“What was it like to lose her?

There was a long pause before a respond:

It was like hearing every goodbye ever said to me – said all at once” – Lang Leav

After visiting his in laws, Jiyong and the kids are driving back to Seoul. Going back means facing the bitter reality of Taeyeon not being around their house anymore. He glances at the rear-view mirror and saw how peaceful the kids are. It will be quite a long drive to Seoul and the silence inside the car makes him miss his wife even more. 

“Appa.”

“Hmm?”

“Appa, I want to pee.”

“You want to pee? Can you try holding it a bit more, Jiyeon-ah?”

The next wait stop is about fifteen minutes away. He keeps on telling his youngest that they will arrive soon. The moment the car stops, he immediately unbuckles Jiyeon’s seat belt so she can get down the car as fast as she could however the moment she steps down, her bladder failed to hold it in. Harin is about to accompany her in the washroom when she noticed that Jiyeon peed in her pants. Good thing she is wearing slippers and not her favourite doll shoes.

“We are almost there Jiyeon and you still pee in your pants.”

“Sorry, eonnie. I can’t control it anymore.”

“Harin-ah, can you help your sister in the washroom? I’ll just wait outside. You can call me if you need anything. Oh, why are you crying, Jiyeon-ah?”

“Sorry, Appa.”

“It’s okay. Can you go with your eonnie so you can wash up and change your clothes? I will be waiting outside okay?”

Once they are done, Jiyeon stays quiet throughout the ride and it was almost dinner time when they arrived home. Thankfully the kids decided that they will take a nap first then they will eat dinner. Jiyong is in the living room, just breathing in the quiet scenario. The silence is deafening once again. The familiar scent of Taeyeon still lingers the house even though she is not there anymore. Every part of their home reminds him of her. Whenever he will seat in their living room couch, Taeyeon will join him, and they will cuddle like newlyweds. They will share jokes or tell stories about their kids. Honestly, he doesn’t know how challenging parenting is until they had four kids. Four active and highly competitive kids.

Before Jiyeon was even conceive, they thought that they will stop at three kids. However, it was around summer when they discovered that they are indeed expecting another child. At the age of forty-one, the doctor informed Taeyeon that the pregnancy might be sensitive, and she might be on bed rest. But she defies the odds and had a healthy pregnancy. Initially, Jiyong and Taeyeon decided that they will not ask about the gender of the baby if the baby is healthy in the prenatal check-up. They want it to be a surprise. Though they did not ask about the gender, Taeyeon knew by heart that she is carrying a little princess. It might be the hardest among Taeyeon’s pregnancy as she labours for about twelve hours in the delivery room. As if by coincidence, Taeyeon’s birthdate and Jiyeon are the same.

“Appa?”

“Taeyong, I thought you are sleeping?”

“I woke up a while ago, Appa, can you help me with my homework? I must do it tonight.”

“Okay, I will help you. What is it about?”

“It’s Mathematics. You are good with it, right Appa?”

“I think