“It’s always been you, Joohyun,” I said, my voice low with gravitas and unleashed ardor. Or about to be unleashed, I suppose. If given the chance, the ardor would be hardcore unleashed. Like poof, instant. No leash. Run wild and eat grass. 

I had imagined this moment in my head a billion times. It was terrifying to leave myself vulnerable, but it was also exhilarating. 

Joohyun furrowed her brows in confusion. “What are you talking about, Ddeulgi?”

“Uh… I’ve been in love with you since the second grade,” I said sheepishly, feeling way less confident than my previous little Rico Suave line that sounded way better in my head.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid…

That was three months ago and the night of our high school graduation. 

It was the night I stupidly decided to confess to my best friend that I had been harbouring romantic feelings for her like little insurrectionists plotting to overthrow our friendship. Because what could possibly go wrong, right? Right. I mean, wrong! 

That was the last time she had slept in my bed, the last time she had spoken to me, the last time I existed for Bae Joohyun. 

Summer had passed and now we were in uni, at the same school we had always planned on attending since we were kids. Except we were gonna be roommates and we were gonna throw these massive keggers and hook up with cute guys. The plan changed slightly when I came out in the seventh grade. There were also gonna be cute girls involved. But it was the same basic gist: Seulgi and Joohyun versus the world. 

But now, because I couldn't hold my alcohol or keep my feelings in check, it’s Seulgi versus Joohyun. Except she’s not really talking to me so there’s not even a versus. Or a Joohyun. Just… Seulgi. Alone. Forever. 

That’s dramatic. I found new friends in college, of course. Great ones too. Great, stinkin’ weirdos. 

My roommates: Yeri, Joy and Jisoo, a bunch of eccentric Theatre majors, who were constantly snacking, smoking, and soliloquizing about the state of the world.

"Fish are going to be extinct in fifty years," Joy bemoaned. She was sprawled out on our couch, the back of her hand on her forehead like she was Elizabeth Taylor or something. 
 

"You don't even like fish," Yeri pointed out, as she bit on a corndog.

"I like fish fingers," Joy offered.

"I'm pretty sure there's no actual fish in fish fingers," Yeri replied. "It's probably all breading and cardboard mulch. Those fish finger companies can't fool me. Fish don't even have fingers!"

"You're a ing idiot," Joy said.

"Fish ," Jisoo said out loud after she had been staring blankly at the wall for half an hour. 
 

So yeah, who needs Joohyun when I have my newfound bestest buds? 

I just didn't understand how I got stuck with a wacky bunch of goons while Joohyun had mysteriously blossomed into this beautiful, supermodel-esque creature-thing with rich, snobby sorority friends, who all had terrifying eyes and talked really fast so if you didn’t manage to catch what they were saying, you looked really stupid. Not speaking from experience. Okay, I’m speaking from experience. 

It was orientation week and I ran into this tiny, gorgeous, glowering thing in the bookstore. We were both going fo