who would've thought it'll be the hardest chapter to write for me ever (took me weeks of writing it bit by bit every day), but finally it's here. the next chapter will (hopefully, i don't trust myself when it comes to this and you shouldn't either) be the last one~

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Donghae found himself thinking that it’d seem like a good concept if he’d been looking out of the window with a longing look on his face and observing the rain, which would match his mood just perfectly.

However, the weather was disgustingly nice that day. Funny how it’s almost never sunny and warm in October – which is all about rains and falling yellow leaves most of the time – yet today just had to be the day when the weather would be splendid. This October didn’t know about his tormented heart, nor it cared.

Sometimes Donghae felt like no one cared. Mostly because he was used to the fact that no one really did. Being alone makes you think too much about too many things, one of which was the fact that no one ever will be by your side forever. Or ever.

But that’s when a cup of orange juice – it looked just as disgustingly bright as the weather outside – landed on his desk between his palms and keyboard. Something was telling Donghae he had to find better things to do in the office than procrastinating and condemning the weather, but instead he kept doing exactly that.

The guy looked up to see the person who gave the drink to him, and of course it was Yumi – smiling brightly at him – who asked, “Rough morning?”

Donghae curled his lips and could only hope it looked like a decent smile, “More like rough week.”

“Figured,” she drank a sip from her own cup. And went out of the room they were working in, hinting that it’d be nice if they had more privacy. Donghae just followed her. “You didn’t reply when I congratulated you with your birthday. You just left me on read.”

Ouch.

“And you didn’t come to work yesterday even.”

Double ouch.

“And you had the nerve to lie to me that you like the present I gave you when I could see you almost teared up once I gave it to you!”

Donghae thought that it was nice he never dreamed to be an actor. He’d probably be super terrible as all the emotions were most likely written on his face once they stopped in the hall and the guy leaned onto the wall in exhaustion.

“Okay,” he sighed. “I’m a terrible friend, I admit it. But I was happy when you gave me the present, really. I was the one who asked for it. It’s just…”

The guy fell silent, so Yumi continued instead of him, “Something happened, right?” He nodded. “Is this the reason why you were absent yesterday?”

Donghae snorted, “Yes and no.”

Globally speaking, the reason of him being absent yesterday and feeling horrible today was the same. Hyukjae. And whatever was happening between the two of them. However, if you dwell into it, he was absent because he was happy. He was gloomy today because he was broken.

Shattered. To the smallest pieces. And Donghae had absolutely no idea how to collect himself.

Although he loved all the things that included romance – romcoms, movies with heavy topics, yet, of course, with romance – the guy always thought the break up part has always been a bit too dramatic in them. He knew it’d hurt for sure, yet when it came to the characters, there’s always been a ‘Don’t worry – you two will either make up or find someone better; it’s fine as long as both are alive and healthy’ mindset in him. Which is why, as sentimental as he was, it was hard for Donghae to sympathize when the two were crying their eyes out because of something like this.

However, when it came to himself – to his very first breakup, to yet another heartbreak – he only wanted to be dramatic and maybe cry too. Because no one could guarantee he will find someone better. No one could guarantee the two of them will be okay if they make up. No one could guarantee they’ll make up even.

Yumi was observing the guy who fell into some sort of daze with a complicated expression on her face and then added, trying to sound nonchalantly (she wasn’t), “Good for you Mr. Lee was absent that day as well. Maybe it won’t reach him that you were absent, so you won’t have problems at work at least.”

It costed her a lot to pretend she didn’t notice how Donghae’s face showed so many traces of pain; how he gulped at the mere sound of the man’s name and how distressed he looked right now.

It was a wild guess. An absolutely wild guess which was based only on the fact Donghae mentioned he dated a man and looked absolutely broken after that incident with a girl that came to see Lee Hyukjae – Yumi didn’t bother remembering her name. She probably had no more reasons to think this way, but there was just something… Something…

She never saw them actually interacting, but there was one thing the girl noticed. She wondered if anyone did. One would believe it’d be Donghae who’ll happen to be an open book between the two of them, and he was, but…

She had a hunch. Let’s call it that. She had a hunch that Lee Hyukjae was somewhat… softer when he was with that guy.

