college was freedom.

that was the only thing seungwan could think of all through the high school. as soon as she was in college she was free to do whatever she wants. she'll no longer need to endure, she'll be living her truth no matter what. experiencing life as she should be in her youth. she knew it will be good, it had to be.

because you see, seungwan's parents were strict. very strict. it became way worse when she came out when she was sixteen. they refused to let her go out, made her curfew at nine pm, only school and work, otherwise, she has to stay home. they couldn't let her entertain that kind of lifestyle, they said, she had to be good and it will go away.

well, it didn't go away, seungwan only suffered. she made sure she chose a college with dorms, she has to leave that house no matter what, even if she has to leave the country she has to leave that house.

her only salvation was her friend sooyoung. her little sunshine friend made her life easier, it was the two of them against the world. if she didn't have sooyoung, she doesn't know what would have become of her. she made sure to never let her go, so it was decided that the two of them will choose the same college, not willing to separate.

and she did it. she made her plans and realized them. she left her parents without looking back (who didn't even help her pack), got into a college on scholarship, made sure to sign up for the dorms -- no matter that they didn't let her choose sooyoung as her roommate, she still signed up with no regrets -- come the day of moving in she made her side of the room her own. she bought the biggest pride flag she could find and put it on the wall, small pride flags littered the whole room. her sheets were blue color (no, mom, the color blue is not for boys only!!!), she called up the beauty salon to get her ears pierced like she always wanted. she prepared to live without fear and do everything she wanted.

what she didn't consider was her roommate being maybe as strict (or close) as her parents.

she knew her name was bae joohyun from the sheet the administration gave her the day she moved in. she was a year older and a graphic designer. she knew she would arrive a week later than her so she had the free range to take up the whole room for that amount of time. it was great, she could listen to the music as loud as she wanted when she set up her side of the room.

an artsy type of roommate? great! more than great, they will surely get along with how seungwan is studying music therapy. art is art and she always considered music to be art, so they will bond over that. she was nice -- everyone always said that and sooyoung always said she was too nice -- she never judged anybody no matter their situation. she was kind and great conversationalist. they will surely get along.

surely.

undoubtedly.

not.

as soon as joohyun stepped into the room she froze, staring at the giant rainbow on the wall. she didn't say anything but seungwan could tell she wasn't pleased. she didn't have a lot of things, just a duffel bag, and a carry-on. seungwan thought it was a little weird because she herself brought all of her stuff. literally everything, she didn't leave anything in that house of hers that she might have to come back. but maybe joohyun's situation was different, maybe she liked her home, maybe it was no problem for her to come back to her parents and grab her things later. maybe she lived nearby.

when joohyun introduced herself, her voice was quiet. seungwan had to tense up her ears to hear her say her own name with how quiet she was. that was also fine. a quiet roommate! everyone's dream! they shook hands like businessmen and joohyun was firm and hard. she knew how to shake hands, none of that flabby arm stuff. seungwan tried to make conversation, ask her where she was from but joohyun's answers were just hums, nuh-uhs, and um-hums. it was a little weird but still not a problem. not everyone is a social butterfly like her friend yeri, who know everyone who has ever lived in seoul. maybe she knows joohyun too, seungwan wondered for a moment. maybe she could be her in. she nearly asked but joohyun said she was tired in a clipped tone and started making her bed. all of her other things remained in her bags as if she was ready to move on again. maybe she wanted to change roommates. maybe the pride flag was a bit too much.

but seungwan is not seungwan if she gave up easily! she was determined to get along with joohyun no matter what. she will make her loosen up and have a fun conversation, make her laugh at least once, make her tell a joke. everyone knows a go-to joke that they tell, she wants to hear joohyun's. she doesn't want to disappoint her first roommate as a person. maybe they could bake cookies some day, maybe have a movie marathon. maybe they have something in common that they have yet to find. maybe they will become the bestest of friends. seungwan can't know what the future will bring but she can't bring herself to name joohyun her first failure out of the hell house. she will make joohyun her friend. joohyun is surely a good person and not what she suspects she is (homo... homo... homophobic).

also, she is pretty as hell.

seungwan may or may not have smoked weed that night. which is fine if she wasn't also smelled like she had and had her wide pupils and lazy smile aimed at angry joohyun.

to her understanding joohyun was simply doing an assignment when she walked in at two am. she was being loud, she'll be the first to admit but joohyun didn't have to yell at her for it. even though before that resident assistant walked in and gave them both an earful for not following the dorms rule of being quiet after twelve (and also written a note under their names for it that will reflect on them both in the future if they wanted to room in better rooms or apartment building that the college owns and lets the graduating students to use).

of course, joohyun was right to be angry but in seungwan's high mind she was being victorious. why? because she found out one more thing about joohyun that she was hiding. she knows she was hiding it by not talking much. and she stupidly pointed it out to joohyun.

