Your light voice passes me by, 

would you please call my name one more time?

The clock struck six along with the slowly rising sun, its gentle rays warmed up the messy blanket covering half of Park Soon-ok’s body. With her tear-stained cheek pressed against the cool side of the pillow, she hollowly stared into the screen of her smartphone. It felt like her dry eyes were burning in front of the displayed text messages that she had spent the whole night staring at. Her thoughts would always wander back to that one question she truly didn’t deserve to ask herself.

Where did I go wrong? Where did I lack?

Blaming herself was naturally the first reaction, but so wrong. So extremely wrong, Soon-ok had to remind herself that none of this was her fault. Never was and never will be no matter how much she reflected upon the matter.

It’s over between us

seen, 07:00 am, yesterday

Her heart painfully clenched as she once again glanced at the text she had sent a day ago. The fact that he had seen it and not bothered to answer made her feel completely worthless, embarrassed, and miserable. The next set of surging emotions quickly morphed from despair to anger, a flame of rage erupted within her chest, and consuming her clenching organ. To think that she had let such a man feed her empty words and lies- that she had let him touch her intimately and take her for granted. If there was something she wouldn’t be able to forgive herself for, it would be letting a man take advantage of her. But most of all, letting herself be deceived by such insincerity. This pain was going to serve her as a very important lesson in life. Sighing, she turned to lay on her back with one arm resting on her forehead as she looked into the white ceiling where there used to hang countless photos of her and the said male, but was now almost completely empty.

“If you can’t imagine your future with him…” Soon-ok rasped in her morning-dry throat and started reminiscing on a set of words that her mother always sent her way when she had the chance. “Then he isn’t the one for you.” She finished into a soft whisper. A disappointed laugh left as she finally forced herself to get out of the beautiful trap that was her fluffy bed. “I guess she is right after all.” the girl hummed thoughtfully. The man had left her to her destiny after being partially responsible for their relationship becoming complicated, throwing three precious years away, as if ashes, as if they had never even happened. She wondered what she has been doing all this time, she felt so foolish for having been infatuated with a lie.

Those three years with him, perhaps...No, surely, they hadn’t been so precious after all. Soon-ok figured she had wasted three years of her life which soured her mood gravely, a bitter taste spread immediately into along with a fresh set of frustrated tears that she allowed herself to spill.

Soon-Ok threw on a semi-elegant button-up and a pair of black trousers. Usually, she would’ve opted for a pencil skirt, but her condition would protest against the tightness of that clothing, which was why she had recently started wearing softer pants, to keep her body comfortable throughout the long office workdays. Having fixed her hair but not bothered to do much about her face, Soon-Ok took off to her workplace. A part of her nagged at herself with regret for having left the house while looking so wrecked, but at the same time, she would remind herself that it would’ve been foolish, as well as futile, to try to cover her bloodshot and swollen eyes. What she truly needed was time to get herself back together, but time had always been precious and expensive, something she couldn’t afford.

 A promotion and a bothersome rival wouldn’t be waiting for her to get better. Thus, she had to grit her teeth and move on physically, even if she was still hurting in her mind and heart.

With a deep sigh, the woman prayed for the day to go smoothly. Little did she know that on the other side of those glass doors was a person who couldn’t wait to ruin her day. That person was none other than Byun Baekhyun. The fact that they were in the same department and team, in the ad and designing company, did her absolutely no favor- hence it felt as if life had been throwing every little imaginable obstacle at her, just to make sure she wouldn’t have it easy.

With a huff, Soon-Ok ignored the echoing noise of her heels in the quiet office where her team members were diligently clicking and typing into their keyboards, faces immersed into the massive screens of their computers. The display of editing programs would reflect in each of their gazes. Byun Baekhyun had seemed particularly taken by his work as well, which gave the woman the tiniest hint of hope that perhaps he wouldn’t bother enough to talk to her. Going a day without having interacted with the man would be equal to winning the lottery. When he wouldn’t even gaze at her...those were truly special occasions, where she would jump with happiness once at home, knowing that his tormenting voice wouldn’t be replaying in her head like a nightmare and her day would be able to proceed sweetly.

