“Are you sure it doesn’t hurt?” Wendy gingerly traces over the faded lilac of his busted eye. A lustrous sadness mars her pretty features. Jeno’s head falls back against the mirrored wall, lips spreading in a lovesick grin.

“I promise,” He nuzzles into her tiny seashell-sized hand, drunk off her feminine perfume — a summerfield of whimsical white daisies, succulent wild berries, and alluring jasmine. Enamored, he kisses her pouty lips.

“So awful,” She can’t help but giggle against his ravenous mouth, playfully swatting his chest. Who knew surprising him with homemade lunch would end up with heavy making out in his lap on the practice room floor? “You’re insatiable.”

“Noona,” His cheeks grow hot, squirming beneath her. “Then why’s your heart beating so fast? You want me, too.”

Her breath hitches at him greedily down her neck like icing sugar off from a bonbon. “Are you crazy? We can’t do it here, anyone could walk in.”

“Let them,” He whines, popping the buttons of her blouse one by one. “I want them to see that I’m yours. Want them to see how much power you have over me.”

“Jeno—”

“Tell me you own me,” He whispers, wrecked. A small moan leaves her rosebud mouth as his palm squeezes over her sheer lace bra. “Say that nobody else can have me because I’m yours.”

“You’re mine,” She’s his dopamine, nirvana, clouds, and candy rain splitting him apart. She’s so lovely, how kind of her to fill his soul with so much warmth. He’d spoil her in passionate kisses for eternity.

“Say it again,” It comes out more submissive then intended to but he doesn’t care.

“You’re all mine,” Wendy looks at him like he’s glazed love, and all he can do is shiver violently, crashing their mouths together.

Monday; handprint smudged mirror, discarded material, love oath.

“Baby, you’re enough.”

Wendy says it backstage whenever he beats himself up after a recital. Sometimes the spotlight gets in his head and he starts wondering how he could’ve made his spins cleaner and jumps higher.

“I stumbled out there,” He listlessly mumbles, head hanging low between his rosy knees. “It was so obvious.”

“Nobody knew. I couldn’t tell,” She feels her heart cracking at his shattered voice. Wants him to give himself a break because he deserves the world and everything it has to offer. He’s the best in the theatre & arts department, all his peers worship the ground he walks on but all he does is disintegrate into crumbling sand. “Everyone loved your performance. Especially me.”

Her warm words melt him like putty in her hands. “. . . I’m my worst enemy.”

She places delicate fingers beneath his chin and carefully tilts his head up, searching into his glassy eyes. “Then I’ll be an even bigger supporter. Through thick and thin.”

He notices when he cries, she cries too. She fixes him with love, showers him in praise, and reveres him with affection. All he wants to do is worship her in return. Make her the loveliest wildflower that bloomed this earth.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Tuesday; harp music, liquified adrenaline, safe refuge.

“Yah, isn’t he a sophomore? Wendy, I didn’t know you liked them young,” Joy teasingly elbows her flustered friend.

“Knock it off,” She laughingly defends, “He’s really sweet and nice.”

“Really?” Irene raises a brow. “I wouldn’t know because he’s so shy around us. Plus, I heard he’s a bit of a bad boy.”

“He’s a bad boy who’s only a good boy for his lady!” Seulgi chimes in. “Why should he open up to other people when he has someone who perfectly understands him inside and out?”

“Stop it, you guys are embarrassing me,” Wendy hides a blushed smile behind her textbook. The four friends’ study session gets interrupted by a car honking outside the cafe window. Their necks crane to see none other than Lee Jeno pulled up to the curb in his shiny black car.

“Oh yeah, and he comes from a filthy rich family. Gotta give our bestie some bonus points for scoring big,” Joy adds with a smirk.

Wendy grimaces into her coffee mug. “Ugh. Is money everything?”

“Yes!” They all dutifully chorus.

“Ridiculous,” She scoffs and shoves her books in her yellow gingham thrifted canvas tote. She kisses each of them goodbye. “I’ll catch you guys later.”

“Aigoo,” Irene sighs out once Wendy exits through the double glass doors. “But don’t they seem incompatible? He’s got this dark and moody persona going on, and our Wendy is so bubbly and bright.”

“Opposites attract,” Seulgi shrugs.

Irene pensively taps her pencil against cursived equation notes. “Yeah. . . Yeah, I guess they do.”

An offensive stench of candied cigarette smoke assaults Wendy’s nostrils the moment she settles into the passenger seat.

“Were you smoking in here?” Her eyebrows furrow, halting Jeno from leaning in to kiss her hello.

“Noona. . .” Shame scribbles all over his face.

“I thought you quit. When did you start again?” She tries not to sound crushed so much as disappointed. And greatly concerned.

Jeno pushes back in his seat and settles on quietly tapping along the steering wheel. “Noona, I never really stopped smoking. . . I just hid it from you.”

A sense of molten gold betrayal shifts in her chocolate brown eyes. “What about there being no secrets between us?”

