Jiwon woke up to the ringing of his phone. He cursed, pulling himself up from bed with annoyance. He grabbed the phone and checked it, 11 missed calls from Simon, and a new incoming call from Simon as well.

He pressed the answer call button.

“Hyung! You have Stage-K filming today! Get ready, quickly!”

Oh, right. He has to go film today. Although, Stage-K wasn’t quite as bad as other shows. It was probably the one show he was most looking forward to filming in the week. Shooting is a lot of fun. He was always looking forward to seeing the cool stages that the participants from all over the world prepared. There were also the other cast members. Joonie hyung was always blurting out the more random nonsense to lighten up the atmosphere while filming. Hyunmoo was Jiwon’s long time friend in the entertainment industry. Yubin and him had also begun to know each other a bit more. She admitted to him that she was a huge Sechskies fangirl back when she was a teenager and she started off mostly avoiding his eyes whenever he tried to talk to her, but now she could at least talk to him without running away.

And then there was Dara. To be honest, the two of them stopped contacting each other after filming for the date episode in Dara’s YouTube channel. When they were casted together in Stage-K, Jiwon was kind of worried that things would be awkward between them now that some time had passed, but Dara and him slipped back into the comfortable dynamic of that date as if it had happened yesterday. They mostly spent their break times together, chatting and joking around with each other. Jiwon found out that they have a lot of things in common: childish palate, liking latte, being weird, although he supposed that Dara’s brand of weird was more endearing while his brand of weird was more on the annoying side. It was hard not to grow fond of her, like an elder brother would.

This week’s filming was for a special episode in which the dance cover songs would be the judges’. Each one of them got to invite one guest, so Jiwon invited Suwon to come with him. Whenever such opportunities occur, Suwon was always the first one Jiwon would pick out of s. He was too worried on what kind of things Jaijin would blurt out during filming, and Suwon was more accustomed to variety shows than Jaeduck. His maknae’s notorious sharp tongue always managed to make for some great entertainment, to the chagrin of whoever was Suwon’s sharpshooting target at that time.

At least it looked like today was going to be not that bad. Jiwon pushed himself off the bed. Time to start his day.

Jiwon pushed the door of his waiting room open to see Suwon already sitting inside, waiting for him. The moment their eyes met, a self-satisfied smirk began to grow on Suwon's face, warning Jiwon of an impending attack.

A high-pitched female voice said from inside, “Jiwon-oppa, you’re here!”

Jiwon pushed the door open wider, and found Dara sitting across from Suwon. He couldn’t help but chuckle at her appearance.

“What’s with your hair?” Jiwon asked, stepping closer to touch the hair at the top of her head.

Dara laughed. “I decided to bring back the pineapple hairstyle for today. Oppa, how does it look?”

Even though years and years have passed, Dara didn’t look that different from when she first wore this hairstyle. She still looked as youthful and adorable as she did when she first debuted with 2NE1.

“Cute.” Jiwon answered. Dara’s smile grew wider.

“I brought coffee for everyone. But since you weren’t here yet, I chatted with Suwon-oppa for a bit. Here you go.” Dara said, handing him a cup of Paul Basset’s Spanish Latte, the same one he had recommended to her.

Jiwon gave the pineapple hair two more gentle pats, “Thanks a lot, Dara-ya.”

“It’s nothing. I’ll get going first, Jiwon-oppa, Suwon-oppa.”

As soon as the door closed behind Dara, Suwon burst out in laughter. “Hyung! What’s going on?”

“What are you talking about?”

Suwon threw him an unamused look, “You! And Dara!”

Jiwon could feel embarrassment starting to creep in. “What about it?”

“You two had …” Suwon trailed off, thinking, “something going on.”

“Aish! This brat! Stop saying weird things!” Jiwon took a step closer to Suwon, ready to pull his ear to teach him a lesson.

Suwon darted backwards. “You're the one who’s being weird! You kept smiling at her! And then you said that she was cute.”

“Do you think she's not cute?” Jiwon asked.

Suwon answered, “Well, of course Dara’s cute.”

“Then what's wrong with me saying that? I have eyes too!”

“But you don't say those kind of stuffs, Hyung! And then the latte! She said that she brought Americano for every one but gave you a different one since she knew you like this one.”

“She said to me that she likes sweet coffee so I recommended it to her.”

Suwon’s eyes widened. He stared at Jiwon in surprise, “There is something going on.”

“Don't say that! Jang Suwon! Don't go around spreading weird rumors like that!” Jiwon glowered.