Well, to be honest, those days had yet to come. Since day one, she and Baekhyun had never gotten along and there hadn’t ever been a moment at work where the two wouldn’t fight with each other at least once. It was unavoidable after all since they were forced to share their workspace as well. To Soon-Ok’s utter luck, Baekhyun had been the first to take notice of the sadness aligning on her exhausted features. 

“Did someone get dumped?” Baekhyun jeered without really meaning what he had said. However, when dead silence was all that met him, he noticed soon that he had unintentionally hit the jackpot. He could tell that his statement held a certain weight the moment that Soon-Ok sent him a chilling glare. The male’s obnoxious and insensible words caused a good amount of heads in the office to turn, making the girl’s body covered with cold sweat at the unwanted attention. 

“You’re so full of .” Soon-Ok found herself snapping at the man, as usual, except for this time, even though she had gritted the words through her teeth to try maintaining her calm, it had been fruitless. Her veins were bulging with a rage that she usually wouldn’t even spare the annoying individual. Deep down she knew why it was happening and that it simply wasn’t rational to tear the silky hair of his precious scalp, as for a few seconds, she had imagined doing. With a deep sigh, the woman reminded herself to take it easy and that further stress and negative emotions would do anything but good for her body in her current situation. Baekhyun did not look the least fazed by her threatening and warning undertone, instead, he curled his lips onto an infuriating smirk while once again taking in her features mockingly.

“It wasn’t me who got dumped.” On a regular day, this kind of retort was nothing out of the ordinary, nothing that would’ve hurt her. But because of today, it had hit so close to home, reminding her of the sleepless night, of the tears spent just physically hurting. Those words had hurt her. Soon-Ok found a lump forming in that she quickly swallowed down before it could bring unnecessary tears to her eyes. 

This day was already atrocious, the last thing she needed was one of her daily bickers with that horrible male to spoil her mood any further. Many wondered why they were always at each other’s throats, and sometimes even Soon-Ok would forget when it had become like that, but it was because they crashed from the very first time they met. Their ill-tempered relationship had sparked to life the moment Soon-Ok and Baekhyun had simultaneously achieved the same high positions and titles as best employees in their department. Without a doubt, the matter had initiated rivalry between the two, prompting them to endlessly compete for that next promotion that couldn’t be shared. Soon-Ok couldn’t stand Baekhyun, the way he always seemed to do everything ever so effortlessly, like it meant nothing to him...While she would find herself painfully working until the late hours of the night, even in the comfort of her own home, to diligently do her work.

“Don’t talk to me,” She sighed through her nose, but saw by the look on his face that asking it that way would never be enough. “Got it? Leave me the alone Byun.” Baekhyun seemed just a tiny bit taken aback when Soon-Ok spat the words without sparing him a glance but quickly shrugged it off. Perhaps he had overstepped the line today, though he would never admit it, not less give her any sort of apology that he owed her. She was always breathing down his neck for whatever he did, it wasn’t like getting along with her was going to provide him with the promotion they had been competing over for the past six months. Their relationship was nothing but childish banter and on many occasions, even filled with hurtful and degrading words, depending on how sour their moods were. They fed off each other’s insults and someone would think they would miss each other’s presence if gone, but in actuality, it would always be considered a wonderful, good day with an opportunity to get a step ahead.

***

Without really paying attention, the woman sat down at her desk, the computer, and sank into the comfortable chair. It was by now a routine that she did whilst lost in her thoughts, letting her muscle memory do most of the work for her. Besides her sat none other than her rival that, fortunately, was deeply concentrated on his projects. Soon-Ok had attempted to change desk neighbors many times, but her boss had never been that generous to her dismay. Soon-Ok clicked open her ongoing submission with a dejected sigh, and before she knew it, the whole morning had gone. Time had, as always, flown away as there would never be enough of it. She wondered if she would ever manage to finish this requested poster in time at this pace.

