"He freaking asked me, can I be friend with him like I'm with you?" Jiyong smirks, and swirls his finger at his glass.

   "He must be out of his mind? How can I, when I'm so crazy in love with him? When I want no one but him? When I want to spend the rest of my life with him?

   I want to see him the last when I sleep at night and the first when I woke up. I want to celebrate Christmas Eve, the New Year, Valentine, his birthday, my birthday with him.

   So many things I want to do with him? I can even celebrate his cactus anniversary's with him. I had even imagine how we will bickering when we plan to go to holiday. Which I know, for sure, I'll let him choose whatever he wants.

   He just need to say yes."

   Jiyong can't hold his tears anymore as they running down his cheeks. 

   Youngbae pats his shoulder. He knows, it must be hard for Jiyong. He knows how much Jiyong adores Seungri. He remembers one time, Jiyong ditches the meeting when he got to know Seungri on leaves because of fever. Which results Jiyong to work overtime for the next two weeks.

   He is the chairman's son, but the elder, Mr. Kwon so strict when it comes to work. He understands why Jiyong did it, but work is work.

   So, to be in the situation where your love one, not only distance himself from you, but also reject to be with you, must be worse.

   "He must has his own reason which we never know, Jiyong. Have you ask why?"

   "He said he don't do relationship. I...I...I.." Jiyong rubs his face, "I regret for proposing him that day."

   "I can't bear to be apart from him. It had been almost two months we didn't talk. He always comes up with excuses. I know, he intentionally goes and visits the project, but he don't have to. Hanseok can do that.

   You know what, I hate Hanseok. I hate because he spends more time with Seungri. He gets to meet him everyday. That should be me. But, I can't.

   Jiyong runs his hands through his hairs. Youngbae just look at him, feels sorry for his friend to be in that situation.

   "I shouldn't went to Top's birthday 2 years ago. Daesung shouldn't bring Seungri to the party. I should've left the party early. I should've go with Dami noona to the business trip. I shouldn't bring him to the company.

    You should see Ri's face the other day. The way he looks at me just like he begs me, not to push him. Not to force him, and I can't be selfish, should I?"

   ///

   Daesung and him are hanging out at the park he usually goes. Daesung calls him with 'let's go out and get some air.' last thirty minutes, and now here they are. Seungri sighs because he knows Daesung is waiting for him to talk. He guess two months is enough to make him ready to talk about Jiyong. Is it?

   “I choose to ignore his annoyed face everytime I told him about setting him up with someone else. The hurt looks. The disappointment in his eyes.” Seungri suddenly says as he rewinding the event in his head.

   He can feels it way before Jiyong confessed and proposed, that the chairman's son likes him. He choose to ignore. Maybe because he's comfortable with him. Maybe because he wants to believe it just a crush. Maybe he is just selfish.

   “Then why you ignored it?

   “Because I can’t give him what he wants. I don’t do relationship. And you should know that better. You know I don’t do commitment."

   "You choose not to. That’s why you’re still here. you never move on." Daesung strictly say. He don't want to force Seungri, but he needs to knock out some sense on him.

   “Stop it. Me? Never move on? Me? Hyung, do you really expect me to go and tell Jiyong that I love him? should I go and tell him, ‘Ok, let’s give it a shot’” Seungri says sarcastically.

   “Give him a chance Seungri. Can’t you see he is trying?”

   “Then what? When the relationship doesn’t work out, I’ll leave him there. call it a stop. Give it a break and never come back? How can I give him a chance when me myself is not ready yet? I can’t lie to myself. I can’t make he feels like we’re gonna make it when it never will."

   “Give yourself the happiness that you deserve, dongsaeng.”

   “I can’t, hyung. It is better that I break his heart now, rather than later. It hurts more if I give him chance and leaves him there, hanging with all the promises and things."

   “Seungri, you’re not him. You are Seungri. I know you’re not gonna hurt Jiyong.” 

   “You won’t hurt me, love” Jiyong said. Seungri turns to the voice. 

   He looks at Daesung and from his look, he knows Daesung plans it all along. Daesung pats his shoulder and gives it a squeeze.

   "Stop running. Stop lying. You deserve to be happy."

   ///

   "What're you doing here?" Seungri asks.

   "I'm trying my luck. Maybe we can talk. Can we?"

