Jeno had died. Deceased. Been found dead in a ditch. Drowned so ing deep in his tears that he could turn the Sahara desert into a rain forest. He was simply just not alive in this world anymore, astral projecting straight from the gates of heaven.

Deceased, he said. Deceased.

He was just so absolutely mind blown he couldn’t process anything but the album he was currently listening to.

And that was exactly what he tweeted on his full-time Kim Doyoung fan account, praising his newest, just-released album he was playing on full volume inside his room like it was his life’s mission.

Especially track 5, “Blue”.

Jeno loved that song to the moon and back, but after having that song on repeat for what felt like a whole blessed hour, truly feeling like an angel had been singing to him personally, he decided to keep listening to the whole album again for the streaming points.

He’d gotten so lost in the music he didn't even hear his brother entering his room without permission.

"Blue? Really? That was the worst song on the album."

Jeno almost jumped, startled by his brother’s sudden presence, and glared at him. "Shut up. It's not like you'd get it."

"And why is that? Because I don't have a secret shrine dedicated to a singer I like inside a shoe box inside my closet, or because I haven't gotten my walls covered from floor to ceiling with printed pictures of him?"

Jeno groaned and fell back on his bed, frustrated. "Why are you always hating on him? It’s not funny.”

Jaehyun chuckled, "I'm not hating on him or his songs though? I'm just criticizing them with honesty. No hard feelings."

"Well, stop. It's not nice."

"Why not? Doyoung hates that song, he said it himself. Even when he was recording, he thought it was a little boring. Said he'd rather run around the city completely than work with that producer again."

"He has not said that!" Jeno would know. He’d watched every interview with Doyoung, and so far there weren’t any with him talking about his new album! Even the normally scheduled comeback showcase had been pushed back for health reasons, so HA!

Besides, Doyoung would've never said something so dumb in front of a gossip-hungry press. They would've eaten him alive in seconds, and Jeno would've lost sleep defending him from the haters that were waiting for any opportunity to jump on him.

But Jeno didn't have time to think about such non-existing nightmare scenarios now. He needed to prepare himself for Monday, knowing that the school's self-proclaimed No. 1 fan of Haechan, who hated his guts (the feeling was mutual), would seek him out just to trash on Doyoung in a ty celebration of his comeback.

Jeno had never said he hated Haechan, or even implied he wasn't a fan, but because both Haechan and Doyoung were always fighting for the top spots on the charts, their fans had declared a mutual war between the two fandoms, always fighting on social media.

Because of this, Jeno's classmate always felt obligated to fight Jeno, who in turn was a self-proclaimed No.1 fan of Doyoung. And he would, undoubtedly, be ready to fight for his idol's honor every time it came down to it.

"Trust me," Jaehyun said, snapping him out of the imaginary feud he was already having inside his head. "He hates it. He prefers any other track he's ever sung over it, and that says a lot when you remember some of the tragic songs on his debut album."

He was still talking about that? Jeno had almost forgotten how much his brother had dampened his mood for a second. "You have no proof of that."

Surely Doyoung wouldn’t say such crude things about a song that was sung with so much emotion it had made him cry on first listen.

Jaehyun looked like he wanted to argue with that, but then he seemed to change his mind, shaking his head. "You know what, I’m tired of this. You always doubt me when I tell you things, so–”

“That’s because you once told me reindeer weren’t real, and I got made fun of for years.”

“–I might as well just take you to meet my boyfriend."

Jeno blinked, unphased. A beat passed. “No thanks. I'd rather learn the biology book word by word than third wheel you.” Was it news to him that his brother was dating? Yes. Did he care? No.

"Promise?" Jaehyun asked with a raised brow, eyes challenging. From years of experience, Jeno knew a thing or two about how competitive his brother really was, so he relented with a bitter 'no'. "Okay then. I wouldn't have minded putting that into the test, but… I promise you won't be disappointed.”

“Yeah, okay, I don’t care. Now, get out. I want to listen to my music in peace.” And he was going to make sure he had ‘Blue’ on full blast for at least the next two hours out of spite.

Jaehyun tched, “Don’t rush me, brat. I was about to propose something real interesting since you got me all excited.”

“Okay?”

