekhyun took well to the military.  He was funny and hard-working, and the physical exertion vastly improved his appetite.  Still, he wasn’t quite like the others.  He was far more brains than brawn, and it was noticed.  

“Private Byun, get over here.”

Baekhyun jogged over from where he had been running laps with the rest of his crew, to stop in front of an imposing, thickly-muscled middle-aged man  “Yes, Drill Sergeant?”

“Keep running.”

Baekhyun ran in place, repetitively hefting his rifle over his head as he listened.  

“Listen to me, four-eyes.  You’re taking my daughter out on a date this Friday.”

Baekhyun managed to trip over his own feet, sprawling in the dust at his sergeant’s feet.  “Eh?!”

“On your feet, soldier!”

“Yes, sir!”  Huffing, Baekhyun clambered to his feet, pushing his glasses up his nose, and once more began running in place as the sergeant slowly circled. 

“I don’t like the kind of guys she has been dating.  I want her to have a date with a nice boy.  Are you a nice boy?”

“Yes, Drill Sergeant!”  Baekhyun was conflicted.  He still hadn’t gotten over Iseul, but he wasn’t fool enough to pine for a married woman.  Still, being ordered on a date wasn’t his idea of a good time.  However, he wasn’t foolish enough to say no, though this date created its own set of problems.  He was a gentleman, but still, this was his drill sergeant’s daughter.  If Baekhyun even breathed wrong, he’d be cleaning the gravel in the driveways with his toothbrush for weeks.

“Don’t worry, bean sprout, she’s pretty.”

“Yes, sir.  I mean no, sir!  I mean-”

“Shut up.”

Baekhyun shut up.  

“Now, you listen to me.  You’re going to take her out.  You’re going to show her a good time.  And if a single hair of her head is damaged when she returns home…I'm taking it out on you, do you understand me?”

“Sir!  Yes, sir!”

“Good.  Now, get your scrawny tail back in formation.  You call yourself a soldier?!  I’ve never seen such a weak, sorry excuse for a man.  You couldn’t save a fly from a spider!”

Baekhyun huffed indignantly as he ran to get back in line.  How was the sergeant going to force him on a date with his daughter and insult him at the same time?  His indignation was quickly replaced by apprehension.  Oh, no.  What was he supposed to do?  He had never actually been on a real date before?  And what if she were like her father?  Baekhyun shuddered.  Terrifying.  What did girls like to do, anyway?  He wracked his brain.  Wait…girls liked…manga too, right?  Maybe not the same stuff that he liked to read, but…maybe more…shōjo?  And they liked cute animals too, right?  Maybe a manga cafe?  Was there such a thing as a manga cat cafe?  

“Private Byun, get your head in the game!”

“Sir!  Yes, sir!” 

***
Unfortunately, when Baekhyun had asked his drill sergeant for his daughter’s number, so that he could get to know her a bit before the date, he only earned a glare so cold that three days later, he was still unsure how he was not dead.  Because of this, as he walked up to his sergeant’s house, he still had no idea of what this girl--Cha Sujin--even liked.  He had done his best to curate a decent date, but due to a private being caught watching…adult activities on his phone, when he should have been cleaning, all phones and laptops had been confiscated for two weeks as punishment.  So, he guessed that having her number would have been a moot point anyway, really.

Baekhyun rang the bell and waited.  After a moment, Drill Sergeant Cha opened the door and Baekhyun began to sweat.  But the man just looked him over with a disgruntled air, grunted, and stepped aside to reveal one of the most adorably tiny women that Baekhyun had ever seen.  She barely came to his armpit.  Her style couldn’t strictly be called Lolita, but it came as close as it could without crossing the line into cartoonish.  She wore a high ponytail tied by a bow, and an outfit entirely done in various shades of beige, and soft pink. A modest, high-necked, long puffy-sleeved lace blouse was tucked into a high-waisted A-line skirt that stopped just below her knees, and tights, and leather mary janes completed the look, but then…

But then, there was her purse.  Black, leather, and sturdy, it was huge, it looked almost more like luggage than a pocketbook.  Mary…Poppins…? he thought.  Still, she was altogether demure, and lovely, so much so, that his interest piqued, just a little.  “Hello,” he said with a bow.  

