Christmas Eve arrived the next morning, and Chaeyoung greeted it with a bad mood, showering and pulling on her new Christmas sweater despite herself, and walking through the quiet palace. As per usual, she’d be spending the holidays with her family, as well as a few friends, but she was restless and a little bit angry as she walked the dim hallways, waiting for dawn to arrive. Her sleep had been fitful, her dreams filled with Joohyun, and as she silently roamed the palace with her silent guards prowling along behind her, she couldn’t help but think about her wife. Of all the stupid fights they’d had, this was by far the most ridiculous, and Chaeyoung felt tears prickle in her eyes as she thought about it. It was Christmas, and Joohyun was going to let something as silly as Chaeyoung caring about their safety to keep them apart for the holidays. They were usually one of the best times of the year for Chaeyoung, but despite the heavy scent of pine mingling with the flowers and polished wood.

She stopped in an alcove near a window overlooking the sprawling gardens, waving her guards away to take positions further down the ends of the hallway, and took a seat on the small velvet padded bench. The waistband of her skirt cut into her stomach and she shifted uncomfortably, feeling the baby stir inside as she stared out the window. It was still semi-dark outside, with only the first touches of dawn lightening the inky blackness to vague shadows. Slowly but surely, the indistinct shapes took the form of snow capped mounds where the neatly trimmed hedges hid, or the skeletal branches of oaks and willows, and the surface of the lake was frosted over with a thin sheet of ice. It was the perfect picturesque winter wonderland, and Chaeyoung pressed a palm against a pane of glass, feeling the freezing cold beneath her touch and watching as it fogged up slightly around her hand, as she watched the dark sky lighten to a rose colour, a faint golden glow emanating from the rising sun as she watched it wash over everything.

At a particularly forceful kick, Chaeyoung placed a hand against the bump, a glum look on her face as she sighed. “Looks like it’s just you and me, my little Pea,” she murmured.

By the time she had finished off her breakfast, the first of her guests for the holidays started arriving, beginning with Taehee and Jennie. Before they’d even made it past greetings, in which Jennie stubbornly refused to mutter more than a few words, Taehee had sat them both down and made them both apologise to each other, under the stern warning that they weren’t allowed to spoil the holidays over a petty argument. Chaeyoung could see that despite her stubborn urge to stay angry, Jennie wanted to forgive her, and she sheepishly apologised profusely, until her sister had lost her frosty demeanour and was willing to have a somewhat civil conversation.

At the appearance of Seungwan and an exuberant Minjeong, tea was being poured and the two sisters were already digging into mince pies and gingerbread cookies, looking far more relaxed than they’d been the night before. As if making a point, Jennie chastely kissed Seungwan as she walked into the room, and Chaeyoung silently drank her tea, knowing that her sister deserved her happiness, and Joohyun wasn’t here to make fret about it ruining their relationship. Chaeyoung had already possibly ruined it herself, so what did it matter if Jennie and Seungwan were together? She was past caring at that point anyway.

For the rest of the day, she moped around while everyone drank peppermint schnapps, having to restrict herself to hot chocolate with Minjeong, while she brooded over thoughts of what Joohyun would be doing. She wouldn’t be with her family, that was for sure, which meant she would be all alone in her estate, probably reading by the fire, an Irish wolfhound curled up by her feet as she picked at the meal her chef made. She should’ve been with Chaeyoung, enjoying the warmth of the palace while it snowed outside, schooling everyone at chess while carols played in the background and a pile of gifts accumulated beneath the towering pine tree in their favourite sitting room. Her Christmas sweater would’ve perfectly matched Chaeyoung’s red one, and they’d both curl up together in bed that night, thinking about the busy day the next day, and the roast they’d all cook in the kitchens, while their absent staff enjoyed their own holiday’s at home.

Instead, she lingered in the corner, watching everyone enjoy themselves from the fringes with Hasun and Taehee, who were less exuberant with their festivity. They dined on the platters left assembled for them in the kitchens, and once it was late enough to be acceptable, Chaeyoung excused herself under the pretense that she was tired and retired up to her suite. She was tired though, her whole body feeling drained as she changed into freshly laundered pyjamas and slipped into bed. It still took a long while for sleep to come though, and when it did, it wasn’t accompanied by comforting dreams.

---

The next morning, she was the first awake, and wandered downstairs to the kitchens to put on a fresh pot of coffee and try and get breakfast started. It had become a Christmas tradition by now, and she was happy to do something useful as she wallowed over the fact that this would be her first Christmas without Joohyun since they’d started their whole charade. She’d even been there for that first fake one, which only made her absence even more hurtful.

