this song is a perfect match for this story in my opinion, but especially for this chapter, which was heavily inspired by it.

_____

Donghae could only sigh when he came back to his office and said goodbye to the lady Shim.

They didn’t really talk and didn’t see much. Went down to get some coffee, and the girl was mostly on her phone while the guy was sitting there awkwardly, wondering whether things would’ve been different if Yumi was there. They probably would because the girl would at least make some effort to talk, even if it meant failing. Donghae though? He was so anxious that lady Shim will find his actions inappropriate, so he simply kept silent.

She did ask him a few questions though – whether Hyukjae spends lots of time at work, whether Donghae heard any rumors about the man inheriting the company fully soon. The guy knew nothing about the last thing and could only say that he doesn’t meet the boss often, but it is likely he’s at work for most of the time.

The reply didn’t make lady Shim happy, so they didn’t talk after that.

Hence, him sighing.

One of Donghae’s seniors gave him an encouraging smile and said, “I’m sorry you had to go through this. It’s never easy to entertain rich relatives of our bosses.”

The guy looked at her with interest, “Relatives? Is she Mr. Lee’s…”

He didn’t know what to say.

Hyukjae had no siblings. He was the only child and that girl couldn’t be his mother, aunt, whatever. Cousin? But he didn’t mention he had any.

Was Donghae supposed to know that? He rarely felt struggles while hiding the fact he and Hyukjae were something more than a boss and his employee. Because people didn’t talk to Donghae much and almost never talked to him about Hyukjae. But now… was he supposed to know about the man’s family as much as he does? Is it a common knowledge or he’s at risk of saying something stupid and revealing just like he did while talking to Yumi?

One of his colleagues – the guy who wasn’t his senior, yet somehow managed to make all the seniors respect him and basically had the same privileges as they did – chuckled and said, “We don’t know who she is yet, but she must be Mr. Lee’s, you’re right.”

Donghae frowned, “What do you mean?”

One of his seniors chuckled, “Your innocence is adorable.” She looked at him with a soft smile. “That girl must be one of those whom he considers to become his wife. I heard he did meet such women from time to time, yet I never expected Mr. Lee to bring them to work. This one must be special, isn’t she? I think…”

Donghae didn’t hear, didn’t want to, couldn’t hear what she was about to say.

One of those women Hyukjae considered to become his wife.

Women.

Women. Plural.

His wife. A person who will be closer to him than anyone else, at least physically. He met them from time to time. Hyukjae never mentioned that.

But he shouldn’t, right? Not like Donghae was in any position to make him report anything like that, not to mention that he knew it’s going to happen. Hyukjae warned him about that, so making a scene because of this would’ve been foolish. Tormenting himself with bitter feelings over the fact he was doing what he has to – warning him prior that – would’ve been foolish as well.

But it hurt a lot. It hurt not because it was sudden. Not because Hyukjae didn’t report. Him not doing so was great actually because he pitied Donghae’s feelings and didn’t make his existence harder by mentioning those women. It was not sudden. It was sudden, but not unexpected. He wasn’t hurt because of that.

He was hurt because people called her special. Said she must be special because Hyukjae brought her here. And that hurt. Both because Donghae was really afraid she might become special – even if the man said he can’t fall in love with any woman – and because he knew that no one would ever look at them and think that Donghae must be special for Hyukjae.

Because no one knew about them. Because no one would suspect.

He wasn’t listening to what his colleagues were talking about and they didn’t really need him to participate in that conversation.

Donghae plopped down on his chair and looked at the screen of his PC, focusing on the data array he had to work on. He had to work. Yes, he had to. He had so much work. No one’s going to do it instead of him. He had to work. Not to think about this.

But, although the guy managed to make himself not think about it, he simply had that glum mood throughout the day. Kept sighing and looking at his phone from time to time.

