Chapter 2: The Ignorance

*** 

Kyungsoo hated to be very self-conscious. He hated being in the spotlight. He found himself turned bashful whenever he got attention, whether it was negative or positive. Because it made him sweat and inhibited, his words and actions would all be unsorted.   

For the rest of his life, he never necessarily cared if people like him or not. He deduced the fact it was not due to his lack of attractions or being unlikeable. They didn’t know him well and never befriended him, and he never try to make an approach either. He didn’t have an inkling interest to go out of his way to talk to people, unless he needed to. He was a no-nonsense type of boy, always serious in doing what he felt he was obliged to as a son and student.  

But now, he started to feel like all those guarded walls he put around him started shaking. He felt suddenly incandescent in Kim Jongin’s presence.   

Kyungsoo ate his dinner quietly with nerves trickled through his veins when the reason for that was just sitting next to him.   

They had an extravagant dinner tonight. Mrs. Kim sat at the center of the large white marble, dining table while Jongin and he sat down silently across from her.   

Kyungsoo felt rather nostalgic, wistful with the sudden familiar feeling; being able to eat with one and only childhood friend he ever had. He tried not to dwell in the feeling mixed with pleasure. That was just a sentimental yearning he knew would only evoke the feeling of sadness later.   

When did things start to go wrong between them?  

They used to be close since Jongin lived with his mother after his parents divorced. But as soon as they were almost finished their middle school, the slow drift apart seemed to begin. Then Jongin suddenly decided to move out to live with his father and started his high school abroad. That was the moment Kyungsoo felt he lost a big part of him, his soulmate. Someone who had always listened to his foolish talks, grief, and rants. Never had he felt lonely even the only friend he ever had was Kim Jongin, but the moment that one person walked out of his life, Kyungsoo felt so alone. The boy never contacted him at all. He felt like he had been cast out, rejected, abandoned to his selfhood, until he was getting used to the feeling and never care to live his life the way it was now. Losing one person, that happened to be his only close friend since kid was hard for him.   

Was there no chance for us to get closer again?   

“So, how’s your grandma? I heard you were helping her at the guesthouse during your long break.” Mrs. Kim broke the silence as she looked up from her plate after finishing her dinner, her eyes focused on her son, at once pulled Kyungsoo out of his long trance.  

Jongin was so silent too, responding only when he was asked by his mother. “She’s doing good, healthy… and love nagging."   

Mrs. Kim chuckled, used to his son’s lack of words and emotional demeanor ever since he was just a little kid. It was not something she expected to change in just over the past three years. But she knew Jongin was not like that with a certain someone. The boy loved to be clingy, joyful, and chatty only with one particular boy.   

She glanced to Kyungsoo who was only looking down, slowly chewing his food as if pretending to be invisible at the moment.  

She sighed inwardly. She was not blind to see how the two boys were not close like they used to be. She concluded it would be related to some childish fight they were probably ever had and it brought to this moment. She thought time would solve everything, but now the two seemed awkward around each other. She needed to fix that somehow. Kyungsoo needed a company to develop his socialization life, and Jongin needed a friend that could bring back his old self.   

“You asked me where are the parcels of your stuff before right? I keep it in the basement down there with your old belongings.” She said and wiped with a napkin.   

“Alright. I will go get them later.”  

“Then Kyungsoo will go with you to help.” She inserted quickly and smiled at Kyungsoo who looked alarming by the sudden order. The boy's round, wide-eyes flicked up to her. 

“It’s okay. I can manage it myself.” Jongin refused and drank his water after finishing his meal.   

“Oh, I need to tell you... the room is dusty and there are a lot of spider webs around. I forgot to have it clean when the housemaid came last week.” She pondered, reminding the task the cleaner lady that came once a week had missed to take care of. She suppressed her smile seeing Jongin blinked his eyes twice, knowing how her son’s fear level of bugs.   

Jongin remained silent with no denial. He tensed, already imagining the unpleasant crawling sensation of insects underneath his skin.   

“I’ll help you.” Kyungsoo interrupted after so long being quiet.   

“Aww... Kyungie is so sweet as always. That’s good. Please help Jongin, because I need to go out now.”  

“At this hour?” Jongin looked at his mother.  

“Yeah, there is this new client that desperately needs my help.” She moved to find her briefcase, missed to see the longing look in her son, which Kyungsoo caught a fleeting glimpse of it as he peeked at the lad.   

“I’ve just come home and you are leaving?”  

“It’s just a quick meeting. I need to hear this man's side of the story before I can open a case file.”   

Kyungsoo stood up from his chair and started cleaning the table quietly - trying to find an escape from trapping between the mother and son, rather tense atmosphere.  

“You have tens of staff to do such a trivial job,” Jongin stated the fact.  

“Now, you sound like your father.” She snickered, ignoring her son’s discontented tone. “I might own the company, but just sitting on the chair and ordering around is not my strong suit.” She walked off from the dining area after grabbing her briefcase. “I’ll come back before midnight. Don't fight boys, when I’m gone.” She smiled and waved at Kyungsoo who nodded as their eyes met.  

