Mga 10 palang ng umaga gising na siya. Nilibot niya na yung buong bahay, nakalikot niya na yung mga speakers, nakapagkape narin siya sa deck niya na nakakamangha ang view pero tulog parin si winter, kaya naman naisipan niya nang magluto ng breakfast. Bahala na si winter kung malamig na yung pagkain.

 

Ryujin had just finished setting up the plates on the table when winter came down groaning and massaging her head.

 

Being a good host, Ryujin handed winter an aspirin and a glass of water once she neared. “Oh, aspirin.”

 

“Lamats” Pagkainom ni winter binuksan niya na yung mata niya kasi kanina pa siya nagtataka sa masarap na amoy na kanina niya pa naamoy.

 

“Uy breakfast. Thanks babe” inakmang halikan ni winter si ryujin bago umupo.

 

Ryujin just snorted “Minsan lang yan. Sulitin mo na”

 

Nagsimula nang kumain si winter, but her attention eventually focused on the view seen from the full-length windows on the right side of the loft. Seeing the sky so near and wide like this without any obstruction took winter’s breath away.

 

“Ganda noh?”

 

“Pero sigurado akong mas maganda para sayo yung tinitigan mo kagabi” Winter mischievously said, smirking after seeing ryujin shift her eyes elsewhere but her. She clasped her hands together teasing the younger woman “Ano yon hm?”

 

“Hindi nga lang si yeji yung tinitigan ko kagabi. Lahat kaya ng iba naandon”

 

“Wala naman akong binanggit na pangalan pero bat yeji ang lumabas sa bibig mo?”

 

Ryujin pursed lips realizing her mistake. Defensive much?

 

Winter frowned in confusion seeing ryujin bite her lips and not saying anything. “May nangyari ba kagabi?”

 

“Wala naman” Napalunok si ryujin “Nung dinala kita sa kotse, tinawag ko na din yung iba tas umuwi na.” Wala naming nangyari, hinug lang naman ako ng lasing na yeji at kinilig lang naman ako ng very very light.

 

“Ahh..” Winter looked at her suspiciously for a while before checking out the rest of the house. Ryujin exhaled in relief, thankful that winter’s attention already moved on to something else.

 

“Pero in fairness ha, the interior and choice of colors is very..” Winter paused trying to think of the right word “very ryujin”

 

Ryujin smirked “Dapat lang. Ako nagdesign eh”

 

“Edi wow” Winter deadpanned

 

“Edi okay” Ryujin shrugged finishing her plate while winter eyed her, still not believing.

 

“Di nga?”

 

“Oo nga” At this winter frowned, asking once more “Ikaw talaga nagdesign?”

 

Ryujin clicked her tongue “Paulit ulit? Ako nga”

 

“Ulol weh?“

 

“Ulol oo nga. Ako nga ang nagdesign. Ako. Ako. Ako! Hayop” Ilang beses pa ba niya uulitin?

 

Gustong niyang mainis pero natatawa si ryujin sa itsura ni winter kasi hindi na maipinta ang mukha niya ngayon

 

“Teka nga. ” Itinabi ni yung mga plato nila dahil tapos naman na sila kumain at ibinigay ang buong atensyon niya kay ryujin. “Kagabi ko pa inaantay mga kwento mo ah”

 

Ryujin her lips feeling them dry. She honestly doesn’t know where to start. “Ano ba yung gusto mong malaman?”

 

Winter raised a brow at her. “Lahat.” Napatahimik silang dalawa doon.

 

Ryujin hadn’t exactly told her friends what really went down, halos hindi na siya nag social media noon eh. She wanted to avoid anything that had to do with yeji kasi nga masakit.

 

Tawag sila ng tawag, tadtad siya ng mga message noon pero sobrang dalang niya lang pansinin. Kung sinagot niya naman ang tawag nila yuna, inaavoid niya yung topic. At some point their frantic messages toned down to ‘tandaan mo na andito lang kami’ ‘Ayos ka lang?’ At ang pinaka gago (Winter obviously) ‘shot’.

 

Ryujin was sure that it was yeji that told them. How much she shared, ryujin has no idea. But Ryujin knows she owes her friends at least a breakdown of what happened now that she’s moved on and is okay.

 

Kaso sa mga nangyari kagabi, nagulohan bigla si ryujin. Nakamove on na diba?

 

“Simulan mo nalang dito. Penthouse? Tas ikaw pa nagdesign?”

 

Winter thought ryujin still wasn’t comfortable with sharing pa kasi natahimik bigla pero sa totoo lang, iniisip lang ni ryujin kung aantayin niyang magtipon silang apat para isahang kwento nalang o uunahin niya na ikwento kay winter.

 

Tsaka nalang

 

“Mahaba haba kaya isusummarize ko nalang”

 

“Wag mo kang sisingit patapusin mo muna ako” Ryujin warned

 

Winter nodded and gave her whole attention.

 

“May nameet si mama na lalake sa work niya, pinakilala niya saken na kaibigan niya daw. Ayon gumagala kami kasama yung lalake gang sa nagpakasal sila tas inadopt ako ng lalake. Turns out, may anak siyang lalaki kaya ayon nag bonding kami lahat hanggang sa sinabi kong gusto ko bumalik dito para magcollege. Ayaw pa nga nilang dalawa nung una kasi wala daw akong kasama. Sabi ko kaya ko naman na magisa tsaka hahanap nalang ako ng malapit lang sa school na dorm ganto ganyan. Eh ayaw ni dad na mag dorm ako, kaya binilhan niya ko neto tas ako na daw bahala sa kung anong gusto kong idesign. Rough draft lang ang ginawa ko tas yung kaibigan ni dad na ang nagayos talaga pero design ko parin. Dapat nga tatanggihan ko to kasi ang layo sa españa kaya ayon reregaluhan daw ako ni kuya ng kotse, kaso next week pa daw dadating”

 

Napahinga ng malalim si ryujin sa dami niyang sinabi.

 

“Tangina isang napakalaking sana all Kim ryujin.”

 

“Shin”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Hindi na Kim, Shin ryujin na” medyo nahihiyang sabi ni ryujin.

 

Winter smiled at her softly “Papaampon ako kay tita, para same parin tayo. Shin Minjeong. Bagay diba” ngisi ni winter. “Teka, Shin? Parang narinig ko yon somewhere”

 

Iniba agad ni ryujin ang topic “Anong balak mo ngayon? Wag mong sabihin dito ka buong araw?” Nakita agad ni ryujin ang kinang sa mga mata ni winter.

