something is happening today, seungwan is not sure what.

she's been out for the whole week with the flu (the worst days of her life, she hates being sick). seulgi has been out filming her student film with sooyoung and had no time whatsoever to keep her updated.

now she's walking around the campus and everyone (she means everyone) is excited for some reason.

it's not that uncommon to happen, since it's seoul's prestigious university, a lot of famous people come here for talks.

people get excited, it's usual business.

but seungwan can't stop feeling like she's haunted or something. the hairs on her skin keep raising at the slightest breeze and she looks over her shoulder expecting to see a ghost in a white sheet.

she's alone in this, she thinks, other people are literally buzzing.

she texts seulgi for the 6 time this morning, walking to her first class of the day. seulgi doesn't answer and seungwan curses her. she probably left her phone somewhere where she can't hear it. she does that a lot. especially when it's important to reach her.

seungwan clears as she walks past a group of squealing girls. it's about a guy then, she figures. maybe something happened online, she thinks quickly checking twitter.

nothing new, her super secret account doesn't show any excitement, nor are they talking about her university.

it doesn't concern her then.

she walks into the lecture hall and sits down at the back -- she's not in the mood to be called by the professor and they have this kind of agreement that anyone who sits at the back gets to chill.

she looks at the person next to her, gives them a quick smile and a 'hi', before she takes out her laptop. it's old and starts to whirl loudly when she turns it on. it really does have to embarrass her like that in public, huh?

she glances at her seatmate and gives her an awkward smile.

it's just what she does to get by -- smiling at people.

even those who dress in all black and wear black masks and caps to lectures. which is-- okay, seungwan won't judge, she has had those days where she wanted to be invisible but soon she actually figured that dressing like that actually brings more attention to her than if she would dress normally. a nice cap would do. now the person is dressed like a grim reaper.

which is not her business, she reminds herself. she clears when her laptop comes to life and shows her messy desktop. audio files everywhere. names like final, final2, final_final, litter the space. if she wanted to pick out the song that she worked on last night... she would have to check each one.

she glances at her companion to see if she noticed and, of course, she did. she's looking straight at it. seungwan shifts in her seat, looking around to see if she could've found a better seat but a ruckus at the entrance gets her attention. there are boys and girls gathered there with phones in hands, pointing them at... her? seungwan frowns then looks at her classmate to see her hiding. okay, so not at her but at the knight of darkness over there. but why?

"why are they doing that?" seungwan mumbles.

the girl's eyes are big and sparkly. it's like looking at the universe when their eyes meet.

are they getting closer?

is she leaning forward?

seungwan feels dizzy.

they keep looking at each other for much longer than it seems because a loud bang makes them both jump and neither sees it coming. the professor walks in -- angry -- after having slammed the door on all these noisy students.

"honestly," he says, his voice booming, "this is a place of knowledge. not entertainment."

everyone shifts awkwardly.

they all look at the back, whispering among themselves and it's really inconvenient that seungwan sat there. they are all looking back at her, her chest rises and falls quickly, she is folding into herself, disappearing into her clothes.

"are you okay?" seungwan puts a hand on her arm -- even though the girl has herself wrapped in a hug, she still reaches out.

it's the compassion in her that can't leave this alone. that much attention must and how are they treating her? no matter what's going on, no one should feel unwelcome in a university out of all places.

"fine." the answer is clipped.

"man, this piece of crap really..." seungwan grumbles pointedly, slapping the side of her laptop, "bringing all this attention to us."

she just stares at seungwan like she lost her mind.

"don't you hate it?" seungwan asks airly, meaning her laptop.

"sometimes." she says, her voice so low that seungwan feels it in her chest. "but i get used to it most of the time."

"and other times?" seungwan has no idea what they are talking about but she wants it to keep happening.

"it just ends up like this." she gestures at herself, all tiny in her sweater.

"bae joohyun?" the professor calls.

with the elegance of a swan joohyun raises her hand and calls out 'here!'. she stretches out, suddenly showing her true form.

seungwan blinks, looking at the side profile of her, feeling like she's seen her somewhere before but she can't place a finger on it. she feels like something is-- something is different than the last few minutes. before she was just wondering and now she's so laser focused on joohyun that she feels herself drift from reality.