Again, Yumi never saw them interacting. Which is why this guess was this wild. But… She couldn’t tell what exactly that was, yet there were… moments. Short moments when Donghae and Hyukjae were passing by each other – the first one was bowing deeply meanwhile the other one barely nodded. The first one was observing the man for a few good seconds – which could be taken as a silent admiration of someone who had such a powerful aura and was so good in his job – meanwhile the other’s eyes barely lingered on that deeply bowing frame.

But when it happened… Yumi could just see how Hyukjae’s body was becoming less tense, even though for a mere second. The look in his eyes changed – the girl didn’t know her boss well enough to give that name a change, but she just knew it was different. Hyukjae was looking at Donghae the way she never saw him looking at anyone else. It almost felt like that person who looked unapproachable in the eyes of everyone – everyone except Donghae – was becoming less distant for the shortest moment.

At first, she thought that was just because of how cute the guy was. He never could tell it about himself, but Donghae was just the sweetest human being ever. Being beside him felt… comfortable. As if you went to the beach and the sun was warming you up, yet not burning your skin, but gently caressing it with its hands while that gentle sea breeze was kissing your cheeks. Being with Hyukjae, in contrast, felt as if being under cold shower.

Which is why Yumi thought that it was just this much – even their CEO couldn’t resist Donghae’s cuteness. Even he wanted some warmth for he himself was that cold. But if her guess was right…

If the two of them being absent yesterday really meant they were together during weekend…

“He signed my letter in which I asked for a leave,” Donghae replied; his voice didn’t crack, and he was proud of himself. “So everything’s more than legal.”

“Oh,” was all Yumi managed to say. She eyed the guy attentively, wondering how far she could go with that. “Didn’t know he accepts the leave letters himself. Usually we give them to the heads of our departments.” The girl smiled – she was way better in hiding her own feelings than Donghae could ever be – and said something she knew would either confirm her thoughts or help her understand those assumptions were pointless, “Lucky you! It’d be such a pain to ask for a leave now when our department is so busy, but you got Mr. Lee’s approval. Wonderful!”

The guy’s face changed way too many times to be able to pinpoint his facial expression; he paled even.

However, Donghae offered a forced smile and said, “Yeah. Lucky me.”

And he was probably the most unhappy-looking person at that moment, which was enough for Yumi to understand everything.

There still was a chance for her to be wrong, however, even if she was – there was one thing that’d not harm in such situation for sure.

The girl approached Donghae and hugged him tightly. They shared a few moments of affection before, yet it probably was the most heartfelt one. Yumi hugged him so tight that the guy in her arms chuckled – this time it was genuine – and hugged her back, wondering, “Is it about a belief that when you can’t do anything useful you can hug a person at least?”

She almost teared up herself. More than anything Yumi wished she could do at least something useful.

“No,” the girl said. “I just wish I could hug you like that and make all the bad things vanish. You don’t deserve any of that.”

Donghae chuckled again, “You’re the best friend ever.”

Yumi shook her head and pulled back a little, grabbing the guy’s hands in her own.

“No, Donghae. I mean it. You don’t deserve any of that.” He opened his mouth to say something, yet the girl shook her head again and interrupted him. “I have no idea what’s happening right now and it’s totally fine if you don’t want to tell me, yet I just hope you’ll remember that you don’t deserve any poor treatment. And if there’s someone who doesn’t make you feel good and adds struggles to your life… please remember that you deserve better. Can you promise you’ll always keep that in mind? Just that. That’s all I need.”

Donghae offered a wry smile as he suddenly thought – ah, she wishes the best for me and makes me think carefully because of that.

Just like Hyukjae. Who also made him think exactly because he wished the best for Donghae.

“I promise,” the guy said.

After all, thinking was everything that’s left for him. Thinking.

Everyone wanted him to think. And thinking was probably the only thing he was incapable of. Because for once… for once he wished everything could be solved without him jumping out of his socks for it. Donghae wanted things to be easy just once.

But they weren’t. And, although he desperately wanted to let his mind rest, he kept thinking.

Tuesday.

Wednesday.

And, after all, Thursday.

Days were changing one by one – faster than he imagined, faster than he was ready for. And when the D-day came, Donghae wanted only one thing.

He wanted the days of him thinking to result into something. He wanted the right answer. He wanted the answer his mind would agree with, the answer he could get with a cold head, with no feelings involved.

But Donghae felt so many things. Despair because of this situation, anger because of the way Hyukjae treated him, exhaustion because he simply wanted it to be over. Just so many things.