“Let's make a bet. If Kim Doyoung at some point really mentions something about not liking Blue, I win, and you owe me snacks for a whole month."

No one knew Doyoung better than him, Jeno thought, tempted. "And if I win?"

"I will do everything to get anything he’s ever put out, all of them signed, and even arrange a private concert with him just for you."

As if he’d have that kind of power. Jeno just couldn’t understand why Jaehyun was so willing to bet on something he’d so clearly lose. But seeing Jaehyun struggle didn't seem that bad of an option either. It could really take down his ego a peg or two, and really, there were barely any risks involved for him even if he ended up losing.

Which, to be honest, was almost impossible; No one knew about Kim Doyoung more than he did.

But just in case, Jeno had already formed a plan: since Jaehyun had asked for snacks but hadn't specified exactly which ones he wanted him to buy, he could just buy whatever was the cheapest for the whole month, and Jaehyun wouldn’t be in a position to complain.

Better yet, he could buy only the snacks his brother hated, so in the end he'd end up getting it all himself.

Yes. Perfect. A bulletproof plan.

Like his brother would even stand a chance against him when it came to knowing stuff about Kim Doyoung! Tch. Jaehyun was seriously in over his head this time.

"Deal."

Despite the probability of his victory, Jeno felt like he’d underestimated his enemy. Which was his life in a nutshell, honestly. When it wasn’t about comparing charts or sales, Jeno was struggling way out of his league whenever he tried to best Jaehyun at anything.

His brother was just so naturally talented at everything he tried his hands on that it mostly just pissed him off. So this one time he had the chance to crush his soul, and win an unachievable dream for himself, he was down for it.

But he had to admit that he felt his confidence waning a little the closer they got to their destination.

He’d never say it out loud for Jaehyun to know, but staring at the intimidating looking luxurious apartment complex in front of him made him feel oddly ominous about this whole bet.

He felt like he was being fooled 5-0, made a total clown before he even knew it, and he didn't like it for one bit.

It was clear that whoever Jaehyun had managed to con into dating him was definitely not someone he should take lightly.

He could beat his brother in this one in a million chance, but one upping over someone that belonged to a completely different social class? With connections that could help pull some strings for him? That would be rough, but Jeno wasn't about to back down from an easy win.

"Your… Your boyfriend lives here?"

Jaehyun gave him a knowing, wide smile. "Yup," he confirmed with a joyous, popping 'p'.

He was way too happy about this, like he was ready to reap the prize before they’d even gotten started. Jeno knew his brother too well, and the sinking feeling in his stomach only grew as he tried pushing those disturbing feelings away.

"He must be filthy rich."

Only celebrities and families of big conglomerates lived in these kinds of areas. It was an expensive, high-security neighborhood with security guards, and receptionists, and people opening the door for them - Jeno had only ever heard about apartments like these.

"Not really. People do recognize him though. It's hard to have dates with him in public when people constantly come up to him, and ask for a signature, or a picture."

Jeno eyed him suspiciously. Just what kind of a guy was Jaehyun dating? It wasn't some kind of a model, or an influencer, was it? Or some future heir to a big business? Or was that exactly why he’d been all hush hush about his boyfriend till now?

Jaehyun met his stare, and almost rolled his eyes. "Relax. I bet you're going to love me after this. Maybe you won't even let me go on a date with him without you tagging along with us anymore."

"Puh-lease. He'd have to be a whole Kim Doyoung for me to care that much about your dating life."

Jaehyun stifled a laugh, quickly clearing his throat when Jeno cast another distrusting look at him. "We'll see. Oh, we should probably take the elevator," he said after greeting the receptionist like they were old friends or something.

Even with the security guard, he’d only nodded his head, and they’d let them pass. Just like that.

This was getting ridiculous, Jeno thought as they stepped inside the elevator, spying for the floor number.

He felt faint when he saw Jaehyun press on floor 16, trying not to pass out with just the thought of how high up that would be. He’d always had a slight fear of heights he’d refused to admit for years now, and it was about to bite him in the once again.

Not that he’d give his brother the pleasure of knowing that.

Focusing on singing the lyrics of ‘Blue’ inside his head, and taking deep breaths, Jeno ignored the silence that wrapped around them. The whole ride up seemed to be filled with nothing but rising anticipation, and anxiety that threatened to claw up his throat, eating him whole.