"son seungwan?"

seungwan keeps quiet.

"absent again?" the professor mumbles.

"ah, uh, here!" seungwan bolds up to stand her hand up in the air, she knocks her laptop from the table, thankfully joohyun catches it because seungwan knows it wouldn't have survived another fall.

"classy as always." the professor notes, chuckling a little.

"son seungwan?" joohyun repeats once she's seated again.

"right, nice to meet you." seungwan offers her a hand, it's an awkward thing to do -- she knows -- especially when joohyun was in the middle of bowing.

but joohyun laughs and takes her hand. it's warm, her hand. seungwan feels the shiver go up her hand to her upper arm and disappear somewhere in her chest.

since they are here for other reasons than just staring at each other and holding hands, they get to their job of learning.

it's weird.

joohyun isn't even doing anything but she's getting seungwan's attention anyways. she's glancing at her so often that joohyun might be the one to change the seats.

sometime around half an hour into the class, her phone vibrates. it's seulgi, who just woke up and started to bombard her phone with messages.

'wan! you won't believe!'

'irene is going to our university'

'bae joohyun!!! the nation's actress!!'

'on the same campus as us??'

'do you think if i asked she'd agree to star in my movie?'

seungwan blinks and like in a horror movie she slowly looks past her curtain of hair at joohyun who is attentively listening to the professor.

this is irene?

"get this -- she enrolled at the start of the year but took classes online." sooyoung tells them at the cafe they all like, irene is her role model, she told them before how she wants to be an actress like irene, "but they shut that down because our university doesn't just offer online classes. you have to attend classes too, you know? she had no choice."

"she's forced to come here?" seungwan frowns.

"i mean, i didn't know she was enrolled before today." seulgi shrugs.

"the media caught a whiff of it because irene changed her schedule so quickly. they wanted to know why." sooyoung explains.

seugnwan took the 'fundamentals of audio post-production for film and television' because she lacked credits for this year. she wanted to get to the music production as fast as she could but they stopped her from graduating early. they want her to explore more, have more skills in her pocket. she thought since seulgi loved film so much, they could collaborate sometime if she got the right skills so production for film and television seemed to fit.

but is joohyun interested in music as well?

"is she film major?" seungwan asks.

"yeah, why?" sooyoung takes a sip of her coffee, there are eye bags underneath her eyes -- just like seulgi's -- and seungwan's sorry she's taking away their rest time that they could spend sleeping.

"it's good that she's learning." seungwan hums.

"sorry, sooyoung, but if i could switch you for her, i'd do it in a second." seulgi says.

"that's great." sooyoung says with zero enthusiasm.

"don't be like that, sooyoung is your star." seungwan pats sooyoung's back. "she's your muse, remember?"

"i said that to get her on the project!" seulgi confesses.

"i quit." sooyoung announces.

"wait, i didn't ask irene just yet." seulgi realizes.

"oh, well." sooyoung shrugs.

seungwan laughs at them before her gaze shifts in between them both, where a group of students run past them. they all scatter like cockroaches smelling food and seungwan has a bad feeling about it.

she stands.

"i'll toss the trash," she says, grabbing seulgi's unfinished coffee and burger.

"hey! what? i was eating that!" seulgi calls after her.

seungwan waves her off, following after the group that just went back.

it's really not hard to find joohyun in this place, just follow the squeals and she's sure to be there.

with the trash in the trash can, seungwan goes on the mission.

she goes with her instinct, past all the people -- when seungwan sees her, she's walking with her head lowered, avoiding the students that are asking for her attention.

they are so incredibly rude, seungwan clenches her fists. why are they acting like they are seeing a zoo animal in the wild?

she quickens her steps and soon she falls in with joohyun's pace, walking by her side. she doesn't say anything, just grabs her hand and starts running.

