We all want to be someone's

Want to be someone's someone

With somebody, we can't live without

The apartment was dimly lit, the drama that Sehun had picked out playing on the tv screen had just ended up being a soft white noise behind Soon-ok’s loud thoughts. Her eyes had zoomed out on Ji- Chang Wook-s unfairly beautiful face as she absentmindedly fed her baby, with two fingers holding up her to ease the flow of her milk. For a few moments, the woman had forgotten about her best friend’s presence beside her.

She hadn’t wanted to admit it at first, but leaving the hospital and returning to her apartment had never felt so lonely. Even though a part of her was joyful about her daughter, there was still a tiny void in her heart that felt extremely empty. A void so small and yet so extremely essential for everything to be right. The truth was that Soon-ok knew exactly what it was, or better said, who had the key that fit right in.

Someone whom she had professed her hate to, then suddenly begged him to stay with her while tears streamed down her cheeks. God, what had gotten into her? What she had done was completely irreversible and she had to physically restrain herself from groaning out loud in frustration as she was feeding Sohee who soon would be falling asleep. Teeth drilled into her lip, nibbling thoughtfully as she let the memories of that day replay before her eyes.

She remembered the way he had wanted to give her a ride home despite looking more like a wreck than her. Baekhyun had stayed with her the entire time, from the moment she had gone into labor to the time of her departure from the hospital. Although he insisted that he was fine and had rested enough, she knew that he had probably not slept a single wink just to watch over her. She had tried to explain to him why she hadn’t needed a ride, but the grumpy frown on his forehead and the priceless pout twisting his lips had been too much of a show to keep on trying.  Not to mention the ulterior reason for his displeased expressions. 

Hence, Soon-ok wasn’t sure whether she was thankful to Sehun for barging in at that moment or if she wanted to fulminate him because he had shattered whatever spell that cupid had fondly sprinkled upon them. She couldn’t help but side-eye her friend as she recalled the scene.

“Soon-ok ah!” Her best friend’s dark voice had boomed in the hospital room, startling everyone within it. Sehun’s brows were naturally curved into a frown as his parted lips fell apart to let in some air into his heaving chest. Despite the looks of his rush, Baekhyun found it extremely deranging that he looked so fresh and stylish while he had yet to change the clothes he had been wearing for the past few days. The rival had barely noticed how his inner turmoil had taken over the muscles of his face, eyes unconsciously widening into an offended glare. It was the way that the guy hadn’t even spared him a glance before settling next to the woman, taking her hand in his as if it was a casual habit. Something that Baekhyun could only remotely dream of doing.

“Who are you?” Baekhyun hadn’t been able to help himself, nor the gritting of his teeth peeking from his slightly parted lips, which had only prompted Sehun to quirk the corner of his lips as he looked at the rival up and down before losing interest in him right away. The man felt like a warm kettle with water boiling within him, but he couldn’t snap at him.

“What do you mean?” Sehun had cocked a brow while shrugging one shoulder, and nonchalance radiated off him prompting the already threatened Baekhyun to bite deep into his lip. 

“I am her husband.” 

That day, Soon-ok had seen the real-life definition of a jaw hitting the floor. And truly, she shouldn’t have found Sehun’s mischievous shenanigans towards Baekhyun so funny, but every time she thought of it, a chuckle would naturally bubble in . She trusted that Baekhyun had found out about his joke the moment Sehun had erupted in his usual hysterical laughter, not at all attractive if you asked her. Whether he had or not, he had seemed extremely flustered as he had nibbled on his lip thoughtfully.

Her little reminiscing moment had ended along with the weak but demanding whine from the newborn baby in her arms. Soon-ok flinched, but not because of her daughter’s sudden cry, moreover, the realization of how her thoughts had for the umpteenth time drifted towards Baekhyun. She used to be so good at controlling her thoughts just a few days ago when Sohee had still been waiting within her womb, but now, after the craziest day of her life, spent with him- he was all that could think about. Seemingly whether she wanted to or not. 