At one point Jaehyun started humming a random tune, and for a second Jeno had considered smacking him to get him to stop, already feeling messed up enough even without him breaking his focus.

But he wasn’t that keen on getting caught on some rich people's security tape for assault, and possibly getting in trouble just because his brother was annoying (as always).

When the doors finally opened, he let out a breath of relief.

But Jaehyun looked so natural when navigating through the halls, Jeno blindly following after him, that it almost seemed like he lived there. Which was an odd thought considering he saw his brother's annoyingly handsome face at the breakfast table every morning.

And yet he could only watch in awe as his brother punched in the door code, opening the door for him with such nonchalance right in front of his eyes that he started wondering if his brother had a secret family he’d hidden from them, or something.

"Welcome to the house of your dreams,” Jaehyun bragged, acting like the host. “Oh, Doie doesn't have a schedule today, so he's probably just sleeping. I might just go and wake him up, but I gotta warn you, it'll make him really grumpy. Right. Uhh… Maybe we should just watch TV, and wait till he wakes up."

Schedule? Jeno huffed. What was he, a celebrity? He shook his head, letting his eyes roam around the apartment just as a figure emerged from another room.

"Hey, Jaehyun. Want to grab some– Oh, who's this?"

Jaehyun grinned. "Doie! You're awake! Awesome. This is Lee Jeno," he said as he dropped his hands on Jeno's shoulders, grounding him like he knew he’d just felt his soul fly away. "Jeno, this is my boyfriend. I believe you know him."

Jeno must’ve actually died. Yes, that must be it. Why else would Kim Doyoung stand there right in front of him, if not to welcome him to heaven? Obviously that was the only plausible explanation to this weird, dream-like situation.

Doyoung. Kim Doyoung. His biggest idol and role model since elementary school. Oh my god, it was Kim ing Doyoung. Right there. Right in front of him. In flesh and blood.

And he looked so good.

Ethereal.

Even in his worn-out college trousers, and a wrinkly white shirt with some kind of old toothpaste stain, and a really old looking hoodie he faintly recalled being Jaehyun's favorite one– Wait what?

"He's your boyfriend?!"

"Yup," Jaehyun beamed as he left him there, mouth dropped to the floor, and instead approached his boyfriend, giving his sleepy face a small kiss by the corner of his mouth.

If Jeno wasn’t currently going through an existential crisis of sorts, he would’ve probably thought it was cute. But he didn’t have time to process all that because excuse me, what the ?

Doyoung shook his head a little, and held out his hand for him. “Anyway, hi. I’m Doyoung. It’s nice to meet you.” Jeno nodded, a little dazed, and Doyoung smiled. “Not much of a talker, are you?”

“Don’t mind him,” Jaehyun said as he hugged him from behind, hands wrapping around his waist as he nosed against his neck. Doyoung leaned against him, looking comfortable at being held like that. “He’s just a bit starstruck, I bet.”

Doyoung hummed, eyeing Jeno up and down before frowning. Then, a little more hushed, he turned his head over his shoulder to be able to face his brother. "Jaehyun, is this… is this about that talk we had yesterday?"

"Mhm. I didn't have anything better to do today, and I knew you were free for the week, so..."

Doyoung sighed, "Jaehyun, I love you and all, but even I won't agree to do this without working through the details first. I know I said I'm willing to try whatever you want, but you can't just bring something up, and then expect me to be ready for it the very next day."

Jeno looked confused, and even Jaehyun took a moment to catch up on what he was trying to say. When he did, his eyes widened in horror. "NO! God, no, ew.” He shook his head to clear his mind from that ed up imagery. “No, I mean... No. Not that part. This is Lee Jeno, your biggest fan. Remember?"

"Oh, yeah!" The expression on Doyoung's face brightened by a million watts, "I remember now. Your brother right? He's so cute. And oh my god! How didn’t I see it before? You two look so much alike!"

"No, we don't," Jaehyun immediately disagreed, and Jeno took offense to that even if he shared the sentiment. His brother didn’t need to be that defensive over that.

"Yeah, yeah, you're more handsome, and macho, and sweet, and all that," Doyoung assured halfheartedly with a wave of his hand, rolling his eyes. "But look at him! He's so young, cute, and adorable!” Then he paused, really taking in Jeno’s face. “Oh, wait, now that I look at him, I think I've seen him, too. You've come to my fan meetings at times, right?"

