Review Request From: kpoplovebunny

Story Link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/145173#comments

Title: My Hip-Hop Love~~~ By: kpoplovebunny.

Review:

Title Grab: [ 10/10 ]

You made the title quite interesting I'd have to say. It makes others curious and want to read it.

Good Job ^^

Foreword and Description: [ 7/10 ]

You gave a very nice and brief overview of main characters. You should put more spacing in your stories, it might be difficult for others to read. Another thing is about your colorful text, it is creative and pretty but sometimes a bit hard to read. Sorry ^^!!

Also INTRODUCE YOUR DANCE MEMBERS. So we know who is who and what is what, where is where. Good job on not over describing the characters xD because I did that in my story.

For example when you introduce your characters in the foreword  they should be under the the CHARACTERS SECTION. To show you what I mean: 

Characters:

(Picture)

Lee ~~~~~~

(Descriptions)

(picture)

Seyong ~~~~~~~

(descrpitions)

etc....

___________________________________________________________________________

Storyline/Flow : [ 25/30]

One word: Spacing.

You should spread out your story more it makes it feel welcomey and it makes it a bit easier to read. And it doesnt confuse

You should also introduce new bands or characters like "It was that new dance crew they called themseleves beast or something like that, I heard they were the noobs or something like that...."

(BTW I WASN'T HATING I LOVE BEAST ^^ Especially Doojoon and Dongwoon and Kikwang<3) and continue.

Even better have your character have thoughts make your character jump alive and become you/reader. Be a bit more serious but at the same time make the reader laugh, make them feel like they are at home reading their favorite never ending novel. Try to describe a bit more in the story so it makes the reader picture how the story is more clearly. Your storyline is good ^^

Two Words: Spacing, Grammar.

Grammar is MOST important when it comes to writing I swear whenever I read stories with bad grammar IT BUGSSS MEEE sooo much it is my personal PET PEEVE. Your grammar is okay, a few mistakes here and there but overall good ^^ *Gives two thumbs up*

Three words: Spacing, Grammar, Color.

The color... of your story is creative, it is what makes the story pop out but it is kinda hard to read as I mentioned before, some people cant read certain colors, like i have a friend who cant see light green. My 7th teacher couldn't read any text that was red. So gotta be considerate of the readers my dearie ^^.

Characters : [ 27/30 ]

You portray your characters pretty well, I would say but add that kick, that spice into it try using more description, angrily, happliy, sadly, frowned, sighed, cried, yelped, shierked, etc...

And when I mean describe I mean it go in to depth. But other than that I give you High Marks ^^

Extras/Laughs/Bonuses: [ 19/20 ]

I found this story fun to read. You aren't afraid to show bad words thats one thing for sure. xD

I kinda have a HATE and LIKE relation ship with fanfic's that have "you" but I read it anyways.

For example.

"Your voice cracked as you stuttered, "I... I.... I w-went through my boxes or storage to look for a panda hat your you."

You handed him the soft adorable hat. He grinned at you and replied, "Thanks, I really like this hat."

You smiled back blushing, "No problem." You couldn't help but to gaze at his perfect seducive smile.

Up above is how I write my stories cept I don't use the "You" instead I use "I"

and I like it like that ^^. How you like to write I cannot decide because if you use "you" it really messes with grammar and it just bugs me, sadly alot of good fanfic's uses "you" so I just deal with it.

Overall : [ 88/100] a B+ GOOD JOB ^^

And DONT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY OR TOO HARSLY, JUST ME REVIEWING LOGICALLY. SORRY

I am not telling you to change ^^. Just write how you feel like writing =D.

And JUST HOW MANY POSTERS DID YOU ASK PEOPLE TO MAKE?

You should stick with one you like cause its really confusing me... one poster at a time ^^

It takes a while to make a poster from photoshop, make sure to thank your readers, and poster makers.

THANK YOU FOR BEING MY FIRST SUBSCRIBER AND I WISH YOU LUCK IN YOUR STORY.

I would really like if you mentioned me/my review store in your story every chapter or foreword.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

For example: I thank "........................" for reviewing my story ^^ and include my link ^^

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I really thank you again ^^ and continue writing. ^^ AHH THE COLORS MY EYES HURT xD JK but it does hurt me a bit cuz I got my manly asian eyes =P. xD jk but really the color is blinding <3

I FORGOT DONT FORGET VISUALS ^^ I LOVE PEOPLE WHO PUT VISUALS INTHEIR STORY xD AND MUSIC WHILE PEOPLE ARE READING: SETS THE MOOD <3 BUT REALLY HOW MANY POSTERS???? JUST DAYUMM GIRLLL DAYUMMMMM xD JUST WOWZERS...... I LIKE THE FIRST ONE BTW =P

This one here  ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^                                               AND THIS ONE ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^