Jennie joined her shortly, helping herself to a cup of strong coffee and standing beside Chaeyoung as she helped fry bacon in a pan, a look of concentration in her face as she made sure she didn’t burn it. They always settled for simple foods, having little skill fending for themselves in the kitchen - the extent of Chaeyoung’s cooking were her and Joohyun’s trips to Ireland, or cooking on Christmas Day - and aside from a few burnt pieces of toast, after they got distracted discussing when they should put the turkey in, they had a decent spread of foods for breakfast. Taehee and Hasun had joined them by that point, helping scramble eggs, butter toast and fry sausages as they opened and closed cupboards and drawers in the unfamiliar kitchen.

Along with Seungwan and Minjeong, the only other non-family guest was Hyeri, who was as part of the family as any of them in Chaeyoung’s eyes, and after she was dragged out of bed, she helped set the table. Breakfast was a slow affair, with everyone still half asleep, except for a bright-eyed Minjeong, who was nagging Seungwan to let her open her gifts, and they were mostly silent as they chewed on their food, preparing themselves for a busy day. Hasun engaged Chaeyoung in a serious conversation about her speech, as well as the personal statement she had planned on Chaeyoung’s behalf, while everyone else half listened.

After they finished eating, presents were opened, and the living room floor was strewn with colourful wrapping paper and discarded ribbons, while each person present accumulated a pile of gifts, and kisses and hugs were exchanged all around. Chaeyoung and Joohyun had gifted Minjeong a new horse, along with the other presents, and Chaeyoung promised to take the teen out to the stables afterwards to see her new mare, but it had to wait for the time being, because Chaeyoung’s hair and makeup team had arrived, and she was being ushered into her suite to be made ready for the day. Hair was brushed and treated, until it gleamed gold in the warm light of the room, and her dark circles were hidden as well as could be by the layers of makeup, and soon enough, she was slipping into her dress, and giving herself a once over in the mirror. Satisfied with her appearance, and the way it made her bump look, she exited her bedroom and froze at the sight of a figure sitting before the fire.

Dismissing her hair and makeup team with genuine gratitude, Chaeyoung silently met Joohyun’s level stare, feeling her heart rate pick up in her chest as they looked at each other in heavy silence. Once the last of the stylists had left, their wheeled bag disappearing out through the door with a last curtsy, Chaeyoung took a wary step closer to Joohyun.

“You- you’re back,” Chaeyoung stated, shocked at the sight of the brunette lounging in a chair with her hair perfectly styled and her immaculate makeup.

Climbing to her feet, Joohyun drew herself up to her full height, and Chaeyoung realised that the green dress she was wearing hugged the curve of her bump. Despite the fact that she was only two weeks behind Chaeyoung, her bump was considerably smaller, which meant that Joohyun had purposely worn the figure hugging dress for people to see. She looked beautiful, the sharpness of her jaw softened by the pregnancy, and her pale skin was almost glowing beneath her makeup. Joohyun looked like how everyone envisioned themselves pregnant, and Chaeyoung felt puffy and awful standing in front of her. The awfulness was mostly due to the fact that she’s spent two weeks pining for her wife, and now she was within her grasp, but the cool look in Joohyun’s eyes kept her at bay with a silent warning.

“You were right,” Joohyun managed to get out past her pride, her chin stubbornly jutted forward as she crossed her arms over her chest. “We’re in this together, for the babies sakes, and I have every intention of being there for both of my children.”

“Oh,” Chaeyoung softly murmured, the words not quite what she’d been hoping Joohyun’s return meant, but enough to quash she loneliness she’d been dwelling in. “And the dress …”

Joohyun set her jaw, a spark of anger in her determined eyes as she pressed her lips together in a grim line. “If you’re making your first appearance with yours, then I may as well announce mine now and be done with it. Otherwise the news about you will die down, only for us to have to bloody go through it all again with me.”

Slowly nodding, Chaeyoung fiddled with the rings on her wedding finger, her eyes burning slightly as she stared at Joohyun. They fell into tense silence, the distance of a few feet separating them, and Chaeyoung couldn’t help but think about how they’d never spent so long apart since they’d been thrown together all those years ago. They’d never spent so long apart without coming back to open arms and the feeling of home as they kissed. Instead of feeling relieved at Joohyun’s return, Chaeyoung couldn’t help but feel all wrong. Her wife hadn’t kissed her, hadn’t hugged her, and couldn’t even muster up a warm look of love when she’d stared at Chaeyoung. It made a lump rise in Chaeyoung’s throat, and she desperately wanted to reach out to her, but knew that Joohyun would have none of it.

When she couldn’t take the silence an