seungwan has wandered through campus numerous times. she knows the ins and the outs of this place like the back of her hand. she knows exactly where she could get some quiet and where she could practice her singing without people overhearing her. she and seulgi had a thought and a half on how they would sleep at theater department and film a music video for seungwan's remix without anyone knowing. that, of course, would be stupid because anyone who watched the video would know where it was filmed. they would get in trouble anyway.

they duck under low hanging branches and go through a broken fence, seungwan's hands slip past joohyun's wrist to her hand. to her surprise, joohyun doesn't resist being pulled -- seungwan would have freaked out about a stranger grabbing her. when she looks back, joohyun's eyes are on her, not where they are going.

seungwan pulls her into a music room that was locked once upon a time -- before seungwan unlocked it with her hairpins. they are out of breath, the only sound in the room is their heavy breathing.

seungwan doesn't know what to say.

but it seems she doesn't have to think about that.

"what do you think you're doing?" joohyun asks in her quiet but powerful voice, trapping her between the door and herself, "what are you going to do?"

"w-what?"

"what's the plan here? everyone saw what you did." joohyun reminds her, "you want fame, seungwan? you want your name to be linked with mine?"

"that's not why i did it." seungwan stands up straight, nose to nose with her now.

"then why?"

"i wanted them to stop."

joohyun just looks at her, she huffs taking off her cap. she puts it on the nearest desk, moving away from seungwan. for seungwan joohyun seems like a person that has too much on her mind. a person who thinks too much has poison running through their veins. that's the thing that is their salvation and killing them slowly.

"that will do nothing." joohyun tells her. "the moment i go back to classes, they will start again."

"don't you have some kind of strategy?" she asks, "you know, pr strategy to protect you."

"this is my personal life." joohyun simply says.

"do you have to do this?" seungwan wonders, joohyun gives her a sharp look.

"you want me to quit? do i have to be controlled all the time?"

"no, i just--" seungwan looks down, "i don't know anything. i'm sorry for overstepping."

"that you did." joohyun laughs, she pulls the mask down.

lovely, seungwan thinks. she can't help but stare. the whole intimacy of the instruments around them has seungwan thinking unholy thoughts.

who wouldn't think about it, seungwan justifies it, no one has had this chance before -- maybe -- being alone with bae joohyun in a room that kept her secrets. the room that she hid in when things were tough, she had told her mother that she won't come back after graduation. that she will stay here in seoul. she cried to seulgi about her first heartbreak here.

joohyun is standing on the ashes of her memories.

"let's go back." joohyun steps towards the door.

the door that seungwan is still leaning against. she doesn't move and joohyun tilts her head.

"unless you had something else in mind?" she asks.

there is no sort of suggestion in her voice. joohyun has mastered the art of asking without truly asking, of putting pressure without touching. all seungwan could do is shake her head because seungwan was never the center of attention from the likes of joohyun. her past relationships couldn't be worse and who is she to ask for anything? it must be in her imagination, this tension.

she is known for taking things too far, saying 'i love you' after a month of dating when the other person wants to break up.

joohyun stares at her as she takes her cap, she puts it on slow and sensual -- you'd think she's taking it off. seungwan opens the doors for them, she didn't know what was she thinking, bringing her here. but a moment of disappearance made joohyun regroup. she's standing tall again, she doesn't look like she's being chased by a monster.

"what's your method to getting into character?" seungwan asks.

joohyun looks over her shoulder as she leaves, doesn't say anything.

when seungwan tells sooyoung and seulgi where she went they just glance at each other for a while, not knowing what to say. It's moments like these that seungwan knows that she's done something weird. she's known as a kind student, someone who always helps others. sometimes she gets too caught up in helping that she forgets to think about the person she's helping.

her and seulgi had met when they were still in diapers. she stood up to three boys who destroyed the castle seulgi built out of sand. later she found out they were all playing and it cost seulgi some relationships. the boys were aloof with her since then, they didn't want to play with someone who talks with bullies (seungwan). thankfully, seulgi didn't leave her side since. they went everywhere together, it's honestly kinda funny how seulgi imprinted on her. not to say that seungwan doesn't feel the same. seungwan wouldn't be seungwan without seulgi.

sooyoung came into their life when they enrolled in university. the tallest of the three just walked up to them during the entrance ceremony and befriended them. didn't leave their side since then. on a drunken night, she confessed people intimidate her and these two losers were the least intimidating people there.

now seungwan is an outsider as the two talk with only their eyes, telepathy is real when sooyoung nods and turns to seungwan.