“Hello,” she echoed charmingly, bowing back.  Her voice was just as sweet as her face.

“My name is Byun Baekhyun.”

“Ah, yes, appa told me.  I’m Cha Sujin.”  

Her voice sounded so soft that Baekhyun had to suppress a pleased grin.  

Meanwhile, Drill Sergeant Cha looked him over.  

Noticing that, Baekhyun straightened, but it seemed as if his buff trousers, tan argyle sweater-vest, and burgundy dress shirt passed muster.  

“I can see my face in your wing-tips,” Sergeant Cha said approvingly, before looking up at Baekhyun to do what he did best.  Glare.  “Now, you have my baby home by 10 PM.  If she is even one single minute late, I will make your life a living torment, got that?”

Baekhyun swallowed nervously.  “Yes, sir,” he said, with a stiff little bow.  

“Bye, appa,” Sujin said with a kiss on her father’s cheek.

“Bye, baby,” Sergeant Cha responded, his voice so sweet that Baekhyun’s face froze.  So, he could make those kinds of sounds…  Then his gaze moved back to Baekhyun, and he narrowed his eyes, and Baekhyun quickly turned his attention to offering his arm to Sujin to help her down the single shallow step to the stone walkway.  A light cloud of jasmine wafted toward him as she drew close, and his stomach flipped.

As they reached the sidewalk, Sujin looked around.  “Where are you parked?”

“Oh, uh…I…don’t have a car…”

She blinked at him, and for a moment, her expression was eerily familiar.  

“I…figured that we could take the train into town.  It’ll be,” he swallowed nervously, “quaint.”

Sujin stared at him blankly, before giving him the smallest of smiles.  “Alright.”

The relatively short walk to the train station was painfully silent.  Baekhyun wracked his brain to think of something, anything that he could discuss, but kept coming up short.  Finally, he fell back onto something obvious.  “So…you like Lolita style?”

“What?  No.”  Her voice sounded confused.  “Why…?”

“I just thought…your style…the bows and lace…”

“Oh.  No.”  Her tone brooked no further conversation.  

Upon arrival at the station, they waited on the platform in silence.  The train arrived after too long, and Baekhyun guided her to a seat, generously giving her the window seat while he sat in the aisle, a buffer between she and the rest of the passengers.  But then, maybe that had been a bad idea, as she spent the duration of the ride looking out of the window at the countryside, not even sparing Baekhyun a single backwards glance.

It was only when they had almost reached the city, that she turned to smile at him.  

He practically melted under the warmth.

“I…have to use the bathroom,” she said quietly.  

“Oh!  Okay.”  He stood, allowing her to pass, then slid into her abandoned seat to watch the scenery roll by.  

She took a long time.  So long that, as the countryside turned into a cityscape, Baekhyun grimaced.  She must have an upset stomach.  He was no stranger to tummy troubles himself, though they had lessened since he joined the army.  He wished that he had brought some medicine, but then again, maybe it would be ungentlemanly to indicate that he had “noticed”.  He just hoped that she wasn’t so sick that they’d have to turn back around.  He could only imagine what drill sergeant would have to say to that.  Just then, he felt a body plop down next to his, and he turned, smiling to welcome her back.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t her, but another woman, casually leaning back in the seat, tousled hair waving down her back, one foot flat against the back of the seat in front of her.  She was pretty, and Baekhyun felt bad that he was going to have to tell her that the seat was taken, since he knew how embarrassing that would be.  “Excuse me, agasshi,” he said gently.  “I’m sorry, but this seat’s taken.  My date’s in the bathroom, but she’ll be back any minute.”

The woman turned her head to look at him, a blank expression on her face.  She was lovely, in a fierce way, with heavily smoked eyeliner, painted scarlet.  She wore a half-ed plaid shirt over a black tank top, black leather pants tucked into black leather motorcycle boots.  “Yah.  Are you an idiot?”

Baekhyun bristled.  “Your words are a little short, don’t you think?  I don’t know you.”

She laughed at that, her husky voice full and throaty.  Turning full-bodied toward him, she said in a sweet, polite voice.  “Byun Baekhyunsshi…tschhh…you don’t recognize your date?”

His jaw dropped.  As he gave her a once-over, he searched for clues, but it wasn’t until she leaned forward, and he scented her perfume that he began to recognize her.  “Cha…Sujinsshi?”