Like every one of them, but sure. Jeno nodded, dumbfounded. Doyoung smiled, seemingly proud that he could remember his face. Then, his face twisted to a pouty frown, turning to complain to Jaehyun once again.

"You should've told me you're bringing him over today! I would've cleaned up, and put on some makeup. My face must be bloated as hell."

"Well... It was kind of an impromptu decision? I'm sorry. I'll ask you next time! I promise. I just really wanted to win a bet."

"You made a bet?” Doyoung’s eyes narrowed instantly. “Let me guess, it’s about me again, isn’t it? ” A beat of silence, then a sigh. “Seriously? Jung Jaehyun, how many times do you expect me to save your on national TV?"

"Hey! All the things I've said are one hundred percent true. Nothing but the truth."

"Well, yeah, but I don't plan to say even half of those on cam. You need to shut your mouth before you run off telling everyone what I like in bed."

Jaehyun gave him a sly smile, "Oh, I bet you'd like that." Doyoung punched his shoulder. Hard. "Ow! Kidding, just kidding! I would never tell anyone something only I need to know. I wouldn't be able to handle the jealousy." Doyoung only huffed, annoyed.

Only then did it occurre to Jeno that he was listening to his brother and his boyfriend argue about their life right in front of him. Or to be more precise, listening to his biggest rolemodel and his brother arguing about their life right in front of him.

"Ew! I literally did not need to know any of that!"

"Oh, he's alive. I thought he stopped working for a while."

"Be nice to your brother."

"Oh, like you're to Donghyuck?"

"Shut up, he's a brat. Jeno's a sweet kid, and what's even more important, he's my biggest fan. So hush, I don't want to traumatize my future brother-in-law before I even get to talk to him properly.”

“He’ll be fine,” Jaehyun grumbled.

Jeno begged to differ, but he’d rather think about how ed up all of this will leave him on his own time, when he was out of this apartment. Preferably locked up inside his own room, hiding under his blanket.

Oh god. His room. Filled to the brim with Doyoung merch, his face staring back at him every way he’d turn. There was no escape, someone help him-

“Jeno?” Doyoung called, sounding a little worried as he guided him to sit down on the couch, settling right next to him, and ignoring the way his boyfriend whined about the lack of attention on him. "You look a little pale. Would you like anything to drink? Water? Tea? Coffee? Perhaps something to eat?"

"Just… Just water, please," Jeno said, mind hyperfixating on Doyoung’s hand on his shoulder, the other resting on his thigh.

He couldn’t believe he was sitting right next to Kim Doyoung, being touched and talked to by him without combusting into flames. He couldn’t even meet his eyes, intently looking everywhere but at him, his whole face burning so bad he was afraid he’d get third degree burns.

Doyoung grinned, only barely resisting the urge to mess with his hair. "Ah, I love it when they get all shy. Makes me feel all special."

"Don't get used to it. I bet he'll turn into a fan of Donghyuck after he gets to know you better."

Jaehyun should've seen the slipper thrown at him for that comment coming from miles away.

“Wait here,” Doyoung told Jeno all sweetly, like he hadn’t just tried murder his brother. “I’ll get you some water.”

Jeno fidgeted with the empty glass in his hands. He’d drunk the whole cup the moment Doyoung had offered it to him, and now he felt incredibly nervous and thirsty again, but he was too shy to ask for more. He had a few burning questions that needed some answers right about now.

"So, uh. How… How long have you two been together?"

"Oh, just a couple years. Nothing too grand."

"Like... three years?" Jaehyun suggested, seemingly unsure.

What?

“Three years?!” That’s like…. That was long.

Doyoung frowned, "Has it been that little? I thought it was like... four. I can't remember. I'll have to check my instagram later."

"I think I have it down on my phone somewhere. Pretty sure we’re still on three."

“Okay, but does this count the time it took us to go on a first official date, or does the count start from when you finally asked me to be your boyfriend?”

“Well, from what I think-”

"So you've dated Doyoung for like... years now? And you never told me?"

Jaehyun paused, looking at his brother. For the first time since they’d arrived, he looked a little apologetic. But then he opened his mouth, and Jeno was ready to strangle him, really.