Suwon put both his hand up in surrender. “Okay, okay. Fine. Calm down.”

“Aish, this Hyung.” Suwon muttered soft but still loud enough that Jiwon could hear him, “It's not like I'm saying he should get married again.”

Unfortunately, Suwon had bolted to the door and closed it behind them, creating a barrier that saved him from Jiwon's wrath in response to that sentence.

That brat really needed to learn to keep his mouth shut. Even after years had passed, that topic still remained a sensitive one for Jiwon. There was a reason he stayed single for all those years after his divorce. It wasn’t that nobody was interested in him, or that nobody was interesting to him, but it was him thinking that he would not be able to handle relationships now. He had spent years quietly refusing any advances made his way because he was not ready for it. After all, wouldn’t it be unfair to the women themselves if he began a relationship with them when he was truly not ready yet? And as time passed on without him doing anything, the women would eventually catch the hint and drop it.

It was better for him this way. He was not the type of person who would suit married life, anyway. He had tried it, and found out that he resented the restrictions that came with it, that the same habits that once endeared him to her had become the source of endless arguments and fights. He hated the way he had to give himself up so that the ‘we, us, ours’ could exist. He gave, and gave, and gave, and yet nothing he gave would ever be enough. So maybe he was never enough for it in the first place.

Dara had so many admirers. Even members of huge boybands named her as their ideal types. She turned every eyes to her wherever she goes, and to link her with someone like him would be a joke. Her admiration to him was only because she’s his fan, and she would look at their budding friendship as like a big brother and little sister. It also wouldn’t do good for Dara’s reputation if rumors like that spread out of control, considering his own status.

Ridiculous. Why would she even want to be with someone like him?

Dara was busy with her camera backstage. As today was a special Stage-K episode, she wanted to create a special video about it for her YouTube channel, Dara TV. She had filmed it since the beginning of her day, from getting her makeup and hair done, to her preparing messages for the Team Thailand who are representing 2NE1. She also got the Wassup Man himself, Joon-oppa to appear for a bit in the video.

Even though it was not her who was competing, Dara's stomach was still in knots. She was hoping that the 2NE1 team could do their best and hopefully win the competition, which also meant a chance for her to be on the stage to dance with them. During the shooting break, Dara was standing at the side of the stage, re-watching old video performances of 2NE1 so that she could remember the dance moves. The videos brought back a lot of nostalgia of when she performed together with her sisters in 2NE1. Her dance teacher, Kim Heejung, was giggling next to her as Dara tried to imitate the dance moves.

“What are you doing?” a deep voice asked beside Dara.

Dara looked up from her phone to find Jiwon, watching her curiously. Heejung gave Dara a knowing smirk.

Dara had never made a secret how much she adored her Jiwonnie-oppa. Heejung had listened to Dara talking about Jiwon ever since she was just a trainee. Now that Dara got to see him every week in Stage-K, it seemed like the amount of gushing she did over him was increasing as well. But who can blame her? Jiwon was sweet, kind, mature, handsome, and every week she had a new story to tell about how charming he was.

When Jiwon appeared, Heejung stepped back and began walking to the stage first, so that Jiwon could stand right next to Dara. Dara wanted to yell out, “Eonni! Come back!” but it was too late, and now Jiwon was standing close enough to her that she could smell a hint of his sandalwood cologne.

“You should say hello!” Dara blurted out, “This is your second appearance in Dara TV.”

“2nd appearance on Dara TV? Oh you’re filming Dara TV now?” Jiwon asked in a gentle tone.

His right hand reached out and was placed on her back, the touch sending an electric shock to Dara. She nodded shyly. “Long time no see!” Jiwon said, the hand that was on her back moved on to pat her palm tree hair, “I didn’t expect to see you on Dara TV!”

Tongue-tied, Dara could only giggle. Luckily the lighting at the side of the stage was pretty dim and so perhaps he could not see that Dara’s cheeks were steadily reddening.

“We gotta go.” Jiwon said. Dara smiled and waved goodbye at the camera, following him to the stage.

After filming for Stage-K was done for the day, Dara headed to dinner with her friends. It was always a nice way for her to unwind after a hard day of work, chatting and laughing with the people closest to her.

“So, what did you do today, Dara?” Hwangbo asked.

“I went to Stage-K filming, with Heejung-eonni. It was really fun! The 2NE1 team from Thailand performed really well, it’s a pity that they lost. Oh, my heart breaks for them.” Dara put her hand to her chest.

Hwangbo exchanged a look with Jea next to her, but did not respond to her words.

