Everytime Chanyeol returned to the surface with the full intention of talking to Kyungsoo, something much more imperative would divert his attention.  In the past two weeks alone, he had unintentionally saved several citizens and properties, including preventing a forest fire in Ilsan from spreading, enlisting the help of Sehun to extinguish the flames from the trees; lifting an entire train that had derailed from the tracks in the subway as Baekhyun assisted to light the way; even saving a kitten stuck up a tree and gently carrying it down in a tiny force field bubble, after making sure that it wasn’t Minseok just playing a trick on him.

 

Due to the many, many sightings of The Phoenix, every media outlet, printed and digital, were filled with the flying fire-wielding hero quickly gaining notoriety and celebrity.  Not everyone was a big fan of The Phoenix but they couldn’t seem to stop talking about him. 

 

One afternoon, Kyungsoo and Junghoon were out having their afternoon tea when the café’s background music started playing Na Yoon Kwon’s “If It Was Me.”

 

Junghoon stopped mid-narration of his upcoming trip to Europe, when he noticed that Kyungsoo had fallen quiet all of a sudden.  “Is there something… wrong?  Are you feeling okay?”
 

Kyungsoo nodded, giving him a small smile.  He appreciated Junghoon’s company these past few days, even if Kyungsoo had been such a boring date to begin with.  They really didn’t have much in common, aside from being former classmates from years ago.  Perhaps Yeongmi eomonim was right, Kyungsoo just had to exert more effort in opening up to other people, if he was expecting to survive outside of the orphanage.

 

He should have moved out after turning 18, but the administrator made an exception.  Kyungsoo had lost all sense of direction after Chanyeol’s unexpected passing, barely functioning that he couldn’t get up from bed on his high school graduation day.  He was told about a special video tribute for Chanyeol in the ceremony, but all Kyungsoo could feel was bitterness because the outpouring of kindness and sympathy of others for his best friend had come too late. 

 

For the past two weeks, he’d thought of nothing else.  Not even the rampage of The Phoenix updates everywhere was enough to distract him from trying to reimagine the vivid imagery of Chanyeol visiting him into being, with… an adoptive brother named Yixing?  Had his mind simply conjured it, as a way to bring him comfort? 

 

“Do you believe in ghosts?” Kyungsoo asked Junghoon suddenly.

 

“Ghosts?”

 

Kyungsoo was probably going insane.  “Like… someone coming back from the dead, or maybe the mind can play tricks on someone going through depression, due to deep grief…”

 

“That’s absurd!  I don’t believe in the supernatural!” Junghoon scoffed.  “Now that Phoenix though…  That’s something else!  Some are speculating it’s just a grown man in a fire starter suit, only no one can explain how he’s able to fly.”

 

Kyungsoo turned to him indignantly.  “Wouldn’t that make The Phoenix supernatural then?”

 

“Well, yeah, sure, but The Phoenix is way hotter than any ghosts!”  Then he punched Kyungsoo on the shoulder in a joking manner.  “Get it?  Hotter?  Because he’s on fire?”

 

“Yeah…”  Kyungsoo rubbed his shoulder, a bit disheartened, sighing.  “I should get back to the orphanage.  Thank you for a lovely time today, Junghoon.”

 

Seeing that Kyungsoo was once again in one of his moods, Junghoon didn’t press the issue.  He himself was beginning to have second thoughts if Kyungsoo would indeed be a good match for him, despite falling for the latter’s charm for years.  “All right, then.  I’ll drive you.”

 

“No, it’s fine,” Kyungsoo declined, kindly, but something about the way he said it indicated some kind of finality.  “I think it’ll do me good to walk.”

 

“I see.”  Junghoon leaned over and kissed Kyungsoo on the cheek.  In a way, he was relieved that Kyungsoo was taking the initiative to let him down gently.  However, the day was young.  Junghoon thought to catch up his friends who would be drinking in the club later, and perhaps meet with other potential mates who reciprocated more naturally.  “Do take care, Kyungsoo.”

 

He only nodded, and they both waved goodbye, as Kyungsoo sat there alone in silence for a while, his iced coffee melting into a puddle unnoticed.  He still had some time before he helped feeding the younger kids in the dining hall, so he thought of paying a visit to that one place that he had been avoiding for nearly nine months.   He stopped by a flower shop first and then hopped on to the train, alighting from the nearest station after a few minutes. 

 

The columbarium was deserted at this time of day, it being a work day too.  Kyungsoo appreciated it because he didn’t want to deal with any external noise.

 

He reverently knelt down, running the tips of his fingers on the Korean characters on the tile that bore his best friend’s name, who died two weeks before he turned 18.  Kyungsoo still found the veracity of his death surreal, as though he was only imprisoned in a perpetual nightmare from where he lacked the power to wake up.

 

“Annyeong, Chanyeol-rah,” he whispered. “I miss you.”

 

A gentle breeze came and surrounded him, danced about in his fluffy, short black hair, and embraced Kyungsoo with its serenity.

 

“I hope you like white lilies,” Kyungsoo sniffed, setting the small bouquet reverently in place.  “You were so pure of heart, that I just… remember your innocence and goodness, all the time.”  Then his tears began to flow.  “I’m so sorry, Chanyeol-rah.”

 

Then broken sobs started to escape from his throat. “If you had been feeling alone and lost that night, when I wasn’t by your side, you wouldn’t have tried to run away.  I would have skipped choir practice and attended that meeting with Yeongmi eomonim with you… You would have felt assured that I would go with you anywhere.”

