Fading Polaroid

When did it start?

When we were six, well I was five and Jongin was six. That's where our fairytale began. His name was Kim Jongin, a new transfer from the city. It was the biggest talk of the town, after all we were such a small town that everyone knew everyone. Furthermore, 90% of us have never been to the city. So instantly, Kim Jongin was a popular guy. However, I never got the chance to ever talk to or see Kim Jongin. After all, he was a year ahead of me and I wouldn't go out of my way to look for someone that wouldn't even spare a second glance at me. Plus I had better things to worry about when I was young, like what dress to wear tomorrow or how could I fake my illness so I wouldn't have to go to school. So when I finally met Kim Jongin, it came as a surprise.

I was waiting for my brother, Chanyeol, after school. He was playing soccer with a couple of his classmates and my parents, being as overprotective as they were, wouldn't let me go home alone without Chanyeol. I recall the sky being a baby blue; dreamy, white, clouds were dancing with the warm wind that grazed on my pale cheeks. I was sitting on the green field, watching my brother be goalkeeper as several other boys ran across the soccer field, kicking the ball around. Then I remember a ladybug crawling on my finger, a smile growing on my face, enamored with the vibrant red that the tiny insect wore. My attention was only forced off the bug when I heard the shrieks from the boys, followed by the sound of the ball hitting something. The ladybug flew off my finger and the beautiful vibrant red was replaced by another red that filled me with horror. Chanyeol was sitting up on the ground, holding his nose with his right hand as a crimson red dripped down onto his fingers. Instantly, I ran to his side, tears b my eyes at the sight of blood. In return, Chanyeol reached to pat my head, mumbling soft reassurances with his goofy smile. A figure appeared to their side, breathing heavily. Her eyes were a dark and her eyebrows were furrowed at the sight of Chanyeol. I turned my head in confusion, wondering if my brother had a secret crush he didn't tell me about. 

"I'm sorry, Yeol, I didn't mean to kick it that hard."

"It's okay J-"

"Yeollie, you got hurt by this girl?" I remember the look on Chanyeol's face, watching as his features contorted to one of amusement before I looked at the other person, watching as her cheeks began to flush a bright red. Man, I did see quite a lot of red that day. 

"I'm not a girl! I'm Kim Jongin. A B O Y!"

And that's how the trio came about. The famous trio of the school, Chanyeol, me, and Jongin. After our first encounter, Jongin and I started rough. We argued for days on end, picking at each other's flaws until I eventually cried and Jongin begged me to be quiet before he got in trouble. Eventually, our bickerings turned into conversations into quality time. Jongin would tell us about the city and show us all the cool things he had from when he was living in the city, and we would show him the joy of our small town. He would tell us that he left the city to live with his grandparents (who were surprisingly young at the time) since his parents were usually out on business trips. We went to fairs and festivals together. I had Chanyeol and Jongin teach me things that they were learning (though they were usually of no help because they hardly knew what was going on). 

That field would also become a core part of our childhood. We called it our "happy sanction", whenever we went to that field we would promise to be happy. Jongin and I had our own little secret nights on that field when we would run in the sprinklers to find solace in each other. The lonely girl who only had her brother and the lonely boy who just moved into town finally had each other.

Those were truly the days. The days of blissful ignorance. Child innocence. Not a worry in the world. But at the end of the day; everything simply just becomes memories.

-

Metamorphosis

When I was in 4th grade, we wore black. My hand was in Chanyeol's. I watched as those priceless diamond tears fell from his bloodshot eyes. Red again. His nose, eyes, cheeks, and ears were tinted red. I averted my eyes to the floral display in front of us, white chrysanthemums were mixed in with black roses as they surrounded the portrait of our late parents. In a fatal accident, our parents died on October 20. I couldn't stare at the portrait for too long, I was too scared that I would completely crumble if I stared for too long. Instead, I looked around the somber room. There was our grandparents, aunts, and cousins all sobbing. And amongst the tears, there was Kim Jongin kneeling on the side as his eyes met mine. 

Hours went by and after listening to the sobs of people, I finally left the room to get some fresh air. Chanyeol was fast asleep, most likely due to his tears, and I didn't have the heart to wake him up to accompany me outside. The sky that day was covered with gray clouds, the cold wind whipping at my skin. It felt nice being outside and away from the suffocating room, but my heart was still heavy. 

All of a sudden, my shoulders felt heavy as a jacked dropped on my shoulders. And then a pair of arms wrapped around me from behind. I was engulfed with a familiar scent and I instantly knew who it was. 

"Why would you be out here without a jacket? Idiot." My body began to involuntarily shake. Was it because of the cold? Was I scared? I wasn't sure. It didn't matter, what mattered now was that I felt my heart crumble at his words. Without permission, my tears brimmed my eyes and blurred my vision. Instinctively, I brought my cold hands to my eyes, rubbing my eyes to stop the tears. "It's okay to cry, Chae." Tears began to flow from my eyes. It was almost like I was a water fountain. Jongin's arms were pressing the button, causing the water to constantly flow from my eyes. Nonetheless, the warmth from him felt so comforting and I could feel myself melting in his heat. 

He turned me around, his warm hands wrapping around my wrists as he brought my hands away from my eyes, pulling me closer to land his lips on my forehead before pulling me into an embrace once more. I remember my tears soaking his shirt until I fell into a slumber in his arms. My life changed since then. I no longer had my parents, and my friendship with Jongin changed.