"you have dialect!" she said happily.

joohyun didn't like her dialect. it made her feel like an outsider in seoul. everyone immediately knew she wasn't from here, wasn't one of them. they knew she wasn't from the city because they needed to know where she was from and she had no choice but to tell them. she tried to hide it the best she could but some people (seungwan) were annoying and had to keep talking to her. she tried to fake it -- seoul dialect -- but it was difficult, her tongue didn't roll like that and the ending of her words just didn't come down no matter what. especially when she was angry. she forgot herself then and it was all seungwan's fault.

seungwan understood all that the next morning when she greeted joohyun a good morning and got no response. her gushing about how cute and different joohyun was come back to her mind and she wanted to kick herself for it. why would she exclude joohyun like that? in seungwan's mind being different is a good thing but maybe to joohyun it wasn't. she couldn't tell, when she didn't know the girl that well. she needed to have a talk with her once and for all, maybe apologize and start over.

and she had the best idea ever.

"she's homophobic." sooyoung said, still she agreed to help when seungwan asked for it.

they were in the tiny dorm's kitchenette, baking a pecan pie. the whole place was a mess, they were a mess but the cake was in the oven -- the second try -- now they both just waited for it to be done because otherwise, someone else might snatch it (that may or may not have happened at the first try, seungwan may or may not be planning an act of revenge).

"right." seungwan nodded absent-mindedly before hearing what sooyoung had said and immediately backtracking, "no, no, no. she's not. she's just misunderstood."

"misunderstood homophobe."

"sooyoung, no."

"literally, the first thing that she knew about you was that you were gay and she didn't like you right away. no words were exchanged. face it, you're living with a homophobe." sooyoung sat down on the counter, swinging her long legs. yes, seungwan was jealous but we don't talk about that.

"maybe she was in the bad mood."

"because she had to live with a gay."

"don't call me 'a gay'."

"a homo, then."

"lesbian."

"dyke."

"oop- no, you can't say that word." seungwan shook her head.

"is it a slur? i have a gay friend i can say that."

"shut up." seungwan shoved her, sooyoung nearly fell over. "what do i do?"

"i thought we were doing it." sooyoung gestured at the oven.

"that's an apology, i think that's not enough. i need something that says 'let's start over'."

"say 'let's start over' and be done with it." sooyoung sighed. "my roommate is a legend on the other hand."

"i'm jealous." seungwan said. "not that joohyun isn't great."

"oh, please, you're too nice. just hate her."

"i like her. she's fine."

"is she hot?"

"yeah."

"knew it."

"i'm not doing it because she's hot." seungwan rolled her eyes. "i want a happy college year for that i need to get along with her. i live with her for god's sake, i can't have someone i'm not comfortable with around while i sleep. i keep waking up at night thinking she's looming over me."

"maybe she is." sooyoung joked.

"i'll give her a pie and then we'll be best friends." seungwan decided.

"i'm sure you will," sooyoung said not believing it at all.

and she was right about that because seungwan walked into their room where joohyun was working and paid her no mind. seungwan cleared , getting her attention. joohyun looked up, taking off her headphones, eyes full of questions before she saw what seungwan was holding.

"i made you this as an apology." seungwan started her speech. "i feel so bad about the other day that i-"

"i'm allergic to nuts."

"-wanted to say sorry. what? allergic. to nuts." seungwan buffered. "i should have asked."

"you can keep it, it's fine." joohyun said and put the headphones back on.

"allergic." seungwan repeated weakly, standing there like an idiot.

the next hour she spend eating the whole pie by herself on the bed while joohyun was at her desk working on one thing or another. there is nothing more important to joohyun than her work ethic, it seemed. she liked her work, she liked to concentrate on it, and hated being interrupted. she attended all her classes and did her assignments ahead of time. did she have any friends? seungwan wondered, staring at her back. she never did anything but work. what is that something that would get them out of their funk? there has to be something they both enjoyed doing. joohyun seemed to enjoy listening to music while she worked, seungwan zeroed in on her headphones. maybe she could recommend her some good songs. wait, she could make her a playlist! seungwan sat up, crumbs from the pie flying everywhere in her bed. there's no one that doesn't feel grateful when someone makes them a playlist. joohyun will be no different. she'll see how seungwan spent some time on her, that she's desperate for her to like her and joohyun will let on, will be better with her, will like her finally.

she just needs to figure out what kind of music does she like. seungwan sat there, her stare landing on joohyun's phone. she'll have to do some snooping.

