~Eunbi~

Day three of break

So annoying.

Today's no different from other recent days— Me waking up to find no messages from Yerin, and Angkko rummaging the trash when she knows she's not supposed to.

I thought maybe Yerin would at least apologize? Say she doesn't want to take a break? Say she misses me?

That's what I get for thinking reverse-psychology would work with Yerin. Why do I like her again? 

Maybe us sleeping together would've done us better than talking. After all, our mouths are on each other more than we use them to communicate.

Day five 

Okay, maybe us being so physical is what drew us away from being serious. 

But why can't we have both?

Why can we kiss so much, but not talk?

What's different from me and Yuna?

I don't get it. Yerin told me she loves me. Did I ever even love her? 

Day thirty 

"Ssaem, do you have a boyfriend?" one of my young students asks me all of a sudden while I was evaluating her stance. 

"No, I don't," I answer blankly. "Straighten your shoulders."

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

I clench my jaw as I think about my answer. "Kick higher." 

"Do you?"

"...I don't."

She asks innocently, "Can I be your girlfriend?" 

I raise a brow at the question. "Get your next belt, then we'll talk."

Day sixty

"What are you looking at?"

Sojung backs away after seeing my glare. "You look kinda... dead."

"Shut up."

"Anyway, Yerin hasn't answered my messages. Is she pretty busy?" the other asks after throwing the toy for Angkko to fetch.

"...yeah."

"You guys see each other often? I haven't seen her since school."

"...yeah."

I could tell Sojung knew something was wrong, but she doesn't say anything else. Instead, she purses her lips and turns her attention back to my puppy.

Day seventy-eight

National team?

I'm able to try out for the national team?

I... but I didn't rank high enough.

"One of the members is still recovering from that car crash, remember? You made it to the finals at the last games. You're qualified for the national team tryouts. Congratulations, Hwang Eunbi." My coach pats me on the shoulder. 

When my coach called to see me, I thought maybe I would be captain or vice captain. Or maybe to compliment me for any reason.

National team.

Representing South Korea in our national sport.

It's been a secret dream of mine, but I never pursued it because I don't want to hope for too much. 

Now that it's so close, I can't give this up. 

"When is it?" I ask, determination replacing the stun in my eyes.

"A little over a month."

"Thank you, coach. Thank you! I won't let you down!" I run out of his office and onto the campus grounds I haven't stepped on since spring started.

I run all the way to the bus stop, an extra pep in my step. Nothing is going to ruin this day. I'm going to start training even harder. I'm going to do this. 

I grab my phone to text Yuna and Sojung the good news. Right as I'm about to type my message, a notification pops up from a contact I had gotten used to not seeing on my screen.

💛: Hi Eunbi

I know it's been a while 

Could we meet?

What can I say? 

It has been a while. 

The whole summer, I did exactly what she did: made myself busier. I trained more, I taught more, I raised Angkko, I took dance classes again, and even learned how to drive. 

I totally don't think about what she's doing.

Okay, I lied. 

I miss her. But I still think I did the right thing. 

I was treating our relationship like a game. I had to be a better girlfriend than Yuna. I had  to do many firsts with Yerin. I had to always have the last say.

It got to the point where I didn't even think of her seriously. I just thought of her as the person I could go to for fun; the person that made me feel like nothing was wrong with the world. But then when the fun started to fade, I got mad. 

Because Yerin's not supposed to have any problems. She's always going to be there for me! Everything's totally not going to spiral out of control!

Things will be better now. We've had time apart. I could say I lost some feelings... but that's only because we haven't seen each other in a long time. 

Right? It's like the opposite of how you gain feelings when you're with someone all the time.

Right?

-

The restaurant she tells me to go to surprises me. It's not too fancy, but fancy enough that there are individual rooms. I choose a matching blazer and slacks but wear a plain t-shirt under. Not too fancy.

I'm weirdly calm, but also not ready for whatever is going to happen, be it good or bad.

"Hi, uhm, is Jung Yerin here?" I tell the hostess at the door. 