“I’m sorry,” His slightly panicked tone trickles down like chills in her spine. “It helps with my anxiety and I know you don’t like it— Wendy? Wendy!” He hurriedly unlocks his car door and chases after her storming down the sidewalk, he grabs her by the hand only for her to yank out of his grasp and turn around and face him with tears streaming down her pale cheeks.

“If you want to spend the rest of your life in declining health then fine!” She rasps out, several arrows in her bleeding heart. “But lying to me is so much worse, you know I would never keep anything from you! Our relationship isn’t so cheap for you to disrespect it like that!”

He doesn’t visibly wince but she knows he’s hurting inside. It’s all there in his guarded, impassive gaze.

“Say something,” She demands, wanting so urgently to be the human diary he fills with unspoken thoughts. “You know me better than this — know that I wouldn’t judge you or hold you smoking against you. So tell me why you kept it a secret.”

A weary exhale escapes his lips as he looks down. “I hate letting you down,” He continues, withdrawn. “You’re so perfect and understanding but I can’t help but wonder if you really want to be with me. You could have anyone you wanted and I just feel like I hold you back. I’m sick of making you deal with my insecurities and all my baggage. It’s unfair for you to put up with someone as emotionally unstable as me, but I really want you around — no, I need you around me. Just please. . .” Finally looking up, he resembles a grief-stricken Romeo, brass skeleton stitched together by cold, lifeless skin. “Don’t be mad at me. Don’t leave me, Wendy.”

“Jeno, you know that I’m not leaving you,” She says more harshly than she means to. She knows he’s afraid to give his love away, even in their one year together, she dealt with the on-and-off pushing away and icy disappearances. She takes a step towards him, freezing him in place. It took her time to get him off the clear liquor and rose blunts, to peel back the folds of his soul for her to see. She’d love him for being vulnerable, love him even more for all his flaws. Sighing deeply, she cups the sides of his tear streaked face. “I love you. You have to trust me. I don’t care if you’re not perfect, or think you don’t deserve me. When you’re feeling low, please just tell me. I’ll spend that time telling you how beautiful and amazing you are. I’ll remind you every second how precious you are to me if I have to. You’re the love of my life, don’t you feel how special you are to me?”

And just like that, he’s collapsing into her like a helpless child. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” He wets the skin behind her ear with his tears. Her hands come up to wrap around him anyways, whispering comforting sweet nothings.

“Don’t be sorry. We’ll get through this together.”

Wednesday; nicotine patch, cerulean tears, eternal promise.

Wendy’s bedroom is a humble abode of polaroid plastered walls, twinkling fairy lights, and potted taro plants along the windowsill. Jeno loves the stuffed animals nestled against fluffy pillows, abandoned guitar in the corner, and the fruit loop cereal bowl candle on her nightstand. Finds the whole pastel color scheme so adorable and Wendy-like. Sleeping over is easier than the insomnia that consumes him in his own bed. Her parents feel more like family than the strangers back home, he can’t remember the last time he tasted his mom’s cooking. There’s only bottled water and decaying fruit in his fridge. But in the Son household, he’s always coddled with hearty stews and plentiful side dishes. It amazes him how someone could grow up receiving so much love and care. A part of him shades in envy, the other half dissipates in curling ribbons of hazy smoke. He belongs to the moon, and she to the sun. But sometimes, he shuts down in dull contemplation, if she’s not the one for me, who is? A visage of Karina’s chic beauty sprinkles like cosmos before his bleak pupils.

“Hey, you.” Wendy’s ebullient voice snaps him out of his galactic daze. His snow white hair rustles as he turns over to look at her smiling expression. “What’s going on in that pretty brain of yours?”

Then down at their intertwined fingers. “Us.”

“Really?” Her sparkling grin widens. “Care to indulge?”

“I was thinking about how after you graduate we should move in together. And how we should get married in two years, one if we get impatient.”

“You mean if you get impatient,” She points out with a knowing grin. Laughter attacks her lungs as he rolls over and smothers her in cuddles.

“Hush, that’s beside the point. Anyways, we’ll get a puppy until we’re sure we’re ready enough to raise a kid.”

“You wanna have babies with me, Lee Jeno?” She wiggles her brows comically.

“Oh yeah,” Smitten, he tickles her sides until she yelps in breathless giggles. “Lots and lots of babies.”

She’s sunflowers and he’s black roses. She likes vanilla chai, long walks on the beach, and prefers drive-in theaters than streaming Netflix. She erases his edgy facade away, instills within him a sense of acceptance. But all he knows is taking and not giving. Maybe at some point I became spoiled. Soft smiles boil into simmering tension as he pins her underneath him. She pulls him down for a quick few pecks, lust kaleidoscoping inside her earthy brown pupils.

Do I make you feel needed? Is at the tip of his tongue but he swallows. Past his half lidded eyes, unsteady nerves grow into cold branches void of any leaves. His hand finds her wrist in twisted sheets. Enthralled, she watches him watching her with unflinching, dedicated resolve. Like he’s savoring her in his honeyed gaze. An involuntary shiver ripples through her shoulders when his grazing fingers tug her ponytail loose.