And, most importantly, he felt his heart fluttering the moment Hyukjae sent him a message.

‘Will you be able to come to the conference room on my floor around 8pm?’

Just a message. One short message. A message in which Hyukjae was asking him to come to the room no one used often at the time when most of the workers left already. There was nothing good and definitely nothing romantic in it.

But Donghae’s heart fluttered still. Simply because he wanted to get a message from him. Wanted to see that man so badly. And not because his life depended on him or whatever, Donghae just…

Damn, Donghae just loved him. It was as simple as that. The guy found so many things to do when he was alone, and surprisingly it wasn’t as hard as he imagined. Being alone was not a new concept to him, and suddenly all his worries when he thought he was incapable of being without Hyukjae faded. The guy knew how to be alone better than most of people. He just didn’t want to be alone anymore.

And Donghae wanted Hyukjae as a company when not being alone.

That’s why he texted with a short ‘Sure’ and hoped to last until the end of the day, wondering whether that was the answer he’s been looking for. But someone had other plans for the two of them.

Hyukjae’s father showed up all of a sudden. This time he didn’t even try to make it look like he’s been wandering around the floors and checking on the workers; Donghae honestly doubted he even warned his son because, although they came together, Hyukjae appeared on the left elevator, meanwhile his father and the other man with a girl – those who were with him the other day – on the right one.

“Oh, there you are,” the man said to his son. “Wonderful. You are the one who I’ve been looking for. You and,” he scanned the surroundings, and Donghae who – just like everyone else – got up from his seat to greet them in polite manner could swear his eyes sparkled when Hyukjae’s father noticed him. “And you. I need your help as well.”

Everyone looked at Donghae, and his body felt cold immediately. Damn, it was just like a bad movie. Very, very bad movie.

Before anyone else managed to say something, Hyukjae asked, “What for? Why would you need him out of all?”

Donghae felt shivers running down his spine due to how cold he sounded. That’s when it became so vivid – Hyukjae never used such tone in front of him. Not even once. No matter what was happening to them, he never talked like that in front of Donghae. Of course he spoke like that to others, yet the guy almost forgot how harsh the man could sound because again – never had he ever used such voice with Donghae, even when they weren’t on best terms.

But he talked like that for him. When he confronted his father like that.

The older man turned to his son and smiled, “What do you think? Wasn’t he the one who accompanied lady Shim last time?” A turn of the head. His eyes focused on Donghae’s face. “I hoped he’d do that again. I found him really good for that.”

And one didn’t even need to know about the relationship between Hyukjae and Donghae to realize it was the man’s way to say that was the only thing Donghae was good for.

Was it just a coincidence or Hyukjae’s father knew these two were about to meet tomorrow and discuss something important? Was that a well-planned act or a twisted, wicked game fate has prepared for them?

Donghae looked at Hyukjae who kept silent. Was it what waited on them? On him? The kind of humiliation the younger will have to go through if he decided to choose Hyukjae?

Was this Donghae’s answer instead? Was the one who made his heart beat faster, the one who made him feel alive and real… not going to choose him and just let this be happening all the time?

The guy opened his mouth and was about to say ‘Yes, sure’. Because it was the only thing he could do in such situation, after all.

However, that’s when Hyukjae’s cold voice echoed in the room, “I’m sure he has better things to do than that.”

Donghae shivered and looked at him. There was one thing about Hyukjae – he was able to sound loud without yelling. He didn’t raise his voice much – not more than necessary to be heard by everyone in the room – but somehow the sound of it filled the room, engulfed every single person in it and cut their eardrums, captivating, disarming everyone. It was the only sound they all were focused on now; even short breaths couldn’t be heard.

“He was hired to perform certain type of work,” Hyukjae continued, looking his father right into eyes. “Just like everyone in this room. And I don’t remember a line in the contract that states they have to entertain your guests.”

Kudos to his father, the man didn’t lose his face. Not a single muscle flinched on it as he spoke, “Our guests matter for the company. It is part of their job to make this company prosper.”

“Well, then I’ll certainly make sure the guests who actually matter for the company will be entertained once they come. Now excuse me.” He bowed. Not deeply. With all the respect he didn’t have for them. “I have no line in my contract which states I should entertain your guests either and I have an actual work to do.”

