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"We should just order in," Wendy says with a teasing smile soon as she enters the kitchen.

"Unnie!" Yeri protests, pouting.

The kitchen is... a mess. That's a nice way to put it.

This is the first time in a long time that they've gathered at the dorm. So to celebrate it, Yeri and Seulgi volunteered to cook dinner.

Wendy should've known that nothing good ever comes out of Yeri and Seulgi in the kitchen but she let them anyway.

To be fair, Seulgi and Yeri have been living independently for more than a year now so she assumed they have somehow found their way around the kitchen.

But today she learns those two have been living off takeaways.

"Let it go, Yerim," Seulgi concedes, glancing at the pot of whatever they were cooking before she pulls out her phone.

"Why do you give up so easily?" Yeri protests, walking over from the other side of the room toward Seulgi who is standing by the stove. She takes a look at the contents of said pot, looks at Seulgi, and then makes a face.

Already on the food delivery app, Seulgi manages a thin smile and then waves up her phone at Yeri's face. "So, what should we order?"

"Tteokbokki!" Yeri gleefully replies. Scrunching her nose, she officially gives up on cooking.

"Chicken?" Wendy muses. "Let's just get something different for Joohyun-unnie."

"I'll just get a large tteokbokki and then, also chicken," Seulgi nods, already punching away at her phone.

"Where are they anyway?" Yeri asks, pulling her phone out as she makes her way to the living room.

Wendy pulls out her phone to check her messages.

I'll be a little late. Start without me but see you later.

Smiling a bit, she punches a reply. See you.

"Joohyun-unnie is going to be late," she tells the others as she walks over to the living room and then takes one of the solo seats.

"So is Sooyoung," Seulgi announces, joining Yerim on the large couch.

Wendy sighs, "How long's the food gonna be?"

Seulgi checks her phone, "30 minutes."

"Should we drink?"

Both Seulgi and Yerim grin.

"That's what I'm talking about," Yerim says.

Wendy laughs, shaking her head as she makes her way to the fridge where all their drinks are.

***

The next thing she knows, Sooyoung and Joohyun are two hours late and the three of them are already slightly buzzed.

"We shouldn't have drank that so fast," Yerim says, cringing as she downs another shot.

"Joohyun-unnie would kills us," Seulgi follows up.

Wendy only chuckles as she grabs the shot glass and pours one for herself. "It's fine, I think their schedules were extended so they probably won't make it."

"That's true," Yerim says.

"Sooyoung needs to slow down with her schedules," Wendy agrees. "She's been so busy lately."

They're seated by the living room floor, huddled around the small coffee table now filled with bottles of soju, beer, and the food they ordered from earlier. The soft, warm light emanating from of the overhead bulb makes the whole place more homey.

It's not just the mood.

It's the company, Wendy thinks. The girls' chatter plus the smell of food and drinks makes the house come alive. It's nice to have them back to the dorm.

It has only been her and Joohyun living here for so long that she has almost forgotten how lively it could get with the other girls around.

After moving back with her parents for a while, she realized it made more sense to live at the dorm because it's closer to everything.

Joohyun never really moved out of the dorm so it was just like settling back in. Then Seulgi moved out, Joy moved out, and Yerim eventually did as well.

It's been her and Joohyun for almost a year now so they have developed habits, and since they agree on almost everything, the transition was easy.

But they both miss the girls and both know the house was less lonely with them around.

Now that Seulgi and Yerim are back to hang out, Wendy feels a strange sense of peace settling at the pit of her stomach. It's like coming home to a chaotic household, but the kind that makes you want to smile.

It's nostalgic, reminding Wendy of an easier time.

It's a welcome change of pace, a nice break from the comfortable silence this home has seen for the last few months.

Smilingly, Wendy grabs her phone to check her messages while Seulgi and Yerim talk about something on Twitter. Probably a meme or something.

They go about their business for a few moments before Yerim stirs the night to the direction Wendy never, ever, wants to go.

"Oh, Taeyeon-unnie is trending."

It's like a punch to the gut.

Just hearing her name already sends Wendy to an instant catatonia.

Her entire body stops functioning altogether as she feels air get knocked out of her lungs. Wendy could tell Seulgi is looking at her while Yerim is busy with her phone.

Seulgi is the only one in the group who really knows while Yerim... Wendy's pretty sure she knows the story but she didn't hear it from her.

"They announced her comeback," Yerim says again, her eyes still on her phone. Still oblivious to the growing tension around the room.

Part of Wendy wants to ask. She has always been a fan of her music. But it's hard to think about her voice without hurting.

She sighs.

It's funny how said woman could occupy the room without being in the room. Like, how is that possible? How could she still affect Wendy this much?