 

Inunahan na ni ryujin “Bawal. Dami ko pang aayusin”

 

Ryujin stood up and brought the plates to the sink and was about to wash when she felt hands wander around her waist and winter whisper lowly in her ear

 

“Babe naman~” kinilabutam agad si ryujin

 

“Putangina mo kadiri ka!” She immediately swatted her hands away, looking at winter scandalously.

 

“To naman. Parang walang pinagsamahan.” Winter pouted at ryujin using what would usually make others coo and give in to her.

 

Sinimangutan lang siya ni ryujin at tinuloy nang mag hugas. “May sarili ka naman kasing bahay. Bat di ka don”

 

“Syempre wala ka don” ryujin rolled her eyes ignoring what she said.

 

Winter leaned her back on the counter and watched ryujin as she finished up. She can’t help but compare the ryujin now to the ryujin who left for japan 4 years ago. Still the same, but somehow different.

 

Bata palang sila, may pagkatahimik si ryujin tas si winter talaga ang mas madaldal. Mas mature din si ryujin kesa sakanya kaya madalas, siya ang laging lumalapit kay ryujin para sa mga advice. Kapag may mali si winter pino-point out agad ni ryujin. Pagkainiiyakan ni winter ang mga crush niya dati, kinocomfort siya ni ryujin. Kumbaga parang si ryujin pa ang ate sakanilang dalawa.

 

Kaya naman nung tinawagan siya ni ryujin ng umiiyak, hindi alam ni winter ang gagawin niya kasi ayon yung unang beses niyang narinig na umiyak si ryujin. Simula noon tatawagan siya ni ryujin paminsan ng umiiyak at walang nagawa si winter kung hindi na pakinggan lang siya kasi wala namang kwinekwento si ryujin. Hindi niya din pinakwento kasi halata naman na ayaw pagusapan ni ryujin.

 

Simula din noon mas napadalang na ang pag chat ni ryujin, sumaasagot naman agad siya pag tumatawag sila pero parang naging closed off si ryujin tungkol sa sarili niya in a way.

 

“Alam kong maganda ako pero konti nalang matutunaw nako niyan.”

 

Hindi napansin ni winter na nakatulala na pala siya. Once naregister na niya na kay ryujin pala siya nakatingin the whole time, she rolled her eyes “Asa ka.” before leaving the counter and going back to the room she slept in.

 

“Alis ka na?” Tanong ni ryujinm, malapit n asana siyang matuwa nang marinig niya ang sagot ni winter.

 

“Tayo. Punta tayo SM North. May bibilhin lang ako saglit tas deretso na tayo sa uste. Enroll na tayo”

 

“Di ka pa enrolled? Bat pati ako sasama?” Ryujin frowned.

 

Winter looked back and grinned sheepishly “Lam mo naman. Tsaka sakit ng ulo ko eh ikaw sana ipapadrive ko”

 

Ryujin rolled her eyes and complained “Ako na nga ang nagdrive kagabi tas ako ulit ang ipapadrive mo ngayon? Tsaka sa susunod nalang ako mag eenroll-”

 

 “Libre ko na samgy”

 

“- pero syempre dahil mabait akong kaibigan. Sasamahan na kita” Kinindatan niya si winter. “Basta sagot mo”

 

“Oo na” Winter rolled her eyes “Daan nalang muna tayo sa condo. Amoy alak damit ko kahapon eh.”

 

“Dadaan lang? Hindi ka aakyat?”

 

“Aakyat malamang. Kukuha ako damit-”

 

“Kukuha lang hindi magpapalit?”

 

“Magpapali-”

 

“Papalit lang hindi na maliligo?”

 

“Anak ng-”

 

Napatawa si ryujin sa mukha ni winter na halatang naiinis na. Napatigil lang siya ng aakmang hahampasin siya ni winter “Sabi ko nga magbibihis na”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pagkatapos nilang mag enroll as sophomores (buti nalang na credited yung unang year na tinake niya sa college sa japan), kumain na din sila ng samgyup. Akala ni ryujin makakauwi na din siya sa pagkatapos kaso biglang nag ayang mag amo yamie si winter. Sumunod nalang si ryujin.

 

Pagkadating, nagulat siya kasi inaantay na pala sila nila chaeryoung at yuna. Nakakaloko ang tingin ni yuna kay ryujin habang si chaeryeong naman ay nakangiti na para bang may alam siyang hindi alam ng iba.

 

Ryujin felt lost with how the two girls were looking at her “Anong meron?”

 

“Oo nga” Dagdag ni winter na medyo curious “Ano tong chismis na sinasabi niyo tungkol dito” She cocked her towards ryujin, whose brows immediately rose in confusion. “Chismis? Saken?”

 

Chaeryeong just smirked at her while yuna was already biting her lower lip in anticipation.

 

Simula elem palang magkasama na silang apat kaya naman kinilabutan agad si ryujin sa itsura ng dalawa. There was never anything good that came out whenever chaeryeong smirks like that.

 

Habang si winter mukhang uhaw na uhaw na sa chismis. “Ano ba chae, ikwento mo na”

 

Chaeryeong just shrugged “Hindi ako. Si ryujin yung may kwento”

 

“Huh? Bat ako?” napakunot ang noo ni ryujin. Si yuna na ang nagsalita. “Anong nangyari kagabi?” Nanigas bigla si ryujin.

 

Agad agad namang napatingin si winter sakanya at hinampas ang table “Sabi na! So may nangyari nga!”

 

Ryujin rolled her eyes “Wala ngang nangyari kagabi”

 

“Eh bakit sabay kayong bumalik ni ate yeji kagabi?” asked yuna accusingly.

 

“Oohhh the ex. Comeback isdatchu?” Tuwang asar ni winter making ryujin click her tongue.

 

“Si karina ang nagutos na hanapin ko si yeji at lia. Tinulungan niya pa kasi si giselle tas siya na daw tatawag sainyong dalawa”

 

“Eh bakit nakabalik na si lia’t lahat lahat, wala pa kayong dalawa”

“Chae, maraming tao sa club. Malamang matatagalan akong hanapin yung tao.”

 

“Ulol. Wag ako ryu” scoffed chaeryeong “Pinakita ni lia message nila ni yeji samin kagabi. Sabi magkasama na daw kayo tas pabalik na pero lagpas 10 mins na wala pa kayo.”

 

“Gago?!” sabi ni winter kasi nakita niyang namula ang mga tenga ni ryujin “Wag mong sabihing?!”