"what was the reason?" she asks.

sooyoung is always straightforward and doesn't beat around the bush. if there's something wrong, she'll say it. if there's something wrong with sooyoung herself however she'll become mute.

"what?"

"what was the reason you took her away, seungwan?"

"you met her once and now, what, you're her friend?" seulgi asks.

like detectives these two interrogate seungwan.

"it's what happened with us!" seungwan argues.

"but... we're ordinary people." seulgi says.

"people like irene play by different rules, seungwan." sooyoung says as if she's teaching her a life lesson, which she kind of is, "they don't think like we do, they only have friends if the so-called-friends can give them value."

"you know?" seulgi prompts her.

"er, sure." seungwan shrugs.

she tilts her head as she thinks about what she could offer to joohyun to be her friend. what would someone like joohyun want from her?

what she's done today was give joohyun a breather. she needed to get out of there and seungwan showed up, allowing her that option. if didn't notice, if she didn't come, joohyun would be stalked for the whole day. seungwan gifted her a moment of normalcy.

"i could take her to places she's never been." she grins with triumph.

"no, that's not-"

"she needs hiding places because she gets mobbed everywhere she goes, right? so, i'll just show her where to hide."

"seungwan, i think we should leave her alone." seulgi says kindly, "i was just joking about asking her to star in my movie."

"i know that."

"right, so, why would she want to hang out with us?" seulgi asks.

"and why not?" seungwan challenges them, confused why won't they see joohyun as a person that she is.

"okay, so let's ask her to lunch." sooyoung claps her hands as seulgi gapes at her, "let's see what's the deal with irene." she decides, determination and fire in her eyes.

the three of them stand in line as they stare at joohyun sitting by the fountain. she's obviously having a facetime conversation that is not going too well.

she looks mad actually.

seungwan is having doubts about this.

sooyoung, first in line, stands there like their guard tower, arms crossed. seulgi behind her, slightly bends down to hide. seungwan doesn't need to bend down to hide but that's a story for another time.

"okay, so as soon as she's done." seulgi nods, trying to focus on the task.

joohyun had seen them already when she briefly looked up. she just gave them a weary look when she saw seungwan and turned back to their conversation.

"her skin is perfect." sooyoung grumbles, "what products does she use?"

"how would i know?" seulgi grumbles back, she puts her hands on sooyoung's hips from behind and sooyoung gets uncharacteristically still.

"look, look." seungwan pushes seulgi forward.

joohyun puts her phone into her hoody's pocket and looks at them. seulgi, smashed between seungwan and sooyoung, waves at her.

"we're going to eat." sooyoung comes close, "do you want to come with?"

seulgi steps out, "she means, you're welcome to come with us. if you want, of course."

"no, thanks." joohyun says coolly.

"yah, we're being friendly." seungwan complains, she doesn't like what kind of impression joohyun is making on her friends.

"what 'yah'?" joohyun stands, "what do you want an autograph?"

"why would we want that from an ?" sooyoung challenges.

joohyun blinks at her, "is that how you always talk?"

"what of it?"

"you're going to need a lot of pr training." joohyun says, then starts walking, "let's go then. i'm kind of hungry."

they overtake a table in the corner of a cafe that is popular with students. at first, joohyun didn't want to go there because of attention but seungwan calmed her down that people there are only concerned with their studies and the work they are doing on their laptops. they wouldn't even notice joohyun at all.

so the four of them sit in silence, not sure how to start a conversation with a star who acted in several netflix movies.

"do you want to star in my movie?" seulgi asks, having nothing else to say.

"seulgi!" seungwan scolds her as sooyoung glares daggers at her.

"i'm busy with my projects. can you afford my rates though?" joohyun jokes with a straight face.

"i'm her star, she doesn't need you." sooyoung flips her hair.