-

Since that that day, Chanyeol and I began to live with our grandmother (who was significantly older than Jongin's grandparents). Luckily as a result, we were able to still attend the same school and stay in town. But since that day, I haven't been able to look at Jongin the same. Whenever I saw him, my cheeks grew hot and my heart began to run marathons in my chest. I tried to brush it off, calling it a passing crush. But I just couldn't.

Call me crazy, delusional, whatever you want to call me. But from the corner of my eye, I thought I saw Jongin's cheeks tint just a little bit whenever he saw me as well. Needless to say, Chanyeol wasn't dense. He could sense the tension between us. Our conversations always being along the lines of:

"What happened between you and Jongin?"

"Nothing."

"Why are you looking away?"

"No reason."

"And you're blushing! You have a crush on him!"

"I don't! You're stupid Yoda, just leave me alone!"

Unfortunately(?) avoiding interaction with Jongin was nearly impossible. After all, he was so integrated to our lives that I would have to see him. Well, that was my excuse to end up seeing him again. That meant I would have to battle these feelings every day. I fought with the fluttering of my stomach, wishing those stupid butterflies would finally leave. 

Spoiler alert: they never did. With each passing day, each passing moment, I felt those butterflies multiply in numbers. And foolishly, I chose to ignore those feelings. Years went by and I learned perfectly how to mask these feelings. I learned to mask my feelings when I saw another girl with him. And then I finally realized it. I didn't want to be just friends with Jongin. I longed for more. I wanted more of him. I wanted all of him. I saw red when I saw Jongin. Not the angry type of red, not the resentful, painful, blood red; but the passionate red. The red that colored our cheeks whenever we realized we were a little to clore. The red that I colored my hearts with. The red that matched the same color of the roses he gave me on Valentine's. He was my red. And I didn't realize it until much later, that he also saw red when he saw me. We were just two red roses dancing in the field.

Chanyeol was our biggest fan, he would cheer us on. Egging us on and albeit being a little embarrassing, it gave me hope that maybe Jongin would feel the same as me. And he did.

When we were in middle school, Kim Jongin confessed to me. I remember that day so vividly. I remember seeing his face that was redder than a tomato, his eyes barely meeting mine as his hand scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. 

"Just forget it, I don't want this to change our relationship if you don't like me." He said in a quiet voice, almost as if I wasn't supposed to catch it. But I did. And in turn, I wrapped my arms around him so I could hide my own face. And everything just felt so right. Call me stupid for thinking this seriously and deeply about Jongin when I was that young, but I was certain he would be the love of my life. From brother's friend, to best friend, to lover. Things between us didn't change so drastically, after all it felt a little awkward to suddenly change our relationship after being friends for so long. Certainly, our looks at each other were different, but our actions were not. Chanyeol was more than supportive of our relationship, happy that his best friend and his sister finally came to terms with their feelings (though he still threatened Jongin).

-

Something I wished lasted forever?

It was definitely the time we went to the beach. For the first time in my entire life, I found myself outside of the small town that I lived in. I never was fond of life outside of the town I was in, it felt a little surreal for a simple country bumpkin like me to dream of the city. After all, I think I was accustomed to a simple life. In the town we were from, it was normalized for us to reach for nothing more than life on the inside. Even my parents discouraged life outside in the city because it would be overwhelming. Well at least I thought I was until Jongin and I went to the beach together - alone. I'll never forget it. The glaring sun that burnt our skins, the cold water that reached our ankles and the sand that stuck to our wet feet. We ran on the beach for hours, playing water games and laughing the whole way. Our childish fun was something that I would never forget. But why was this such a core memory for me? It was more than the fun and laughter. It was us sitting on the warm sand, staring at the beautiful orange scheme of the sun setting into the ocean. Hand in hand while we talked.

"Thank you, Jongin for bringing me here. This is probably my first and last time outside of town for a girl like me."

"Why?"

"That's just what's the norm for country people like us, we stay in town, go to school, work in town."

"But don't you strive for change?"

There was a silence between us and I knew that he was right. He knew me better than I knew myself and although I planned to stay in town my whole life, something about now changed and I wanted more out of life than what people told me it should be. But I felt myself tremble at the thought of that.

"I'm scared. What if I leave this place and do my best, and somehow I still can't manage in the city? I'll still be forever a country girl."

"Then if you find yourself not believing in yourself, believe in me. Believe in me who believes in you, maybe that will give you strength to carry on. Because I know you can do it. And when I'm at my lowest, I'll look at you for hope to keep going." 

We shared our first kiss that night. It was moments like this where I wish we would last forever. His scent engulfed my senses, his warmth exuding onto me, I really wished it lasted forever.

Kim Jongin made the world complete. Our love, pain, happiness, shared it all together. And the burden of life became lesser when we had each other there. I wanted to stay by his side and watch him grow to be the great person I knew he would become. And even though we achieved the love I longed for, I had to realize that nothing does last forever. 

That summer, Kim Jongin left in the summer to go back to the city for a month. A month turned into two. Two turned into three. And I wasn't sure that Jongin would come back or even if he was coming back. Chanyeol and I grew restless, Chanyeol missing his friend (and on the border of murdering Jongin for leaving me like this). And yet in the midst of all the madness, I found myself growing. I found new friends, new hobbies, and indulged in my studies.

To our satisfaction, Jongin came back for the following school year.