That being said, he turned around and left, ignoring the fact his father called out the son’s name. That old man was put into a terrible position – if he starts screaming and arguing with his son now, he’ll lose his face. If he ignores such outburst and swallows everything, he’ll lose his face. All Hyukjae’s father had left was the choice of how to make himself look less pathetic.

Maybe that’s why he stood there frozen for good five seconds while watching his son leaving. Then, he looked at Donghae with so much rage in his eyes, the latter almost fell on his chair, being knocked off by that act. However, he stood up. He didn’t lose his foothold simply because he had no rights to not fight for himself – even though subtly – when Hyukjae did.

When Hyukjae… when he…

Hyukjae’s father left the room, whispering something to the guests who felt humiliated because of that act as well. The tables have turned in a really fun way.

The man didn’t say anything to people in the room because it was as clear as day he didn’t care about their opinion. Or more like… he didn’t care if they had something to say apart from how great he was. Old people of power tend to be quite greedy and self-absorbed, that man was no exception.

Once he left, everyone in the room breathed freely.

“That was intense,” someone said, yet Donghae didn’t pay attention who as he stood still and looked at his own phone placed on the desk, although its screen was dark.

Some people replied and the conversation started, yet he didn’t listen. The guy barely managed to react when he understood that one of his seniors was asking him whether he’s okay.

“I’m fine,” was all Donghae said, and the girl who asked that looked at him with sympathy in her eyes.

“You don’t look so though,” she said. “Maybe you want to go outside and breathe a little?”

Before he managed to say something, the other guy in that room spoke, “That’s so unfair though. Donghae didn’t even do anything, yet that man looked like he simply was venting his anger on him.”

“Good thing that Hyukjae-ssi stood up for Donghae,” Yumi, who kept silent all the while, spoke all of a sudden. It was her voice that made Donghae get out of a funk and move, focusing his eyes on her. “It was… nice of him to tell his father off for that.”

“Yeah!” someone agreed enthusiastically. “I think he’s never been into his father’s way of treating employees anyway. Good that he finally decided to speak up.” That person chuckled. “If I knew we needed Donghae for this to happen, I’d suggest hiring him earlier.”

That was just a joke. Just an attempt to ease the tension in that room, and Donghae knew that. But dear lord, if only those people knew what was happening in his mind at that moment. What was happening to his heart.

“I’ll go and breathe a little,” he said eventually and left the room, his phone still on his desk as the guy wasn’t sure he was ready to be reachable.

He wasn’t sure in anything.

What was that even? What Hyukjae meant by that action? Did it even mean something? Anything?

And, most importantly, what kind of answer should Donghae give him after witnessing what he just did?

Hyukjae told him he won’t let him know about his choice to not taint his mind and not affect his decision. But wasn’t it so mind-tainting? So decision-affecting to do?

And, most importantly, did it even mean something to the man? Because to Donghae, it certainly did.

He was so exhausted. So unwilling to decide yet again. Donghae never thought about ending his life seriously, but at that very moment he oh so wanted to be dead, just so he’d not have to go through this and make any decision. It was so pathetic considering he’s been thinking for so long, yet still was so indecisive. Those were whole three days filled with nothing – because he didn’t come to a certain conclusion yet.

Something was telling him there was just one right answer. Anyone who has brain would be just like Yumi – they’d tell him to end everything if he was in so much distress and that distress could outweigh the happiness he felt.

However, as crazy as it sounded…

Donghae wasn’t sure the distress from this situation outweighed the happiness the guy felt when he realized he just witnessed the moment when Hyukjae talked back to his father and stood up for him.

He wasn’t sure that happiness could be compared to anything he felt in his life.

***

Hyukjae got out of his room with his head buzzing and hurting for he just spent good twenty minutes listening to his father raging on him over the phone and promising to come back for a ‘serious talk’ really soon, right after dealing with his guests. As if this conversation wasn’t serious enough for him already.

“Lady Shim felt absolutely humiliated,” the old man said. “And no one gave you the rights to make her feel like that.”

“Donghae must’ve felt humiliated too,” he responded. “And no one gave you the rights to make him feel like that either. Or what, some people deserve humiliation while others don’t?”

And all the hopes for a civil conversation were gone after Hyukjae dared to say this.

His head hurt. He could hang up on his own father, yet the man knew it won’t solve the problem. Although the fact they kept talk