Young Bae and Dae Sung are facing each other, while i am on the far end of the rectangular dining table, with Ji Yong across the table, sipping on his coke loudly. the quietness that follows is more than awkward. Ji Yong shifts his legs impatiently, sips on his coke--practically doing almost anything to keep a simple sound afloat in the air so it doesn’t seem so eerie. Ji Yong has never liked the dead silence, he hated being surrounded by such quietness. he enjoys noise, even the most minute of all. noise means living to him; it’s music to his ears, and silence, on the other hand—means death. in spite being the least patient person i’ve ever known in my life, he tolerates the worst with silence. he cannot tolerate it. he cannot allow it.

 

“, this is ed up. i’m going to my room. i can’t handle all this. make sure you get them out of my house once they’re done, Hyun Xin,” he throws the can of coke into the bin without even looking. i shoot back at him, saying, “Kwon Ji Yong! watch your language!” he lets out a sigh, while Young Bae and Dae Sung remain frozen at their seats, ruffles my untied hair and disappears out of the dining space.

 

the noiselessness continues. “are you guys really going to stay like this? forever?”

 

Dae Sung stands up abruptly. “i have to go, Hyun Xin. i’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” he says. the faint smile that paints his face lightly breaks my heart. i can tell immediately that he faked it. i brace myself to return him a smile as true as possible, but we all know i probably look as happy as a slug. “okay, Dae.” even my voice sounds heartlessly robotic and icy. we hug each other goodbye habitually before he shuts the door behind him.

 

if only i’ll stop caring so much. if only i’ll just get into a relationship with Young Bae and not care about Dae Sung’s feelings. i can’t do a thing about it, this hopeless heart of mine. it just keeps caring for the both of them. there is no best of both worlds. someone has to be hurt, and at this very precise moment, we’re all victims of myself. Young Bae hugs me from behind, supposedly to comfort me. i inhale deeply, taking in every little scent i can find that belongs to him and let myself be ecstatic for the time being.

 

but the thought won’t go away.

i chose to break someone’s heart, in exchange to be in love.

 

a new text message destroys my train of thoughts that has been going in a perfect circle. with Young Bae still lightly hugging me, i flip open the phone from my pocket to read it. it’s from Dae Sung.

 

Hyun Xin, i am more devastated if you’re hurt because i am. go be with who you love. i maybe hurt by then, but i am far happier that way. i told you, i’ll be smiling, when i see you smile. with all of my heart. i swear. i’m sorry if this text message sounds weird in any way; i just wanted to tell you how i really feel, but i couldn’t say it all out just now because i was such a coward. something made me realize that i’m not a coward anymore, and that’s you. i am a man and a friend enough to know that the girl i love is with someone who won’t ever let her down. and more importantly, she is with someone she truly loves, like the way i love her.

 

no words are able to explain the feelings that are rushing through my veins right now. i can only identify the strongest feeling that has barged out of my chest: realization. i feel the edge of my lips curving up slightly. Young Bae, who has been reading the text behind me, jokingly says, “so we can be together officially now?” i elbow him in his stomach, saying, “you wish!” while he pretends how much agony he’s in, the ringing of my phone indicates yet another new text message. i click ‘open’.

 

p/s : Young Bae, this doesn’t mean i’ve stopped loving her. if you dare let her down, i’ll be the one to beat you up and make her smile again. i know you’re still there. ;)

 

i laugh uncontrollably without even hesitating. Young Bae is caught in shock, suddenly afraid of my madman qualities that surfaces without any warnings. i show him the text, and he reacts by pushing one edge of his lips to a side, giving me that helpless expression. i laugh so hard that i actually lose my balance and fall on the solid marble-tiled floor with a loud thud. it sends a wave of current that makes me shiver from top to toe and i just sit there, wide-eyes and mouth slightly hanging open. i smile, and i continue with a series of giggling then bursting out into full-range laughter. i finally tone down when i remember Ji Yong is just right upstairs, although probably deafened by his loud music over his ears.

 

“are you hurt, Hyun Xin?” Young Bae actually looks worried. extremely worried. i can’t blame him, though. watching a girl fall down, land flat on her buttocks, then laugh hysterically—that much is pretty hard to digest in a matter of minutes. i laugh, because one: i’ve a bipolar personality. Dae Sung knows that, and two: because i finally understand. i finally understand what i can do to make this all better. although not the best decision, to please everyone, but this will be the best decision for everyone.

 

already squatting right before me to check on my condition, i push him by the shoulder, watch him lose balance and fall like i did. he makes a louder thud on the floor, too. “w-w-w-what was that for?” he says, rubbing the lower part of his back. this time, it’s me who takes the initiative to seize the moment. with all of my hands and knees on the floor, i lean in to kiss him. although it’s only on his cheek, Young Bae’s face is instantaneously flushed and it even seems painfully obvious underneath his well-tanned skin.

 

“it’s getting late, isn’t it?” i want to hide it, but i’m blushing too. i stand up slowly, so the blood won’t rush all the way up to my brain and make me dizzy. once i am up, i stretch out my hand to Young Bae, and say, “c’mon, you gotta get up.” he nods and reaches for my hand, and for a second i am amazed with my strength for pulling him up with complete ease, until he places my head on his shoulder and hugs me. i can’t help but to inhale deep breaths and close my eyes again, because it’s always his faint scent that assures me of his presence--something of a mixture between a light cologne, sweat, and him.

 

“i love you this much,” he whispers as he hugs me tighter, but not tight enough to suffocate me, just enough to show me how protective he is, and how possessive he is of me. it’s strange to feel him in such a way, for he’s always so sweet, so cheerful. it’s rare to see him behave rather possessive of me, but i’m glad nonetheless to hear the words tickle my ear. Young Bae lets go of me and i get a clear view of his face: thick brows, straight nose, his lovable smiling eyes which are at normal sizes now and his lips, luscious enough to tempt people into kissing it. i don’t realize until now, but he’s not wearing any earrings today. my instincts and curiosity commands my fingers to touch his ear. and i do.

 

his ear lobe feels soft, yet they’re not thick or meaty. thin and almost too subtle to the touch, i find it comforting to rub his ear. “i like it when you don’t wear earrings,” i say. “you seem more Young Bae than Tae Yang when you don’t.” he smiles. “i won’t wear them when i’m with you.”

 

i remove my hand from his ear. “gee, you don’t have to go to that extent. i’m just saying. you’re really bad with girls, aren’t you? i can’t imagine how you treated your ex-girlfriends. no wonder you ended up being single.” i giggle, then realize that it’s the topic i should be avoiding instead of openly discussing about it with him, so i stop. there’s a slight pause before his cheeks reddens completely again. “you’re my… first,” he says, looking right into my eyes. my pupils widen to his words. it has never, ever crossed my mind that such a good-looking and sweet boy like Young Bae never had a girlfriend. i can’t help but to giggle again. “looks like you’ll be experimenting with me, huh?” i joke. he smiles shyly. “wait, who gave you permission to identify me as your girlfriend? when did i agree to that, huh?” his expression is suddenly erupting with anxiety and nervousness when i tell him that, and as i hint him heavily that i will be his girlfriend, i make a mental note to make less jokes with him.

 

so i’ll be with you. so i’ll do the best to keep smiling.

 

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not a lot of drama here. thanks for readinggggg <3 sorry for the slow updates, school's already started for me ):