They weren’t texting with Hyukjae apart from short messages of confirmation regarding their plans. And tomorrow was still in their schedule, so there was no need for the man to text him. But for some reason, Donghae wanted him to really badly. Even if it would be a simple text like ‘Still up for tomorrow?’ or whatever. He simply wanted a message. A sign that Hyukjae was still thinking about him from time to time. Not all the time, it’s impossible. He’s not Donghae to be thinking about the other one whenever he has free time. From time to time would’ve been nice enough already.

But there was no text.

At some point Donghae’s sighing became too heavy and his senior – the one who gave him that task – looked at him with pity in her eyes and said, “Yeah, that’s challenging. Not too hard but just… a lot. I get it. Maybe coffee break would be nice? 15 minutes won’t do much, yet you might feel refreshed. At least a bit.”

The guy nodded. He didn’t really need coffee, but maybe refreshing himself was a nice idea. So he got up and went to the kitchen to get himself a juice from vending machine or whatever.

It was quite late already. Almost the end of the working day, yet he was like 70% done and still had lots of work. Many others started leaving home already, so Donghae hoped for a moment of seclusion, yet, when he found peace sitting alone at that table he and Yumi abandoned earlier today, the girl he just thought about appeared in front of him with Pepsi in her hands.

“I don’t have as much work,” she said, “but getting a break sounds nice, doesn’t it?”

The guy didn’t speak. He stared at her, thinking that it was yet another challenge he wasn’t ready for. They didn’t finish that conversation. Donghae didn’t know what Yumi thought about him now. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

“You’re like an open book, you know?” his friend said with a light smile while sitting down beside him. “I feel like I know everything what’s on your mind.”

Somehow, he found strength to smile back, “It would’ve been scary if you truly did.”

Yumi chuckled, “Well, yeah. But I guess I know at least something. And…” She tossed a Pepsi bottle from one hand to another, looking… insecure. “I’ve never been in a situation like this. I’m afraid I don’t really know what to say, but I just… I just wanted you to know that I cherish you as a friend and would love to stay your friend. You’re you, after all, right? I…” She sighed. “I look progressive and all, but I must admit – I was quite focused on my own problems that I never… never really thought about people like you. Ah, is it okay to say ‘people like you’? I don’t want to sound offensive… What I’m trying to say is that you’re the first guy who…” Pause again. “The first guy who told me about this. I obviously don’t hate you. Don’t feel disgusted, I guess I just was a bit ignorant, so I don’t really know what to say. But I love you. Want to stay your friend. If you want to. I… I don’t care whom you love. I always say others shouldn’t be so bothered about whether people date or not. I think we shouldn’t be bothered by whom people date, too. So… I just wanted to say that I still like you. And… and… and you better stop me before I talk more and say unnecessary stuff.”

“I like you too,” Donghae said, his smile grew sincere. “I must admit it’s the first time I told someone as well. Someone whom I didn’t try to date, I mean. So… it’s the first time for me, too.”

Yumi her lips out of worry, “Is that why you looked so distressed for the rest of the day? I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier, I…”

“I’m glad you said what you said. And your reaction matters to me a lot, but that… was not the reason I’m like this.”

“Oh… what happened? Are you okay? Can I do something for you?”

That was really touching and maybe Donghae would’ve teared up even if it happened any other day, but that day he just… he… He was done with feelings, even good ones. Even if it was gratitude he felt towards the girl. So he didn’t even come up with a word.

Yumi kept looking at him and waiting for a reply, yet there was none. In the end, she sighed again and said, “There’s a belief that when you can’t do anything useful you can hug a person at least.”

Donghae smiled again. He really loved her.

“Hug me, then.”

And she did. That was the first time that day when the guy felt a bit better. Because sometimes all you needed was something as simple as a hug.

***

Donghae felt extremely weird standing near Hyukjae’s door with a backpack on his shoulder. For some reason, the man texted him earlier this morning and asked to pack more clothes.

His chest felt all warm and funny at that moment for a stupid thought appeared in the guy’s head.

What if Hyukjae was planning to let him leave more of his clothes in his apartment? As a way to show that he wasn’t thinking about marrying anyone yet and they still had more time for… them?