After cradling her baby closer to her other , to which Sohee eagerly started feeding off, Soon-ok let her gaze fall onto the dark screen of her phone. And there she was again, drifting off into deep thought, this time feeling the urge to see if there was any new notification from the male. It was futile, she knew that there was none. Her phone was not silenced, she would have heard it otherwise, but a part of her disputed that perhaps she had forgotten about silencing her notifications after all? Soon-ok shook her head to push away the piling thoughts in her head which were doing nothing but creating a chaotic mess. 

”You don’t need to check your notifications all the time,” She scolded herself sternly while detaching the little Sohee from her and eventually pulling the shirt over her chest again. She whined a little in protest but Soon-ok was quick to hush soothingly and settle her against her shoulder, accordingly patting gently on Sohee’s back until she would burp as she should have.

“What was that?” Sehun made his presence known again and Soon-ok had barely managed to hide her surprised flinch. The confused frown on his face made her realize that he was referring to the little sentence that she had murmured to herself out loud. Quite honestly, she didn’t think it was anything that he needed to know. The woman felt how her cheeks were growing warmer as embarrassment washed over her. She thanked the dear dim lighting of the room for not making it so obvious to the male. If he knew that she was blushing and sighning longingly over text messages, she was never going to hear the end of it.

“Nothing!” She beamed, a little too quickly and to her dismay, Sehun was someone who knew her, sometimes better than herself. The young man cocked an incredulous brow at her and she huffed out loudly. He wasn’t buying it, never was going to either. 

“Nothing. At. All.” Soon-ok gritted through her teeth, wishing that he would let her suspiciousness off the hook this one time, but his expression just became more dramatic. There was a hint of playful seriousness in his mischievous eyes, but despite this, Soon-ok found herself feeling extremely self-conscious.

The young mother brought her baby away from her chest and held her up before her, gushing out loudly at her cuteness. “Aren’t you such a pretty, little flower?” Soon-ok’s voice became high-pitched as she cooed at her clueless daughter, successfully avoiding to answer Sehun’s expectant gaze. A genuine smile lips upon watching the little Sohee, seeing how her big eyes stared wonderingly into her own, and the way her chubby cheeks pushed out the tip of her tiny tongue. She really looked like her.

“Aigoo! What you say?” She exclaimed to her baby, “You want to go to uncle Sehun? Of course, my baby!” Truth was, the baby hadn’t made a single noise but was carefully given to the male who wholeheartedly pouted at the woman in complete defeat. It didn’t take long before Sehun was distracted by the cuteness of his best friend’s daughter, which allowed her to relax against the sofa once again. Without his eyes on her. 

Soon-ok swore to cut down her wrist the moment she reached out for her phone once again, despite what she had told herself not to do. Frantically she entered Baekhyun's chat, only to see that the messages that they had exchanged two weeks ago had not been pushed up by new ones. It was as if the silence in their dead chatroom ringed into her ears and disappointedly, Soon-ok huffed out, staring at their old texts.

Did you get home safely?

20:30

Yeah, I did, thank you!

20:50

I’m glad.

21:00

Please take care.

21:01

 Thank you, Baekhyun. You too.

21:05, read

Their awkwardness was lamely obvious, like an orange in a box of strawberries. But their intentions still shone through, the gentle worry on Baekhyun’s side, the soft urge to make sure that she was fine while Soon-ok had never smiled more at any texts she had ever received. The dryest messages in her texting history, not to mention. and yet the most precious so far, they were that to her. The sensation of the corners of her lips slightly kissing the apple of her cheeks had Soon-ok drop back into a frown as she threw the phone farther away from herself.

No smiling at any texts, she decided. But the heavens had already witnessed her to be the biggest hypocrite on earth, as she barely noticed her actions when the memory of Baekhyun kissing the crown of her head made butterflies flutter their wings in her belly.

Was she that fond of him suddenly?

Scratch that suddenly. 

She had always been.

“Soon-ok” Sehun deadpanned, breaking once again her train of thoughts. Soon-ok rolled her head to the side, meeting his stone-face with her bored one. In her head, she was trying to figure out what was about to leave his mouth. Perhaps something important, or something completely stupid and irrelevant. A waste of breath. There was never a way in between when it came to Sehun. 

The two best friends were aimlessly staring into each other’s eyes for what felt like minutes, and the girl took it upon herself to shoot her eyebrows up in what Sehun swore was annoyment and question. 

