That was Mina’s cue to find her old self and contemplate.

 

It has been weeks since Chaeyoung suddenly walked away when they were cuddling and she still can’t figure out what she did wrong when all she knows was that she needed a break from everything and just rest beside her.

 

Nothing bad even slipped and her gestures and tone are nice giving her suggestions about the future.

 

It made Mina cry almost every night after doing her tasks because she doesn’t have anyone to talk to anymore. She doesn’t want to disturb her friends either as they’re all busy with their senior year so she was stuck.

 

From morning to afternoon, she will do her duty at the hospital and from then on until dinner, she will finish her remaining activities to pass on her other professors. It goes just like that, like she’s stuck in the loop because right after all her academic requirements, she will stare at nothingness, the darkness all over her room, and will inhale and exhale everything in a guilty manner, as if questioning her existence once again.

 

She already know in herself that she didn’t mention anything wrong, but why does breathing feels so heavy for her, as if her life will be taken away from her any minute already?

 

Actually, it was already taken away from her by she doesn’t know… fate? Or herself?

 

In the last 3 months in school, she was miserable.

 

Since she didn’t come to the campus already, she keeps on losing the chance of bumping to Chaeyoung in the hallways nor to her friends because almost her whole day is spent in the hospital.

 

It was suffocating to think that she also needs to keep her performance great or she won’t make it in medical school and continue her profession.

 

It just because ever since that shallow thing happened between the two of them, Mina can’t seem to function in a normal state anymore and she doesn’t know where to blame it so she just keeps on messing up until one of her colleagues pointed out that she won’t graduate if she will continue being a walking mess and let her personal problem affect her work, even in the future.

 

That’s why, even if it’s so hard, she asked for some 3 days break and will just cram everything as she thinks she really need a real break from everything, from the world and figure out everything, get herself together once again.

 

The first night of her break where she stayed in her rented apartment and not on her parents’ house, it was lonely, adding the fact that the rain was heavy and there’s thunderstorms and cold breeze.

 

She doesn’t have anyone to hug, but herself and not so fluffy and soft blanket because she forgot to bring her favorite blanket with her.

 

She feels like a lost kid that pretends not to know the way to go back to her parents, but she needs to survive, she needs to trust herself and believe in herself that she will surpass all the thunderstorms and the rain because she’s Myoui Mina, the independent woman she could ever be, and could certainly survive without anyone else, even without Chaeyoung.

 

Mentioning the name gives a little pain in her chest. Did they really fall apart just like that? How come they were the happiest and the next thing they know, they are slowly drifting apart from one another?

 

Why does she even trust and prepared to give her all when it suddenly became like that? Didn’t she even foresee that it can happen because Chaeyoung once avoided her gaze in the past and tried to give her attention to anyone else when they were still both figuring out their feelings? Meaning, Chaeyoung could do the same even when they’re in a relationship already.

 

Mina doesn’t even know where to start just to find her old self back in just 3 days.

 

She doesn’t want to force herself and announce that she’s already healed when she’s definitely not.

 

She hated the fact that she’s ready to risk it all just for love when she doesn’t even have enough experience about it and for Pete’s sake, it’s her first time to feel everything about it, why does it have to be that painful, as if saying she shouldn’t fall in love again in her whole life? It definitely .

 

For those three days, all she do was to sleep, cry, eat, overthink, then repeat, it has been just like that until one day she found a box full of happy memories all her life and that’s when she realized how relieving her life was in the past, even without Chaeyoung’s existence.

 

It may be just a little amount of time before Mina gained the courage to stand up again for herself and get herself together because what choice does she have but to keep moving forward amidst all the chaos that has been happening in her life recently.

 

She was slowly getting her grip together and taking things slowly in her work, even her co-workers lets her work in her own phase to respect her decision and her recent break.

 

Everything seems like falling into its proper places and no one dares to ask her about her current status in her love life because they all want her to heal, to have her personal space and time to cope with everything.

 

She gradually forgets and accepts everything that has been happening and letting her heart feel all the pain and eventually heal all the wounds she has, even with an unclear ending, not until Chaeyoung suddenly called Mina just to break her like a promise.

 

She remembers every promise she said, but never kept. All the pain slowly gets back to Mina and she doesn’t want where it is going.

 

“Mina, can we meet?”

 

“What do you want?”