Donghae tried to not think about when or how their relationship is going to end. Ever since he returned home yesterday, he tried to not think at all, convincing himself it was pointless and there was no reason to be hurt. He knew since the very beginning that it won’t last, so there was no reason in tainting their days with those worries about something that can’t be avoided. Donghae simply forbade himself to be hurt, even if it was nothing but pure self-deluding.

However, once Hyukjae’s door opened, instead of inviting the guy inside his house, he said, “Get into my car. We’re leaving.”

Donghae’s eyes widened and he truly wanted to ask where they’re heading, yet the man’s expression told him it wasn’t a good time for questions. Yet.

So he jumped into the car with no questions and allowed Hyukjae to take him wherever the latter was planning to.

“The weather’s rather glum today, isn’t it?” Donghae tried asking a few minutes after their ride started, eyeing the clouds that covered the sun.

However, Hyukjae only offered a ‘Hmm’, then he turned the radio on, and the younger only had to sigh and look into the window.

There certainly will be no conversation for the time being.

“Can we listen to my music, then?” he asked. “We’re not going to talk, so…”

“We will talk,” Hyukjae said. “I will explain everything, but… let me fix my mood a bit. Trust me that I won’t take you to any dangerous place or whatever and give me some time to feel better and I’ll tell you everything.”

Donghae looked back at the man, “I never thought you’d do anything dangerous to me. But how are you going to feel better?”

“Well, you’re here. That’s enough for me.”

The guy’s breath hitched and he couldn’t find words to say. Instead, it was Hyukjae who spoke, “You can turn your music on. Let’s do more things that you like together. I still have to apologize for… yesterday.”

And there was something in his tone that indicated it’s better to not ask about yesterday, so Donghae nodded and started connecting his phone to the car, yet that was mostly done on autopilot.

Hyukjae’s words echoed in his head.

He was enough. Donghae was enough to make Hyukjae feel better. The man just said so himself.

That was… That was exactly how the guy himself felt. So many worries that he had yesterday, yet all of them disappeared once Donghae saw Hyukjae. And the latter felt the same way with him. That couldn’t not make one’s heart flutter.

One of the guy’s favorite songs started playing, and he couldn’t help but kept glancing at the man on his left, eyeing his arms that held onto the wheel, observing his expressionless, yet focused face, lingering his eyes on Hyukjae’s Adam’s apple for a while…

Donghae gulped and looked away. They started as buddies. He had Hyukjae’s body atop his – , exposed, all his – more often than one could ever dream of. The guy wasn’t as focused on as many would expect him to if they knew the nature of their relationship, yet…

It was undeniable that he wanted Hyukjae. He desired Hyukjae.

More than he did when they spent their first night together.

One would expect the magic of the moments they shared to fade with time, and Donghae wondered whether it was the case for Hyukjae. Whether he got tired of the younger’s body, whether he had thoughts of abandoning him and finding someone new, someone more suitable. Because he… he felt nothing like that.

He desired him more than ever. The more time they were spending together, the more he wanted. Couldn’t not find him attractive. It was probably unhealthy, yet Donghae only wanted to dwell, melt into Hyukjae and become one with him – that is how much he desired him. He didn’t want to let go.

If only he had a choice…

If only someone asked him what he wanted…

“I like this song,” the man said all of a sudden, and the younger couldn’t help but looked at him in surprise. “Why did you never let me listen to it?”

Donghae blinked, “You never asked.”

“How am I supposed to know it’s your favorite?”

“You never asked me which one was my favorite.”

Oh.

Hyukjae sent him a quick glance and then focused on the road again. His lips formed a thin line – which was a nonsense given how plump they were, yet that’s how hard the man pursed them – and he took a while before speaking again.

“I’m sorry,” the older said all of a sudden.

Donghae could basically sense that he didn’t mean the song only, yet, since the man didn’t specify, he said, “That’s okay. It’s just a song.”

Hyukjae shook his head lightly.

“I didn’t ask about your favorite song. Never wondered what kind of dream you have and whether you have a life goal. Had no idea you want to own a dog.”

“Hyukjae…”

“I know you for more than a year, Dongha