"Are you Miss Hwang?"

I nod, and she steps about from behind her stand and nicely tells me to follow her. As we pass doors, I can hear the murmurs of talking and laughter from each room. I start to feel awkward when I realize I'm going to be alone with Yerin again, unlike these groups of people.

"Here we are." She knocks before sliding it open. 

My breath hitches at the sight of Yerin, and I can tell she reacted a similar way with how she almost fell over as she stood up. I thank the hostess, and she closes the door after I enter.

There's music playing from the restaurant speakers, and it's all that echoes through the room. I stare at her from two meters away, trying to get used to this new Yerin. 

She's dyed her hair a lighter brown, and her bangs are thinner, showing more of her eyes and face. She's wearing makeup. Though subtle, it's different from the sweaty athlete I know who wears tinted lip balm at most everyday. With it being summer now, she's wearing a light dress with gentle colors.

"Hi," she greets first. I watch bob up and down as she waits for me to say something back.

"Hi." 

She glances down and gives a small smile. "You look nice."

"...you too."

"Would you like to take a seat?"

Without responding, I walk to the table and sit across her. She sits down too once she sees I'm settled. Less than half a meter apart now, and Yerin seems brighter than before.

"Why don't we order something first? I'll just press this button when you're ready." 

"Anything you recommend?" I ask, peeking out from behind the menu to look at her again.

"Mmm... sashimi? Steamed egg, of course. I'm paying, so don't worry about the price." Yerin gives me another smile, and I raise my eyebrow. She's... oddly confident? I expected at least some tension or dead air between us.

After the waitress takes our orders and leaves, Yerin brings out a paper bag from under and places it on the table. "For you."

"Me?" What could it be? She pushes it closer and twirls her thumbs in anticipation. Opening it and removing the tissue, I take out a small dog harness and a squeaky toy shaped like a radish. "What's this?"

"It's uh, a late birthday present. I heard you got a puppy, so I wanted to pair it with." Keeping her eyes on the tabletop, her face scrunches slightly. "I'm sorry I didn't get to spend your birthday with you."

"It's alright. Just a birthday. Thank you for this. Angkko will love it," I say blankly.

"Their name is Angkko?"

"Mm. She's pink under her white fur, and it's a catchy name."

"She sounds very cute."

It's quiet for a few seconds, and I decide to carry my weight in the conversation. "How was your summer?"

"It was alright. Repetitive. I didn't do anything big... necessarily." 

The rest of the dinner goes smoothly when the food arrives. Jumping from topic to topic wasn't difficult, and we even made a joke here and there. There are things I've decided to not tell, and it's evident that she's doing the same.

Like, there's no way I'm telling her about the national team. Not yet. 

When she offers to pour me a drink, I refuse. "You're not drinking? That's a surprise."

"I er– am just watching my health for now." I can't say it's because I'm going to start harder training soon.

Soon enough, the food is almost gone, and I put my chopsticks down. 

"So," I start.

"So?"

"What... what's going to happen now? With us?" I didn't set any expectations for tonight besides us going back to how we were. 

Together, I mean. Not on a break. Or fighting all the time.

Before she could respond, I try to let out my feelings and justifications first. "I've done a lot of thinking, and I think time apart helped. I've worked on my patience, and even thought about us. I... I'm ready to take our relationship more seriously now."

Her face is blank as she looks at me, but her eyes project pity, and I think I said something wrong.

"Eunbi, there's... a lot... I need to tell you."

"Then... could I go first?" I ask, starting to feel nervous. "Maybe it was the . Maybe it was because we were alone without our friends. Maybe it's because sometimes, I felt like you're still in love with Yuna. Maybe it's because we haven't seen each other in months. I don't know. I don't know how I really feel about you. I realize that we're not the best at... whatever this is. But I still think we could work somehow."

Desperation took hold of my speech, and I sound so pathetic. How great of a person is Yerin to make me say this? How hard did I fall to not want anyone else? How much did we go through to make me keep going?

There's a sl