on the drive home

little victories
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“What could go wrong?” Taeyeon whispers to herself, sighing as she pulls over by the driveway of their meeting place.

It’s only in that moment does she realize that there’s something very suspicious about this trip.

Perhaps it’s because she also needs a break, that she didn’t even question it when Yeri asked her to accompany her to this little field trip. But you know, what could go wrong?

She grabs her phone resting by the passenger seat and calls Yeri.

It only takes two rings.

“Unnie,” the younger girl says from the other end of the line.

“I’m here, where are you?” she asks as she tries to look outside the car, trying to see if Yeri is anywhere to be seen.

“Come into the parking lot, unnie,” a pause, “Actually, can you come up a bit? We’re not ready.”

Taeyeon rolls her eyes, “You said you were ready.”

“Yeah, but then, Minjeong decided she wanted to change her clothes.”

She hears a bit of protest from the other end of the line, but she ignores it, thinking this is just one of the many interesting switch-ups this trip has in store for her. She really doesn’t know when Yeri and Winter became close but now, Taeyeon realizes how terrifying that is.

Taeyeon decides to pull up into the parking lot of aespa’s dorm building. She parks at a spot she knows isn’t occupied by anyone and heads straight toward the lift.

As she walks toward the lift, she thinks about what led her here.

Last week, Yeri called her and asked if she can accompany them to a camping site somewhere in Mureung Valley and that she’s doing this because Winter is sad.

At no point did Taeyeon question it. After all, aespa just came from a rigorous world tour and Yeri has taken the younger girls under her wing lately.

Per experience, touring the world is fun but it is also sad at the same time. Something about always longing for home. Back then, touring with the girls was fun.

Touring solo is an escape.

Deeply, she understands why the younger girls need this. She also gets why it’s her who must be there for them.

She embraces wholeheartedly who she is to them: a friend, a sunbae, but more importantly a living proof that this idol life is survivable. That it is possible to have all this pain and all this sadness, and still somehow, go far.

As she reaches the lift, she pulls out her exclusive access card and taps it into the surface just below the up/down buttons. A green light flashes on the digital monitor, followed by the sound of a beep; and soon, the doors to the lift opens.

Taeyeon steps inside and presses the button to the top floor.

As the lift makes its way up, something stirs in her stomach.

There’s a feeling that creeps up at her but it’s not exactly a bad feeling. It’s just something that feels off—like when the skies start to turn dark on a day you do not expect rain.

She recalls the conversations that led her here—that one phone call from Yeri: Unnie, go camping with us. Minjeong needs a breather and so do you.

Normally, she would say no to camping but she’s trying to say more yes-es than no’s these days. So, she does. After all—

“What could go wrong?” she mutters out loud as she steps out of the lift and walks the short distance toward aespa’s dorm room.

She smiles to herself, reminiscing her old dorm days. Easier days, she thinks. Back then, there were no heartbreaks bigger than the stage she shares with eight other girls.

Now, there’s no stage that hasn’t been touched by her loneliness. It’s like all her unfulfilled loves are sewn into her by a thread—every part of her body is touched by it. These days, the thread looks more and more like blue.

She shakes her head, trying to shake off the thoughts that somehow always lead to her; and no, she cannot do this now. She made a choice. She walked out. That shipped has long sailed.

Ugh.

Taeyeon rings the doorbell as soon as she reaches the door.

She already prepared a mouthful of lectures about how they’re behind schedule; and about how Winter didn’t need to change clothes because it’s a camping and no one else would see her anyway.

But all those words, all that lecture, were thrown out the window soon as Yeri pulls the door open.

Soon as she steps inside, she sees blue. She hears her heart beat faster than it should. She feels her hand tremble just a little bit.

No ing way.

Right in the middle of room stands Wendy who turns to her, mouth agape in sheer surprise.

“Hell, no!” Wendy fumes.

In that moment, Taeyeon’s brain refuses to catch up with her. But she quickly tries to recall every moment that led to this: one, Yeri asked her to go on a camping trip; two, there’s a sudden detour from the meeting place to aespa’s dorm room; and three, Wendy is standing right in front of her looking like she would rather be anywhere else but there.

Oh.

She’s being set up.

Taeyeon gasps, this time fully understanding what’s happening.

A sudden rush of whatever hits her. She turns to Yeri who is sitting with Winter by the long couch, “Yerim? What is this?”

Both Minjeong and Yeri remain unfazed, sporting a tight-lipped smile.

These idiots planned this.

“To be fair, we didn’t plan this,” Yeri says, like she read Taeyeon’s mind.