 

“I’m just… going to return some things”

 

Heart dropped for a second the same time tears started falling down from her face. Why does she have to go back in her life when she’s already building herself once again?

 

“I… want to fix some things, as well. I know you deserve an explanation and you don’t definitely deserve this kind of treatment, so…”

 

“Text me the address. I’ll be out at work in 30”

 

“I’m already outside. I’ll just see you at the lobby. Take your time, I’m willing to w—“

 

Mina hangs up because she doesn’t want to hear another lie from Chaeyoung.

 

Thirty minutes had passed quickly and Mina finally took off her white coat and wears her comfy jeans and shirt, just like what she wears during her freshman year when no one’s eyes are focused on her and when she was still focused on her goals and not on one person only.

 

“Now, what?”

 

Two cup of coffees were placed in the table and there’s a box in the middle of it. Mina already knows what’s inside, just like what her guts tells her, but she still needs some confirmation from Chaeyoung because she doesn’t want to assume, for the last time, and just let the girl hurt her for the last time.

 

“I’m just going to give back your things and to apologize for what happened in the past months. Believe me when I say that I’m really sorry, Mina. I really am.”

 

Mina scoffed. She badly wants to ask Chaeyoung why is she the one who has the audacity to feel sorry just like that, as if it’s just a simple argument when they didn’t even talk for months after that? She didn’t even try to reach her and let Mina be miserable and pulled herself together alone, for ’s sake.

 

“After all those months that you didn’t even bother to call me, to at least ask me if I’m okay after you suddenly left me, now you’re here saying you’re sorry? You didn’t know how miserable I am to go back to normal and breathe, thinking I’ve done something wrong and asked for too much when I nicely told my suggestions. It’s not even solid, fixed plans, but just a suggestion. My God, Chaeyoung. You don’t have to make me overthink like this. I hate that I’m breaking down again because of this stupid relationship when I’m so close to gain my old self back”

 

“Mina”

 

Every word that comes out from Chaeyoung’s mouth brings hesitation. It is hard for her to find the right words to say because she knows either way, she will hurt the girl, that she doesn’t want to happen but she still does it, without her knowing it.

 

“It was so complicated and exhausting. You’re not the only one who was hurt. I also felt that, too. The magic’s not here no more”

 

“Well, that reason. After how many years that we’ve been together, after we said our promises to each other and even foresee that we’ll be endgame, you’ll just say that there’s no magic? We’re not even in a fantasy romance book, nor movie, what are you saying? Grow up, it. Just say you’re not really interested in me in the first place then go. I don’t want to hear any of your explanations already”

 

Their tones’ are gradually being loud that it has already gotten all the shop’s attention on them but they don’t care, they just want to let go all of their thoughts and emotions all at once because it has been long overdue and they really need to talk about it.

 

“I might be okay, but I’m not fine at all. Those nights without you were meaningless. You don’t know how depressing it was, how gloomy the days were because there’s no certain Myoui Mina that could brighten up my day and I endured everything because I know you needed space—“

 

“NO. What I needed was your ing explanation when you ing suddenly left me so confused! You ing walked away without any reason as if you’re ing walking in the mall and decided to buy something else instead of the thing already in your hands. You were so ing inconsiderate, not even listening to my thoughts. You know how important it is to me, yet you haven’t even looked at me back, Chaeyoung!”

 

Chaeyoung immediately wiped her tears away and took a deep breathe. She doesn’t know where their conversation will lead them already as they just keep on blaming themselves.

 

That’s when she knew, they’re just really growing gradually away from each other and they’re both not in their best state to talk more because at that point, they might just breakdown.

 

Mina then grabbed all her things and it was already her turn to walk away when Chaeyoung immediately chased her outside and hug her from the back.

 

“Mina, I can’t seem to lose you. Please, let’s fix this. I don’t want everything about us to just vanish like a bubble. Mina, you’re still the only person I love in this entire world. Let’s talk about this, hmm?”

 

Mina’s just so done with Chaeyoung’s words that was once her comfort, but now it just keeps on breaking her. If she continues to believe in her, she doesn’t know where she will ever start to build herself once again.

 

She wants to get out of the loop already, she wants to get out of that toxicity already and she can just do it if she will keep on walking and let Chaeyoung stand there, just like what the latter did the last time they saw each other. She doesn't want to be stuck in the past and keep dreaming about the future.

 

“And you’re also the only person I would gladly lose in this entire world, Chaeyoung.”