Metanoia

When Kim Jongin Kai, came back, he was different. It was more than just a name change, the look in his eyes faltered when he saw me. He didn't break up with me immediately either. He just felt numbed. My love was no longer reaching him. My attempts to get closer to him failed each and every time. He pushed me away with every breath I took. And soon enough, I began to miss his smile. The bright smile he used to flash at me. I could never understand what changed. Nothing changed in the way he felt about me. He was just tired, I could sense it in his eyes. It felt like we were in two different paths in life. No matter how much I tried to fix our bridges and spend more time with him, I got nothing in return. With each attempt, he grew further and further away. I suppose whatever it was ended up eating him too much to the point where he didn't even want to be friends with Chanyeol. We could partly blame Chanyeol's threats for maybe causing Jongin to distance himself. Needless to say, Chanyeol was fuming. Not just because he was being ghosted by his best friend all of a sudden, but because he wasn't being transparent with us. Albeit Chanyeol's original support in our relationship, his exact words to me when I got home one night were: "Waiting, missing him, and disappointment. He's always sorry and you always give up. It's the same cycle every day, are you really okay with this kind of relationship?"

I didn't know how to answer his question. Or it was more of, I didn't want to answer his question. I avoided it like the plague. Eventually, I found my answer. In the form of seeing Jongin Kai smile ever-so-brightly at the new transfer student, Oh Sejeong. I remember seeing the happiness evident on his face. It was as if his eyes were gleaming when he saw her; in fact, one could probably see the galaxy in his eyes. And when I saw that, I made the executive decision to break up with him. Selfishly, I secretely hoped that he would beg me to stay. Was I insane for that? Maybe I was a little toxic to hope that maybe, just maybe, he would have that look in his eyes when he realized I was leaving. I was just a girl who didn't want to lose someone who supported me when no one else would.

We broke up at the same place we met. The place that became my memory book, we would make another one at the same place. Angry, he was red with anger when I told him that I wanted to break up with him. 

"Can't you just try to understand me? I can't drop everything to spend every second with you."

"You're not even trying to understand me. I never asked you to do that, but don't you feel this? This distance between us, we've grown so far apart that my support isn't reaching you."

"If I didn't go to Seoul, would we still be breaking up?"

"Neither of us are at fault, let's stop trying to find something or someone to put the blame on."

"Can you do this? Breaking up?"

I faltered at his question. I couldn't deny that he still meant so much to me, but the memory of Kai smiling at Sejeong popped into my head. My love will never reach him the same way anymore, my support wouldn't be enough for us to last through the years. I let a small smile paint my lips as I stared at him with blurred vision, nodding my head ever so slightly as I fought every urge in my body to tell him the opposite. His eyes were red and I could tell he was holding back his tears. A warm tear of my own fell from my eye and I recalled when he would freely cry in front of me. When did he grow so far apart? The guy I fell in love with was still there, but he just felt so out of reach. I wanted to be his love, I really wanted to be by his side and I wanted to be in his world. But what I felt in this moment told me that it wouldn't be possible.

"We already are, Jongin."

I went home that night, falling asleep in my brother's arms with my tears soaking his shirt and his whispers comforting me.

-

Jongin Kai replaced Chanyeol and I with the new Oh twins. Chanyeol was in the same class as them and I recall seeing red on his face. The angry, violent, kind. You could even see steam coming off his head and out his ears. He ranted on and on about how Jongin could so easily replace us. I saw it in the halls as well, seeing the happiness when he walked next to Sejeong. I had to convince myself that I made the right choice even though I felt my heart crumble and crack at each interaction. Was it possible for him to replace me so quickly? Even though he fought for me to stay just the night before? Maybe I was just right; that we were already broken up. He found new support and happiness in the form of Oh Sejeong. 

That same day, Chanyeol and I found our grandma passed out on the floor. And then we were hit with the news that we had to move to Seoul the following week so we could get treatment for Grandma and live with our uncle. I remember masking the pain with happiness because that's what I was supposed to be, right? I was supposed to be happy that we were finally going to the city. And yet a section of me was upset. It was a plethora of things, but the one thing that wouldn't leave my mind was Kai. Leaving him behind felt so wrong.

The next day, Chanyeol and I came in during everyone's PE class to drop off our transfer forms and to grab our stuff. We reminisced of our times at the school, at the times in the small town which we thought would be our forever home. Taking our time as we walked through the hallway one last time. I thought about the friends I made and the times I spent growing up with these people. I found myself following Chanyeol to his classroom, watching as he too fell into his memories. I watched as his eyes lingered onto a certain desk for a second longer than the others, naturally my eyes followed his and I saw a small drawing on the corner of the desk. A scoff left my lips as tears began to brim my eyes. It was a tiny drawing of me and Chanyeol with Kai in the middle wearing a crown. Out of everyone, Kai was the one that I didn't want to leave behind the most. A trembling sigh left my mouth before I slipped a tiny note into Kai's backpack.

Chanyeol and I walked out of the school right after, glancing at the track field where the rest of Chanyeol's class was to find Kai with the Oh twins again. 

You'll would be fine. I stopped walking.

You're strong. Chanyeol was walking ahead of me. 

This love wasn't supporting either of us. Kai turned to face Sejeong.

I'll wear a jacket so I won't catch a cold. Chanyeol noticed I wasn't next to him anymore and stopped. 

So make sure you also take care of youself. Kai's eyes turned into crescents. 

It's okay to be scared, to get help. He flashed her the smile I missed so badly.

We're in two different worlds now. I began to walk once again.

Goodbye Jongin, I love you. I reached Chanyeol's side at the school gates.