   Seungri let out a heavy sigh before nods.

   He knows he told Youngbae that he can't be selfish, but he can't be without Seungri. It as if he has forget how to live without his love. He barely remember how his life before Seungri comes in.

   He needs to fight. If Seungri gives him a good reason for not to accept him, only then, he'll back off.

   Jiyongs drives home. When he tries to hold Seungri hand and the latter doesn't pulls back. He holds at it the whole journey, tightly.

   Nothing can go wrong now.

   ///

   Jiyong sits next to him, waiting for him to talk. He never let go Seungri hand except when he took a drink from the fridge.

   Seungri pulls his hand from Jiyong hold and walks to the window. It is not the first time he comes to Jiyong's house, he always hang out here. He looks at the busy road, at the people at the streets. But, that none of his concern. Instead, his mind travels to memories, few years ago and lost in his thoughts. He can feels the pain that make tears rolling down his cheeks. He wipes it hurriedly.

   “You don’t understand the situation, Jiyong."

   Seungri says after a silent fill the living room. Jiyong pulls Seungri face and make he look at him. He caress Seungri's face and wipes the tears that still there.

   “Then, make me,love. make me understand the reason for you to run away from me. for keep on avoiding me. make me understand the impossible thing that you think I can’t.” Jiyong almost plead at him. 

   "Please, love."

   ///

   "I know the pain..the hurt being leave alone. You don’t understand. You don’t even know the pain of being ignored…being abandoned..when you need someone by your side.. just to tell you that you’re fine. Nothing wrong with being you. nothing wrong of being different. You don’t know the pain to hide all of these. You don’t understand.”

   Jiyong pulls Seungri into his arms wraps him around. He wants to make him feels as safe as possible. Seungri lays his head on Jiyong chest and naturally his hand find it's way on his other side of chest.

   Jiyong bravely kiss on Seungri forehead and his back, pulls him closer, if it is possible, when he notices Seungri holds his shirts tightly. He hopes his action can put Seungri at ease. He wants to break whatever wall around the latter, and for that he needs to be patience.

   "Years ago, when I just finished my study, I went to my aunt. We had a dinner and talked about this and that. I can't remember how and what the topic was, but, my cousin said, his brother, know my phone password. I tried to act as normal as possible. As if that didn't bother me, but it did."

   "Why is it, love?" Jiyong pulls Seungri and tighten his hug.

   "At that time I was still trying, to understand myself, discovering myself. Who I am. My phone is my secret place. I was dating this one guy, name Saewon even though I still confused, if I'm really into guy. My parents knew him, but just as a friend."

   Jiyong shushes Seungri and rocks him when he feels his clothes wet. His beloved one must be crying.

   "I was so afraid what will happen. Does Jaebum tell anybody about things in my phone. My photo album. My search history. My chat with Saewon. How will my parents react when they know that I am not who they think I am. I'm not ready yet.

   I can't give them answer if they start asking me. I was still discovering myself. I was still trying to understand myself. I still not sure. Is it ok to be who I am? Is it normal? Will my parents accept me? Will they be ok? How will my other families think about me? My aunties, my uncles, my cousins? What will they say? Will they understood?

   Or, will they oppose? Will they blame my parents? For my parents to be blame is the last things I want. I just finished my study and jobless. I don't want to be a disappointment. I don't want to add the reasons for people to judge me and my parents for the rest of my life.

   So, I told Saewon my worries and I wanted he to be with me when I come out. He suddenly change when he heard that. He distanced himself from me day by day. He said, if we're meant to be together then we'll be. Of no, then that's it. I tried to pursued him, give him the encouragement to meet my parents when I'm the one who need it the most. Most of the time he ignored me, leave my call unanswered. He leaves most of my texts on read.

   Then, suddenly we stopped texting, stop meeting. He leaves me hanging, tries to figure it out myself. Without goodbye, I been left. I don't even know if we were really in a relationship or not.

   I can't run away because people will judge my parents. I'm all alone. Adjusting things all by myself. I can't see any way out. I cried myself to sleep almost every night because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of the outcomes.

   I became more frustrated because I have no one to talk to. I can't called Daesung because he continues his study and work in the same time.

   I had no choice but to make poker face in front of my parents and when we had family gathering. I constantly change my phone password up until now. I tried to convinced myself that Jaebum just kidding about the phone password, but knowing him, I knew, he really knew my password. 

