Remember when I had the supper-break date with her? Yeah, the one that was unconsciously ruined by Takahashi Juri. That day, when we felt suspicious looks by people around us, it was not all positive nor all negative. I remember those japan trainees who were looking at us from time to time and giggling instead of gossiping around. I guess, Japan is a bit more flexible in dealing with same- relationship. Korean trainees, however, might seem to be supportive at specific times. For examples, there were times when the trainees would joke around as if they were in some romantic relationship, mostly on-cam.

That day, some of my fellow trainees were looking at us like they were disgusted. Some would just give us ambiguous looks, and some would seem to be really supportive; like Wonyoung, Yujin, Gyuri unnie, and Sian, and other trainees that I could not really remember.

I guess those stares kept on making Yena felt uncomfortable. Moreover, I heard that the rumors about us spreading around the staffs and trainees faster than ever. Sian told me about that one day when she confronted me. Oh, I was doomed when she asked me directly about me and Yena.

It was about two weeks after the date, when Yena and Juri got closer. I supposed Yena really held Juri close to her heart. It was those push and pull tricks she pulled on me that got me confused. One moment she just all over Juri, yeah, right in front of my salad. Seconds later, she would hold my hand, hug me tighter than ever, telling me sweet words, all happened in the same time. Only that she was doing it mostly when people were not around. When it was just me and her, she made me believe that I was hers.

Then days became weeks, and eventually months. In our times preparing for every evaluation, I tried my best to focus on practices. Within those times of sweats, efforts, and tears, I would always find Yena around. She would be there to wipe my sweats, encourage me more than anyone, lend me her shoulders to lean on.

Yes, she was there for me, but secretly.

Then, for Juri? She showed it off, her actions and loving gestures, like a proud girlfriend she was.

Yena was occupying every single brain cell that I had, and I really had to accept the faint line that she put between us. I came to the conclusion that I really had to give up on whatever that was going on between me and Yena. Repeating the same sentence all over again just to get myself together, “Yena? She sees you as a friend. Best friend, maybe? Oh, right! A younger sister figures.”

It was pathetic, I was pathetic. Even after repeating those sentences every single day, I still found myself being pushed by my inner curiosity. Who is Jo Yuri to Choi Yena?

Apparently, no one really talked about me and Yena that much anymore. Should I really be thankful for Juri? I didn’t think so, but it seems Yena was more comfortable that way. So, I built my barrier high enough, or I thought so. As times went by, I managed to forget about the stings I felt when I saw Yena and Juri together. But, as times went by, Yena was so far from being gone. She was still there, right beside me.

Something just did not feel quite right for me. I was young, and stupid when it comes to feelings. I was young, and I thought I had to follow my heart. So, I asked her about my biggest curiosity, while hoping that I might just get a closure and finally moving on.

Three days before the final show, I saw her laying down on the corner of the practice room. Everyone had been gone by that time and the cameras were nowhere to be seen. Of course, it was around four in the morning I believe. I approached her, our eyes locked and for seconds, I had a change in my heart. Maybe I should ask her some other time, she was so tired from the practices and I did not have the heart to make the situation worst. Then again, “Do we have that some other time?” I was spazzing out, lost in my own thoughts, drown in her eyes.