This was the end, there was no turning back now. And without a second glance, we left that town behind. 

Cosmogyral

It was now a fresh start. Chanyeol and I took a week off of school while we waited for our school registration to go through, but now we were walking out a house (much bigger and modern compared to our house in the village) with a whole new school uniform. My nerves were getting the best of me and I found my legs turning to jelly at the new change, luckily for me, I had my brother by my side. Chanyeol held my hand, offering a comforting smile before our uncle drove us to our new school.

It was massive; the size of our colleges in our town. Both Chanyeol and I were left awestruck at the big building. We were so awestruck that I ended up frozen in front of the school for around five minutes. It probably would've lasted longer if not for the fact that I got pushed by another student. I stumbled forward and turned back to glare at the person who pushed me. It was a male student, he was slightly shorter than Chanyeol and his hair was a dark brown that turned golden when the sun hit him in the right way. He looked at me with rounded eyes, obviously a little baffled by my appearance. He opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by the loud ring of the bell. 

"Oh ."

"Baek, let's go if we're late again Mr. Lee is gonna murder us!"

The second voice came from behind the male, who I assumed was named Baek, and the two of them ran passed both Chanyeol and I. As I stared at the two running figures, I tried to analyze the second voice who had chestnut brown hair and was barely, just barely shorter than the first guy. Chanyeol and I looked at each other, shrugging at the two figures before we took one last look at the building, taking deep breaths before we walked inside the building. 

"Then if you find yourself not believing in yourself, believe in me. Believe in me who believes in you." His voice rung in my head.

-

I soon came to find out that class 7A's prince, Byun Baekhyun and his pet dinosaur Kim Jongdae were the two males that I ran into in the morning. How I found out so easily? Because they were in the same class as me. It took Chanyeol and I nearly ten minutes to find the office, out of luck, I ran into my homeroom teacher just as Chanyeol and I reached the office. We parted ways and wished each other the best of luck in our respective classes. 

Left, right, straight, another left. I tried memorizing the path to get to each of the places in the school. I was so lost in my thoughts and attempts trying to memorize my way, that within a few minutes we were already in front of my class. Class 7A, sophomores. It was hard not to miss the two that bumped into me this morning. Baekhyun sat in the far back with no seat mate while Jongdae was sitting in front of him with a short male sitting right next to them. And they were awfully loud.

"Everyone! We have a new student joining us today, please introduce yourself Ms. Park."

"Hello, my name is Park Chaeyoung. I look forward to class with you all." A burning red tinted my cheeks, there was no doubt in my mind that they could hear the accent in my voice. It was a little embarrassing and I felt myself shrink at the stares of the students. The burning red only grew when Baekhyun stood up from his seat, clapping at my introduction, followed by the applause of the other students. Some of the boys whistled while some murmured amongst themselves, the girls doing the same thing as they offered me bright smiles. I just couldn't take my eyes off Baekhyun and the smile he wore on his face though. It was rectangular and that cheeky look on his face just brought out a smile of my own. 

"That's enough everyone, Ms. Park you can go ahead and sit right next to the boy standing up."

Almost as soon as I sat down in my seat, Baekhyun poked me with the eraser on his pencil, still giving me a cheeky smile as he rested his head on his left arm.

"Hey you're the girl from earlier right? Sorry about earlier." He whispered as our homeroom teacher was giving announcements to the class. I nodded my head, pulling out notebooks and stationary from my backpack, barely giving him much attention as I focused on getting the stuff out of my backpack. I only tore my attention away from my stuff when he spoke his next sentence. "You're from the country, huh. I heard your accent."

My ears flared at his question. Once again a wave of embarrassment stunned me as my eyes watered ever so slightly at this new embarrassment I had never felt before. Somehow, apart of me was ashamed and embarrassed of the town I came from. And it was disappointing for me to admit that. To admit that a place where I grew up was embarrassing. But all of my negative feelings got wiped away when Baekhyun poked me once more with the pencil. 

"It's okay, let this be a secret between the two of us," He leaned closer to my ear, the smile playing on his lips growing. "I'm also grew up in a small town," He spoke in an accent and a soft chuckle escaped my lips as he pulled away and sent a playful wink my way.

"Anyways, it doesn't matter if you're from the country. Stuff like that doesn't matter." 

-

I came to find out that perhaps having Jongdae, Baekhyun, and Chanyeol all together in one area wasn't a good thing. Loud and annoying was what they all were together. Chanyeol seemed to not have any problems making friends or adjusting into new school life, when I found him during lunch he already made friends with two people; one by the name of Kim Junmyeon and the other was named Kim Minseok. And not to forget, he was quite popular with the ladies which was quite annoying since Chanyeol would not let his stupid ego go. It was a little surprising, but I found out Baekhyun was also quite popular with the ladies; or a better sentence would be that he was popular in general. Together, Baekhyun, Jongdae, Chanyeol, Junmyeon, Minseok, Kyungsoo (who I found out was the short boy sitting next to Jongdae was), and I all ate lunch together. I wished I hadn't introduced Baekhyun and Jongdae to Chanyeol though, they were all barking like dogs. Really hyper and annoying.

As much as I hated to admit it, it was fun to be around them. Albeit the happiness, my mind couldn't help but to drift to Kai. I wondered things like how he was, how he felt, if he read my note. I couldn't get him out of my mind and it felt stupid for me to continue thinking about him like this, And a part of me wanted to run back into town to go to that soccer field again. I reminisced the time when Chanyeol hurt my feelings as a kid and I went to that soccer field to go cry, only for Kai to find me there.