“Kiss me.” Your heart must be so tired, let me hold it for you.

And he kisses her until she’s seeing stars.

Thursday; lazy morning, butterfly kisses, polkadot scrunchie.

Yoo Karina.

Wendy thinks she’s gorgeous and mysterious. There’s an ambiguous aura about her that says she’s hurting yet nursing an attitude so deadly anyone in the way would instantly face the fire of her wrath. She’s chic and cold but in such an unworldly, mesmerizing way. It’s unbelievable someone that insanely stunning could exist. Wendy thinks she looks like Jeno.

“Hey, Karina! So nice to see you again,” Wendy warmly greets the eye-widening ice queen who realizes they’re seated next to each other for Jeno’s ballet recital. She stares at the elder so intently she forgets all about the glittering dancers. Reeling in Karina’s studying gaze reminds Wendy so much of her boyfriend it’s uncanny. She awkwardly clears and broadens her smile. “Do you remember me. . ? Sorry if I startled you, we first met at that dinner—”

“I know who you are,” Karina’s tone strikes like sharp icicles down Wendy’s spine. But her smile, man, her smile hauntingly reminisces scarlet camellias bleeding through stark white snow. “You’re Son Wendy. Jeno’s girlfriend.”

“Oh. . Right?” Warmth fills Wendy’s cheek at the mention of her lover’s name, kind brown eyes wandering back to his princely presence on the grand stage. Then a loving kind of pride swells deep in her chest witnessing everyone else in the audience being enthralled by his fluid, swan-like movements. That’s my man. “Are you and him close? He barely talks about his friends so I have no clue who’s in his social circle. He is pretty shy so he sometimes comes off as brusque but he’s really sweet—” Wendy cuts herself off, blushing furiously. “Sorry if I’m rambling, that must’ve sounded really obnoxious.”

“I know Jeno well.”

Wendy barely hears her over the celestial Tchaikovsky music. She turns to Karina again, only to notice how unsettling and grotesque the 21-year-old’s unmoving stature is. She’s like a sadistic, omnipresent goddess. She’s scary. She’s dangerous. And yet again, admiring her beauty is like looking at Jeno. “Ah, the music was really loud just now. I don’t think I heard you well. What were you saying?”

Karina stares straight ahead, dark pupils never leaving Jeno for a second. She doesn’t answer Wendy right away, seemingly lost in her own reverie. “The first time I lost a chess match was when I realized how much I hated losing. The feeling of regret and humiliation was something I never wanted to feel again. . . Winning became therapeutic for me, it felt as easy as breathing. That was until my parents divorced and my family became incomplete. Do you know what it’s like losing a father? It’s like tearing off a leg or an arm — no, it hurts even more than that.”

Wendy shakes her head in visible confusion. “Sorry, I don’t know if I fully understand—”

“Beating my opponents in chess started to not be enough. I needed a stronger fix. A cure to my depression and loneliness,” Karina pauses, seemingly rolling the words over in as a serene expression crosses her face. “Then, like rain falling on a sunny day, I fell in love with someone. But I wonder,” A bitter chuckle escapes Karina’s mouth, dark humor controlling her tone. “Is it love? Was it love for me? I wanted to own that person. I wanted him to need me, to only depend on me and wither away if he couldn’t exist without me. You see, that’s how I feel about him. I can’t imagine him living in the world not belonging to only me, because I feel like I’ll die if I don’t belong to him. He’s my twisted, sick, horrible obsession and I don’t care because it’s my obsession. And you know what? I’m obsessed with not losing.” When Karina finally looks at her, Wendy feels a dawning dread reveling in her stomach. Could it be . . . “ And I won’t lose him to you.”

“W. . . W-What?” Wendy chokes out.

“I won’t lose Jeno to you.” Karina says it like they’re discussing time slots and packed reservations at a popular restaurant. No, more like a child refusing to share their precious treasure, or more like a thief justifying what they unrighteously stole. Wendy can’t believe it. Her whole body trembles. The entire world collapses before her and oxygen vacuums from her lungs. Brown eyes glisten with teardrops as she glances back at the stage where a majestic Jeno pirouettes against the baroque backdrop. Heart thundering in her ribcage, she slowly scans over his magnificent footwork, his clipped Cupid-esque stardust wings, and strained face coexisting in ultimate bliss and angry compassion. He dances as if living through pain and pleasure. He’s so heartbreakingly beautiful up there. To think someone that beautiful could commit something so heinous. . .

Nothing makes sense anymore.

Tell me you own me. Say that nobody else can have me because I’m yours.

What was this past year even about?

I love you.

Is the origin of true love just prettily packaged, dressed up lies?

You’re so perfect and understanding but I can’t help but wonder if you really want to be with me.

What more is there to say. . .

I was thinking about how after you graduate we should move in together.

Lies. It was all lies.

“Karina,” Wendy breathes unsteadily, clenched hands grasping the armrests tightly, “Take him and have him for yourself. Then you’ll see that winning isn’t everything.”

And with that, Wendy calmly stands up and makes her way out of the auditorium.

Not a single look back spared.