Printed polaroids scattered on the floor with hoodies, handwritten letters, dried petals of roses, grocery receipts, movie tickets, teddy bears, penguin and tiger plushies, and other stuff that lets Mina walk down her own memory lane.

 

It was Sunday and she doesn’t have anything to do but to segregate everything inside the box that Chaeyoung gave her days ago.

 

She doesn’t have a choice, though. It can totally be a waste if she will throw away everything so why not just donate things like those hoodies and stuffed toys to those who are in need? And as for personal stuff like photos and letters, she’s still thinking of either throwing it straight to the garbage or burn it somewhere far away.

 

Right after she had her breakfast, she already fixed herself and had that mindset of cleaning her whole bedroom to hopefully have a refreshing start once again because she believes these past few weeks were already enough for her to suffer and she eventually needs to move forward for herself and for her future alone.

 

She fixed her pajamas and the bun of her hair before she gradually started moving all the other boxes that are also associated with the box Chaeyoung returned to her.

 

Once she opened the first box, she took a deep breath and started to browse everything inside. She then determines it as their memories from their first year of dating where they literally had a lot of dates every weekend and it instantly played in her memories.

 

Their first ever date was a Saturday right after the foundation week of their university where they watched a romantic movie and went to a coffee shop afterwards to chitchat about everything, mostly about the movie that is literally cringy for the both of them and somehow regretted because they should’ve picked the action movie or the horror one instead, then they could enjoy that day more.

 

“But on second thought, I think it doesn’t matter, as long as I watched it with you”

 

“You and your words, Son Chaeyoung. Tell me what you want”

 

“You”

 

The younger said without hesitation that made Mina blush in an instant. Chaeyoung surely knows how to make Mina’s heart flutter in any ways possible and she won’t complain anything about it.

 

“So… you told me those cheesy words because you want me?”

 

“Yes. I want you and only you, Myoui Mina.”

 

“Geez. The last time I talked to you, we’re discussing about our activity and seeing you here actually saying those words is definitely weird. I don’t think I can last in conversations that aren’t academic or business related.”

 

Chaeyoung giggled and sipped on her coffee afterwards.

 

“Well, I’m still thankful that you asked for a date, though. I’m bored”

 

“Please. Do I look like a past time to you?”

 

“Why do you always have something to say towards everything I’ll say?”

 

They then went back to the mall and entered an arcade as Chaeyoung figured that Mina won’t say anything anymore if she’ll be in a place where she’s comfortable the most.

 

Inside that place, where Chaeyoung only looked at Mina and her gorgeous smile whenever she wins in a game or get the highest score or simply when she’s playing, her heart keeps on telling her that Mina is the one for her.

 

A few more games before Chaeyoung eventually involuntarily forced Mina to take a photo with her as a souvenir with their first ever date in a photo booth.

 

“You could’ve just took your polaroid with you”

 

“I did. We took a photo a while ago in the coffee shop and outside the movie house, right?”

 

Chaeyoung showed her some of their photos a while ago and argued that it would be lovely to have another souvenir beside the polaroid and for them to try the photo booth as well.

 

They took a few shots and Chaeyoung cannot explain how Mina’s smile can brighten her whole life because it seems like she’s just acting that she doesn’t want to take one yet she keeps on rocking different poses and even messing around with Chaeyoung that resulted in their photos to be so natural, as if they’re really close and comfortable with each other (they are, though).

 

That photo from the booth is still with Mina and it made her smile a little because they were so innocent back then, full of hope about love and the life ahead of them.

 

When she saw another photo at the back of it, it immediately took Mina back to memory lane.

 

It was her first celebration of her birthday with Chaeyoung where the latter went to her house unannounced at exact midnight just to greet her happy birthday but Mina was firm so she made her confess with her real motive of going there at that time and that’s when she knew Chaeyoung’s plan of just cuddling under the stars in their backyard with the tent already made and the telescope setup already prepared.

 

They exited Mina’s bedroom through the front door and good thing that her whole family wasn’t a light-sleeper because if not, Chaeyoung will immediately be sent home.

 

Once they arrived at the tent, there’s a bouquet of red roses waiting for Mina, a penguin plushie, and a simple happy birthday placard with lots of doodles that can instantly be determined as Chaeyoung’s work with her ‘lips with mole’ signature at the right bottom part of the greeting.

 

“Happiest birthday, my dear Mina”

 

Chaeyoung leaned and kissed her girlfriend’s cheek as they both smiled at that moment. Their hearts can tell how happy they were at that time, evident in the photo they took with the stars above them.

 

Even if Mina has her eyes closed in the photo as Chaeyoung kissed her cheek once again with eyes closed as well, Mina can determine how nostalgic that moment was because in all her birthdays, that was the only birthday celebration she felt so alive and worthy, beside her own definition of life and home.

 

The next thing she noticed at her all scattered things was the jar full of dried petals and made her remember of the first ever flower she received from a special someone in her whole life.

 

It was Valentine’s and all her friends have their respective dates and just like the past years, Mina will just lock herself in her bedroom and play all the game she wants because she doesn’t want to work on her academic requirements.

 

She was about to go home and her whole being was so excited to reunite with her bed once again when Chaeyoung called her name when she was already at the exit gate of the campus and asked her to be with her at some quiet alley, away from everyone.

 

“Uh, I just want to give this to you. It seems like you have a plan already tonight, so I’ll just greet you a happy Valentine’s day. I hope you’ll enjoy the rest of the night.”

 

She extended her hand with a stem of a pink rose and a letter with it.