"Of course I didn't tell you, you would've gone around spreading it like the blabbermouth you are. Especially to Jaemin."

Doyoung blinked. "Wait, now I'm confused. What does Donghyuck's boyfriend have anything to do with this?"

Jeno blanched, "What?"

Jaehyun frowned, "I thought that was supposed to be a secret?"

"I was a secret," Doyoung defended. "Screw Donghyuck and his secrets. You know he told Jaemin about us the moment he could."

"Oh, yeah, true. Screw them. Let's tell the whole world."

"Jaehyun, no,” Doyoung quickly chided. “We don't want him to get angry at us. He'll start an apocalypse."

"Yes, true. Sorry, love. No telling the world."

"Good puppy."

Jaehyun whined, embarrassed, but Jeno’s mind was reeling too hard for him to be able to focus on how pathetic his brother was. Because say what again?

Jaemin was dating Donghyuck? As in, his arch nemesis Jaemin? Na Jaemin? Who was now suddenly dating Donghyuck? No, Haechan? Doyoung’s… not-enemy-on-charts but, like, a brother? A real brother? Step-brother? Just... brother? Was that how it went? Jeno wasn’t so sure about anything anymore.

But the absolute worst part out of all of this that was killing him inside, was that Jaemin knew his brother was dating Doyoung before Jeno even had a clue.

No wonder he always used all his time and energy just to come and rile him up about Doyoung while praising the ground Donghyuck walked on, dragging Jeno into his petty fights. He knew. He knew all along, and he had done all that just to mess with him, to gauge his reaction to see if maybe he knew now.

"That little er–"

"Language," both Jaehyun and Doyoung immediately scolded, though they didn't really care if he cursed around them or not. They could always pretend they had decency, especially in front of an impressionable teenage boy.

“Sorry,” Jeno mumbled sheepishly, falling back on the couch.

God, what a mess. He had no idea how to even begin to comprehend everything he’d learned in the past 20 minutes.

Most of all, he still couldn’t comprehend the fact that the man in his posters was sitting on the opposite side of him, his brother’s arms around his shoulders like it was nothing. Just what?

“How… I mean. You’re busy. Like a lot. And you didn’t quit school. How did you… Isn’t it impossible to balance all that?”

"Oh, I was homeschooled. Much easier with all my schedules since the timetable was arranged around my job."

Right. He knew that. Jeno had just forgotten it for a second with the huge influx of confusing information that had made his head spin. His cheeks flushed, embarrassed. And he prided himself as Doyoung’s number one fan? Yeah, right.

"Actually,” Doyoung started softly, smiling towards Jaehyun in such a fond way that in his right mind, Jeno would’ve gagged. “Jaehyunnie helped me to study a lot too since I wouldn't have been able to get through it alone. He really helped me a lot.”

Suddenly, Jeno could remember the long hours Jaehyun had spent on the phone, talking about homework and stuff, and he’d felt dumb thinking he was just chatting with his friends the whole time like some nerd instead of enjoying his free time like he had.

“But why didn't you just go to regular school?"

Well, that was kind of a dumb question, but everything he’d learned today had worn out his brain to mouth filter to the point that he was just saying whatever popped in his mind without even consulting his brain for the million and one facts he knew about Doyoung already.

"Oh, you know. Harassment, bullying, that kind of . If you ever want to become a singer, wait till you're done with school, or drop out. That’s my advice for you. Especially if you're openly gay. I know I'm not the best example, but you never know how the others will react. They can admire you, or they can really hate you. I really don't think there's really anything in between."

Jeno looked down to his lap, feeling like he’d been transported back a few years to his younger self, someone he couldn’t really find in himself to love or forgive.

The reason he liked Doyoung so tremendously was because of how much he’d helped him when he’d struggled to accept himself, especially when it came to his not-so-straight feelings, and his strong male preference.

He’d never really been true to himself, and tried to act as straight as all his friends despite not feeling that attracted to girls, but once Doyoung came out in an interview and shocked the whole world, he’d learned it was okay to accept yourself the way you are, that he didn't need to be ashamed of it.

His favorite singer being so vocal about being gay had been that one thing he’d needed to accept a part of him he never thought he could. And he’d never forget that.