Kyungsoo’s uneasiness grew as he turned to look at Jongin who stood up and walked over to the sink, placing his dishes in the dishwasher quietly.  

He always knew that Jongin was not very close with Mrs. Kim, like how the mother and son should be connected. There was nothing Kyungsoo could help regarding the issue. He knew all along how Jongin’s condition was back then even before he stepped into the house. The boy lacked parental warmth and love.  

And Kyungsoo felt guilty.  

Mrs. Kim seemed dotted on him more if compared to her own son. Everything Jongin used to own, he felt like he had snatched them away from him, unintentionally. Not just his favorite toys and other uncountable stuff, even the boy’s mother’s affection.   

It was my fault. That’s why he hated me.   

Kyungsoo felt bitter inside. He swallowed the lump in his throat before making his way to Jongin, involuntarily.  

“J-just leave it there… I'll wash it.” Kyungsoo found himself stuttered a bit. After three years haven’t seen each other and now being left alone with the guy was hugely unsettling. His eyes diverted to look elsewhere almost instantly when Jongin turned to look at him. Those intense eyes roamed over his face.  

“You have never changed.”  

“Huh?” Kyungsoo mustered some nerve to meet Jongin’s eyes upon hearing the sudden comment from those plush lips. He couldn’t deduce if the guy meant in a good or bad way. The look on Jongin’s face was difficult to read as he stared at him for a long, quiet moment.   

Kyungsoo’s breath caught in his throat, temporarily dazzled, to be able to look at the other closely now. This Kim Jongin looked different than the last time he remembered, the disparity in their height clearly became obvious as they stood next to each other. He felt small now, dwarfed by Jongin’s presence. The other also looked even matured, that sharp jawline and deep-brown eyes that were currently peered down at him through his tousled locks, still breathtakingly gorgeous.   

Time seemed to halt for several heartbeats, before Jongin turned and resumed washing his own plate. The guy then walked off from the kitchen without much talk.  

Kyungsoo let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding once the latter disappeared into the hallway.   

Now, how can he put up to live with the guy under the same roof again?   

*  

“There’s a lot of boxes and quite heavy. I can help to carry some to your room.” Kyungsoo spoke while he tiptoed with the broom in his hand, as he swept the cobwebs from all corners of the room, trying to be unaware of Jongin who stood on the door frame watching his every move. He used to clean the house even there was a maid who would come every weekend.   

Jongin looked at the floor, there were about five boxes containing all his belongings that he still wanted to use.   

“Then, can you help me carry this one upstairs? I will handle the rest.” Jongin pointed to one box near Kyungsoo’s leg, before he bent down, wiping the dust off and lifting two boxes at once. 

Kyungsoo nodded, a little smile adorned his face, feeling glad that the other needed his help, at least. A little hope to get closer to Jongin seemed blooming inside him.   

He moved to get the said medium-size box, a bit surprised that it was lighter than he thought. He carried it upstairs to Jongin’s room.   

“Where can I put this one?”  

“Just place it there.” Jongin pointed to his study table in the corner of the room, before he walked out to get more of his stuff downstairs.   

Kyungsoo looked around the room, suddenly surged with that feeling of overwhelming again. This spacious bedroom painted with soft blue brought back a lot of memories he should expunge from his brain. He used to spend most of his time here with Jongin when they were still close. Jongin’s bed was also his bed, the other’s study table was also his, at the point, he was barely using his own room because they were always together. Kyungsoo scratched the thought off before it bugged his emotion.  

He fiddled with his fingers after putting down the box, contemplating whether to help Jongin sort out his things but he felt like he would invading the other’s personal space. He decided to go downstairs back. But when he was about to walk out, his right leg accidentally kicked something that lay near the bookshelf opposite of the study desk.  

A small wooden box tumbled on the floor, scattering its contents. Kyungsoo bent down to gather them, realizing it was the stack of some photos and old envelopes. He grabbed them to put back into the box but he hesitated in his move for seconds when his eyes caught a short, neat handwritten word on the back of one photo in his hand.  

‘Love you' 

Kyungsoo’s heart thumped slightly, the hand seemed itchy to turn the photo for his view, even it seemed privacy stuff. It was like a gift to someone.   

“What are you doing?”  

Kyungsoo was startled by the sudden sharp voice. He barely registered the other presence, as the photos in his hand were snatched away. He lifted his head to look at the other and all words seemed dry on his tongue.  

Kim Jongin was looking at him, his expression fierce for some reason that froze Kyungsoo in his spot.  

“Don't snoop around other people's stuff.” The tone of voice was icy cold that leave Kyungsoo speechless momentarily. Jongin threw back all the stack of photos and envelopes into the box and put it aside. The frozen air around Kyungsoo continued to descend.   

“I-I’m sorry...” He managed to mutter almost audibly. He wished the ground would open and swallow him up at the moment.   

Why are you so stupid?! He scolded himself mentally.   

“Get out.” It was curt and firm, Jongin’s tone was cold.  

That made Kyungsoo hang his head low with a clenched heart. He rushed out toward his room that was only opposite of the other’s.  

Once he closed the door of his room, he bumped his head against it.  

Good job, Do Kyungsoo! You just fuelled Jongin’s