"...I lost sight of my future with you."

Another long pause engulfs them after Roseanne said that. Jennie's eyes never leaving the latter's. She was baffled...quite baffled. Because, all those times that they were together, she thought Roseanne's certain about her, about them. She's felt it.

So, where did things go wrong?

She scoffs bitterly and asked, "You fell out of love with me?"

"No", the singer's answer was automatic, "Never."

"Then, why?"

Bringing back the question also brings back all the memories from two years ago, the supposedly happiest day of their lives, at the church where they were supposed to exchange their vows and promise their forever.

And at the very altar where Jennie waited in vain, making herself believe that her bride would come.

~•~

[ Flashback ]

"Ni, it's been an hour", Lisa whispers beside Jennie as the latter stood still by the foot of the altar, unmoving.

Lifting her head to let her eyes roam around, the brunette could see the different expressions on the guests' faces. Some were confused, some were getting impatient, and some were starting to give her empathetic looks.

The ceremony should've started more than an hour ago, but they held still because someone's not yet in the area. Someone who's supposed to be the other bride.

Someone Jennie was supposed to marry.

"Let's...just wait", she faintly said, her mind clouded with thoughts, "She'll come, Lis. I know she will."

Her bestfriend gazes at her with nervous eyes, before giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze, "I'll try to call Rosie."

Jennie just nodded and watched as Lisa steps back and reaches for her phone.

She recalls how Chaeyoung and her both agreed to stay at a different place that day before the wedding so as to not spoil the occasion. Jennie wanted to contain her excitement. She wanted to see her bride wearing her gown for the very first time right in the aisle of the church. Right while she walks her way towards the altar.

But now, not seeing even Chaeyoung's shadow in the vicinity makes her regret that decision. They should've just stayed together. She should've held her all night and assured her that everything's going to be alright.

Clutching on her dress, she's internally trying to calm herself from all the intrusive thoughts that are starting to flood her. She trusts Chaeyoung with her life. She knew her girlfriend would not betray her.

But Chaeyoung's also not the type to be behind schedule, let alone miss a very important event without a valid reason.

'Did something happen? Is she alright?', were some of her thoughts as she nervously fiddles with her dress.

She snapped out of her trance when she realized Jisoo standing in front of her, holding out her phone.

"Rosie", her bestfriend mouthed with a grim expression.

Jennie took the phone with trembling hands and lifted it to her ear, "C-Chaeng?"

For a few seconds, all she could hear was soft sobs, until the girl on the other line spoke, "Jen...I'm sorry."

Her heart sank. Those three words hold so much remorse, she felt like a boulder plopped on her when it registered. She felt betrayed, toyed, trampled on. But more than that, she felt pity for herself.

Because with the way Chaeyoung's voice tainted with guilt, Jennie knew she was waiting for nothing.

"W-What do you mean?"

"I'm sorry."

She could not fathom how this is happening. It's...starting to hurt so much, she couldn't breathe.

"Why?", was all she could muster to say as she felt tears b her eyes.

Chaeyoung didn't answer, instead, she mutters another, "I'm so sorry."

Then, Jennie ended the call. She doesn't think she can take whatever the girl still has to say. She's not in her right mind to hear her out. All she knows is that, the girl made her decision.

Chaeyoung is not coming.

Chaeyoung is not going to marry her.

Dropping the phone in her hand, Jennie runs down the aisle while ignoring the people behind calling her. She remembers passing by her father, who gave her sympathetic eyes, trying to reach out a hand. She remembers the look of pain in his face when she finally lets her tears fall down.

But, she didn't look back.

That day, Jennie left the church with a tear-stained face and a broken heart.

[ End of flashback ]

~•~

After two long years of denying herself of the truth, the brunette thinks it's about time she hear it.

"Why?", she repeated.

Roseanne averts her gaze back to the sea, fiddling with her fingers as she constructs the words in her mind. She knows nothing she says now can justify her actions, but she could try. She has to.

"Making music was my biggest dream...you know that", she started with quivering voice, "It was months before the wedding when I started doing tours. World tours. I was so ecstatic. I've always loved the feeling of performing."