 

“Ano” Hamok ni ryujin

 

Tinakpan ni winter ang bibig niya ng parang may nakitang iskandalo at bumulong ng malakas “Momol..?!”

 

Binatukan ni ryujin si winter “Ano bang klaseng utak ang meron ka ha”

 

“Aray!” Reklamo ni winter

 

Ryujin clicked her tongue “Tanga kasi. Tingin mo bang makikipagmomol ako sa club?”

 

Winter scoffed as if it wasn’t more obvious “Oo? Club yun eh hello?”

 

Ryujin raised her left brow and deadpanned “With the ex?”

 

Napatahimik silang lahat don. “See? You guys know how I am” Nagtinginan bigla ang tatlo.

 

“Anyways” Ryujin cleared “Lasing na din si yeji kagabi kaya inalalayan ko lang siya-“

 

“Wala ka na talagang nararamdaman para kay ate yeji?” Sumingit ng tanong si yuna. Sumeryoso bigla ang hangin sakanila.

 

Ryujin her lips at that. She felt confused herself because just before she landed here, ryujin was sure that she had moved on and felt nothing for the older girl.

 

Then again, if she did, then why did she act like that last night?

 

O baka nadala kasi kami sa alak, tsaka sa dim lights tas the fact na walang proper face to face closure.

 

“Oo naman” Ryujin said lightly with a laugh “Ilang years nang lumipas yuna. Sinong hindi pa makakamove on sa tagal?”

 

“Sure ka ba diyan ryu?” Mahinang tanong ni winter. Medyo nagulat naman si ryujin kasi bihira marinig ang seryosong tono ni winter.

 

“Alam mong alam alam namin kung gaano ka ka-broken noon” Winter gave her a look of concern and sympathy. Ryujin hated that look so she shifted her eyes away but her eyes ended up on the other two who was also looking at her the same.

 

Ryujin huffed “Noon. Win. Noon. Tapos na. Plus, naging okay naman ako in the end diba?”

 

Winter looked at her closely, as if she was studying her.

 

Hindi alam ni ryujin kung baket pero she felt the need to defend herself from what her friends were thinking. “Tsaka, yes, although it took me quite a long time before finally becoming whole again. I eventually did naman. Hindi ba?”

 

Parang ayaw pang maniwala ng tatlo making ryujin click her tongue “Nagkagusto pa nga ako sa isang haponesa diba?”

 

“Oo pero it was more like you convinced yourself, that you like her.” Winter pointed out

 

Hindi makapaniwala si ryujin sa narinig niyang lumabas sa bibig ni winter “Anong pinagsasabi mo?”

 

“Jinnie, did you actually like the girl?” mahinang tanong ni chaeryeong.

 

“Malamang?” Ryujin frowned “Bat ko pa liligawan kung hindi ko naman nagustuhan? Alam niyo naman na hindi ako basta basta nakikipagjowa”

 

“Bakit mo siya nagustuhan?”

 

“Pinakita ko pic niya sainyo diba? Legit na ang ganda niya tas super bait pa.”

 

“So bakit mo siya niligawan?” Singit ni winter

 

“Tanga malamang kasi gusto ko na magkajowa non? Kelangan pa ba ng valid reason?”

 

Napahinga ng malalim si winter “O sige ganito nalang. Niligawan mo nga, tas sabi mo pumayag yung babae nung simula diba?”

 

Tumango lang si ryujin.

 

“Kaso pinatigil ka after a while diba? Kasi nakikipagbalikan yung ex niya?”

 

“Oo. Kinausap niya ako, nagsorry pa nga siya saken eh”

 

“Tapos? Anong naramdaman mo?”

 

“Malamang nadisappoint ng konti”

 

“Disapppointed ng konti? Walang halong galit o ano?” dagdag na tanong ni yuna

 

“Wala. Bat naman ako magagalit eh wala naman akong magagawa kung yung lalake pa yung gusto niya?”

 

Yuna was looking at her like she was a disappointment while winter looked like she was trying to control herself from punching ryujin. Hindi naman alam ni ryujin kung bakit. Ano ba kasi yung gusto nilang iparating?

                                                    

“Ryu, isipin mo ng mabuti ha” tanong ni chaeryeong kasi nakita niyang give up na si winter. “Nasaktan ka ba nung nalaman mong gusto din ni ate girl na makipagbalikan sa ex niya?”

 

Agad namang nakasagot si ryujin kasi alalang alala niya pa. “Hindi naman? Parang casual lang na ‘ahh.. okay’ parang ganon lang”

 

Nagulat silang tatlo nang pinalo ni winter yung lamesa bigla “Exactly! My! Point!”

 

Napatingin lang si ryujin sakanya kasi hindi niya parin nagegets.  Kaya naman napahilamos ng mukha si winter sa inis “Bobo ka talaga” sabi niya ng mahina

 

Napasimangot si ryujin nung narinig niya. Ang lutong naman non

 

Minsan hindi niya alam kung bakit niya parin kaibigan si winter kung puro mura lang ang natatanggap niya dito eh.

 

“Ryujin” Chaeryeong slowly called her. Their eyes met “Hindi ka nasaktan kasi hindi mo naman talaga siya nagustuhan”

 

Napasandal si ryujin sa upuan niya at napatawa kasi, ano daw?

 

Tinitigan lang siya ng tatlo kaya napahinto siya. “Ano to? Joke time?”

 

“Ate ikaw na mismo nagsabing hindi ka basta bastang nakikipagjowa” Mahinang sabi ni yuna. Tumango naman si chaeryeong “Hindi ka basta bastang nagkakagusto sa isang tao”

 

“Pinagsasabi niyo?” Halos dumikit na ang kilay ni ryujin sa pagkalito “Ang dami dami ko kayang nagugustuhan na babae?”

 

“Correction. You get attracted to a lot of girls, physically, ryujin. But you almost never get emotionally attached.” Chaeryeong specifically emphasized on the ‘almost’ and ‘never’.

 

Winter nodded “Nagkakagusto lang, pero hindi mo jinojowa kasi hindi enough yung level ng attraction to the point na papayag kang makipagsettle with that person. Because you don’t do half- relationships ryu. You’re just not that type. Alam naming lahat yan.”

 

Ryujin stayed mum kasi tama naman ang sinabi ni winter. Hindi siya nakikipagjowa sa kahit sino, unless na genuine yung feelings niya for someone.

 

Ryujin exhaled heavily, feeling herself drained from all the talk “Okay, so let’s just say I genuinely didn’t like the girl. So?”

