joohyun looks ethereal with a shy smile and the whole crowd chanting because of her, seungwan wants to be closer to her, close enough to burn. she walks over putting her face between her hands.

seungwan leans in fully intending to kiss her when joohyun recoils back in surprise. she knows she messed up when joohyun looks at her with gaze intended to kill. it's a happy moment, but seungwan ruined it by her selfishness.

seungwan shakes her head to get rid of the memory, she can't believe she almost kissed joohyun in front of thousands of people. she must've gone crazy without realizing it. she's already looked herself up to see how many fancams were of it. thankfully not a lot, but still joohyun was called up to talk with the managers. she feels bad about it. because of her role of the leader she has to take responsibility of whatever others do. if she could take it back she would, but she can't so she waits for joohyun with a nervous heart.

"i'm sorry." seungwan says when joohyun comes.

"me too." joohyun tells her and takes a deep breath. "they were really strict about this."

"let's just wait a few days and they'll let off."

joohyun purses her lips, "about that, what were you trying to do?" she asks and seungwan's heart drops.

"w-what? nothing. i was just being playful."

"they all seem to think that we're dating." joohyun gestures behind her vaguely.

"we're not, so problem solved."

problem not solved because seungwan wishes they were dating. it's been years now already, she can't believe how fast the time went. she remembers the first time she saw joohyun and how flabbergasted she was that someone so beautiful can exist. she remembers a shy black haired girl, that barely spoke. how it surprised seungwan that she was older than her. seulgi introduced them and it was over from then on; love bloomed without her knowing, when she realized it, it was already too late.

she doesn't know joohyun's feelings, whether she feels the same or not remains a mystery. maybe that's why it's such a delicate situation - if everything was in the known there would be no need to walk a tightrope.

seungwan always longed for love, being alone for such a long time. she was away from her family, away from her home country, away from people who truly cared about her. she wanted to have someone in her corner, who knew her almost as good as she knew herself. it was a surprise meeting joohyun. she didn't know that joohyun would be that person but she felt it.

she couldn't believe with the way that joohyun was acting that she didn't have feelings for her too. she would give her gifts, text her to check up on her during the day or always pay attention to her needs when they were together. it's all the stuff that seungwan saw in films, read in books, and imagined love would be like. that's the part that made her want to try. she couldn't help herself, she reveals her feelings to joohyun.

"unless you want to be?"

"you were born to sing." joohyun simply says.

it says a lot. what she doesn't say says a lot. you were born to sing, you can't love me. if you love me, you're risking your career on one person. am i worth it to you? would you feel satisfied leaving everything just for me?

all the questions just by looking at each others' eyes and seungwan wants to cry. she doesn't know the answer, she never believed a person just has to have one thing in life - either love or career. it should be both things, it should be so many things, why is it so restricting just because she fell in love? does she have to choose and suffer through her life because she wants to sing? does she have to please people so much that she has to choose loneliness over a happy life?

"but i wished for you." seungwan clenches her hands together like she's saying a prayer, holding one of joohyun's hands between hers. "on quiet nights, you were to one i'd wish for. to be by your side."

her hands tremble as she thinks of the way to convince joohyun that this is a good idea.

joohyun takes her hand back, "we're together more often than not."

"have you ever felt this way?" seungwan can't help but be curious.

"yes." joohyun replies. "i have but i was young and stupid. i know better than to put my whole faith in one person now."

"isn't it what we're suppose to do?" seugnwan frowns. "find that person and live together with them?"

"you think i am that for you?" she turns to face her.

"yes." seungwan doesn't hesitate.

"have you been living life in ignorance?" joohyun asks, it's the harshest seungwan ever seen her be and it stings as joohyun looks down at her like she's a child. "the love that you want us to have? they'd stone us, if they could."

"i believe the times will change." seungwan insists