Even if his idol was now supposedly dating his idiot brother, which he supposed he could accept since he cared for Doyoung's happiness, and maybe, just maybe, he cared for his older brother’s feelings just a tiny, little bit, too.

"I think you're cool," he admitted after a while of silence, his cheeks aflame. And brave, braver than he’d ever been in his life, but a part of him was too shy to share that with him out of the blue.

"Aww," Doyoung cooed, "Thanks. I try my best not to royally screw up, but we'll see how I manage. Thanks for supporting me though. It means a lot. Especially with… well, how some people have been to me at times."

But Jeno could only frown, thinking about his life that was already hectic with exam seasons alone, not to mention even trying to find someone to date while balancing a busy work life on the side.

"But if you're homeschooled... And also an idol.... How did you two even have time to meet?"

"Oh, we met at a fanmeeting? Yeah. Something like that. He comes by every time, and often waits backstage since the time it takes to wrap up is usually horrendous."

Jeno turned to his brother, seething. "You went to his fan meetings without me?" He felt beyond betrayed that the whole time he’d spent standing with the crowd, braving through all kinds of weather just to catch a glimpse of his idol, his brother had just been relaxing backstage, probably laughing at his expense.

"Hey, I knew him first, you little dwarf."

Jeno almost fought his brother before he paused, letting the words sink in. Wait, but if they met during a fan meet, didn’t that basically mean that if Jeno had tried, he could've dated Doyoung, too? Oh, how much he hated himself right now. And Jaehyun. Yeah, Jaehyun.

Doyoung could be exempt from his wrath because, well, he was Doyoung. His brother would just have to take the brunt of it, even if the said idol had to sadly excuse himself, saying that there were some urgent matters he needed to take care of.

Jeno refused to change his mind even after they’d bid Doyoung goodbye, and although he’d felt more than upset that their meeting had been cut short due to a call Doyoung had received from his manager, the idol had promised they could meet up again someday soon with more time to spend into getting to know each other better.

He’d even sworn on it after Jeno had made him pinky promise, something that Jaehyun had abruptly broken off by pushing through them, forcing Jeno to move along to the elevator, leaving Doyoung to shake his head at his boyfriend’s possessive behavior.

And though Jeno might’ve been a bit nervous about possibly meeting his idol again in the near future, being just with his brother had helped him let out a breath he hadn’t even known he was holding.

Because with just Jaehyun around, Jeno didn’t feel the need to impress anybody. And, well, it helped that his hyung was in so much trouble now.

“You know mom would freak out, right? To know you’ve been hiding a relationship for this long.”

Jaehyun cringed, “Yeah… It has occured to me once or twice. Which is exactly why I need you to keep your mouth shut about this.”

"Ha, you wish it was that easy. You owe me so much, and now that I know your filthy little secret, you bet you're buying me everything I want for the rest of my life."

Jaehyun sighed, "Fine, fine, whatever. But only things I can get free by mooching off Doyoung."

"You're a horrible boyfriend. How could someone like Doyoung ever fall for you? I should've been there to prevent this disaster."

"Shut up, kid. I'm a perfect gentleman in a relationship, you just have never seen it. And we're way past that phase where we need to act like newlyweds."

"Whatever. Hurt him, or make him cry, and I swear I'll break your knees."

"Isn't that something you should say to him, and not your brother?"

"No, I'm more worried for him than I am about you."

"Ouch. Fine. But I'm telling mom you're being petty."

"Fine. I'll tell her you've been secretly hooking up with a celebrity she’s fond of."

Jaehyun paused in his steps, eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't dare."

Jeno grinned, "Oh I would." Before Jaehyun could even react, he dashed off, trying to get home as fast as possible to prove his point. Behind him, he could hear Jaehyun shout after him in panic, running to catch up with him.

"Yah, you brat! Get back here!"

.......

"While I think that all the love and attention ‘Blue’ has received is amazing, I personally prefer the other tracks. I especially like....."

Jeno crossed his arms, and cursed bitterly at Jaehyun as he turned off the TV. After everything that had happened, he’d almost forgotten about the bet till his brother had sent him a text saying he should turn on channel 7 immediately.

Jaehyun had been right, and he’d won over him once again.

Goddammit.