                                                                                                       

“So the point is” Winter paused “Ginamit mo lang yung babae as a distraction. You somehow managed to convinced yourself that you liked her just so you could escape the pain that you were feeling for yeji noon. Parang hinypnotize mo sarili mo non”

 

Hindi maiwasang mainis si ryujin kasi ano naman kung yun nga yung ginawa niya? At least wala siyang sinaktan na tao in the process. She was upfront with the Japanese girl. So what was wrong with her trying to give herself a beacon of light or even an ounce of reason to even feel motivated during those terribly miserable times?

 

“People do stupid things when they’re in pain. So what? They do it because they’re desperate to feel better. Anong mali don?” Ryujin argued

 

Chaeryeong replied calmly, not wanting ryujin to get their intentions wrong “Wala naman kaming sinasabing mali sa ginawa mo. Ang gusto lang namin is na maging honest ka sa sarili mo.”

 

Winter nodded “Kung nakamove on ka na, okay lang naman yon. No problem. Kung hindi pa, okay lang din! Hindi ka naman namin pagtatawanan porket hindi ka lang nakamove on.”

 

“Oo nga. Aware naman kami kung gaano mo kamahal si ate yeji noon.” Yuna comforted before breaking into a smile “Kayo pa nga yung campus couple noon eh diba?”

 

Winter snorted while absentmindedly playing with the straw of her drink “Nagkajowa lang ang gago, nakalimutan na agad na may tropa siya”

 

Ryujin felt her lips slowly curve upwards in a tease “Hindi ka naman kasi chix”

 

Winter flipped her middle finger at ryujin at natawa lang siya.

 

“Sayang lang kasi nag pa Japan ka. Akala nga ng lahat kayo yung magtatagal eh” sabi ni chaeryeong n

 

Yuna pouted “Sobrang cute niyo ngang dalawa noon tuwing magkasama kayo. Lahat kami napapa sana all nalang eh”

 

Napangiti nalang si ryujin sa mga ala-ala.

 

What ryujin and yeji had was something else, halata din sa ibang tao na mahal talaga nila ang isa’t isa. They never get into fights. Slight disagreements lang tsaka nagtatampo pero konting suyo at lambing lang kasi naaayos agad nila. It was almost they were made for each other.

 

Soulmates, as chaeryeong would describe them. Lagi silang magkasama, halos hindi mo na mapaghiwalay ang dalawa kasi lagi silang magkadikit. They understood each other so well na alam nila kung ano yung gusto o kelangan ng isa kahit hindi na nagsasalita.

 

Their relationship seemed perfect, almost too perfect.

 

Huli lang nila narealize pareho na being together all the time was detrimental pala for both of them. Because after spending so much time together, masyado silang nasanay na nasa malapit lang palagi yung isa na nakalimutan na nila kung paano sila nagfunction as an individual before they got together.

 

They were so focused on how they were together that they didn’t realize how important it was to be their own person as well. Without the need to have the other within reach or to rely on the other to feel happy and content. They were both so blinded with love, that they never even thought of how separation would break them both.

 

Ryujin thought it was useless to feel sad or regret over what had already happened. Past is in the past for a reason. Kahit gaano ko pa gustong balikan, hindi ko na magagawa kasi tapos na. No one can reverse time.

 

She sighed “Well.. Ganon talaga. What’s meant to be will always be. Siguro we were just not meant to be” Ryujin’s smile looked almost sad then.

 

 But she shook it off and spoke confidently “Pero okay na ako. For real. I’ve had lots and lots of time na before to reflect and contemplate on stuffs.”

 

Natahimik silang apat hanggang sa hindi na mapigilan ni winter at itinanong. “So makwekwento mo na ang nangyari?”

 

Ryujin straightened her back and breathed in deeply. She faced the three women already looking at her eager for answers, and nodded.

 

Ryujin attempted to speak but no words came out kaya napatawa siya sa hiya ng konti. “Hindi ko alam saan ko sisimulan”

 

Yuna, who was beside her patted her knee gently “Sino nakipagbreak?”

 

Ryujin her dry lips “Si yeji”

 

“Ginusto mo ba?” Tanong ni winter ng parang nag aalala

 

“Syempre hindi” Ryujin shook her head strongly “Gusto ko pa nga sana ipaglaban”

 

“Kaso?”

 

Pinaglaruan ni ryujin ang mga daliri ni yuna na nasa tuhod niya parin at ngapangiti ng nakakalungkot “Walang sense kung mag isa lang akong lumalaban diba?”

 

Inangat ni ryujin ang ulo niya at nakita niya na naguguluhan sila. Alam niyang mas magiging affected si winter, baka nga may chance na magalit pa ito kay yeji kaya naman klinaro niya muna.

 

Hinawakan niya si winter sa braso na para bang sabihin na teka lang, pakinggan mo muna ang sasabihin ko. “Ayaw niya kasi sana ng LDR. Hindi niya kaya yung layo. Napilit ko lang na itry lang namin kasi malay namin diba? Mag work out pala in the end”

 

Tahimik lang ang tatlo ng walang umiimik. Tinuloy ni ryujin ng nakatingin lang sa lamesa, hindi niya kayang makita ang mga mata ng tatlo. “Kaso pagdating ko sa japan, nagsimula akong mag part time at mag aral ng Japanese. Tas kahit isang oras lang ang difference ng time zones, mahirap parin kasi alam niyo namang hindi ako mahilig mag chat”

 

Naramdaman niya ang pisil ni winter sa kamay niya as comfort kaya pinisil niya ito pabalik.

 

“Kaya ayon minsan napuputol usap namin kasi late na samen, o kaya may work ako ganon..” Napalunok si ryujin. She could almost feel the dull throb of pain in her chest as she recalled yeji’s shaking voice and her breaking down in tears. “Kaso.. Halos mag iisang buwan palang ata non, hindi na kaya ni yeji. Ramdam na ramdam ko yung hirap niya sa pagalis ko. As in. She mentioned I had it easier daw kasi at least nalilibang ako sa new place tas new environment. Samantalang naiwan siya sa place where almost everything reminded her of both of us.”

 

“Did you?” napataas ang kilay ni ryujin sa pagingat na tanong ni chaeryeong

 

“Did I what?”

 

“Had it easier?”