“If you want to think about Baekhyun in peace just say that.” The friend smirked knowingly at her.

That little-

“You need to leave.”

“Hey-” Sehun cried when she pinched his earlobe mercilessly, “Soon-ok!”

***

The weather had significantly cooled down during the past three months, but Baekhyun had only noticed that the moment he had stood in front of the locked glass door before him. Shivers ran down his body and his hands ached, exposed to the frigid wind.

It was cold, and his heart was beating inside his throat.

The breeze froze the tip of his nose and grazed his red cheeks as he stood there, in front of the corner shop that used to sprout with color. His gaze was solemn as the dusty interior reflected in his orbs, oh, so many were the strings that his heart had willingly attached to this one place. The place he had done everything for.

Baekhyun’s chest ached at what he was seeing. He just wanted it to be open all over again, and so couldn’t help himself when he let his eyelids fall close, taking away the gray view before him. Only to reminisce what this place used to be. Laughter mixed with the soft melodies of an old radio dancing mellowly in the air, the smell of wood and fresh paint was still impregnated deep into his memories. The image of his mother behind the cashier desk, in one of her beautiful flowery dresses covered by an apron that had probably seen every kind of paint to ever exist. The youthful happiness that lightened up the whole room whenever she would smile along with the glittering streaks of acrylic on her cheeks.

Byun Sohee was someone he missed dearly. Someone, he could never have back.

Baekhyun would give away everything he had to go back in the past, just to inhale her scent once more, to hear her gentle timbre scold him ever so affectionately, to hold her one last time before she'd disappear. But what good was it to think of such things? What ifs brought nothing but pain, and yet Baekhyun had these last few months found himself pondering about things he could’ve done differently more and more often.

Not only regarding Byun Sohee. 

Hence, most of his what-ifs were about someone he was so used to calling his rival. A woman who had failed to trust him, who had hurt him, but despite so, he had forgiven the moment he had seen her and he had no way to explain it to himself. He didn't want to either, all it had ever brought him was confusion, a storm of emotions and thoughts that he had no time to sort out. Ever since that day in the grocery store, his attempts to forget all about her had gone, melted into the wind as if he had never even tried. Normally he would be frustrated with himself, but Baekhyun felt nothing of the sort. 

Instead, he just thought.

Thought about her, a lot. 

Spinning on the balls of his feet, Baekhyun headed away from the abandoned building. In his head, he knew exactly what he had to do to get a hold of it, but for the first time in his life, he had no courage, no confidence whatsoever, and it broke his heart. He felt it tear apart on the inside, it really broke him that he wanted something so bad, but the road before him was cut off by an enormous black hole and the empowering emotion within him was none else than fear. A fear that had him cowering with his hands into useless fists.

A heavy sigh tumbled down his lips, barely thinking about his actions as he fished out his phone from the jeans pocket. It was the muscle memory of his fingers that worked its magic as they unlocked it and clicked into the messaging app. A little seed of expectation would always grow in his chest whenever he took out his device, deep down knowing that there was nothing new to see. Baekhyun ignored the fact that he had been doing those motions repeatedly during the passing days, until they had become a routine. But It had been two weeks since he heard from her, Baekhyun had counted, every single day. He was surely out of his mind, but at that point, he had stopped caring. All he could think about was the woman who had just become a mother. Her name was constantly dancing on his tongue and the image of her begging him to stay by her was tattooed into his eyelids, her voice lived in his head day and night.

If all of that had a turn-off button, Baekhyun would have used it, trust him. But real life was not that creative, nor was he a strong man, hence extremely weak. All he could do was indulge as the woman invaded every little space there was to occupy within him. If only she was right next to him, all of these emotions streaming at the slightest thing reminding him of her, all of those thoughts could be finally put to rest. 

His fingers itched to write a message and Baekhyun had no idea what he even wanted to say to her, quite honestly, he just thirsted for her attention in an unhealthy manner. It felt as if the hole in his chest had gotten emptier now that he had seen her, now that he knew that she had seemingly forgiven him, and yet their chances to see each other were completely gone.