"i saw you in lectures before." joohyun says.

"so?"

"are you going to sign up for mrs. hwang acting project?"

"oh, i was thinking about it." sooyoung switches up. "i was so busy with seulgi's project, i forgot to sign up."

"i think you should. mrs. hwang was a on set acting teacher once, you know? i recommend her classes."

"you do?" sooyoung leans against the table. "what do you think about mr. lee? i think his obsession with yoga is overrated."

joohyun laughs, "don't you know that people who are obsessed with anything other than acting are the best to learn from?"

"what is going on? are they bonding?" seulgi asks seungwan quietly.

seungwan shrugs, noticing as a waitress comes up to them with bored expression. the expression quickly changes when she notices who is sitting at the table.

"hello! i'm yeri, or you can call me katy." she says the name in english accent, "i'm your," she flips her hair, "server today. what would you like to order?"

"diet coke." joohyun tells her without looking at the menu.

"what a great choice!" yeri giggles, flips her hair again.

it tangles in between her fingers and she gets flustered as everyone just keeps looking at her, waiting for something to happen.

"i'll have a-"

"a cappuccino." sooyoung cuts seulgi off.

"-and i'll have an energy drink." seulgi says as if she was never cut off.

"bubble tea." seungwan says when sooyoung prompts her to.

"okay," yeri stands there for a little while just looking at joohyun, before clearing and walking off.

it's awkward again. seungwan realizes that new relationships are like that. people are getting used to each other, they will find their rhythm surely. she plays with the napkins as she gives sooyoung a look to say something.

"so, do you hate it here or what?" sooyoung asks in a bored tone.

say anything but that.

"yah, you can't just ask that." seungwan frowns, defending joohyun coming naturally.

she's the reason why joohyun is here with them now. if she just stayed quiet and let this be as it is... if she just hadn't said anything about their encounter at all...

"it's something i wanted to do." joohyun tells them quietly, for someone famous, she's really honest with other people, "for myself especially and as an example."

"these days you can get far without going to uni." seulgi points out.

"not everyone wants to be an influencer." seungwan shrugs.

"no, but you can audition without a degree."

"connections are a big part of it, you get that in uni." sooyoung interjects.

"not everyone is born with pure talent." joohyun tells them. "i had to work hard at what i have and i plan to stay in the industry a little while longer. while i do that i need to upgrade my skills, don't i? looks won't help me when i'm forty."

"i'm sure you'll be hot." seungwan pipes up.

the three of them stare at her for -- one, two, three, four, five -- five seconds before sooyoung kicks her underneath the table.

"ageism is a big problem in the industry." seungwan adds.

"don't i know it." joohyun sighs, rubbing the left eyebrow.

she looks tired actually. how is her day going? what is she doing after the classes? seungwan wants to know the little details. what makes her laugh? it's a surprising thing when she does it, it always makes seungwan's brain circuit.

it's not that joohyun is shiny and new. she's just a fascinating person. she looks tough, like nothing could break her but she also looks like she'd cry if you talked too loudly next to her. it's the high difference of it that makes it intriguing.

what is she really like?

she'd sit at the back row in the lecture halls but then during red carpet events, she would stand there with a microphone, talking to the top stars of south korea, not afraid of anything. she'd be crying her heart out in movies-- people would hide during these private times, not joohyun though. she'd let someone film that.

seungwan wants to write a song for her.

"what's the movie about?" joohyun asks seulgi.

"oh, it's about love." she grins wistfully, "one word!" she says, putting up her hand as always excited about her movie, "destiny. do you believe in it?"

"sure," joohyun shrugs with one shoulder, "i believe we're all destined to different lives but we still control our lives to some extent."

"right!" seulgi says, "i will build a girl's -- sooyoung's character's -- destiny in my movie. all actions have consequences to her love life."

"that sounds like a huge budget movie." joohyun smiles.

"it's first iteration." seulgi admits, "i'm testing this idea, so in the future, i can make the real deal. i have a script in revision and everything."

"everyone here has such dreams." joohyun notes.

"i will do it though." seulgi promises.