"You idiot it's freezing why would you not wear a jacket you'll get sick."

There was a silence that was filled with my sniffles.

"We're not supposed to be sad here you know, this is a happy place. Look, I'll show you my secret that I found out, and then you have to be happy."

I looked at him with questioning eyes and within seconds, the sprinklers , causing me to yelp as I jumped from my spot. The field lights and one by one, the sprinklers all . A smile replaced the sad expression on my face. Kai smiled at me once more before pushing me into the sprinklers. And thanks to Kai, my happiness replaced my sadness in only a matter of seconds. I was grateful to him and that day, he told me to promise him that we would be happy together. Look where we ended up.

I was spaced out, lost in my thoughts of Kai. No one else realized it because of their conversation. All except Byun Baekhyun who lightly knocked on my head with his fist.

"Hello? Anyone there." He said in a singsongy voice, an eyebrow raised in question before he stuck his tongue out at me and went back to the conversation the boys were having. He left me bewildered at his actions so much so that I couldn't help but to let out another laughter at the randomness of the boy next to me.

- 

The boys invited Chanyeol and I to their "band practice" after school that day. And surprisingly, I found myself excited for the time to pass by quickly. This excitement definitely did not pass by Baekhyun. During our last period, which was history, he didn't seem to give not even a drop of attention to the lesson. Instead, he spent his time looking through my stuff. He flipped through my old notebooks with his excuse that he wondered what we learned at my old school. I was too fixated on the lesson to care about what Baekhyun was doing, well not exactly that. I didn't care until I noticed Baekhyun tense up and be less annoying. And out of curiosity, I peeked over to see if there were things he wasn't supposed to see. The answer was yes. A picture of Kai and I at his first dance recital. 

Immediately, I ripped the photo out of Baekhyun's hands which caused him to jump and look at me with wide eyes. But I just couldn't look at him, I didn't want to make eye contact with him and I found myself staring at my lap with my cheeks flushing a dark red. My hands rested on my lap with the photo gripped tightly in my hands. The photo was a little wrinkled due to my aggressive snatch and due to my hold on the photo. It was as if I didn't want this photo and the moments in it to run away. I remember the times in this photo clearly:

It was Kai and I's freshman year. Despite growing more in popularity, Kai still interacted with virtually no one, in fact people still regarded him as the new transfer student even though he's been in town for years. That was just how Kai was and when you asked him why he said he'd rather be with just us instead of making new friends. However, the fact that Kai didn't know many of these people didn't help his case of anxiety. It was his first performance in front of an audience and to add salt to the wound, his parents were also there watching him. 

"Chae, I can't do this there's too many people. I'm scared."

"You can do this, you worked so hard."

"I can't I'm going to mess up, I don't trust myself to do well."

"Have faith in me. I trust and know your potential, Jongin. Don't get flustered, do what you prepared. Go Jong."

I pushed him onto the stage and watched from the side as he took tiny steps to the middle of the stage, avoiding all the looks from the audience. This was the Kai that I knew, the one who was shy and constantly worried. As time went by, I learned a lot about Kai. Specifically about his anxiety. Often times, he would avoid the discussion on it but as someone who has been in his life since we were young children, I knew. He couldn't hide his anxiety from me, but knowing that he wasn't comfortable in regards to his anxiety, I avoided the topic and supported him from the side. After all, it was the best that I could do for him in moments like this. The music started. I watched him move gracefully on the stage and it seemed like the fear and anxiety that he felt disappeared when he got onto the stage. He was free from the chains that held him down. Everyone was charmed into Kai's dance. I expected this already, after all, if there was anyone who knew how much hard work and dedication that Kai put into dance; it was me. I watched him practice nearly every day for hours on end with very few breaks. He was in love with the art of dance and even if he was drenched in sweat at the end of each day, he was enjoying it. He never gave up because he still found it fun. And it showed on his face once the music ended. The audience gave standing ovations and Kai's face contorted into one that showed nothing but true happiness. He ran to the side of the stage, giving me a sweaty hug before whispering very softly in my ear. 

"Thank you Chae, you really supported me."

He pulled away from the hug and grabbed me by the hand before pulling me onto the stage with him. Right in front of the stage, there was Park Chanyeol. He held up a big thumbs up before grabbing the camera that was around his neck and motioning us to get to the middle of the stage. Kai wrapped his arm around me, a wide smile on his features and in return, I smiled the same as him. Watching Kai succeed brought an unexplainable warmth and I was happy to watch him step outside his comfort zone. Times like this only made me fall even deeper in love with him. 

Flash.

My little flashback was interrupted by a crumpled piece of paper hitting the side of my face. I scowled at the feeling, sending a glare in the direction that the paper came from and of course it was from none other than Baekhyun. Ignoring the look I gave him, he glanced at the piece of paper and back at me before mouthing: 'Open it'. I complied to his request, uncrumpling the paper to find his messy handwriting in blue pen. The note was slightly hard to read due to the amount of crinkles in the paper, but even with the crinkles, it didn't take long for me to decipher what the note read. 

'I didn't know you had a boyfriend'

Ouch. The term pinched my heart. I looked at Baekhyun with sad eyes and simply shook my head. Not anymore. I refused to look at him any longer, afraid that he might pity me. Instead of pity, however, I got hit with another paper ball. Once again, I followed the same process with a sigh. Only for me to be left bewildered again.