“Well—we did, but not in the way that you think,” Winter counters and punctuates it with a smile.

“I’m leaving,” Wendy announces, shaking her head. She gathers what looks like a huge duffle bag and starts making a move to leave.

“Yah, unnie!” Yeri protests, standing up from her seat. “Let me explain.”

Wendy stops on her tracks, turning to Yeri. She’s angry, that’s true. But there’s a certain fondness in there, too.

It almost makes Taeyeon smile. Wendy, for the life of her, can never really be angry at her members. Or anyone, really.

Except maybe for Taeyeon but she deserves that. That’s a story for another day.

“This is not funny, Yerim.”

Winter stands up as well, and walks over to Wendy, “Unnie, I’m the one who invited you, let me explain.”

Wendy glances at Taeyeon for a moment and Taeyeon can only shrug. She doesn’t know what’s happening. Nor has she caught up with all this mess.

All she knows is Wendy is standing in front of her, glowing under the light seeping through the large windows of the dorm. She looks good. And Taeyeon is stupid half the time but she’s not blind.

Wendy looks good in a pair of sweatpants and an oversized sweater, with her hair pulled up in a loose bun.

Taeyeon knows she ed up big time, but if this is a message from the universe, she hopes that the universe knows she’s starting to listen.

“I originally invited Jimin-unnie and Aeri-unnie,” Winter explains. “But they cannot come, so I called you.”

Wendy quirks an eyebrow, “Not only did you set me up, setting me up was your third choice.”

Taeyeon almost laughs. Ah, she’s cute when she’s mad.

Winter chuckles but quickly tries to cough it up, “Unnie, no. You’re my first choice. I just didn’t know if you’ll come if you knew that Taeyeonnie is coming.”

“So, I told her we shouldn’t tell you,” Yeri adds, a smile of victory almost escaping her. She’s so proud of this little masterplan, she’s not even trying hard to hide it. But she keeps it together for now.

Part of Taeyeon is impressed. She’s known Yeri for so long and she thought she knew every trick up her sleeve, but this is just on a different level of evil.

Taeyeon bets they wanna laugh so bad.

“And I agreed,” Winter finishes the story, mirroring the same mischievous smile that Yeri somehow can’t wipe off her face.

There’s just silence after that.

Wendy is looking at the younger girls as if trying to decide if they’re telling the truth or not.

Seconds later, she turns to Taeyeon sharply, eyes laced with a ton of accusations.

Taeyeon’s eyes widen, raising both her eyes as if surrendering, “I—I’m as shocked as you are. I’m not in on this.”

But… she’s not entirely opposed to it.

Suddenly, she’s not dreading camping. Camping is fun!

This time, Winter stands in from of Wendy as she takes both of her hands and swings it with hers. Then, she goes on with those puppy eyes—and yup, this conversation is over, no one can resist that. “Unnie,” she pouts, “Come with us, please. You’re really funny.”

“And we can’t cook,” Yeri adds with a smirk. “We will die if Taeyeonnie is cooking.”

Taeyeon gasps loudly, “Excuse me?”

“And we will also die if Wendy-unnie is driving,” Yeri adds.

Both older women gasp.

Yeri shrugs as if to say, did I lie?

Wendy chuckles bitterly in sheer disbelief, “Oh my gosh.”

“Please,” Winter gives her a cute apologetic smile.

Taeyeon’s eyes shift to Yeri who is still standing across them, arms crossed at her chest, with a large grin plastered on her face.

Oh my God.

Yeri has found the perfect partner in crime.

Taeyeon’s eyes then shifts to Winter who’s so natural at persuading at Wendy.

Oh my God.

Yeri is a freakin’ mastermind.

Wendy turns to her. This time, her eyes shine of something else. For the first time in a long time, Taeyeon doesn’t spot any anger.

Taeyeon would rather burn in hell than admit this out loud, but she thinks she saw some warmth in there, too.

Am I delusional?

Finally, Wendy lets out a heavy sigh. “I’m choosing the music in the car,” Wendy bargains firmly.

“Nooooooo,” Yeri cries, stomping her foot. “It’s gonna be sad music all the way!”

Winter jumps in joy, “Unnie, thank you!” The younger girl places a kiss on Wendy’s cheek happily and then runs back to Yeri who’s still whining. “Take it, take it. We might eat good tonight for a couple hours of sad music.”

Wendy then turns to her as if waiting for her to challenge it.

“Anything you want, Seungwan,” she concedes easily. Smilingly, too.

Anything.

***

Hour 0

After a few more minutes of rummaging around, they gather their things and head over to where Taeyeon’s car is parked.