It was barely lunchtime and her body was already starting to ache and protest at the obligation to sit down in front of the computer for endless hours. The quiet tapping noises of fingers clicking on keyboards and mouses felt like loud rings echoing in her ears, each click pounded into her growing headache. Despite the good flow in her work, the woman figured out it would be best to put some nutrition into her system before it was too late. A part of her wasn’t really keen on the food that waited in the lunchbox and despite her hunger, she felt herself craving for something completely different. Her palate imagined the salty flavor of Mcdonald’s fries dipped gently into the sweet, vanilla ice cream they offered. A dejected sigh left her slightly chapped lips, daydreaming about McDonald’s was definitely not what she had imagined herself doing, ever, but her hormones were raging, her body was changing. She had no control over herself. She wished she did. She wished she could just foresee every bad, unnecessary thought and save herself from the pain. She longed to be able to control her weight from constantly increasing- to have a hold of her emotions. But that ability had long ago slipped through the cracks of her fingers, helplessly, like sand.

Discreetly, Soon-Ok left her desk, making sure that she wouldn’t disturb anyone in the process. A curse threatened to leave her lips when she stood up a little too quickly, causing her head to spin heavily. You just have to reach the kitchen, she told herself as she took one more step. It didn’t stop. The more she moved, the darker her view became while black and white spots moving like ants slowly took over her dilating orbs. Deep but quick breaths were leaving her lips and her chest was visibly heaving for more oxygen. Before she knew it, the ground had disappeared from underneath her feet and a soft gush of air brushed her cheeks as she fell to the ground.

Soon-Ok couldn’t see anything, nor move, and yet she could make out every single sound around her. The voices of her female colleagues calling frantically for her name, asking her if she was alright. She wanted to answer, to tell them that she was fine, but it was like her tongue had tied itself into a knot in , dry and vocal cords completely refusing to produce any kind of noise. The fuss around her gradually grew and in the meantime, her view had shifted from black spots to prickling colors, but not yet clear enough to make out anything that was going on around her. She could only remark how she felt her body suddenly spinning, the voices had finally become a distant noise in the background, letting her headrest. 

Baekhyun noticed that something was off when he suddenly looked up from his work and saw that all of his seatmates had gone to circle the unconscious woman. People’s worried voices filled the otherwise quiet office. Peeking from behind the screen of the computer, the rival leaned a cheek into his fist and eyed the situation with uninterested eyes. It wasn’t until he saw Soon-Ok being lifted from the ground that a twinge of curiosity swam through his chest. No one would ever see Soon-Ok out of shape, ever, especially not in the work area. It had been surprising enough how she’d showed up with red, swollen eyes that could’ve only meant one thing. But her sudden faint in the middle of the office had caught even Baekhyun off guard. However, the incident had caused a great fuss in the peaceful workplace and the fact brought him irritation and discomfort. He knew that the matter was going to be talked about repeatedly within the walls of the company, rising gossip, and reasons to get distracted. There was nothing he despised more than his peace of mind getting ruined at work. 

Slowly, his colleagues returned to their seats, resuming the endless keyboard clicking and tapping. It should have been enough for the rival to peacefully get back to his work, but on the contrary, one look at the screen had him realize how he really wasn’t in the mood to concentrate anymore. It ticked him off. He had been in such a nice flow until that woman had brought distraught to him and the rest of the office. Without another glance at the screen, Baekhyun stood up from his chair and left for the infirmary. Contemplatively, the man leaned his shoulder into the doorframe, meeting Soon-Ok’s tired gaze from across the room. She was lying in the only bed available, tucked in the soft, plain blankets. Baekhyun wondered how much she was out of it today- but her hardening gaze revealed to him that perhaps, she was in better shape than it had looked like.