“Let’s drop our speech, shall we?  You don’t mind, do you Baekhyun?”

He blinked in shock.  

“Ah, that’s right, you are older.  Shall I call you oppa?”

Baekhyun’s throat felt locked.  He felt like he could only express words by the morse code of his fluttering lashes.

“Wait…you’re not upset that I don’t actually dress like that, are you?”

He finally found his voice.  “No!  No…  This is all just a bit…surprising.”  

“Yeah, well, we’re both full of surprises, I’m sure.”

***

As they walked to the cafe that Baekhyun had hastily searched before his phone was confiscated, he wracked his mind for conversation topics.  “So…what do you like to do for fun?”

“Mm…race my bike.”

“Ah.  That sounds…healthy.”  

She glanced up at him sideways.  “It’s a motorcycle.”

“You have a motorcycle?!”

“Of course!  Don’t tell appa.  He’d have a fit.”

“Okay, so,” Baekhyun rapidly blinked, looking around wildly, as he tried to gather his thoughts.  “So…you race?  Isn’t that dangerous?”

“Aren’t you in the army?”

‘Only because I have to be.”

“Fair point.  But we’re all going to die, anyway.”

“That's true, I suppose.”

“How do you want to die?”

“Not killed by your father,” he muttered.  

“Don’t worry, I’ll play nice.  I’m not going to run off, or anything.  He’d break you like a twig, and then I’d feel bad.  So, how do you?”

“Old.  In my bed.  Surrounded by fat great-grandchildren.”

“Great-grandchildren.  Ambitious.  What do you like to do?”

“I read mostly.”

“What do you read?”

“Manga.”

“Oh, I don’t know anything about that.”

His heart dropped.  “No?”

“No, I’m not really into that weeb stuff.”

“I’m more of an otaku,” he muttered.

She stared at him blankly.  

Baekhyun waited a bit, and then inwardly sighed.  This conversation was like pulling teeth.  “What do you like to read?”

“The classics, mostly.  Samguk Yusa, Samguk Sagi, The Memoirs of Lady Hyegyong, Sonagi…that sort of thing.  I read The Cloud Dream of the Nine, but it was bull.”  

Baekhyun’s gasp was so sudden that he inhaled a little bit of saliva, and broke down into a coughing fit.

“Yah, are you alright?” She beat on his back as he doubled over, then took a bottle from her purse.  “Here, drink.”

Grateful, Baekhyun removed the cap and took a few long swallows before his taste buds kicked in, and he sputtered all over the sidewalk.  “This…isn’t water.”

“No, it’s soju,” she said negligently.  “I don’t drink much, to be honest, but you never know what you’re going to get into.  At his shocked expression, she patted him on the chest.  “Don’t look so horrified.  At least it wasn’t the one filled with vodka.”

Before he could delve too deeply into that, he saw that they had reached their destination.  Inhaling deeply, putting on his best gentleman’s expression, he opened the door, and ushered her in.  “Please,” he said, trying his best not to grit his teeth, “after you.”

She walked ahead, and he took the brief respite to stretch his shoulders, roll his neck from one side to the other, then down, to relieve tension.  

“Welcome to Kawaii Maid Cafe!  Two?”

Baekhyun froze.  Then slowly, painfully raised his head.  

A woman in a brightly coloured maid uniform topped with two lifelike-furry cat ears smiled energetically at them.  “Please follow me!”

He could feel Sujin’s eyes burning a hole in the side of his face, but he dared not return the look.  After they had been placed at a table, he looked at the floor, the walls, the ceiling, anywhere but at his date.  Unfortunately, his perusal did little to quell his embarrassment, as, everywhere he looked was covered in somewhat questionable catgirl art.  He chuckled disbelievingly, rubbing the back of his neck.  “I can explain-”

“You thought that it was a cat cafe.”

That brought him up short.  “How did you…”

“You seem to be a pretty clueless oppa, but you’re not giving .”

“Ah.  Well.  Thank you?”

Sujin leaned forward.  “Look, did appa tell you why he’s making you take me out on a date?”

“No…”  Baekhyun felt as if he were walking through a minefield.

“Well, you’re not exactly my type, but…he doesn’t like my type, so…  He wants me to date someone nice.  Sweet.  Milquetoasty.”