Taeyeon doesn’t know how it happened but all of a sudden, she’s with Wendy as they load up all the stuff into the trunk of the car.

Wendy is quiet as she tries to stuff everything in.  “Why did Minjeong bring so much?” Wendy grunts.

“Look who’s talking,” Taeyeon banters casually, almost forgetting her boundaries. “Your bag is almost as big as you.”

Wendy stops moving altogether, as she turns to Taeyeon with a sharp gaze.

Taeyeon grins, “I can’t joke?”

Wendy only rolls her eyes as she loads the last of the camping gear and then adds her big duffle bag on top of everything.

“No,” Wendy answers.

“Okay,” Taeyeon shrugs. “Anything you want, Seungwan.”

Anything.

Wendy then slams the trunk close and walks toward the front.

See, this is where it gets interesting.

As Taeyeon hops on the driver’s seat, she sees Wendy by the backseat door, looking at Yeri and Winter who both have already settled comfortably by the backseat.

Oh, she wanted to sit at the back.

“Unnie, you can’t sit here at the back,” Yeri tells her. “It’s already too cramped here and Taeyeonnie will look like an Uber driver.”

Winter laughs and puts a hand in soon as she realized it.

“Switch seats with me,” Wendy tells Yeri.

“No,” Yeri refuses.

Wendy then eyes Winter.

Winter shakes her head, “I—I—I get dizzy when I sit at the front.”

Wendy squints, “You sat by the passenger seat during the unit activities.”

“Aaaaand I was dizzy all the time, I was just so good at hiding it,” Winter counters dramatically. “You know, like a professional.”

Taeyeon chuckles quietly to herself, they’re good.

She sees Wendy’s fuming at this point, so she decides to step in.

“Come on, Seunwan,” Taeyeon calls softly. “Just take the passenger seat. I won’t even talk to you or look at you. Just… tolerate me.”

Wendy looks at her like she’s thinking, like she’s really debating her options.

Then, she sighs a final time before she slams the backseat door shut and resigns to the passenger seat.

Feeling like a winner, Taeyeon smiles to herself as she starts the car.

This is when things… just start to happen.

As the car engine revs quietly, the infotainment screen lights up as well and as it does, Wendy’s phone automatically connects to Taeyeon’s car. The screen shows two profiles, one is Taeyeon and the other one is “Seungwan.”

Wendy clicks at it right away, trying to be real slick when she hits the home button. But it appears to be too late because Yeri had already seen it.

“Oh look, your phone connected that fast,” Yeri teases, a -eating grin plastered on her face. “It’s like you’ve been in this car before. The profile is saved, too.”

Both the younger girls giggle teasingly, and Wendy only rolls her eyes.

Taeyeon, once again, just smiles to herself.

Apple CarPlay never forgets.

Thank God for technology.

***

Hour 1

Taeyeon feels an odd, calming feeling as she drives through the highway. It’s a four-hour drive but she doesn’t mind.

This is the first time in a long time that she’s felt at ease.

She acknowledges that it’s because of the woman sitting next to her. Wendy remains quiet as she gazes on the scenery outside, the sound of her choice ballads playing softly in the background.

Winter and Yeri are seated at the back, talking about some random kdrama that they’ve both seen recently.

Taeyeon opts to stay quiet, afraid that if she starts small talk, this bubble will burst and Wendy will remember that she’s mad at her.

For now, there seems to a white flag between them—and Taeyeon prefers that it stays there.

It means she gets a chance to glance at her from time to time, taking in what she can; re-learning the shape of her face, the way she hums to the song under her breath, and the way her eyes wander.

Taeyeon feels her breath hitch, it’s as if her body is reminding her of the things that were once hers.

It’s as if her body kicks itself for losing it all.

As they exit the metropolis of Seoul and heads into an endless highway surrounded by greenery, there’s a voice in her head that sounds a lot like Sooyoung when she lived with her during those three days she ran away from Seungwan.

You will regret this. And I’m afraid you’re gonna spend your whole life chasing after her.

Taeyeon grips harder at the stirring wheel.

Keep your eyes on the road, Taeyeon. Keep your eyes on the road.

***

Hour 2

“Unnie, did you bring snacks?” Winter asks as she pops her head in the space between the driver’s and the passenger seat.

“Which unnie are you asking?” Taeyeon asks.

“Any unnie who brought snacks?” she pouts.

“I didn’t bring any,” Taeyeon replies. “You said my only role was to drive.”

Winter nods, “Fair enough.” She then turns to Wendy and grins sheepishly, “Unnie?”