"Have you heard her comeback song?" Seulgi asks Yeri.

Yeri sighs, finally looking up at them, "No. She's being super secretive about it. It's weird."

"That's odd."

"I know!"

Wendy feels her heart race, like something is stuck at the base of . There's anger, there's hurt; but there's also this feeling... of something she cannot describe.

Like she has something so important in her hands but she doesn't know what to do with it.

"I—uh," Wendy croaks, swallowing an invisible lump in . "I'm gonna get more beer."

Wendy attempts to stand up but Yeri is quick to grab her by the wrist. "No, unnie. We—" she gestures amongst the three of them, "—are gonna talk about this."

"About what?" she asks in an attempt to delay the inevitable, hoping her voice doesn't shake.

"Come on, unnie," Yeri says, giving her a knowing look.

"Yerim—" Seulgi warns. She knows it's a touchy subject.

But something in Yeri's eyes tells Wendy she's out for blood. Their maknae merely gives Seulgi a look.

"It's just us here," she states. "You can talk about Taeyeonnie. I know it from her side. It's wild I know it from her side and not yours."

"Wow," Wendy chuckles nervously, taken aback by how Yeri said that so casually.

Red Velvet's main singer sinks back to her seat on the floor, her shoulders slacking in defeat. She cannot escape this.

Not today.

Not anymore.

All of a sudden, another voice chimes in.

"I'm here and I agree with Yerim, it is time to spill," says the newcomer—Joy—who's got droopy eyes, tired from her schedule, but still very much here.

Joy smirks playfully, then winks at Wendy.

See, Wendy talks to Seulgi about Taeyeon. And she talks to Sooyoung about... other people. She likes to compartmentalize, okay?

She does this hoping this day will never come and yet, here they are. Two different stories meeting in the middle.

"You know we can still choose a different topic," Wendy tries one final time to wiggle her way out of it.

"No, I'm not gonna accept that today," Yeri manages a tight-lipped smile. "I mention you one time and Taeyeonnie froze like she saw a ghost, which you did just now—and I'm not gonna stand here and live separate lives because you're both my unnie. I cannot live in two homes without knowing why two homes aren't speaking to one another."

Seulgi looks lost. "What?"

Yeri consoles her, "It's a metaphor, Seulgi-unnie. Just go along with it."

"I need to know, too," Sooyoung joins in, plopping next to Seulgi and instantly leaning her head on the dancer's shoulder. "I'm so tired but I went here so I can hear the story."

"Wait—" Wendy is now officially confused. Did they plan this? "What? What story?"

"I planned on ditching you all so I can go home and rest. But Yerim texted me and said that if we ganged up on you, you will eventually start talking."

Seulgi's eyes are wide, defensive, "I'm not in on it."

"She's in on it," Yeri quickly counters. "We have a group chat."

Seulgi gasps, "You said you will ask her some questions! Not gang up on her!"

"That's the same thing," Joy and Yeri say in unison.

Wendy sighs, almost about to give up.

"It was fine, you know," Yerim says softly. "If it wasn't for Got the Beat, we would've all easily moved on with our lives. But you just had to be in the same unit and the kids just had to notice."

"Kids?"

Seulgi manages a small, sad smile, "Minjeong noticed."

Wendy sighs in defeat, "It wasn't supposed to be like this. I didn't want to be in the unit."

"Neither did she and somehow, you two ended up there," Yeri says matter-of-factly.

"Unnie, what happened?" Joy finally asks. She really isn't one to beat around the bush.

Wendy chances a glance at Seulgi who gives her an encouraging a nod. "It's time to tell them."

Deep down, Wendy knows it's unfair to keep them in the dark. But that's how she's always protected her peace.

She's kept all her ghosts in different rooms of her life so they don't have to exist in places where other people could see. It was easier.

If you keep the ghosts in different places, the whole house looks less haunted. The whole house looks less sad.

Now, her ghosts are here, asking to be seen.

Wendy's lips quiver a bit, nervous. But she's mostly clueless. She doesn't know how to navigate this.

It's hard to tell this story without rehashing her wounds. Opening up, after all, is a form of bleeding.

But thank God for Park Sooyoung.

The younger girl slides her a full shot and says in a low voice, "If I have to, I can take her down. Height advantage."

There was a second where nothing happens, but then they all come to the realization at the same time.

That was all they needed to break into a full laugh.

Yeri and Seulgi break into loud laughter. Yeri even hurls a napkin right at Joy's face and Seulgi pushes her slightly.

Wendy is laughing at this point, too; now slowly forgetting why she didn't want to tell them in the first place.

They are her friends.

This is a safe space.

She takes a deep breath, takes a shot, and downs it in one go.

