seungwan knows that something is wrong the second she steps into the room. the dressing room is usually bursting with energy, the members and staff loudly talking with each other, sharing stories and jokes. but now she steps in and it's dead quiet.

she shrugs off the weird way everyone is looking at her, settling in the chair where her make-up is supposed to be done.

"i was thinking of using darker blush today," she says to a make-up artist who stands still and makes no move to prepare her for the shoot.

"okay, i'll bite - what's wrong?"

"wendy-ssi," staff's maknae step up, "just now... irene-ssi..."

"what?" seungwan sits up.

what's wrong with joohyun? one of the most important people in her life could be in trouble or hurt, of course, she's concerned. she just saw her before going to the restroom, what could have happened between that time and the moment she came back. seungwan notes how joohyun is not in the room.

"she and seulgi... we think they are having an affair."

seungwan blinks.

you see, it's no secret that seungwan and joohyun are dating. they are both affectionate people and from the first day they couldn't let go of each other. they like holding hands, linking arms, hugging, and kissing, no matter who's in the room. the staff coined them as 'the couple' happy for them, not everyone finds their person who they're comfortable with.

it's just a thing that seulgi doesn't like public displays of emotions.

she prefers to leave that stuff behind closed doors, her feelings are none of the business of the people around her. she saw no problem with seungwan and joohyun but personally she wasn't into that. she would not sit in another's lap if there's one more chair right there.

so no one knew that it wasn't just seungwan and joohyun that are dating; it was seulgi too.

south korea is not that tolerant, they have not seen much of polyamorous relationships, which is exactly what the three of them are in.

it wasn't easy, but they made it.

"oh." seungwan says, not knowing what else she could possibly do at this situation.

"i'm so sorry." maknae apologizes, "how can they do this to you.."

"what a bad people." the make-up stylist agrees.

"don't say that." seungwan gets a hold of herself, "there's an explanation."

"of course, you'd say that."

"it's okay to get mad."

"yeah, they deceived you! curse them out."

"they didn't exactly deceive me.." seungwan says awkwardly. "we're in a relationship. the three of us."

"huh?"

"...the three of you...?" the hairdresser repeats, confusion evident in her eyes.

seungwan hopes there's no hatred.

"yah, i said not to get in trouble but you go and do this. how do i explain it to higher-ups?" one of the managers speaks up, stressed out. "why don't you five just date all together? who cares anymore!"

"ah, oppa, don't be mad." seungwan feels lost as she's alone without joohyun or seulgi.

"who will explain this to the public if it ever gets out? do you know how much money they'll need to hide this? you're making me grow grey hair and i'm just twenty-nine!"

maybe seungwan deserves this. after all she was the one who initiated the whole thing.

she was so caught up in her feelings for joohyun and seulgi that she went around making moves on both of them. she was so careful though, she was dropping hints that she liked multiple people, that she can't be tied down to one, she wasn't sure they understood.

she still remembers how it started.

seungwan has a dilemma.

she never told anyone this ever and it's been harder to keep it in these days. but she doesn't think she can actually tell anyone. they'd call her crazy, shun her out, look at her weirdly for the rest of her life and all the other horrible things could happen that she can't think of right now.

she's thinking about it innocently (except for the times she's not). she's not a bad person, she doesn't think of herself that way. as much as she wants to change the fact, she can't. she has tried to ignore it, she's actually in the process of ignoring it now until it goes away. so far it hasn't and it's only been a year.

she sighs for the nth time since she's been in this van on the way to a schedule. the thing has been occupying her mind more and more, will she ever be free from it? although... she does like the feeling sometimes.

no, no, she already said too much. she's fine as long as she's busy. the got unit, solo schedules, and radio keep her attention away from it, keep her away period so she's free to not think about them and miss them more and more each day. who is she kidding, she'll probably grow old with them on her mind, but only on her mind never to keep.

you see, her dilemma is not really usual. well, maybe it is, but she's not really informed on the matter. she's just found herself falling in love with two people at once.

one is her best friend.

the other is her dearest unnie.

neither of them knows and never will because she's not telling them.

it's kinda like this - she loves all her members. the kind of love might be different but it's love all the same. her beautiful sooyoung that she watched bloom into a flower and mischievous pretty yerim, who would never admit to her face but loves her back just as much. they are her dear members, she doesn't know if without them she would still be singing on stage like she tells the fans. it would be much harder that's for sure.

the love she has for seulgi came slowly. at first, they were just friends who were getting along so great it surprised everyone around them. they made fun of each other, they consoled each other, they lived together in one room and pushed the beds together so they sleep close. it wasn't love that it was spoken out loud. at one point seungwan was sure seulgi knew what was going on when she caught seungwan just laying still and watching her sleep. seungwan was afraid she'll say something, but it was left unspoken.

with joohyun it was another way around, it was joohyun who would watch her sleep. she didn't think it was romantic but seungwan sure wished it was. ever since she saw her, seungwan declared joohyun the most beautiful woman she has ever seen. to have a woman like that be in love with you? surely, there's no one in the world that wouldn't want that.

they were a group like that and seungwan had a lot of room in her heart for love. she was afraid she'd fall in love with a third person one of these days, that would be a disaster, she would lose her mind just thinking about it.

she just wants to have her person but the thought of dating one but not the other breaks her heart. she does get a little messy with the prompted conversations but who's perfect in this life right? if they didn't want to they would've stopped her.

"you're getting better." joohyun says.

she's on the couch, legs pressed to her chest and she looks small like that. seungwan's heart clenches, she looks away.

"thanks." seungwan smiles. "i try."

"radio was a great choice."

"i think so, too."

they sit in silence for a moment, seungwan's mind running wild. what she could say that wouldn't seem to awkward? why does she feel awkward in the first place, she was fine before. why does joohyun has this effect on her?

"unnie," slips out her meaning to.

"m?"

well now that she said it, she might as well ask what's been bugging her.

"do you think you can love two people at once?"

joohyun blinks at her. it's hard to say what she's thinking with a face like that but seungwan prides herself at being able to read her members' thoughts pretty well. she tries to catch joohyun's thought process, it seems that she takes the question to heart and is actually is thinking about it.

it's good. unless she ends up thinking that seungwan is the one loving two people then it's bad.

"i don't know." joohyun says. "i think there are a lot of things possible in this world."

"so you think it's possible?"

"yes."

"what would you do if you fell in love like that?"

"me?" joohyun chuckles, "i don't think i'd be brave enough to say anything."

"why not? unnie, you're brave."

joohyun shakes her head, "it's scary. other people's eyes are also scary. how do you even go about it? i'm in love with you but also someone else too?"

"seems simple." seungwan shrugs.

"three people in a relationship is not simple."

"it's a new age, unnie! more people are open like that. maybe you should think about it-"

"i've thought about it." joohyun cuts her off, seungwan's heart skips a beat.

"and?"

"like i said - i'm not brave."

seungwan stares at the side profile of joohyun - her favorite view. she looks sad, like she lost something she held dear. seungwan scoots closer to her and holds out her hand. joohyun's hand shakes when she places it on top, seungwan squeezes it tight.

"i think you can do anything."

"i glad you think so, but it's not the truth.