 

Ryujin pursed her lips, deep in thought, answering as honest as she could. “In a way, siguro.. I had it a bit easier.” Napakunot ang noo ng tatlo ng sabay sabay but ryujin continued on “Just a bit though. Kasi tama naman siya. New environment so wala pang memories plus kasama ko din si mama”

 

“Understandable naman. Ilan years mong hindi nakasama mom mo eh” dagdag ni Yuna.

 

Tinuro niya si yuna na parang sinasabing ‘exactly’ before continuing “Pero that doesn’t mean na hindi ako nahirapan. You guys are aware kung gaano ko talaga siya mahal noon diba?”

 

Winter snorted “Kulang nalang ata na ipatatoo mo ‘yeji’s property’ sa puso mo eh.” Earning laughter from all of them pero ryujin did not refute kasi totoo naman.

 

“Tas since more on physical touch ako, hindi ako mapakali sa need and want ko na mahawakan ko si yeji. Gago isang buong taon kami magkasama everyday non tas from 100 to 0?”

 

Ryujin shook her head and clenched her fists recalling how unfair it felt to her because yeji thought that ryujin wasn’t having much of a hard time missing her when all ryujin wanted to do was to just hold yeji in her arms again.

 

“Tangina. I was so desperate to hold her in my arms again kaya ako sumasama kay mama lagi non kasi feel ko mababaliw nako sa kung gaano ko siya gusting makasama ulit.” Ryujin exhaled slowly, trying to release the tension that unconsciously built up on her body.

 

“Eventually padalang ng padalang yung messages namin. Mostly kasi nagiging busy ako tas since summer break din niyo noon, busy siya sa friends niya doon sa hometown niya. Sometimes I couldn’t do anything but wait for her to reply which would come later than usual, tas pag call naman parang gut feeling ko lang na ayaw ako makausap ni yeji. I kind of knew then na dinidistract ni yeji ang sarili niya siguro kasi the pain was too much na”

 

“I understood naman so hinayaan ko lang pero I still tried my best to comfort her and give her assurance like I always do. Kahit na madalas na siyang naiinis saken or nagtatampo kahit sa maliliit na bagay. But still, I understood. Kasi wala eh. Mahal ko siya and wala naman akong ibang magagawa since malayo nga ako sakanya.”

 

“So ayon, mas padalang na padalang na yung pag reply niya saken. Minsan umaabot pa ng dalawang araw bago niya ako replayan. I was fine with it. I knew gusto niya din naman na makasama mga long time friends niya plus her family kaya I continued messaging her lang like normal. Okay lang sana saken eh, kaso may nakita ko sa insta niya” At this ryujin scoffed lightly and opted to stare at her hands na hawak parin ni winter.

 

“Nakita ko story niya, she went out drinking with her friends.” She bit her lower lip “I would have honestly been fine with it if she told me. Wala namang problema saken yon if she wanted to drink pero kasi wala siyang sinabi plus the fact na wala pakong natatanggap na messages sakanya ilang days na.”

 

She heard yuna scoff as well as the deep breaths winter and chaeryoung took and knew they were getting annoyed.

 

“Kaya ayon I called her agad and luckily she answered. Mukha pa ngang she wasn’t expecting my call eh. She wasn’t drunk which was good pero when I asked her kung asan siya sinabi naman niya and nag sorry siya kasi nakalimutan niya daw sabihin. Nasaktan ako siyempre kasi sino ba namang makakalimutan iupdate ang jowa niya kung lalabas siya? Lalo na’t iinom pa. Pero wala din naman akong magawa but to be okay with it kasi, wala na andon na siya. Mukhang nag eenjoy na din siya eh”

 

Winter and yuna was about to speak up, already knowing they were going to comment on her stupidity but ryujin just gave them a look kasi alam niya naman din yon.

 

“So ayon, at this point I kind of knew what was bound to happen but I kept quiet kasi mahal na mahal ko siya eh. I didn’t want to end things and if it was up to me, I wanted to be with her for a long long time. But at the same time, I knew ayaw na niya. Alam kong pagod na siyang lumaban.” Ryujin took a breath, feeling a bit overwhelmed at all the raw emotions that was hitting her once again “And hindi ko alam baket pero legit, from the bottom of my heart, naintindihan ko kung bakit pagod na siya kasi.. Wala. Kilala ko siya eh.” She shrugged.

 

“So.. I decided” Ryujin choked up “I wanted to be selfish for once.” She could feel her own eyes start to tear up at the admission but she tried to hold it in.

 

Taking a deep and shaky breath “For the first time in my life.. Sabi ko sa sarili ko ‘Let me be selfish just this once’.” She closed her eyes because even she sounded pathetic to herself. “Just for a bit more. Sabi ko.” Diniin niya “Tanga na kung tanga pero let me be able to call yeji mine.. just for a few more days”

 

Ryujin let go of winter’s hands and reached for the napkins on the table. She hurriedly dabbed at her eyes, not wanting the tears to fall.

 

Composing herself as much as she could, ryujin went on. “Kaya ayon. I stayed silent and it happened a few more times pa.. Yeji kept forgetting to tell me about her plans habang ako antay lang ako ng antay sakanya. Kahit nasasaktan ako sa mga ginagawa niya, wala akong binabanggit sakanya. I didn’t want to sound petty and childish just because she’s finally feeling happy without me. Hanggang sa-“

 

“Pshh ano naman. Magjowa kayo. You’re supposed to share those feelings” Inis na sabi ni winter.

 

Ryujin gave her a look shutting winter up before continuing “-isang araw may nakita ako sa story niya. It was her usual night out drinking, which hindi niya din sinabi saken, but that wasn’t what hurt me” Ryujin bit her lips, knowing that the next part would definitely rile her friends up.

 

“What hurt me more, was the fact na may nakita akong lalake sa tabi niya.” She swallowed “They looked close together, nakaakbay yung lalake sakanya, parehas silang may beer na hawak.”

 

Winter slammed her fists on the table and her jaw was clenched. Ryujin knew that none of her friends cared about the looks that were thrown their way. Yuna was already frowning and chaeryeong was clearly trying hard to keep calm.

 

Alam ni ryujin na kahit iplay down niya ang nangyari, kahit anong ingat niya para hindi sila magalit kay yeji, maiinis at maiinis parin sila. But she still tried.

 

“Nung nakita ko yon, chinat ko siya agad. Tinadtad ko siya ng mga chat pero hindi niya ko nirereplayan. Kahit seen wala. So when I checked her insta ulit, wala na yung story. I think I wasn’t meant to see that? So obviously I knew na either wala nako sa close friends list niya or, nakahide from ako sa stories niya.”