 

“Oh. Thank you, Chaeyoung. Happy Valentine’s day. So…”

 

A somehow awkward silence dominated the whole atmosphere before Mina eventually gained some courage and do something she never done before.

 

“Uh, if you’re not busy, you might want to play some video games with me at home to spend Valentine’s? My family’s not home and maybe I can just cook for dinner?”

 

Mina’s voice is shaking with her last phrase because why does she even explain when she could just ask her to play with her, or better just shut up because it is way too awkward for the both of them already?

 

“Sure, I would love to!”

 

Mina chuckled. She doesn’t know how did she kept that amount of petals in a jar, yet she’s still glad that it kept her best Valentine’s day celebration.

 

The next thing she saw was a penguin plushie that is certainly her favorite, up until now, even if she somehow resents the person who gave that to her.

 

“You can hug Mr. Pengu when I’m not around, when you miss me, or when you can’t sleep at night because of nightmares. It can remove all your sadness away, trust me. He does magic so I’m giving him to you.”

 

“Silly. You just bought this from a department store”

 

“But it resembles you a lot, first and foremost, with the way you walk. You’re so adorable like him!”

 

Chaeyoung pinched the cheek of the penguin’s cheek before Mina eventually hugged it and even kissed it’s crown.

 

“No thank you or anything? I’m sad”

 

Mina then chuckled and pulled her girlfriend next to her and accidentally kissed her lips instead of her cheek that made the both of them blush.

 

“Good night!”

 

She immediately entered her apartment and fanned herself because she didn’t even expect to kiss her girlfriend that instead.

 

Nevertheless, it was all just a memory to Mina as she keeps on being comforted by the penguin plushie, just like what Chaeyoung wanted it to be, because it can certainly make her sleep peacefully at night without worrying about anything.

 

She then noticed a handwritten letter with a sketch of herself and determined it instantly as an anniversary gift from Chaeyoung.

 

She bravely opened it without thinking anything and started reading, still hugging the penguin.

 

Thank you for being born in this world, Mina.

 

You mean the moon, stars, and the skies to me.

I won’t get tired of reminding you how blessed I am to have you.

Thank you for existing. Thank you for choosing to keep moving forward.

I can’t say anything else, you know I’m not good with words, but…

 

I’ll risk everything just for you, my love. You are the only definition of serenity, love, and home that I will forever cherish and keep. You’re the missing puzzle piece in my life and will be my lavender to my gloomy life. Just…

 

You will always be my muse and favorite subject.

You will always be the coffee that I’ll need every morning.

You will always be the music I’ll forever listen to.

And you will always be the person I would love in every lifetime I will have, over and over, again and again.

 

Happy anniversary, darling. I love you always, Mina.

 

Mina wiped her tears in an instant, yet it keeps on falling from her eyes that just made her remember that one certain moment that she bets will make her have a total breakdown that morning and she just let herself be consumed by that moment, to feel pain by her lover once again, hopefully, for the very last time.

 

She thought she's back to reality as she stopped scanning the things around her when her brain, a total traitor, played another memory, a recent one.

 

“The sunset is beautiful, isn’t it?”

 

It was another meeting of Mina and Chaeyoung, just a day ago, and days after they had a pretty big and loud fight at the coffee shop.

 

They think that both their heads are already cool enough to have a really decent conversation they need to have and to hopefully clarify everything between them.

 

They were watching the sunset once again with the orange skies being reflected in Chaeyoung’s brown eyes and at that moment, it is still Mina’s personal favorite.

 

Amidst the comfort the sunset brings her whole being, Chaeyoung knows how heavy her phrase was because it’s not just about the sunset, but their whole relationship.

 

Mina then nodded with what she said and her hand almost slipped into Chaeyoung’s own and her head wanting to be on her shoulder so bad, but she kept her distance and reminded herself that they’re fully not healed enough to fool themselves that they can still work on their relationship.

 

“Sunset is beautiful, but we can’t force it to stay like that, you know? The sun must go down because it’s how it should work”

 

A pause before Chaeyoung sighed and continued.

 

“Same as someone we loved, but they doesn’t fully loved us back, we can’t force them to stay”

 

“But the sunset’s still beautiful, like it always is”

 

They both watched as the sun eventually made its way down, leaving magnificent colors in the skies that reflects in the sea. It was a peaceful dusk yet their hearts slowly break into pieces.

 

They eventually found out that their relationship will just end there and will not continue to grow anymore. They’re just still thankful that they ended it in good terms and they both understood that they can’t fix it anymore.

 

“Thank you for letting me love you in this lifetime, Mina”

 

Mina eventually stopped looking at the photos pasted on her wall and all the other decorations in it that all reminds her of Chaeyoung. She also stopped reading the letters in her hand and took a deep breath. She needs to make everything work or else she will let herself be broken once again.

 

She really needs to get her out of her system already even if it will take her a long time because Chaeyoung was her first love and she experienced a lot through that, but she also needs to let go to be able to move forward.

 

She looked up to finally stop the tears falling from her eyes because it’s so exhausting to keep on crying every night, it’s draining yet her heart still feels the pain.

 

She tries so hard to comfort herself and eventually saw a quote hanging on her wall that made her contemplate once again.

 

Love is so short, forgetting is so long- Pablo Neruda

 

The quote was right in any way possible, no matter how Mina will contradict it and say that forgetting shouldn’t be that long when she could’ve just moved forward and not care about anything else but her own healing. Yet no, she needs to be in the right process of healing and feel all the pain until she can’t feel anything at all and just fix herself on the long run.

 

Because at the end of the day, no matter how she wants to forget everything about her, Chaeyoung will always be the one that her heart will long for and will love until she can.