"To be honest, I don't know what happened," she starts, her hands finding the hem of her shirt. She starts anxiously fiddling with it. "We were getting close."

"You were close," Joy emphasizes, her gaze faraway as if she's recalling a memory. "I remember she always picks you up after dance rehearsals."

Wendy sighs heavily, "We were getting close. We would hang out at her place, at my place. We went on weekend getaways. We would spend nights and days talking. When she's overseas, we talked on the phone for hours despite the time difference—" she catches her breath. "It's like we were dating."

"'Like we were dating?'" Yeri echoes, "What does that mean?"

"Forgive her, unnie," Sooyoung shakes her head. "Sometimes I forget she is young and don't know that relationships are very complicated."

"I, of all people in this room, know that relationships can be very complicated," Yeri argues, raising an eyebrow.

"Can we just please focus?" Seulgi pleads, now looking more confused than she was earlier.

"We never put a name to it," Wendy continues. "But I knew it and she knew it, and it went on for a while."

"This was before Got the Beat?" Yerim asks.

Wendy nods, "The breakup was fresh when we recorded Step Back."

"Nasty," Joy sighs and takes a shot. "I'm sorry, unnie. But why do you say breakup like it was some novelty thing?"

"Because it wasn't a breakup, per se. Not really," Wendy explains. "There was no relationship in the first place. She just..." tears finally well up in her eyes, "...left."

Seeing how emotional Wendy has gotten, Yeri immediately perks up on her seat and scoots closer to the older girl.

"She ghosted you?" Joy asks, hanging open.

"I guess?" Wendy responds, unsure. "I'm not entirely sure."

Wendy is rendered speechless for a moment.

Is that what happened? Did she ghost her?

She never really asked, never really allowed herself to wonder. She coped by just moving past it.

They never see each other at the company anyway. Their circles are very different so not seeing her was easy.

She had spent the past year convincing herself that it happens, that all relationships run out of its course.

They end and that's just it.

She didn't want to dwell on it.

Until the unit came along and she had no choice but to see her again, and everyday poke the wounds she has been trying to heal.

Now, she's here, talking about her; and is that what happened?

Did she ghost her?

"I don't believe that," Yeri says to no one in particular. Now, it's her who looks lost. "Taeyeonnie, she..."

It's like she cannot believe it.

Joy gives her hand a light tap, "It's okay, Yerim. Sometimes we think we know people but we really don't."

Silence embraces the room for a long while.

Yeri is in a state of shock, trying to understand everything. She's close with Taeyeon so she probably knows her side of the story. Wendy is tempted to ask but she doesn't. She has gotten this far without looking back and never knowing the answers to her questions.

She isn't about to take a few steps back just to get hurt again.

Joy, on the other hand, is just tired and sympathetic while Seulgi just looks at Wendy like she's sorry for her.

And Wendy hates it.

She hates that they now know. They know now that she didn't mean to her.

"Did you love her?" Seulgi asks.

Somehow, Wendy knows she's always been curious. Seulgi knows about them but they never really talked about how deep Wendy fell.

"Love?" Wendy hesitates. "I don't know."

That one's a lie.

An act of self-preservation.

Of course, without a doubt, she love(ds) her. It wouldn't have hurt this much if she didn't.

Yerim rests her head on Wendy's shoulder, mirroring Sooyoung and Seulgi across the table. "Are you still hurting?"

"Sometimes," Wendy responds, shifting her gaze away from the prying eyes of her members.

"Sometimes?" Sooyoung asks.

"Most of the time," the singer confirms.

Silence embraces the room once more. None of the three other girls had words to say.

It's a terrible story.

Even without the details, you could tell the breakup did a number on Wendy. What do you even say to that?

"But I'm okay," Wendy says, forcing a smile. "I will be."

"You know that what she did doesn't define your worth, right?" Joy encourages, eyes glistening with unshed tears.

Wendy chuckles bitterly but she doesn't say anything. She merely nods, choking back a sob.

It's funny because when people walk out on you like that, it becomes easy to believe that she isn't someone worth taking a chance on.

All she's seen are people walking out, their backs turned from her.

All she's known are people who love her, but just not enough. Not enough to stick around, or stand beside her when the ground shakes under her feet.

Maybe there is another place and time where she is enough, but that's just not now. Not here.

Maybe she will spend her entire life searching for her place in this world.

"I'm sorry, I'm late," a new, familiar voice joins in and suddenly, everyone pretends like their hearts aren't breaking a little bit for Wendy.

"Joohyunnie," Yeri mutters, her lips curving into a little smile.

"Did you bring the ice cream?" Seulgi asks, shaking her head as if to shake her body out of the sadness they were almost sinking into just a few minutes earlier.

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