 

Just then something clicked in chaeryeong’s head kaya tumingin agad siya kay ryujin. “Kaya pala! Simula nung tumawag ka samin at umiyak, wala na din akong nakita sa mga stories niya” Ryujin nodded, she wasn’t surprised since yeji knows how close they all are.

 

Yuna looked betrayed and ryujin could see winter clenching her jaw but saying nothing.

 

Hindi mapakali si ryujin sa mga sasabihin niya kaya pinaglaruan niya ang tissue sa table “Kaya ayon I kept messaging her. I kept trying to call her, hindi niya sinasagot. Which made me sure na hindi ko talaga dapat nakita yon. Until she finally answered, inantay niya atang makauwi sila bago niya sinagot. Tinanong ko siya san siya galing. Sinabi niya naman pero nung tinanong ko kung sino yung mga kasam niya.. Hindi siya nakasagot”

 

“May kalandian na palang iba” Winter scoffed in disdain but ryujin ignored her.

 

“Dun ko siya tinanong.. After weeks of trying hard not to address the elephant in the room. Hindi ko na natiis ang sakit kaya tinanong ko siya kung ano ba talaga yung gusto niya.” Ryujin looked down and focused on her hands. She couldn’t bear look at them in the eyes before saying in almost a whisper. “Kung mahal niya pa ba ako”

 

Walang nagsalita sakanila. They didn’t know what to say and ryujin didn’t want them to say anything. Tutal ilang years nang nakalipas and she honestly feels fine now. Sadyang naaalala niya lang yung sakit kasi ngayon niya lang vinoice out ang lahat ng nararamdaman niya ever since.

 

“Yeji couldn’t answer.” Ryujin laughed in contempt and pointed towards her own heart “Yung sakit nung wala akong narinig na sagot sakanya.. Gago parang tinapaktapakan niya yung puso ko.. Inisip ko non na sana sinaksak niya nalang ako kasi at least, that way, makikita ko kung gaano kalaki yung sugat.” She scrunched her nose. She could still vividly remember the painful stab on her chest. “She didn’t know what to say kaya she asked me to give her a week para daw ifigure out niya ang sarili niya.”

 

Winter scoffed again, feeling herself bubble in anger at only hearing the whole thing now. “Don ka nagsimulang tumawag saken ng umiiyak noh?” Tumango si ryujin.

 

“Bat hindi mo to kwinento noon?” Kunot noo na tinanong ni chaeryeong.

 

Ryujin just shrugged “I knew you guys would get angry at her. I didn’t want that. Naging magkaibigan din naman kasi kayo ni yeji. I didn’t want you guys choosing sides”

 

“Pero mali yung ginawa niya sayo! May ibang lalake siyang kasama ate ryu! Lalake!” Yuna’s voice rose in anger. Ryujin tried calming her down. “Yuna. Alam naming dalawa na we were trying to put off the break up. She mentioned it once before na ayaw niya din na siya ang magkipagbreak kasi hindi niya kayang saktan ako”

 

“But she still did anyway” Winter commented harshly, not looking at her. “Win-“

 

“Ayaw niya palang masaktan ka pero in prolonging the process of your break up, mas nasaktan ka lang.” Tiningnan na siya ni winter pero bakas ang galit sa mga mata niya “Pero the fact na you allowed her?! Bobo ka ba ryu?!” Pataas ng pataas ang boses ni winter sa galit.

 

She couldn’t believe how stupid ryujin was. Pinapatahon na siya ni chaeryeong kasi marami nang tumitingin sakanila pero hindi siya pinansin ni winter at nagtuloy lang sa gusto niyang sabihin.

 

“Hinayaan mo lang siya na saktan ka ng paulit ulit?! Ganon ka na ba katanga ha ryujin?!”

 

Hindi nakatiis si ryujin at hinampas niya ang lamesa at sumagot din ng pasigaw “Eh mahal ko siya eh!”

 

Ryujin knows she deserved those pero kasi walang alam si winter sa naramdaman niya noon.

 

Nagkatitigan lang silang dalawa na parang hinahamon ang isa’t isa. Both of them were heaving from anger. Walang nagawa ang dalawang mas bata kung hindi panoorin nalang ang dalawa mag usap.

 

Napahilamos si ryujin ng mukha niya sa inis “Ano pa bang ibang magagawa ko kung hindi hayaan lang siyang saktan ako kasi ganon ko siya kamahal.” She muttered lowly before finally looking at winter, suddenly feeling tired and drained. Winter’s eyes slowly softened seeing ryujin’s state.

 

With a weak voice, ryujin pathetically admitted “I loved her so ing much that I was ready to do anything Minjeong. Anything. If it meant that I could still call her mine”

 

The table went quiet. The atmosphere around them suddenly felt heavier.

 

Winter ran a hand through her hair and sighed heavily before crossing her arms, now looking at her a lot calmer. “So? Anong nangyari?”

 

Ryujin took a deep breath as well, silently thankful that winter was still able to calm down.

 

“Ayon, I had no choice but to wait. Hinanda ko na din sarili ko. Yon yung time na halos araw araw ko kayo tinatawagan non habang umiiyak” Kita ni ryujin na tumango sila.

 

“Exactly a week after, ako na mismo ang nag message sakanya. Let’s talk sabi ko. That time siya na ang tumawag saken... Nung una tahimik lang kami eh.” Napatawa si ryujin ng mahina at napangiti nalang ng malungkot. “Alam kong hindi niya alam kung paano sasabihin niya inunahan ko nalang siya. Cliché na kung cliché pero sabi ko ‘Alam mong mahal na mahal kita diba?’” Hindi agad nakatuloy si ryujin kasi nanginig ang boses niya sa bandang dulo. Her nose felt sour and she could feel the pricking of her eyes yet again.

 

Ryujin bit her lips, confused why she was suddenly acting like this. Wasn’t it all in the past? Hadn’t she already established that she’s moved on? So why on earth was she still having the urge to cry?

 

Naramdaman niya ang pagpahid ng kamay ni chaeryeong sa likod niya. Hindi niya alam kung maiinis o matotouch sa gesture niya pero kasi mas lalo lang siya napapaiyak.

 

“Pagkasabi na pagkasabi ko non umiyak agad siya eh.” Looking back, she found it ridiculous because who would start a break up saying I love you?

 

“Nagsorry siya. Sabi niya sorry kasi napagod na siya kakaantay sorry kasi nasaktan niya daw ako. Sabi ko naman ayos lang yon at naiintindihan ko naman.” Ryujin was sincere with her words.