Baekhyun was offended.  “I’m not milquetoasty.”

“Sure, sure.  But what I'm saying is…I like guys a bit…you know.”

The waitress came up then, smiling beatifically.  “Hello!  How may I serve you today?”

Baekhyun groaned internally, but outwardly just nodded.  “Please order whatever you want.”

“I’ll just have an espresso, thank you.”

“You don’t want anything to eat?”

“Eh…”  Sujin looked over the menu.  “And a plain croissant.”

“Excellent.  And you, sir?”

“A strawberry cinnamon roll, and strawberry milk, please.”

“Very good.”  She took the menus and with that, she was gone.

“You have a sweet tooth,” Sujin commented.

Baekhyun flushed.  “Before the military, I ran a bakery with a friend.  He taught me how to make pastries and well…I try to monitor the trends.”

“A baker,” she said dryly.  “Cool.”

His flush deepened, but tried to push ahead.  “So.  What do you do?”

“I’m a student.”

“What are you studying?”

“Philosophy.”

“What do you want to do with that?”

“I don’t really like thinking about the future that much.”

“Understandable,” he murmured.  

“So…what do you like about…” she made a moue of polite insincerity, “Baking?”

Baekhyun negligently shrugged, not wanting to open up about how Kyungsoo originally taught him how to bake to help him manage his anxiety.  “It’s calming.”

“Did you ever go to school?”

“I did.”

“What did you study?”

They were briefly interrupted by the waitress with their order.  

“Thank you,” Baekhyun said softly as she put it down, smiled at them, and left.  He leaned forward, readjusting himself in the seat, feeling a bit restless.  “Law.”

“Ugh, no wonder appa wanted you for me.  Gross.”  

His eyebrows raised as he looked down to stir his drink.  “Law is gross?” he asked mildly.

“Not law itself.  It’s just that lawyers aren’t…”

“Aren’t your type,” he finished politely.

She leaned back in her seat with an insouciant grin.  “You get it.”

“So…what is your type?”

“I like big bad boys.  Preferably foreign.  There’s this one guy I like from Guangzhou.  Tall, rich, handsome, drives fast, and lives even faster.  You’re just so…so…nebbish.”

“Nebbish?”

“It’s Yiddish.  It means-”

“Milquetoasty?”

“Milquetoasty.  I mean, look at you.  The argyle, the glasses, the…you.  The whole package.  It’s not exactly giving Romeo.”

Baekhyun chuckled softly, stirring his milk with the straw.  “You give very little sweet with your words.”

“What can I say?  I’m brutally honest.”

“I think,” he started slowly, “That people who say that they are ‘brutally honest’ are often more into the brutality than the honesty.”

“Yah, I’m trying to help you.  Word around base is that you don’t date much.  Have you ever had a girlfriend?”

“I have.”

Sujin’s grin was lopsided.  “Let me guess--online?”

He could feel the heat practically glowing from his face.  “And?  So?”

“And…she broke up before you could meet?”

Baekhyun tapped his fingertips against the side of his cup, before taking a sip.  “You ask…a lot of questions.”

Her smile faltered.  She looked out of the window briefly before reorienting on him.  “So, what’s on the menu for the rest of this date?”

“The rest?  I…am going to finish this delicious, sweet strawberry milk, and then I…am going to take you home.  Would you like to change in the cafe’s bathroom, or in the train’s bathroom again?  Here is probably roomier, but it’s all the same to me.”

Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped.  “You’re taking me back home?”

“Mm.  I am.”

“But, we’re supposed to spend the day together.”

He tilted his head.  “Why would we do that?”

“Because…because…” she seemed at a loss.  “Because we’re on a date.  My appa-”

“Will probably be displeased.  Well.  He can kill me, but he can’t eat me.”

She stared at him.  

Just then the waitress returned.  “Hello!  Is there anything else that I can bring?”

“The check, please,” Baekhyun said politely.  He stabbed a strawberry from the cinnamon roll with a fork, and popped it into his mouth.  “Wait, on second thought.  The check, and an order of milk toast.  To go.”

***

To say that Cha Drill Sergeant looked surprised when Baekhyun returned his daughter would be an understatement.  Once more dressed in ribbons and bows, she flounced past him into the house without so much as a goodbye to Baekhyun.  

