“What was it like to love her?

It was like being exhumed. And brought to life in a flash of brilliance.” -Lang Leav

The night is cold, and Kwon Jiyong is still in the living room replying to endless emails and updating the company’s website. A cup of steaming hot coffee accompanies him as he can’t wait to finish reading all the emails from suppliers and customers. He’s so engaged in his task that he didn’t notice his daughter. A crying little girl approaches him, messy hair and tear stained cheeks with doe like eyes just like her mother.

“Oh, Jiyeon-ah, something wrong? Why are you crying?”

“Appa. I don’t want to sleep in the room, I’m afraid there might be monsters.”

“But your sister is there.”

“Eonnie is sleeping! She promised me she will let me sleep first but she sleeps so fast. And she is snoring, I can’t sleep.”

“Your sister is tired that’s why.”

“Appa, can you carry and let me sleep while you sing me a song?”

“Aigoo. Ok, come here, our princess.”

He lifted Jiyeon with ease and the little girl places her head on his father’s shoulder. He can’t say no to his daughter’s sweet request. Thinking that he almost finishes majority of the tasks he needed to do, maybe he can call it a night. Humming a familiar song that Jiyeon likes and patting her back, the little girl feels safe. She can’t let go of her blanket though. The blanket that she believes has her mother scent on it. She can’t sleep if the pink blanket is not with her. It’s like a sort of childhood mannerism but Jiyong doesn’t mind at all.

“Appa? Do you think Omma miss us too? I miss her. I miss her a lot. Harin eonnie, Taeyong oppa, Taeyang oppa, they miss Omma too.”

“Of course, she misses us dearly.”

“But why did she go alone? She didn’t say goodbye to me at all.”

“Jiyeon-ah, when you are a bit older, maybe once you grow up like your Harin eonnie, you will understand all of these. For now, why don’t you sleep since tomorrow we will go to visit Omma?”

“Appa, this is hurting me.”

Jiyong worriedly scans her daughter. He was able to calm her a while ago but now she is crying again. Clutching the blanket tightly and wailing, he knew that this is another night of meltdown. He masters the art of pacifying Jiyeon because this scene happens quite frequently. Specially if he is away during the day and Jiyeon keeps looking for him.

“Tell me what is hurting, Jiyeon-ah.”

“This one Appa. My heart. When I think about Omma, I miss her and this one is hurting. I want to see Omma.”

“Aigoo, my Jiyeon-ah, my dearest baby, everything will be ok. Appa is here. We all miss your mother but remember that I am here, as well as your sister and your brothers.”

“I love you, Appa.”

“I love you too, baby.”

Jiyong held her daughter closer when he felt that Jiyeon is already asleep. He makes sure that her precious blanket is with her when he put her back to her room where her sister is sleeping soundly. He kisses his little girls. It makes him sad thinking about how unfair it will be for his children to face the world without her. His eldest, Harin, who is already twelve is such a brave and reliable sister to her siblings. The two boys, Taeyong and Taeyang, aged ten and seven, are responsible too. And his youngest, Jiyeon, who is only four-year-old, is also tough though there are days or nights that she is having emotional meltdown because of the tragedy. The kids are his source of strength. He doesn’t know how to go on with life, but he must live for his children.

“Are you happy there, yeobo? Don’t worry, I will take care of our kids. Please continue watching us. I love you.”

The sun is up at around six in the morning. Jiyong woke-up with a sad smile. The bed seems so cold now that she’s gone. Looking at the white ceiling, he can’t help but remember the happy days. He will wake-up first while cuddling a sleeping Taeyeon, he will kiss her until she wakes up, she will get mad at him for waking her up and he will pacify it with kisses once again. Their mornings are like that. They might have four kids, but they feel like they are just newlyweds. There are some arguments along the way too, it’s inevitable and it’s reality. One time, Taeyeon got so jealous that she took all of the kids to her parent’s house and that same night, his mother gave him an endless lecture on how stupid he was, and he must go immediately to Taeyeon. If Taeyeon’s heart was made of ice, he is the catalyst that can break it into pieces. Oh, how he misses his wife.

“Taeyeon-ah, good morning.”

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