'Good.' The message read. I raised my eyebrow at him in question, only for him to ignore me and now pay attention to our teacher. My lips began to curve upwards and I tried biting my lip in an attempt to hide my smile. But when I saw the very light red tint on Baekhyun's cheeks, I couldn't help but let the smile rest on my lips. 

Charmolypi

Two years have gone by since Chanyeol and I moved to Seoul. Chanyeol was now in college, while I was in my senior year with Baekhyun. It was almost shocking to know how closely I grew to Baekhyun within the past two years. I came to spend many hours of my life with him and thanks to him, I was able to make a lot more friends. I came to find out a lot about him. From the little things like what his favorite bread was and what his favorite songs were. To bigger things, like what he wanted to be and why he moved to the city. When I was with him, it felt like there was no distance between us. And when I was with him, I found out more about myself through my interactions with him. The most important thing I found out about myself was love for writing. 

It was the summer festival, a month before we graduated. And Baekhyun practically begged me to go even when I told him I didn't want to. So here I found myself, standing alone behind a crowd at the festival.

"Wait here, I heard there's gonna be a performance. I'm gonna go get us a snack!"

He's left me in the same spot for five minutes. I sighed. I wasn't sure if I should be concerned about why he's been gone for a little bit or if I was just overthinking or why I even put up with Baekhyun. I decided to settle with the idea that it was busy and that's why Baekhyun was taking so long. And I ended up thinking of an answer to my last question. It was just that he was Baekhyun. He was my first friend when I moved to the city. And if someone told me I'd end up being this close to the so-called prince, then I probably would've died of a heart attack. I chuckled at the nickname. I recalled the day I found out why Baekhyun was called the prince. On the first day of Baekhyun's move, he thought it would be awkward since he was a new student. So his idea of breaking the ice would be introducing himself as a prince due to his looks. It left such an impression on everyone that they called him the pretty prince for the next four years. And that's who Baekhyun was, he was a simple funny guy who didn't want things to be awkward between people. But I found even more out about him. Underneath his playful exterior, he cared for people and was more thoughtful than he appeared. 

The sound of claps broke me out of my thoughts. The performance was starting and Baekhyun still wasn't back. That was because he was on the stage with his dumb rectangular smile sitting on his face as he waved at the audience. Following behind him was Chanyeol, Kyungsoo, and Jongdae. Chanyeol caught me with my mouth gaped at his appearance, sending me a wink as he held in his laugh. The corners of my lips twitched slightly as I realized what was going on. 

"Hello everyone! I believe we don't need an introduction since you all already know who we are so we'll get right into this!"

Everyone (especially the girls) shrieked in excitement as Baekhyun took the mic, Chanyeol heading to the drum set while Kyungsoo stood behind a keyboard.

"This song I'll be performing is dedicated to the person I went to the festival with."

Whistles and hollers were head all around. Baekhyun looked at Jongdae and nodded, each of them picking up a guitar. I made eye contact with Baekhyun for a quick second and for the first time in two years, I saw him nervous. He fumbled a little with the cords and a faint red creeped on his pale skin. I had never seen him nervous, he always appeared to be so certain and ready of himself, but true to himself; he got over his nerves in a matter of seconds. He played a chord, the angelic notes echoing through the speakers before he took one step closer to the mic. And when he opened his mouth, angels were singing. I always knew that Baekhyun was a talented singer, but each and every time it shocked me. Every time he sung, I felt a warmth in my heart that I couldn't quite explain. My smile grew so wide that it began to hurt. But I couldn't stop smiling. I watched him give his all, listening to him carefully when the everyone stopped playing suddenly. Baekhyun was panting ever so slightly, a smile still plastered on his face as he locked eyes with me. He strummed his guitar once more and the others followed his lead. This time the music was playing softly. And as he sung, I found myself reminiscing our memories. 

'Every moment without you is meaningless'

My first winter in the city, I found myself at a park, reminiscing about my hometown. Albeit the city being better than where I was before, that didn't stop me from missing home. Or maybe it was me missing Jongin, I couldn't tell the difference. It was near midnight and the air was cold. The cold air whipped at my skin which caused me to hug my jacket closer to myself. I sniffled, whether it was the cold air or my tears, I wasn't sure which one. I sat at the swing, swinging back and forth as a tear escaped my eye. It wasn't until something warm touched my cheek. I yelped, jumping from the swing as I turned to face the source of the warmth. It was Baekhyun, holding two cups with a cheeky smile on his lips. 

"Hot chocolate always cheered me up when I was a kid, drink up." There was a pregnant silence between us, he held out the drink, urging me to take it but I simply just stared at him. I tried to blink away the tears in my eyes, not wanting to let Baekhyun see this weak side for me. But I couldn't do it. Not when seconds later, he pulled me into a hug. 

"I won't ask, I'll let you tell me when you want, but I'll be here for you to cry."

"Even the reason why I breathe is because my heart wants to have you in it."

It was a rainy spring day when Baekhyun came to my house, soaked from head to toe. Everyone at home was gone. Chanyeol went to go to hang out with some of his friends, my uncle went to go visit grandma in the hospital. He was out of breath and his eyes were bloodshot. And I found myself heartbroken at the sight. It pained me to see him like this and I just couldn't understand why. He reached his hand out to me, grabbing my wrist as he pulled me into an embrace similar to the one he had given me in winter. His soaked clothes seeped into mine, but somehow I didn't mind it. 

"I'm sorry just let me stay like this for a little bit."