   I still wonder how much Jaebum know. Has he told anyone about it? Has my aunt knows about me being gay? Does my aunt tells the other families? What will they say?

   I'm afraid of all the possibilities. I don't want my parents to leave me like Saewon did. Nor I want people to judge my parents."

   Seungri looks at Jiyong. He caresses his face, from his eyes to his nose and his lips and stay there. His eyes goes back and forth from Jiyong's eyes and lips. He gets up and straddles on Jiyong lap before dives to kiss Jiyong.

   Jiyong was taken aback before he returns the kiss. He always grateful for be able to breath, but not now when they have to pull from the kiss. Jiyong gives a few little pecks and pulls Seungri closer.

   "That's why I don't want to be with you. I'm afraid. What if you leave me too, when I told you my worries. I don't want to. It so confusing because I don't want my parents to disown me in the same time, I want to be with you.

   To be honest, I had knew your feeling towards me. I notice how you treat me, how you come to me when I called. Not to forget when you leaved an important meeting when I had a fever. 

   I'm sorry because I'm so selfish for your attention. I see how you look at me, how you keep on staring at me when I'm talking, that's why I will always talking, because I want you to keep on looking at me. 

   I also notice how you always sit between me and Youngbae when we hang out. Also, when you always find reason to share the same blanket when we watch movies with the others. Daesung, Top and Youngbae always say this and that which confirm it. But I'm afraid." It almost sound like a whisper at the last word.

   Jiyong pulls Seungri face between his face. He caresses and look into his eyes, the eyes that never bored him. The face that never lose its beauty.

   "Love, nothing to be afraid. I'm here with you. I'll come with you to meet your parents. We'll take it slow if you're not ready. I'll be with you every single step you take. No matter how long it'll take. I just want you to take my hands."

   "What about your parents? Won't they judge me? They must judge me. They need you to give them heir. They'll blame me for making you become this way. They'll..."

   "They knew." Jiyong nods when Seungri looks disbelief.

   "I've never bring anyone home, but they know that I always brings different girls to the club. I never settle for one girl. I feel like something is missing, but I don't know what it is.

   When I recommended you back then, they'll suspected it. Just like you said, when they saw how I treat you, how I behave, how I look at you, they confirmed. My father asked me and I don't find any reasons to lie, so, yeah.. they know."

   Seungri calms down a little bit, "What will people say? They must say that I'm taking advantage on you. They must be saying I only after you because of your money."

   Jiyong takes Seungri hands in his. He squeezes them softly then kiss on them.

   "Lee Seunghyun. Listen. People can say what they want, but I know who you really are. I know you better. They don't know you can be so cold hearted when you want to. They won't know that you always laughs at random stuffs.

      They don't know you can be so happy at one time and worried the next second. Most important, they'll never know how much you love me and how seductive you can be, like you're now."

   Jiyong tries his best to fight his little Jiyong but not when Seungri keeps on moving on his lap unconsciouly.

   "So, what do you say?" Jiyong teases Seungri and pecks on his cheek. He gives small pecks but stop before his lips. He repeats on the other side of cheek which Seungri tries to kiss them but Jiyong pulls back.

   "Such a tease." Both of them chuckle. Seungri blushes at that.

   "Will you come with me to meet my parents?"

   Jiyong nods. " My pleasure.

   About my proposal, you can take your time, love. If you're not ready to marry yet, then it's ok. I'm happy as long as you're mine, as much as I'm yours. But, I at least want our families and close friends know about us."

   "What about us? I never said yes to be with you."

   Jiyong narrows his eyes at Seungri and playfully tries to push him away, "I'm kidding."

   Both chuckle. Jiyong pecks on Seungri lips. " And, if you're worried about the bedroom issues, then, I'll suggest you not to. I'll not force you to do it if you're not ready. I understand, I'm a gentleman afterall."

   Suddenly the look in Seungri eyes change, he plants kisses on Jiyong just like the older did, avoiding the lips. He caresses his lips with Jiyong lips and puts his arms around Jiyong shoulder before plays with his hairs. He adjusts his position and intentionally rubs their crotch together which earn a heavy heavenly sigh from Jiyong.

   "Why don't you force me now?"

The end 

Thank you guys. Have a nice day :)