 

“If ever I hurt your feelings or there was something that I did or said that was out of line, you should have told me… because I don’t understand... I don’t want to be, but I am SO MAD AT YOU!  What can I do now?!  You’re laying there, ageless at 17, and here I am, turning 19 and have nothing to show for it!  You always said that I’m your most favorite person in the world, and yet you left me behind!  Why didn’t you take me with you?!”

 

Kyungsoo couldn’t breathe, oblivious that he was rocking himself in his own arms, giving in to the steady cradle, as if some strong element was covering him. “I’ll only forgive myself if you do,” he wept helplessly, endless tears squeezing out of his rigidly shut eyes, visions of the explosion painfully flashing in his mind over and over again.  “If you can hear me, Chanyeollie... Please tell me you already have.”

 

Kyungsoo’s skin began to prickle, causing the hairs on his arms to stand on end.  All of a sudden, he sensed a pair of eyes watching him.  He sharply turned to look behind him, gasping, but there was no there.  

 

Only the scent of a candle burning wafted in the air, evaporating as swiftly as it came.

 

 

***

 

Kyungsoo stayed for half an hour more, until it was nearly sunset, ending his visit with another prayer for Chanyeol.  He promised to come by more often, but he wished Chanyeol would visit him in his dreams once again. 

 

He decided to take the long way home, saving a little bit on the train fare to trek thirty minutes back to the orphanage.  Still lost in thought, Kyungsoo crossed the street in an intersection, realizing too late that the traffic lights had changed to green. 

 

He only froze in fear as he zoned in on a speeding car going straight to his direction—

 

He didn’t even know when his eyes had sealed themselves shut as he heard gasps and cheers from below him.  The next thing he knew, he was right in front of The Phoenix, a faceless ball of fire carrying him in a strange, transparent bubble! 

 

“AAAAHHHH!!!” Kyungsoo screamed in horror, beginning to hyperventilate.  It felt strangely cold inside the bubble, but having a whole fire demon so near him was closing up his airways, fogging up his brain.  Was he going to die and blow up in flames…?

 

Just like Chanyeol? 

 

“GET AWAY FROM ME!!!  GET AWAY, GET AWAY, GET AWAY!!!” Kyungsoo’s arms and legs flailed, accidentally coming into contact with the bubble, which was buzzing, and he felt electrocuted.

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay, don’t be scared, Kyungsoo-yah!  I’m here to help you.”

 

Kyungsoo instantly went still as The Phoenix spoke to him.   That voice.  “D-Do I… Do I know you?!”

 

The bubble flickered for a second.  “S-Sorry?”

 

“Uh…” Kyungsoo nervously mumbled, wondering if he needed to seek out psychiatric help at the next available opportunity because he was now associating The Phoenix to his paraplegic—deceased—best friend.  

 

He was probably hearing things too, such as The Phoenix regarding him by name…

 

The Phoenix finally let him off on the ground, about a stone’s throw away from the orphanage.  Kyungsoo thought that its voice became significantly lower when it said, “You’re home now.  Always be careful.”

 

“WAIT!”  Just as Kyungsoo was about to ask him how The Phoenix knew where his home was, it bolted and flew away, a flurry of smoke and flames in its wake.

 

 

***

 

 

“I need to see Kyungsoo again, please!” Chanyeol started appealing his case before the EXOs, the moment he returned to their underground spacecraft that night.  “I saw him visiting me earlier, at my gravesite, apparently, and… I just….”  He turned to Yixing, who was the only valid witness to his predicament.  “You know, right, that day at the orphanage?  Kyungsoo is still feeling so guilty that I died.”

 

Junmyeon rubbed his temple, tone regretful.  “And perhaps we should leave it at that.”

 

“But it’s not right!  I’m alive!  And I want to be alive!  I don’t know I’ll be able to control myself enough that I won’t burn him when he comes near me but I need it… I need…”

 

Jongdae was a bit gentler, encouraging their new recruit to sit down.  “Chanyeol, you can’t keep becoming involved, when you’re supposed to be dead.  You’re not exactly... human anymore.”

 

“If you were wishing to continue that connection with Kyungsoo,” Jongin added, his gaze lowering, “we’re afraid that’s not possible.”

 

“Maybe none of you can understand what it’s like to lose everything,” Chanyeol lamented, burying his hands in his flaming red hair, feeling defeated.  Seeing Kyungsoo again today, wanting to hold him close but couldn’t, and unable to accept that he might one day marry someone like Junghoon because The Phoenix was hazardous for him, in every way possible.  “I love him.  I love Kyungsoo.  I just wish… I could let him know that.”

 

“Maybe we do not know about love, but even for a short time, I’ve witnessed and felt how much Kyungsoo means to you, and you to him.”

 

Chanyeol looked up to see that it was Baekhyun who said it, his expression uncharacteristically serious.

 

“Everyone here has known what it’s like to lose everything,” Sehun added warily.  “We just learned how to accept the cards we’ve been dealt.”  

 

Yixing squeezed Chanyeol on the shoulder and had this to say after everything that transpired.  “I think you deserve one last chance to set things right with Kyungsoo.  But after that, The Phoenix would have to burn out too.”

 

Chanyeol knew that Yixing was right.  He had miraculously avoided blunders because all the EXOs were there to look after him, assisting him one way or another.  The Phoenix wouldn’t be able to sustain this in the long run, if he did it alone. 

 

It was time to say goodbye.