 

“Mas lalo lang siya napaiyak kasi bakit daw ako ganon” Napatawa ulit siya “Bakit daw ang bait bait ko parin daw sakanya kahit halatang nasasaktan na daw ako. Ang sagot ko naman sakanya ‘eh ganon talaga. Mahal kita eh’.”

 

Ryujin could slowly feel herself getting lighter and feeling the tension around her shoulders release. Damn, I badly needed this pala.

 

“We didn’t really voice out ‘break na tayo’. She still couldn’t do it in the end sabi niya.” Ryujin finally looked at her friends directly in their eyes. The ryujin that they saw looked visibly calm and now more at peace.

 

“Sabi ko sakanya ‘Okay lang. Ano ka ba. Hindi mo na kelangan sabihin. Gets ko naman na’. Umiiyak na kaming parehas non eh. Tas nagsorry ulit siya. Ayaw niya daw akong bigyan ng hope na makakapag antay pa siya and ayaw niya na may mamiss ako na magandang opportunity sa japan dahil lang gusto kong umuwi sakanya. Kaya ayon nung medyo tumahan na kaming dalawa, nagthank you ako sakanya”

 

Yuna snorted while winter teased “Corny mo puta.”

 

Ryujin to rolled her eyes at her friends “Inanyo”

 

Chaeryeong looked more curious than confused “Bat ka nag thank you?”

 

Ryujin shrugged nonchalantly “Syempre naman, I can’t deny na I learned a lot of things from her rin naman... With her, I didn’t realize I could love someone so much that I was willing and would voluntarily give, all of me. Kaya naman sure ako na yeji would always hold a special place in my heart kahit wala na kami”

 

Her friends looked contemplative but ryujin continued on “I was honestly and genuinely thankful sakanya. Even if she ended up breaking my heart at the end, not once did I regret being with her. Hindi ko nga alam kung magagawa ko pang magmahal ng ganon ulit eh” She smiled to herself, but still somehow feeling the knots around her shoulders let loose and her breath light.

 

Ryujin looked back at her friends, and they saw nothing but honesty and sincerity as she finished “Kahit na bata palang kami non, I knew that what we had back then was something special. It was just so downright wonderful to the point na even if I tried, to recreate it with someone else... ” Ryujin shook her head. It was just impossible.

 

“Having said that, kung hindi ko na maexperience ulit yon... Ayos lang saken kasi ganon siya kaganda.” Ryujin finished, feeling quite proud of how she finally got to bare herself to her friends. It was long overdue.

 

“Clap clap clap clap”

 

“Tangina bespren ko yan!” Napatayo at pumalakpak agad si winter habang humihiyaw si yuna.

 

Si chaeryeong naman kunwaring pinupunas ang mga pekeng luha sa mata niya at tinapik ang likod ni ryujin. “Gago ryu. Natouch ako sa sinabi mo”

 

“Tangina niyo talaga. Mga sira ulo” Gusto niya sanang matawa kaso mas umiral ang hiya niya kaya napayuko nalang si ryujin at tinatakpan ang sarili niya kasi pinagtitinginan na talaga sila ng lahat ng tao pati narin ang mga staff dahil sa lakas ng mga sigaw ng mga mokong.

 

Umupo na ang dalawa at inakmang gayahin ni winter ang itsura ni ryujin nung sinabi niya ang mga huling salita niya “What we had sa special. No. it was beautiful.” Pinalo niya si ryujin at natawa “Tangina pre napaka galing. San mo nakuha yan? Wattpad?”

 

“Alexa play thank you next by Ariana grande” Sunod na sabi ni Yuna

 

Binatukan niya ang dalawa at umaray sila ng mahina “Kaya kayo napapalo ng nanay niyo eh. Puro kagaguhan nasa utak niyo.”

 

Nagsalita naman si chaeryeong nang may naalala siya. “teka nga, eh yung lalake?”

 

“Ha? Gusto mo ng lalake?” Bobong tanong ni winter

 

Chaeryeong rolled her eyes “Diba sabi ni ryu na may kasamang lalake si yeji sa story? Kaano niya pala yon?”

 

“Ahh, yon” sabi ni ryujin nang nagets niya ang tinutukoy ni chaeryeong “Sabi ni yeji non na parang naguusap daw sila tas medyo nalilibang si yeji sakanya pero hindi niya sure kung papaya siyang magpaligaw sa lalake kasi baka daw nalulungkot lang daw siya or something. Pero sabi niya din naman na happy naman siya noon.” Ryujin shrugged

 

“Tapos? Hindi ka man lang nagalit?”

 

“Malamang nagalit” Ryujin snorted “Pero late ko na naramdaman yung galit. Mga days after ng usap namin siguro? Kasi nung magkausap kami non ilang beses niya akong tinanong kung okay lang daw ba talaga ako na may nakakausap na daw siyang iba ganon. Sabi ko naman ‘oo naman, kung don ka masaya eh why not?’ which” Hindi niya pinasingit ang mga kaibigan niya na halatang magsasalita “is true, by the way. Like in that moment na magkausap kami. Legit na wala akong problema don.”

 

“Tanginang yan. Di naman kami nainform na gusto mo maging santo” Nakasimangot na sabi ni winter

 

Tumango naman si yuna “Kung ako yon, hindi ko na kakausapin si ate yeji kahit for closure man yon.” Umagree naman si chaeryeong

 

Ryujin rolled her eyes “Tongaks nagalit nga ako pero huli ko nga naramdaman. Sinong hindi magagalit pag pinalitan?” Bakas sa mukha niya ang diri nang sinabi niya “Tas lalake pa? Psh.. panget nga nung unggoy na yon” Mahina niyang sabi sa dulo.

 

“Pero pumayag ka parin? Na manataling kaibigan?” Winter eyed her.

 

“Oo naman” Binatukan siya ni winter “Aray!”

 

“Napakabobo mo naknamp. Bakit ka pumayag?!” Inis na sabi sakanya ni winter

 

Nagsuggest naman si yuna “Shift ka na ng course ate. Mas bagay sayo madre.”

 

“Tanga kasi!” Ryujin defended herself “Hindi naman kasi ako galit kay yeji non so wala naman akong rason para hindi pumayag. At tsaka mas galit ako sa lalake pero hindi kay yeji. Hindi ko kayang magalit don”

 

Nalito si yuna sa sagot ni ryujin “Di mo kaya?? Kasi?”