Jennie kept mum and simply nodded. Of course, she knew that. If there's anyone who has witnessed Roseanne's love for music, it was her.

"You know, when people jam to my songs, leave good feedbacks, and anticipate basically anything that I'm going to release. It's...euphoric. When people put you to pedestal because of what you do. I fell in love with the feeling."

Recalling her first few years in the industry, she plasters a faint smile and felt a wave of nostalgia. It was simple back then. Back when making music still makes her feel alive.

"Until that passion turned into something like...I don't know...obsession?", Roseanne continued still without looking at the brunette, "People in the industry have always warned me...Fame will lift you up like a weightless feather, and plummet you down heavy and solid. I should've learned from that. But the limelight is flashy, Jen. And I was blinded in more ways than one."

A gust of wind blew past them as the pink-haired paused. That statement alone already answered half of Jennie's questions. But, she refused to rebut. If she's going to give the girl a chance to explain, she's going to give her every and all her chances at once.

This has to be settled tonight.

Roseanne took a deep breath before she speaks again, "If I'm going to give a direct answer to your question, I would simply say 'I got scared'", she lets out a scoff at her own words, "Lame, I know. It's a pathetic excuse. No one would ever accept that reason, right? Because, what the was that? Who would believe that you stood up the only person you have loved for years at your own wedding just because you're ing scared??"

The tremor in the singer's voice lets Jennie know that she's crying. And after everything that's happened...after all this time...Jennie still hates it when Roseanne cries.

"But, I got really scared, Jen. I got scared because I felt like I was just starting. The career, the recognition, everything. I got scared because I realized how I was not ready. I started questioning myself if being married was what I really wanted and doubted if I can give you everything you need when I knew we were no longer on the same boat. When I knew all you dreamt of was a family, while I chase the dream of my own."

All those times, Jennie have tried to come up with a cinematic reason on why Roseanne left her. Every and all reason, be it stupid or exaggerated, hurt. But hearing these words now from the girl makes her realize that nothing beats the truth.

It's reality.

And it happens.

"At that time, I couldn't afford to lose those dreams. I got scared that everything I've ever worked for will go down the drain if I choose you, if I choose us. And I am so sorry if I was selfish enough to think like that. I'm sorry if I was blinded by the flashy limelight. I'm sorry if I held onto fame rather than holding on us."

The singer choked on her words as tears stream down her face, not bothering to conceal it anymore.

"You could've chosen both", Jennie finally responded, her jaw was clenched as she tries to keep her composure, "You could've talked to me. I could've given you time. Did you really think I would cage you and restrict you from doing what you love?"

"I tried", Roseanne answered, "But every time I attempt to bring it up, I was always reminded of how big your smile was whenever you tell me your plans for the wedding. You were so excited, I didn't want to disenchant you. God, how could I let you down when all I could see was the sparkle in your eyes whenever you tell me how much you wanted to have kids."

That made the brunette turn her head to look at the other girl. There she said the magic word. Her biggest dream and denied fulfillment.

She still remembers how they planned to have their first child once they're married. They scouted fertility clinics for the IVF procedure, visited Baby and Maternity Store, even contracted for a layout of their future child's room.

Jennie was busy being ecstatic on the idea, that she failed to notice how their views were no longer mutual.

"I wanted that, too, believe me. I wanted to have kids with you", Roseanne holds Jennie's gaze, showing the latter how sincere she is, "But, I realized I just wasn't ready."

She recalls those moments where she questioned herself the most. Where she got lost in the bliss of public attention, and doubted what she and Jennie had.

Doubted what she and Jennie could have.

~•~

[ Flashback ]

From the backstage of the concert venue, Chaeyoung could hear the loud hollers and cheers of the audience. They were chanting her name, then the lyrics of her songs. She was amused by how they were doing acapella while they wait for the concert to start.

The feeling of being acknowledged was heavenly, and Chaeyoung would be lying if she says she doesn't want to get used to it.

This is her dream. All she's ever worked hard for.

"Rosie, we're starting in ten minutes", her manager peeks at the door of her dressing room, reminding her to get ready.

She nodded and turns to the wide mirror in front of her, taking a good look at herself.