there was a perfect time. joohyun was finally asleep on thursday night after studying for a while. seungwan pretended to do the same, reading music theory book about stuff that she already knew. she kept an eye on joohyun the whole time, wondering when she was going to bed. it was hard reading joohyun because she didn't really follow a routine, she slept when she was tired, she studied when she felt like it and she worked all the time.

joohyun kept her phone by her bed on the nightstand. thank god it was not under the pillow like seungwan's. seungwan tiptoed to the other side of the room, careful and quiet. she kept staring at sleeping joohyun and while it was creepy, she had a good excuse. she couldn't wake her up. she had to do it secretly. seungwan took the phone in her hand and pressed the power button. the locked screen was boa, the legendary idol. so, joohyun was a fan of k-pop. the problem was that the phone was locked, seungwan couldn't get in. she cursed. she thought about what she could do and her eyes landed on the laptop that was on joohyun's desk. with joohyun's phone in hand, she walked over to the desk and woke the laptop up.

the lock screen was also boa. she was really a fan, huh? everything was locked like joohyun had something to hide.

"what are you doing?"

another thing that seungwan found out was that joohyun was a light sleeper.

it wasn't like seungwan could put all boa's songs in a playlist and give it to joohyun but she did start to play her more around the dorms. while she quietly played some songs, a few boa's singles would sneak themselves in. she didn't think joohyun noticed anything different but her eyes became more shifty around seungwan after she caught her snooping. it wasn't her best moment but what could she do, what done is done.

seungwan just apologized and went to sleep while joohyun questioned what she was doing with her things. seungwan didn't have an answer to that. joohyun now kept her things near herself.

so much for finding out more about joohyun, all she wanted to do was make her a playlist and now she was stealing too, apparently.

she had another thing she could do, though. she always kept this weapon in her back pocket.

"what do you know about bae joohyun?" seungwan asked in the cafeteria.

"she's your roommate." yerim said, standing in line.

it was better to catch her in line than at the table with tens of people. people come and go at the table, yerim has an infinite of people she knows and not enough time for all of them. you catch her at the wrong time and you never get what you want from her. not even a small talk.

"no-- wait, how do you know that?"

"sooyoung told me."

"of course." seungwan rolled her eyes, these two conspiring again. "what else?"

"never comes to parties no matter how many times i ask her. a little stuck up, i guess, but not really."

"so, you don't know her."

"oh, no, i know her. she hangs out with seulgi. attached to her hip."

"seulgi?" seungwan asked. "kang seulgi?"

"yeah?" yerim raised her eyebrows at the reaction.

"since when?"

"childhood friends." yerim told her. "i know her from way back when, too."

joohyun would make her way to school for hours. ride a bus from six am to eight, just so she could go to school in the city. never made a big deal out of it, said she liked getting up early, also she met seulgi there so it was a blessing after all. seungwan will know about this on friday but not yet.

"so why does she never come to your parties?" seungwan asked.

"says college is her time to be something. she wants to get a degree quickly and make tons of money. came from a poor family." yerim said. "no distractions."

"make her come." seungwan got an idea again.

"you make her come, what the hell?" yerim frowns.

"i want to be her friend but we never get on. mix in drinks and we're best friends."

"what's it to me?"

"what do you want?"

"bring sooyoung." yerim says. "if i ask, it will look like i want a date."

"done." seungwan didn't even have to think.

"but don't date her or anything."

"dude, she's my best friend."

"i don't know you." yerim made a face. "you could be lusting after her or something, but it looks like you're lusting after joohyun unnie instead."

"no, i-"

"whatever, got to go. friday, my apartment. be late or whatever."

and so went another interaction with kim yerim. left in her dust.

"so, okay, she's not homophobic -- she hangs out with a gay person a lot. that's good news for you, right?" sooyoung asked lounging on seungwan's bed.

"no, you don't understand. i thought she hated me cause i was a lesbian, now i don't know why she hates me!" seungwan complained, things were never okay in seungwan land, something had to give.

"seungwan, listen to me. she's not homophobic."

"okay."

"she's not homophobic."

"so you said."

"what i'm trying to say, there's hope for you. she probably doesn't even hate you and it's a huge misunderstanding."

"since when are you so positive? you're always on my because of this, now you're on joohyun's side?" seungwan grumbled.

"i'm not on her side, i'm just trying out something different over here."

"you're just happy yerim wants you at her party."

"who said that? i didn't say that."

"your biual is transparent, you have a huge crush on her. i knew since the day i saw you two together."

"she's just cool."

"you want her."

"maybe a little bit." sooyoung admitted. "i'm not like you, obsessing over someone who hates my