He ended up coming inside the house and showering, I gave him Chanyeol's clothes to wear and he cried in my arms for an hour after. And in between his heavy breaths, I heard the pain in his voice as he cried for his grandma back.

"Dreaming the same dream and feeling the same way,"

The same summer, we went to the amusement park with the others. Being from a small town, I was in awe at all the rides and attractions. Somehow, we all split from each other in the midst of everything, leaving Baekhyun and I together alone to explore all the attractions. The first ride we went on was a rollercoaster and to my surprise, I found out that I don't do too well on those kinds of rides. And I came to find out that Baekhyun was even worst at those rides than me. In fact his shrieks in my ear were a little comical.

"I wanted to look manly for you!" He whined afterwards. We decided to settle for the ferris wheel since Baekhyun insisted that I needed to do it at least once before we went to go eat the amusement park food. I was grateful to Baekhyun for making me go on the ferris wheel, we were lucky to make it on time to watch the sunset. The beautiful color palette that the setting sun made was unforgettable as we watched the large star set into Seoul. I stared in awe before I glanced at Baekhyun, our eyes meeting each others in the small space. 

And I swear I felt my heart skip a beat. 

"Even if I give you everything in the world, I will never change."

The first time Baekhyun heard of Kai was when he was at my house. It was Jongdae, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Kyungsoo all alone in Chanyeol's room. Jongdae and Kyungsoo were looking around, while Chanyeol and Baekhyun were playing a game together.

"Yeol? Who is this guy?" Jongdae asked.

"Kai, he's an old friend." Chanyeol responded. He didn't need to look up from the game to know who he was asking about, Chanyeol's room was filled with old pictures of the trio. Baekhyun was too engrossed in winning the game to care about whatever the picture was about. 

"Looks like more," Kyungsoo pointed at the picture of the three of us on my birthday. With a yell in victory, Chanyeol jumped up from his spot on the floor, finally turning around to look at what the other two were looking at only to be met with the picture of the trio on my birthday. Baekhyun also turned around, disappointment written on his face only to be met with something more devastating. Kai's lips on my cheek. Baekhyun's eyebrows furrowed as he remembered the same guy in the picture he found awhile ago. At that exact moment, I came back home from the library.

"Perfect, Chae! You and Baek go buy us snacks he lost the game!" I didn't argue with Chanyeol, because I knew that would lead to nothing but endless bickering. So Baekhyun and I left to go to the convenience store. There was an awkward silence between us and I wasn't sure what the problem was with Baekhyun. In fact, it felt similar to when Kai came back from the city. Whenever I tried to talk to Baekhyun, I got shut down. We bought the snacks in silence, throwing in some ice cream for Baekhyun and I to eat on the way back home. It wasn't until halfway through the journer back did Baekhyun finally speak to me. 

"Who's Kai?" The sentence caught me off guard. All of my fleeting memories with Kai ran through my head at that exact moment. But what surprised me even more was the lack of feelings that surged through me at his name. 

"My first love."

"Why did you break up?"

"Even though we loved each other, not everyone you have a connection with is going to be in your life forever. Our love just wasn't enough to support each other."

"I see, well I hope our connection lasts forever."

"Promise me eternity, if you feel the same way as I do." And then it hit me, where these lyrics were from. 

Baekhyun and I were sitting alone in the band's practice room. We were given a Valentine's Day assignment in our writing class and I was working on that while Baekhyun sat across from me, stressed about something. Then out of nowhere, Baekhyun pulled my notebook away from me, looking at what I wrote down.

"Dreaming the same dream and feeling the same way; even if I give you everything in the world, I will never change. Promise me eternity, if you feel the same way as I do." He read off the page, his mouth gaping.

"I know it's cheesy and stupid, it's for our assignment just give it back."

"No, it's really good Chae! You're really good at writing, you should write some of the lyrics to our songs I've been stressing about the lyrics for our songs." My cheeks pinked at his compliment. I knew I enjoyed writing and always put my everything in it, but to be complimented and assured that I was doing well in something I did my best at made me feel special. And from then on, I wrote lyrics for the band's songs with Baekhyun composing the songs. We spent days on end with each other, popping out music and with each day I found myself growing to love writing even more. I loved the way how certain words would change the meaning. And how other words would convey more passion than others. I was in love with the art of writing.

But I would ignore the fact that what I was looking right at Baekhyun when I wrote what he read for the assignment.

When the music stopped, Baekhyun quickly left the stage and came to my side, his cheeks flushed so red that he resembled a tomato. Without a word being said, I pressed my lips against his.

Denouement

Six years passed since my graduation. I found myself back at my hometown. When I left, I was a country girl who was scared of life in the city and I came back as a country girl turned famous songwriter. I got accepted into the top school in Seoul and went on to write songs. And now, after so many years, I've finally come back to my hometown to visit. Everything felt so different but familiar, I wasn't sure how to feel or where I was going. The first stop I made was to my parent's graves, catching up with them and telling them my achievements. The next stop was to visit my favorite restaurant, saying hello to the owner and saying hi to his kids (who grew so much). And unknowingly, my feet brought me to the one place that held too many memories. 

The soccer field. 

A smile grazed my lips as I walked to the field, recalling all of the memories. Everything back then seemed like it would last forever and now those memories were just... memories. There was a small piece of paper posted on one of the goals of the field that read: 'Construction Soon, Soccer Field will be removed'. My memory book was going to close soon and I would be lying if I didn't say an ounce of me was the least bit sad at this fact. 