“Get out.” Was the first thing Soon-Ok had hissed, rasping her parched throat in the process.

Baekhyun scoffed at her words before doing the exact opposite, feeling the irritation buzz through his system, every ounce of potential pity towards her disappeared before he could even acknowledge it and he narrowed his eyes coldly at the woman. “This is not your private room, if you want one, stay the hell home.” He snarled while going to the painkiller aisle. 

“Why be home when I can bother the hell out of you?” She chuckled mirthlessly, prompting him to throw an offended look behind his shoulder. Baekhyun sighed with exasperation as he poured two pills of paracetamol into his palm. The hint of playfulness was now gone.

“I mean it.” He started seriously. “If you’re ill, don’t come here, it’s going to distract the work of everyone. It’s a bother.” He lamented before heading out, leaving Soon-Ok with his harsh words sinking into her skin like ink.

Now that he was gone, she let her b emotions surface the slightest- just so she could breathe. She couldn’t lie, it felt suffocating. She hated to say it, but today his remarks were hurtful.

 Yeah.

 She was bothersome. That was probably also why he had left her, wasn’t it?

***

A frown twisted Soon-Ok’s lips, soon they pressed into a thin line. The midi dress hugged each and every curve lining her body, and yet she couldn’t bring herself to feel entirely comfortable with the way her figure appeared to be bigger than usual. Had she gained weight again? A part of Soon-Ok urged her to the scale, while the other half feared and didn’t want to see the results of her carelessness. With much difficulty, the woman pushed the whirling thoughts to the back of her head.

A heavy and dizzy sensation had been following her for the past few hours although she had taken painkillers, not to mention the pressure that her unusually heavy s had been putting on her legs. Nowhere in her body did she actually have the energy to join tonight’s event, but even so, the woman continued to the bathroom, applying a necessary amount of makeup. Twinkling crystals adorned her earlobes as she drew the dark shade of lipstick onto the plumpness of her lips. Tonight served as a very important work dinner with her boss and colleagues. There was no way she could not attend it because of a few headaches, especially not when Baekhyun was without a doubt going to be there. She couldn’t let him get a step ahead of her for any reason. 

Soon-Ok, not owning a car, had no choice but to ride the bus. She didn’t really mind. Sure, it consumed way more of her energy but she reminded herself that it was a little thing she could do for the environment. Once she arrived, Soon-Ok could see the luminous building of the luxurious restaurant. The woman couldn’t help but remark how she would’ve never even been able to step foot in there hadn’t it been for her company offering the dinner to all the present employees. Her heels clicked against the concrete with a satisfying noise as she made her way towards the entrance. From the distance, she could already spot a few of her male colleagues chatting right outside the entrance. Their dark voices resounded in the area as smoke from their cigarettes danced, and with serpentine moves lingered along with their bodies.

It took her a few more meters to notice that a certain someone had also been a part of the chat, however, he was keeping himself a little more in the back. Baekhyun was leaning cooly against the marmorated wall, stepping in the conversation occasionally. Everyone had been smoking except for him. Baekhyun’s and the woman’s gazes found each other within seconds, the sight of her never failing to make a mocking smirk dance across his lips while she forced herself to remain expressionless. Soon-Ok wanted to roll her eyes at his obvious stare, and the way he was ridiculing her with his eyes solely urged her to plant a fist on his cheek. Yet, she found herself almost victorious when she caught the way that Baekhyun’s eyes helplessly strayed down to take in the rest of her walking curves. She couldn’t deny to herself the obvious way butterflies had fluttered in her tummy when the male had not so discreetly gulped at the sight of her. Just an hour ago her head had been filled with negative thoughts and insecurities, but perhaps there was nothing to worry about after all. Normally, she wouldn’t waste her thoughts on male validation, but for some reason it made her feel confident that Baekhyun had to swallow at the sight of her.

Despite everything, it wa