Well, it wasn’t that he couldn’t see her. Technically, he could. But two weeks had already gone without them exchanging any more words, and it would be weird if he suddenly texted her. Surely he would come off as clingy, Baekhyun concluded. Plus, although they had some unsolved matters, wouldn’t it have been odd if he suddenly brought them up again after three months? Every little opportunity his heart would present to him would be shut off my his brain, it felt like his heart and brain were constantly bickering on the inside and he was so tired of it. He longed for a moment of peace.

But then he realized.

Nobody was denying him that peace except for himself. A scoff broke the silence inside of his car as he twisted the key and the engine started vibrating.

Jaw clenching, he murmured spitefully, “This is ridiculous.”

***

“Yah!” Sehun screeched at top of his lungs as he kept being pushed towards the door by his dear best friend. Talk about mood swings, he would’ve never thought that they would be even worse after pregnancy. “Why are you kicking me out!?” he protested, pouting hysterically, rooting his big feet into the floor and refusing to budge.

“I DON’T KNOW,” Soon-ok wailed back, fruitlessly trying to push her giant of a friend forward. “You just have to! I have a feeling something is going to happen!” She explained, only to realize how stupid she sounded. But she couldn’t deny the expectant churn in her belly, the intuition of something good, but it wasn’t for her to share with Sehun.

“What do you mean feeling?” Sehun yelled, arching his neck to look at her. “What the are you now? Spiderman? Do you have the Soon-ok tingle?”

“Yes, I’m ing Spider-man! Now go!” She insisted, feeling as if she was running against a wall, and truly her best friend wasn’t very far from being one, with his tall and slim figure. He was ridiculously strong. “I don’t wanna!” Sehun crossed his arms on his chest and puffed air in his cheeks. Soon-ok slumped against his broad back as she let out the most frustrating groan in history.  “Are you a kid? Do I have to drag you by your ear?!”

“Yeah!”

Sehun hadn’t expected Soon-ok to stay true to her threats, and before he had known it her fingers were pinching his ear and she was dragging him to the door.

Sehun did leave in the end. Not because he had wanted to, but because Soon-ok had started to pinch his ear a little too hard, and it was starting to get numb, the male did not want any more trouble. Though, to him, there was no doubt that she was acting weird, almost as if she was expecting another guest and wanted him to leave at all costs. 

He had never thought that a day would come where he would say that his best friend had kicked him out, and he swore to himself that he wasn’t going to let this one go easily.

On the other side of the wall was Soon-ok, slumping against the door with a deep sigh. The apartment had within instant become so empty, so deafeningly quiet when Sehun had left- had been forced to leave. Only then did her actions down upon her, the woman was flabbergasted and confused by her own self.

“Why…Why did I just do that?” She whispered to herself, unconsciously pacing back and forth in front of the entrance. “Right, the Soon-ok tingle,” she remembered. Now that she had followed her instinct, what was she supposed to do? Soon-ok stood in the hallway, feeling a little troubled, perhaps awkward would have been a better word to describe her. Her stomach was churning with nervous excitement and her hands clamped together on her belly, teeth drilling into her lip as she accomplished nothing.

Minutes passed. Eventless minutes.

Soon-ok was starting to think that she might have shooed Sehun away for absolutely nothing and that she was actually a very stupid person who had believed in childish, romantic expectations living in her head for three seconds. Now she was going to spend the rest of the day, feeling lonely and cold, too embarassed about the scene she caused to even dare and ask her best friend to come back.

Just when Soon-ok had decided to go check on her sleeping daughter, the doorbell rang loudly, making her do nothing less than jump out of her skin. Her heart was beating inside of as she for some reason started running to the entrance, almost crushing her face on the pavement when stumbling on a pair of slippers that Sehun had randomly left on the floor. If Sohee would have started crying by anytime now, Soon-ok would have probably not been able to hear it over the thumping heartbeat in her ears.

Her hand reaching out for the handle was shaking ever so tremendously, and anyone else would’ve thought that she was being chased by a killer, but deep inside she was just praying for him to be behind that damned door. Cold metal spread underneath her palm, her trembling fingers felt weak- so excited that she was gradually becoming numb, nonetheless, she jerked the handle downwards and pushed the door open. With a low screech, the wooden entrance revealed the person currently breathing heavily on the other side.