Wendy rolls her eyes softly, “I brought some but it’s in the trunk.”

Winter gasps comically and then turns to Taeyeon, “Caaaann weeeee… pull over at the next service area please?”

“We’re already behind of schedule, Minjeong.”

Winter pouts as she gives up, “Okay, fine.”

The younger girl sinks back to her heat and shifts her focus back to her phone.

“You are so strict. It won’t take long,” Wendy tells her after a few seconds.

Shocked by the way Wendy casually spoke to her, Taeyeon turns to her abruptly, “What?”

“Eyes on the road, Taeyeon.”

She shifts her head back up front toward the road, still in disbelief, “I—what?”

“Just pull over and I’ll get the snacks quickly, it won’t take long.”

Taeyeon quickly glances at the rear-view mirror and sees both Yeri and Winter smiling wide.

“I—” she hesitates for a moment. “Let’s just pull over when we exit the highway in 15 minutes, is that okay? I can’t pull over here that easily, it’s dangerous.”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Wendy nods. “Do you want to eat anything?”

And it’s that softness that knocks the air out of Taeyeon’s lungs. “I—”

“I have brought some drinks, too.”

“I—” she stutters. “Just a drink will do.”

“Okay.”

“Yeah.”

Calm down, Taeyeon. Calm down.

***

Hour 3

They’re deep into this road trip now which means Yeri has stopped complaining about Wendy’s playlist and Winter has finally stopped eating Wendy’s snacks.

There’s just quiet inside the car now. Only the low hum of the engine and the soft music playing through the speakers are keeping Taeyeon company.

The children are napping while Wendy keeps still, eyes fixed toward the view outside. She hums to the songs softly and quietly, just enough for Taeyeon to hear it. Something about it feels peaceful.

Something about Wendy just sitting across her in this car… feels right. Like all the pieces fit. Like everything and everyone is right where they belong, including Taeyeon.

There’s a slight pinch that courses through her heart, a gentle reminder of the things she’s done. Of the reasons why everything that’s here now, is not hers. And can never be hers anymore.

Taeyeon turns briefly to Wendy.

God, she misses her.

Her voice, her laugh, and the way her eyes light up when she’s telling a story.

Taeyeon sighs lightly as she shakes her head, trying to will herself back to this moment. Why did I do that? What was the reason I left?

Questions plague her mind and it all sounds like regret.

“Keep your eyes on the road,” Wendy tells her without looking at her. She must’ve sensed Taeyeon staring.

Taeyeon’s hands grip the steering wheel one more time.

“Anything you want, Seungwan,” she resigns with a heavy sigh.

***

Hour 4

They make one final stop at a local grocery store to buy a few more items.

Wendy insisted on going to the store herself so she can buy all the ingredients she needs for whatever she was going to cook.  Winter and Yeri come with her because they wanted more snacks.

Naturally, Taeyeon is le

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feelsofine
little victories playlist:

"Little Victories" by Malia Civetz
"Midnight Rain" by Taylor Swift
"Plot Twist" by Niki
"the 1" by Taylor Swift

Comments

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Demima #1
Chapter 4: It is indeed beautifully written 🥹
trickydaos #2
Gosh, this entire fic is so beautiful. You weave the sadness, the uncertainties, the anger, and most importantly, the love from these two so well. The entire exchange between Wendy and Taeyeon during the walk was exquisite. And I love how things are progressing. With so much baggage from Taeyeon, and how hurt Wendy was, it's to be expected things won't just immediately fall into place. But this is a good start.

I think I've been reading and re-reading this fic for some time, just cause everytime I find out new revelation. Thank you for writing this, author.
Frabones #3
Chapter 4: Author, thank you for this update. You're so ing talented, you made my day!
Valenvine_
#4
Chapter 4: I'm in love with your writing it's so beautiful!!, I released a breath I didn't know I was holding 🥹🥹🥹🥹
Favebolous #5
Chapter 4: Love it
jdzurc
#6
Chapter 4: so beautiful🥹
liljung
#7
Chapter 4: the long overdue conversation is finally here omg they bare their soul to each other, baby step is all they need. kudos to yerim and minjeong good job my childdddd. it was a very long read and I'm enjoying every part of it. thank you for this update, take care always!
seungwanso
#8
Chapter 4: this is so beautiful 😭😭😭💙💜💙💜💙💜💙💜💙
Dhino_ss
#9
Chapter 4: Damn finally I just hope Taeyeon really mean it that she'll work hard to win Wendy back
Dhino_ss
#10
HAVE YOU SEEN THE WENTAE CONTENT????