Cha Drill Sergeant fixed his gaze on him.  “What happened?”

“We…didn’t get on,” Baekhyun said politely.  

He grunted.  “That’s a shame.  Am I going to have to kill you?”

“I don’t think so,” Baekhyun reasoned.  “But you would have to ask her.”

“I’m sure that I’ll hear about it, soon enough.  Go home, private.  I might kill you tomorrow.”

“I look forward to it, sir.”

***

Baekhyun was envious.  

He watched as the other privates--as usual led by Kai--came laughing into the barracks with stories of girls they had met, and numbers obtained.  Many of the guys talked about the ladies with whom they had chatted and flirted, but Kai was king.  

He wasn’t a heartbreaker.  No, he liked girls, and they liked him. He liked to be around them, to talk to them, to listen.  And the most frustrating thing was that he had the charm to flirt endlessly with all of them without making a single one feel jealous.  

Baekhyun shifted on his bed, lifting his manga higher, trying to tune out the exuberant voices of the other privates.  Still…he felt wistful.  Female attention seemed to come so easily to Kai, and while he was not a playboy, he did enjoy reposing in the attention of a “garden of flowers”.  Baekhyun didn’t want to be lavished in general female attention.  He just wanted one.  

His mind turned to that disastrous “date”, and he sighed.  As much as he hated to admit it, she had made some points.  He had next to no experience with women.  Logically, he knew that he had a good face.  Also, he always strove to be gentlemanly, so he didn’t think that it was his manners that turned them off.  Still, there had to be something that he was doing wrong that he just couldn’t see…

He thought about Kai.  Kai was handsome.  But he wasn’t so much less handsome than Kai.  So, what if…what if he were to…ask…for some…advice?   

***

“First lesson.  Smile.”

“What?  I smile.”

Kai merely raised an eyebrow.  “Do you ever smile at girls?”

“Of course I do.”

“Let me see it.”

Baekhyun smiled.

“You look constipated.”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes in exasperation.  “Well it’s hard to smile at you like I smile at girls!”

Kai chuckled.  “Alright, alright.  Close your eyes.  Imagine a particular girl you like.  She’s right in front of you, and you’re trying to pique her interest--convince her to go out with you.”

Baekhyun closed his eyes.  Involuntarily Kang Iseul came to mind.  He frowned, then immediately straightened his face before Kai could comment.  Okay, no, she was married, he couldn’t think of her like that.  Although…he considered his options.  Maybe just this once.  Just for this exercise.  He respected her; he wasn’t going to let his thoughts stray too far from the straight and narrow.  He once more conjured an image of Kang Iseul, looking shyly up at him as he held her on the stairs.  Not thinking, he tilted his head, opened his eyes, and smiled.

“Ohhh,” Kai said, waving a hand as if it were hot.  “Well done!  You can’t tell me that you’ve never gotten a girl interested if you smiled at her like that.”

Baekhyun just shrugged.

Kai grimaced.  “You’re right, it takes more than just a smile.  Girls are…girls are like us.  They have active imaginations--you just have to get them thinking about you…romantically.  You can do this by getting close, but you have to…you have to pay attention to their body language, and tone to make sure that you have an invitation.  Otherwise, you just end up looking like a creep.”

“Well…how do you know that you have an invitation?”

“You just know.”

“But how do you know?”

“You just know.”

Baekhyun ground his teeth.

“Okay, look, man, alright, ugh.  Just look.”  Suddenly, Kai’s eyes swept down, before looking back up at Baekhyun shyly.  He smiled a bit, as if he had been caught, looked away, and then back, his eyelashes fluttering slightly, as if flustered.  A bit of colour tinged his cheeks.

Baekhyun stared.  “I like girls.”

Instantly, Kai gritted his teeth, and viciously punched Baekhyun on the shoulder, his fist punctuating every word.  “Stop being difficult.  Now, once you have an invitation, you find excuses to get into her personal space, but don’t touch her.  You have to leave her wanting to touch you.  Thinking about you touching her.  So, lean against a wall, or a doorway.  Rest your hand on the wall above her head.  Excuse yourself as you reach beside her to get something, but keep your body facing hers, so for one brief moment, she isn’t sure if you’re going to reach past her, or hold her.  It’s on you to make the first move, but only--and this is important--only after she has given you the invitation.  It will not be verbal.  You’ll have to pay attention.”