"no, i'm sure you will. i'm just comparing them to myself." joohyun clarifies.

seungwan reaches out, the hand is already on joohyun's when she realizes what she's done. she swallows the looks on her friends' faces, only looking at joohyun.

"you haven't even peaked."

"my agency wants me to go global." joohyun confesses quietly.

"that's a dream come true." sooyoung sighs.

"is it?" joohyun gets shifty-eyed.

"you're going to represent the south korea." seulgi grins, fist up.

"right." seungwan feels her tense.

wanting to help and helping are two different things. her friends have always said that she can't help everyone. it's in her nature, she feels like a hole could swallow her up, karma's nails digging into her legs as it pulls her down into the said hole. it's not even for karma, she just wants everyone to feel alright. she can't stop thinking about other people's problems, how to solve them.

is this it? is it her destiny? she wants her music to lessen the burdens of life for people. even just for three minutes, even just for two. let her become someone who could heal people who are struggling.

as she looks at joohyun she thinks, are you struggling?

is that why... i feel this pull towards you?

they had a great time, seungwan thinks on the bus home. she had a great time with her friends and joohyun. the conversations were insightful and helped them, her friends, joohyun was kind with them. seungwan was worried about it, that joohyun would be above them but she was not. like a normal students they had a chatted about their future and the choices that they had.

so, why does her heart feeling like that?

like she can't calm down, the rush of feelings feel overwhelming and she's remembering how joohyun had wrapped her hand around the cup of coke, how she drank it. the way seulgi ordered them fries and joohyun ate them. it's ridiculous, joohyun is a normal person, why would that be aomething to take a notice of?

but seungwan did. like a plastic candy wrapper in the sun -- joohyun shone and brought attention to her. she moved slow and with purpose. it's like the unecessarily moving would be rude.

she's shining.

she brings warmth to seungwan's chest.

seungwan puts her hand on her chest, forgetting she's in public. the whole day she was feeling strange -- would it make sense if it was because of joohyun?

she feels a shiver go through her body. she's not cold, she repeats in her head. the hair stands up on her forearm.

joohyun is an enigma of a woman, she needs to know more.

she googles her. she can't help herself, even though she knows it's not that nice, if she was joohyun, seungwan wouldn't want her to.

she still does it.

joohyun has been in the industry for a long time. she's been hustling before people started to pay attention to her. she was in short dramas, small roles. she walked red carpets that only have blurry photos of her.

the fame that she has happened when joohyun was spotted with iu of all people during iu's birthday party. it was unfortunate that it happened right before a big episode of her drama -- people link her fame to iu instead of her performance that night.

there are plenty of articles named 'who is irene?' that list her accomplishments only to end up saying 'but most importantly iu gave her a stamp of approval'.

that was old news, however. now people have forgotten about that, now they go 'have you seen new irene's movie? you got to watch it!'. seungwan remembers spending her time in the cinema with seulgi to watch her joohyun's movie, throwing popcorn at the scenes that joohyun was a victim in.

she remembers one scene in which joohyun looks seductively straight into the camera, smiles with an invitation.

seungwan may or may not got her gay awakening at that time.

joohyun is only a few years older than her, she's been everywhere since three years ago. when seungwan had her gay crisis, she couldn't escape the reason it started no matter how much she tried.

till this day no one knows that joohyun kickstarted seungwan's uality, they all think it's her first girlfriend. and that may be right because seungwan convinced herself it was the case as well. she forced herself to forget about joohyun because she never wants to be that girl that follows everything celebrities do. she liked music, not the singers. the voices, not the person singing. social media isn't for her, she can't just follow hashtags and put alerts on her name.

she just waved it off like a mere dream, something that happened when she wasn't aware -- wasn't there.

she exits all the apps, clears her history, and puts the phone in her pocket. she shakes her leg as she looks around but no one is paying attention to her. she's not doing anything wrong per se, she won't follow joohyun around. it was a one-time thing, they hung out only once.

she probably won't see more of joohyun than just a glimpse of her--

"what are you doing here?" seungwan asks as she enters the secret room and joohyun is there, sitting on one o