Dara went on to explain, “And then, I styled my hair like back when I performed ‘Fire’, the pineapple hairstyle. Everyone talked about my hairstyle today.”

“Here it comes,” Jea muttered.

“Joon oppa said it’s like a brush duster!” Dara said, laughing. “Yubin said that it was cool! She kept asking how I kept it upright.”

“And?” Hwangbo raised her eyebrow. “What does the other judging member say about your hair, Dara-ya?”

“He said that it was cute.” Dara squealed, burying her reddening face into her hands. Once the first sentence came out, the floodgates opened. “He laughed at my popping and I think I heard him said it was cute too. And then when I was filming Dara TV, he showed up and stood next to me, and he kept playing with the hair. And when the 2NE1 team lost, he said sorry for choosing the other team so softly, he didn’t have to do that! Why is he so sweet? He looks so cute today, too, with the plaid shirt. Since he cut his hair short, he looks even younger than all the newer idols. He’s so handsome, and sweet, and kind, and such a good oppa.”

There was silence for a few moments, which was broken when Jea said, “Wow, I wasn’t expecting that.”

“She’s really got it bad.” Hwangbo said. “What should we do with her?”

“Eonni! Stop talking about me like I’m not here!” Dara protested.

“Dara, you said you’re going to let it go.” Jea reminded her. “Remember what Mino said to you!”

After that heart-fluttering star date, Dara did try to make a move on Jiwon by gifting him a miniature Galaga game machine. She had seen it in Don Quijote while shopping and it immediately reminded her of their short but sweet date. So she decided to buy it as a present to him, but aside from a “Thank you for the gift” text about it, she received nothing else. Dara thought that he might have had a girlfriend, but because she couldn't really confirm it to the man directly, she decided to ask Mino about it.

“Jiwon-hyung doesn't have a girlfriend.” Mino had answered. “Hyung said he can't have a girlfriend. He's not ready for it.”

Dara decided to let go of her crush on him after she found out about that. If he wasn't ready for it, then she should not pursue him at all. She was doing fine with letting her feelings for him return to just fangirling when the two of them were casted on the Stage-K. Seeing him every week because of shooting only made Dara realize that she had gone too far and fallen off the deep end. Instead of waning, her feelings for him continued to grow and grow as time past. And here she was, burying her face in her hands in front of her best friends in embarrassment because she couldn't stop thinking about Eun Jiwon.

“I can't!” Dara whined. “It's his fault!’

Jiwon was just too sweet, too kind, too handsome, too perfect. He effortlessly checked almost every box of her ideal type. Oozing with charisma and swag? Check. Also has a cute side? Check. A child-like sense of humor? Check. Maturity when the time calls for it? Check. Kind and understanding? Check. Gentlemanly? Check. Perhaps the only item not crossed from the list was oppa-like dongsaeng, but he made up for it by being a dongsaeng-like oppa instead.

In front of her, Hwangbo sighed. “Dara-ya. Answer me honestly.”

Dara looked up, finding both her big sisters staring at her intently. “Do you really like Jiwon-oppa, as a man?”

She nodded. What’s there not to like about him?

“Then do you want him as your boyfriend?”

Dara paused to think about it. She had been in relationships with other idols and actors before. However, most of the guys only viewed her as a prize to win, and they only viewed dating her as an achievement to their own ego. She always ended up giving more than she received, which would eventually result in her being tired of the relationship. It was never a balanced relationship in the first place. They had never loved her as much as she loved them. After her last break-up, Dara had realized that she didn’t want a relationship just for the fun and games, but she wanted a serious one, and so Dara had raised her standards and chose to remain single until this time.

Jiwon did not seem to be considering relationships at the moment. Since his divorce, he kept his distance from women. She knew that he spent most of his free time alone at home, playing his video games. She did wonder, sometimes, if he felt lonely living that way, if there was a space where he could let her in.

“Dara-ya. Listen to me.” Hwangbo said. “If you like him that much and you want to date him, then you should at least give it a try, see how it turns out. Shoot your shot, even if it misses. But at the same time, you need to be ready for whatever answer he would give.”

Would it be worth it for her to tell him how he felt? It seemed more likely that he would reject her. She didn’t want to burden him with her feelings either. She was content to admire him from afar and have this big brother little sister relationship with him, but the nagging feeling in her heart kept on wondering whether this could become something more. Would it be worth it for her to ask?

Next time:

Stage-K coming to a close prompts some realizations for both parties that time was running out. Jiwon might have spilled some things he shouldn’t while drunk in front of Jinu. Dara decided to not throw away her shot.