“Okay.”  Baekhyun nodded.  “I can do that.”

“Meanwhile, do something about this.”  Kai briefly gestured to Baekhyun overall.

“What?”

“This,” he repeated, flicking Baekhyun’s chest with the backs of his fingers.  “You look like a bean sprout.  Girls like to feel protected.  She doesn’t want to feel like she has to protect you.”

“I’m stronger than I look.”

Kai looked him up and down.  “No, you’re not; I've seen your push-ups.  You’ve put on a little muscle since you came, but…” he cocked his head.  “You still look like you wouldn’t survive the winter.”

“I don’t look that frail.”

“You look like one of those western Victorian orphans.  You look like if you turned sideways, you could slip into a storm grate.  You look like a branch in winter.  You look like a hungry ghost.  You look like-”

“Alright, damn, I get it.  Alright.  Get swole.  Got it.”

Kai snorted.  “Then…” he looked off into the distance while thinking.  “Okay, say you’ve got a girl who seems interested.  You have to…kind of set the mood.”

“...okay?”  

“You’re already cute, so you don’t have to worry about that...”

“I like girls.”

Kai raised a hand as if he were going to hit Baekhyun again.  “Do you want my help or not?”

“Okay, I’m sorry; go on.”

“Anyway-” he cut a look at Baekhyun, as if daring him to interrupt.

Baekhyun merely raised his hands, smiling beatifically.

“It’s true that girls like cute guys, and fun guys…but you have to be careful because if you’re just cute and fun all of the time, then they won’t see you as a man.  So, you have to set the mood.”

“How?”  

“This is easier at night, or when the two of you are alone.  Or…mmm…maybe if you can separate her from everyone else, make it seem as if it’s you against the others.  You just…talk to her like she’s the only one who understands…the only one who gets it.  Don’t be fake--girls can smell that a mile away--but try to find a connection, and then deepen it.  The topic doesn’t even have to be romantic…just something on which the two of you agree.  Ask her questions, and listen to her answers.  Don’t just wait to respond.  Remember what she says, bring it up in later conversations to show her that her thoughts and opinions are important to you. Take her somewhere nice…romantic…pretty, and just talk.  Don’t…talk with the goal of trying to get her, just…get to know her.  Really, a date is just a job interview for both of you.  Be honest.  Don’t lie to try to get her to like you.  You can lie your way to having the prettiest girl in the world, but you won’t keep her.  And either you’ll make her miserable, or she’ll drive you crazy.  Don’t fixate on one girl.  Talk to her, see if she’s the one.  And if she’s not, just show her a good time, and let her down gently.  Maybe you’ll become friends.  Girl friends are really the best at giving advice about other girls.”

“Do you have a lot of girl friends?”

“I have a close group of friends, guys and girls.  But I was raised with sisters.”

“Ahhh…”  Understanding dawned.  “So that’s why you’re so good with girls.”

Kai shrugged.  “You just have to treat them like people.  Don’t put them on a pedestal, but don’t lie to them to get what you want.”  

“No, that’s not me.”

“Good.  I’m telling you these things because I think that you’re a good guy.  If I thought that you would use my advice to trick a girl--”

“I would never!”

Kai looked at him searchingly, then nodded.  “Alright.  I believe you.  Anyway, to set the mood, you have to flirt with her.”

Baekhyun fidgeted.  “Flirt.”

“You…do know how to flirt, don’t you?”

“Not…exactly…”

Kai tilted his head, eyed Baekhyun thoughtfully.  “I bet you do, and you just don’t know it.  But, if you’re unsure, just…I don’t know, look up what dramas are most popular with girls nowadays, and observe the male leads.  But none of that tsundere, cold city man bull.  You pull that, you’ll deserve a kick in the nuts.”

Baekhyun surreptitiously covered his bits.  

“Alright, let’s move on.”  He looked Baekhyun up and down and raised a thoughtful eyebrow.  “What kind of cologne do you wear?”

“Cologne?”

Letting his head drop back as he turned away, Kai moaned in despair.  

“What?!”

“Do you mean you try to talk to girls smelling like cheap soap?”