Just for a few, unfairly fast beats, her eyes had been able to glimpse at the longing gaze trapped within those droopy eyes of his, before he was completely gone from her view. For a second, she had feared that she had just hallucinated, but before she could even breathe, a warm body had collided with hers. A pair of gentle hands found themselves roaming her back almost carelessly, feeling every inch of her back. It was as if his fingers ached for her warmth ever so desperately, to feel it seep into their tips. Suddenly, her cheek was squished against his shoulder, and all she could remark was how she was losing herself in his aroma and fervor, but still incredibly shaken by her quickly beating heart. Her lips gasped for air at his unexpected embrace, but every single cell in her body welcomed him eagerly. 

No words left the male’s lips, although she would’ve loved to hear his voice. But she couldn’t find it in herself to complain as his arms gradually tightened their hold around her, pressing their hearts as even closer, if that could have been humanly possible. Soon-ok completely surrendered to the comfort of his embrace, soon inhaling his scent of pinewood and rain deep within her lungs. Memories of their countless bickers while in his car, to the moments of shy bliss where the two would’ve almost given into their attraction but then retreated just in time, flooded her mind. 

Baekhyun’s heartbeat was so fast, even faster than hers, and she could feel it pulsating on her flush against his chest. Her beat wouldn’t match his, but together, they formed a completely new rhythm.

It felt as if Soon-ok had dived into the deepest waters there were to ever exist, it was as if she could breathe underwater as she pressed herself closer into the male’s chest, exploring those parts of the ocean that no one had ever been able to put their eyes on. She felt herself melting into putty when Baekhyun’s soft, relaxed hum fanned down her neck, his lips brushed the surface of her skin, making her head spin all at once.

Had time once again slowed down for them? She had completely lost the sense of it the moment Baekhyun had pushed her to his chest, and now with her eyes closed, surrounded by his warmth, she was merely a snowflake endlessly floating in a beautiful glass ball. But even those snowflakes met the end of their journey, where they would gently land back onto the ground, in hopes of being shaken again. 

The kind of shaking they were about to experience was nowhere as calming as the ones of a glass ball. It was more like the glass ball got thrown into the ground and shattered into pieces when their embrace was cut short by the loud cries of the small Sohee being unattended in another room. 

The rivals bolted away from each other as if they had been caught doing something absolutely unacceptable. In all honesty, neither of them knew why they kept reacting like that every time their “moments” were interrupted…Like two teenagers getting caught kissing in either’s room by their dad who had forced them to leave the door open for no risk of funny businesses. But there was no damn dad, and they had long ago grown out of that stage. 

And yet, like fools, in the presence of each other, they only knew how to act on their emotions- which had up until a few days ago, been the complete opposite of what they usually told each other, only to be startled by their own selves.

A few uneventful moments passed with the two trying to let what had just happened sink in. Baekhyun was looking away while scratching his nape, an embarassed pink hue caressed his cheeks. He could not even recall when was the last time he had let his emotions lead him like that. It had been as if his heart was running way ahead of him, dragging him along. He was breathless. 

Clearing , she mumbled, "I'll go attend her before she gets angry at me," and Soon-ok, for some reason, spoke in softer tones. The tension was playing tricky games, shattering loudly, but then it came back ten times heavier and stronger. As Baekhyun nodded understandingly, they both ignored the odd sensations in their chests and headed towards the baby. Well, for Baekhyun, it was merely following Soon-ok around cluelessly. To be completely honest, he did not even know why he was there, and the realization was dawning on him like a bucket of ice-cold water.

Meanwhile, the woman picked up her baby girl and immediately cradled her to the chest, hushing softly and soothingly, but surprisingly enough, it wasn’t working. Sohee’s tiny face was all red and frowny as she screamed on top of her lungs, showing her toothless gums. Soon-ok clicked her tongue, she guessed that she had been a tad bit too late. Who would’ve thought that even newborn babies knew how to get offended.

A frustrated pout sported on her lips, and her eyes focused on her daughter whom she was rocking back and forth. Baekhyun almost felt like his presence had been forgotten, perhaps he shouldn’t have headed there so impulsively. But just as the thoughts crossed his mind, Soon-ok had looked up at him with wide, slightly expect