For a moment there, questions managed to slip in her mind. 'What's next? Where does she go from here? Where will she be after the wedding?'

Wedding.

Those questions turned into hesitations when she realized how it almost left her mind. She has been planning a lot for her tour, her upcoming full album, and everything else but her own wedding.

Then, fears followed after. She felt like she's betraying the only person she has ever loved, but the thought of settling down suddenly scares her.

The thought of not being able to feel the euphoria of performing again. The thought of not being able to make music the way she's always done. And the thought of having to stop doing the things she's so passionate about so she could give Jennie the family she has ever wanted.

Fear takes over her system and more questions slipped in.

'Is she really ready to settle down?'

Still zoning out, she managed to hear her manager who went back to remind her again, "We're starting, Rosie."

Chaeyoung knows she loves Jennie. She never doubted that.

What she's doubting now is the extent of what she's willing to do for that love.

"Rosie?", her manager called out again.

'Is she ready to give everything up?'

Turning around to face her manager, she anxiously voiced out her thoughts.

"Am I really ready to get married?"

[ End of flashback ]

~•~

The singer hung her head low and muttered another apology. She meant it when she said she would apologize to the girl for as long as she can, if that'll ease at least a bit of pain in her heart.

"Did it fulfill you?", Jennie suddenly asked, "When you chose your dream...did it fulfill you?"

Roseanne meekly shook her head, "That's the thing, Jen. Years of wandering around, chasing that goddamn dream. I knew I never really attained anything."

She believes it's true.

"Choosing that dream over you, was my biggest mistake", she plasters a longing smile and felt her heart breaking again, "Throwing away everything that we had, is what I will always regret for the rest of my pathetic life."

And maybe for the rest of all her lifetimes.

"I should've known, Jen. I should've known what I really wanted", the singer continues to let out her emotions, "I shouldn't have sought comfort from something else, when I knew I only needed one hug from you to make me feel at ease. I shouldn't have been blinded by fake happiness, when you gave me more than what happiness can ever bring."

Jennie bit on her lip hard, trying to suppress the tears that were threatening to fall.

"I shouldn't have chased that dream, when I knew my dream was you all along."

Lifting her head once more, Roseanne lets her eyes linger a little longer at the brunette, "But repentance always comes later, doesn't it?"

The brunette meets her gaze but didn't say a word. She couldn't. She's just here to listen. So, despite feeling the persistent clench in her chest as she listens to the girl, she'd hear her.

For what it's worth, she would.

"And I know we promised to always find our way home", Roseanne lets another tear fall, "But, Jennie, I am sorry if I got lost along the way."

Maybe she'll forever be beating herself up for what happened. For not holding on and not trying hard enough. And for failing to keep the only thing that ever mattered to her. Maybe she'll forever be blaming herself for losing this once in a lifetime love. For breaking their promises. If she could go back in time to make things right again, she would. But, she knows she can't now. So, maybe she'll forever be drowning herself in guilt for ruining everything. For hurting everyone.

For breaking Jennie's heart and leaving her scarred.

The sound of crashing waves envelops the surroundings as the pink-haired takes another pause. Lifting a hand to wipe her face, she was thinking if she's said enough. If she had already let out all the words she's been dying to tell Jennie.

She, then, realized there's one more thing.

"I know I made you anxious when I told you I still wanted you", Roseanne carefully said, "But, I've grown to accept that you're now with someone else. You've moved on. You're happy with her. And that's all that matters."

She subtly clenches her fist feeling that pang of pain. Why is it always hard to let go?

"I don't know if you can ever forgive me, Jen. I hope you do", she added, "But, I am now giving you this closure so we can all part without heavy hearts."

Roseanne shifts on her seat and scoots a little closer to the brunette. She hesitantly reaches out a hand, and places it over Jennie's, letting it stay there for a second when the latter didn't give a negative reaction.

"If someday, we ever get another chance, I promise you this time...I will choose us", gently squeezing her hand, Roseanne curls her lips in a melancholic smile as she finally lets her go, "And please know that I will always love you, Jennie Kim."

Always.

In all ways.

~•~

hugs for everyone 👐🏻 and please let me know what you think 🥹