 

“Actually hindi ko rin alam eh” Napasimangot din si ryujin, kahit siya hindi niya alam kung bakit “Sinubukan ko naman magalit sakanya ng ilang beses... pero wala eh. Parang hindi payag yung puso ko na magkaroon ng anything negative sakanya” She answered helplessly.

 

“Hanggang ngayon?” Tumango lang si ryujin. Kasi hanggang ngayon mukhang hindi niya kayang magalit sa ex niya.

 

Tiningnan lang siya ni chaeryeong ng diretso bago tumango “Tama nga si yuna. Nag madre ka nalang dapat”

 

Minsan hindi talaga alam ni ryujin kung bakit siya nasama sakanila eh. Gago lang naman si ryujin pero mas gago sila.

 

“Baka naman kasi mahal mo pa hanggang ngayon?” Pero siyempre pinakagago parin talaga si Winter.

 

Ladies and Gentlemen: Majoring in kabullan and minoring in kabobohan. Summa laude, Kim Minjeong po. Pamine nalang po

 

Gusto nalang matawa ni ryujin “Pinagsasabi mo?” Nakakunot na ang noo ni ryujin.

 

Winter acted like she just said nothing wrong and just shrugged “Malay mo lang naman.”

 

Ryujin sighed just shook her head. “Like I said, ilang years na win. I’ve let go of the past as well as my feelings for her. Sadyang hindi ko lang talaga kayang magalit sa taong naghanap ng paraan para mabawasan ang sakit. Remember? I did a similar thing” She pointed out.

 

“Edi balik tayo, ano yung sainyo ni ate yeji kagabi?” Ayaw parin pakawalan ni yuna. Naknam

 

“Lasing nga kasi talaga siya kagabi kaya inalalayan ko lang” at sadyang malandi lang din ako kaya natagalan kami. Yun lang yon.

 

Chaeryeong pursed her lips, Yuna obviously didn’t believe her while Winter was studying her.

 

Ryujin didn’t care if they believed or not pero napagod siya sa pagkwento kaya naman uwing uwi na siya. Marami pa siyang aayusin na bagahe.

 

“Ano? Tititigan niyo nalang ba ako o uuwi na tayo?”

 

Tumango sila at nagsitayuan na silang lahat.

 

Pagkahatid sakanya ni Winter, dumeretso na siyang maligo at magbihis.

 

Nakaupo lang siya sa couch at napatulala nalang siya sa labas ng bintana. She was thankful they had installed the floor to ceiling windows all around her penthouse. That way it felt more open and less lonely.

 

Her mind was going all over the place as her thoughts shifted from the clothes she still had in her luggages, to the deafening silence around her loft, to the dark starless sky, to the dazzling city lights that somehow reminded her of how the disco lights was clearly reflected in yeji’s eyes the night bef- Hep hep. Teka ano daw.

 

Ryujin thinks she might be really tired from all the talking she did. She got her together and proceeded to the second floor. I could definitely use some drinks.

 

If ryujin was being honest, she found that she liked the second floor a lot better that below.

 

Since her loft was quite spacious and open, the living room below could be seen from the second-floor balcony.

 

There she had a black marbled mini bar (kudos to kuya because they knew she used to be a bar tender for some time) as well as her favorite area, the entertainment. Which consisted of a huge television for movies with a very comfortable but designer leather couch that fit her dark and chic interior as well as a glass billiard table and a dart board. The whole area was dimly lit by yellow lights and it just screamed ‘class’ and ryujin was absolutely in love with it.

 

Luckily, the bar was stocked with different kinds of alcohol, most of which she knows she would never drink (but her friends might), so she made herself a White Russian just to relax for the night.

 

Ryujin was absentmindedly twirling her glass, fascinated with how the strands of cream and the liquer intertwine together and end up a shade lighter.

 

Finally having a time for her thoughts to run around free, she carefully sorted out her thoughts and honestly admitted to herself. Yes, bigla siyang naguluhan or more like nagulat din siya sa sarili niya sa naramdaman niya kagabi.

 

There was no denying that Yeji was beautiful, now even more so as she matured. There was also no denying in ryujin part that she can’t help but still feel captivated by how everything seemed to reflect themselves in yeji’s eyes making her look even more captivating.

 

She downed her glass and made another one, a bit stronger this time. Medyo naiinis si ryujin sa sarili niya kasi nalilito siya sa sarili niyang nararamdaman. Paulit ulit na siya. Hindi niya alam kung dahil sa tagal niyang hindi nakita si yeji in person kaya sobra siyang namamangha sa hindi paring pagbabagong ngiti nito or was it simply yeji because yeji turned into one hell of an attractive woman that ryujin just can’t seem to resist?

 

Ryujin had her fair share of experience with hella attractive women habang nasa japan siya, Mas nagulat nga si ryujin sa bilis makapick up ng makakalandi sa japan, lalo na sa mga club. They were all drop dead gorgeous and very flirty and inviting and ryujin simply can’t resist giving in to pretty girls.

 

So now she was pondering... Did ryujin allow yeji to get close to her simply because ryujin never declines any skinship, especially, with strikingly pretty women?

 

Was it concern? Seeing how wasted yeji was that night and feeling how tightly she was holding on to her shirt made ryujin want to comfort the older woman simply because they were still considered friends?

 

She took another sip and exhaled heavily, she turned away from the bar counter and opted to watched the bustling roads of ayala.

 

Bat ako napaluha? Normal lang bang maluha pag naaalala ang sakit habang nagkwekwento? Syempre kasi the memories itself was painful. Doesn’t mean na in love parin ako sakanya. Pero diba sabi nila kung totoong nakamove on ka na, hindi ka na magiging affected? So bakit ramdam ko parin yung kirot pero none of the desire to get back together?

 

Ryujin let her thoughts flow continuously, not once confirming nor denying every thought or feelings that flashed through her mind. Questions kept popping up along with answers that either made sense of her feelings or mocking them. Everything was somehow and yet confusing all the same.

 

This is exactly why ryujin would rather act on impulse the moment whenever she could because she tends to overthink every single thing and it tired her out.

 

Sighing once more, she finished her glass in one go. Now feeling the pounding of her chest, on her neck and around the back of her head, and knowing the alcohol’s finally kicking in.

 

She stretched her neck, feeling the knots loosen up as she turned in for the night.

 

Ryujin slept with her vision whirling and her head floating slowly into the sky. The last thing she saw was a certain cat eyed woman smiling brightly as she let go of her hand and bidding goodbye before the darkness and silence slowly overtook her.