However, I didn't have much time to grieve over this when a pair of arms hugged me from behind. 

"Chae, you came back." I turned around to be faced with Kai, he looked as good as ever. Only slightly more tired. My eyes softened as it met his, those lingering feelings I felt were reignited. A small fire in my heart was burning. 

"I missed you, how have you been? I'm sorry for the past, I was-"

"It's okay Kai, it's in the past now. I've been fine."

"Call me Jongin, please. I'm glad you're finally wearing a jacket in this cold weather."

"You scolded me enough about it."

"I heard you're a famous songwriter now, congrats. I always knew you'd do well in the city."

"Thanks, how have you been?"

"My parents finally agreed to dancing. I'm a dance instructor now."

There was a long silence between us and I watched as Jongin's eyes began to dull and lose the spark in his eyes that he always had. I bit my lip at the silence, before shuffling around my bag to look for something when my hand brushed against what I was looking for. I pulled out an envelope, looking at it for a second before holding it out to Jongin.

"I'm getting married next month, you should come."

A look that carried both love and pain; the way that Jongin looked at me was unforgettable.

To say I didn't feel anything towards Jongin would be a lie. He shaped me so much as person and even when it felt like my world was collapsing beneath me, he made me forget about it even if it was for a brief second. So say I didn't have lingering feelings would be a lie, because he helped me grow as a person and I could never forget that. I would always have unconditional love for him. But I came to terms long ago that our love wasn't enough to support us when we were continuosly growing. Although our love didn't last, the memories we made was enough for me. We made memories to last a lifetime even if our love couldn't last and that was enough for me. 

-

It was Baekhyun and I's wedding, after being together for over six years. We went to different colleges and at first, I wondered if there was a chance we would last. Sometimes I would consider throwing in the towel for the both of us, but I was so glad that I never ended up doing that. Because I wouldn't be here if I did. After college, Baekhyun became the singer that sang most of my songs. We kept our relationship private until a week before our wedding so there wasn't any question in either of our successes. And needless to say, I truly did enjoy the time I spent with Baekhyun while we worked. 

There was a knock at the door. 

"Come in!" Chanyeol walked in in his suit, his girlfriend following suit right behind him. He rubbed the back of his neck bashfully, walking up to me and giving me a tight hug. 

Chanyeol opened his own coffee shop once he graduated college, it came as a surprise to me and everyone else who wasn't aware of Chanyeol's interest in coffee. But in his words: "All good things came from coffee." And I guess he wasn't wrong because he met his girlfriend at his coffee shop. 

"Gosh if you told me my younger sister would be getting married before me, I would've never believed it."

"Maybe you should propose to Minah then." I sent a wink to the girl, giving her a fist bump right behind Chanyeol's back as his ears turned red at my suggestion. He hit my head lightly with his fist for embarrassing him. Minah said a couple congratulations and compliments before leaving so that Chanyeol and I could have our "sibling time" as she called it. Right when she left, I collapsed back on the chair due to my nerves while Chanyeol comforted me the whole way. He was going to be the one walking me down the aisle and I couldn't have been more thankful. It was finally time to walk down the aisle. Chanyeol offered me his arm and I took it in mine, grabbing my bouquet as I took one last deep breath before walking out the doors with Chanyeol.

I scanned the guests when I walked out the doors. Everyone looked at me with awe, it felt a little surreal and uncomfortable being the center of attention (which was why I was the song writer and Baekhyun was the singer). In the midst of the crowd, I caught sight of a familiar brown haired man. It was Jongin. Our eyes met for a second and I gave him a small smile, I hadn't expected him to show up but I was grateful that he did; as my childhood best friend.

I averted my eyes to look at Baekhyun who looked as good as ever, my smile growing even wider seeing him in his suit. 

He was nervous even though he plastered the same goofy smile (which hadn't changed at all despite the years), I noticed his legs shake and his foot tapping. Beside him was his best men, which included Jongdae, Junmyeon, Minseok, and Kyungsoo. Each of them gave me a thumbs up while Jongdae mouthed something along the lines of: "You look good". Chanyeol guided me through the aisle and as I walked closer and closer to Baekhyun I felt my heart beat faster. Even after all the years, my heart wouldn't stop beating for him. We were finally in front of each other. 

"You're breathtaking," he muttered under his breath, taking my hand in his. Everything felt like a blur and before I knew it, it was my turn to say my vows to Baekhyun.

"I don't even know how to start with this one. I'm really grateful to have you in my life Baekhyun. You've been such a pillar of support for me ever since I moved to the city. You were the first one to break the ice when I was scared that maybe I wouldn't fit in. You radiate such care and happiness that makes everyone feel included and I admire you so much for that. And on top of everything, you're persistent. There were many challenges we faced and times where I doubted if our love was enough to withstand the curveballs that were thrown at us, but our relationship proved worthy. With Baekhyun, I know I can always find comfort in him. Even with us growing up and changing, our love grew with us. You showed me all the things I never learnt, even the things about myself that I had yet to realize until I met you. No amount of words can explain how much his love has brightened my life. Even in college when I had nothing, I felt like I was on top of the world just by having him make me smile. You are my everything; you're my light and you've shown me more love than I've ever known. I have loved you with all my heart and I will continue to love you with every ounce of me, Byun Baekhyun."

And we sealed our marriage with a kiss.

first oneshot done :) sorry if it's rushed, i didn't know how to prolong things without dragging them out for too long