a/ n not going to try to write it all in one go lmao. I actually had this in drafts so I wrote only three pages in the ending. I've been doing some hand exercises and taking two-hour breaks in between as well as art therapy! 

You were not like how he remembered you. One, because you were in your hospital gown. Two, because you seemed like the wind would be able to blow you away. And three, because underneath that smile, you looked defeated.

Haechan did not ask you what had happened, instead you told him that you wanted a can of green tea and Haechan told him that he got you. With a playful smile, he had bought you a drink and asked you where you were headed. You looked down at your hospital gown and twirled in it, the way you moved reminding him of how you looked back when you were twirling in the church robes he had lent you.

“I have ten minutes in the courtyard until I have to go back,” you told him and he raised an eyebrow. You were hopeful that he would join you. There were not many people who you talked to on a daily basis. Most of the time, it would be that cute nurse that manned the VIP ward.

Xiaojun would allow you to sneak out of the room because he knew how suffocated you felt within the confines of those four walls. Haechan took in how you still had a head full of hair, how your eyes twinkled at his presence and how you were going around dragging a metal pole that he did not know was for.

“Shall we then, my lady?” Haechan asked, offering you his arm. You broke into a smile, both of you stepping out into the courtyard. King’s Hospital was an elite hospital for those who could afford it—top-notch treatments, impeccable service, and beautiful infrastructure.

The courtyard stretched far and wide for those who needed the comfort of nature. Both of you headed out of the entrance, Haechan making a note to not walk too fast. You gripped his arm tightly, your feet wobbling. You waited for Haechan to ask the right question but he didn’t.

Not yet.

“Are you okay?” you asked him suddenly, Haechan giving out a hum. “I ask because it is a hospital we are at.”

“And you?” he asked back so subtly, you forgot that you were the one who started the conversation. He cracked a smile. “You don’t have to answer that question.”

“Of course, I don’t,” you murmur, Haechan bringing you further down the courtyard. You usually stopped here and did not go beyond Building B. Beyond that was too far but you did not want the walk to end—not yet. “How are you?”

Asking him that question was dangerous because the social cue that would come after was to go “And you?” and you didn’t know if you were ready to give him the answers he wanted to hear.

“I’m good. I—” Haechan definitely wasn’t going to tell you he hired a PI to find you. “My father is checked in here. Has been for many many years and I just found him.”

“Your father?”

It made you realize that you had no idea who his father was.

“The pastor of the church you used to go to,” Haechan said to you and your eyes widened.

“Really?” you asked, Haechan nodding. “Is that why you were allowed in the confession box?”

“Exactly why,” Haechan replied. “He’s just old and his health is deteriorating. I think I have a lot of lost time to make up for.”

“Were you bad to him when he was still in good condition?” you asked with a small sense of innocence that made Haechan smile. He wanted to tell you that his father was a ty man and had left him out in the dust but he knew that it was best to put the blame on him rather than an old helpless man.

“Yes,” he told you. “Wasn’t a very nice person to him.”

Both of you were past the second building now and even if you began to feel tired, you did not say it. You wanted to hear him talk, it has been a while since you’ve had a conversation.

“I wasn’t in Korea before this. I just arrived a couple of weeks ago.”

“Where were you?” you asked, Haechan telling you that he started off at Canada then to Chicago. He traveled the world and you felt a pang of envy. He began to tell you what he did—he sang for a living. Composed songs and busked on the streets and music festivals with Mark.

Mark Lee, his best friend, and his brother.

“Your brother?” you asked, Haechan telling you that he wasn’t his real brother. “Oh, could have fooled me. Same last name and whatnot. My sister does not visit at all. Gets pretty lonely.”

Haechan chuckled. “I’ll be around, you know. I think I’ll be visiting my father every day.”

He hoped that you’d get the hint and you did, a sly smile on your features. The topic changed to something else quickly when light droplets of rain began to fall onto the ground and both of you looked up to the sky with surprise.

It was raining with the sun high up in the sky. Haechan’s free hand automatically going up to shield your head so you wouldn’t get wet but you were ecstatic.

“I think we should bring you back—”

“No,” you cut him off, Haechan insisting to bring you back to where you were supposed to be. In hindsight, he should have never allowed you to walk this far. “No, it’s been a while since I’ve felt the rain. Bring me there.”

Your voice came out as a demand, and Haechan contemplated telling you that it wasn’t safe for you. But then he had to remind himself that he knew nothing of your condition, Haechan sighing. Your hand gripped his elbow and he turned towards you to study your eyes with silent defeat.

He could not say no to that face, he realized.

“Guess my time in the gym will pay off,” Haechan joked. “Grab that long steel thing. Giddy up.”

You threw your head back and laughed, balancing the steel pole in your arms when Haechan lifted you up in his arms. He groaned and his eyes narrowed in front of him with determination.

“I’m not heavy, this thing is,” you say to him and Haechan gave a groan to show that he agreed. The rain did not grow heavy and after a few minutes, he had stationed you under a tree with a wooden bench. You began to cough and caught the look of fear on Haechan’s face. “I’m fine.”

“I might be tried in court for kidnapping you, you know that right?” Haechan asked and you giggled, Haechan removing his leather jacket and draping it over your shoulder. “I mean, you know what they always say. You only live once.”

“You only live once,” you agreed, smiling to him as the droplets of rain began to disappear. You could not help but feel disappointed, Haechan frowning at you.

“What did you expect? For it to shower?” he asked you, falling to a seat on the wooden bench beside you.

Yes, you said to him.

I wanted it to shower and I wanted to see lightning and if I was lucky, I’d be able to hear the thunder.

Haechan pondered your answer, watching as you tried to catch water in your fingertips that came from the leaves above. You were sniffling, Haechan leaning forward to place his elbows on his knees.

“Are you usually not allowed out of your VIP room?”

“I’m not allowed a lot of things,” you tell him. “Not allowed to have a phone and I get to only watch TV. Not allowed to have visitors unless dad says so. I get to go outside only sometimes but…”

You sighed. “One would think that a dying person’s wants would be granted but I guess nothing ever changes with my family.”

Haechan frowned at your words. “So what’s wrong with you?”

He was so curious that he needed to know.

“Everything is wrong with me,” you answered. “My body is not cooperating, my cells are vibrating with unwelcomed visitors, my heart is on the verge of collapsing and I’m just hoping that I get to live happily until I leave.”

Haechan’s heart dropped, the gulping. You laughed when you saw him turn away, a hand going to grab his.

“But I’m fine,” you insisted. “I’m fighting a losing war inside my body but my mind is still intact. That’s all that matters.”

But it isn’t all that matters, Haechan wanted to say. How could you say that?

“At least dad visits sometimes. My sister tries but she’s been busy with business affairs so I can’t demand much from her.”

Haechan scoffed. “You need more than just a ‘visit sometimes”. How’s your father?” he asked suddenly and you looked at him, surprised that he opted for a question that had nothing to do with you.

“Trying to keep the business going, I guess. I wouldn’t know. They don’t discuss such things in front of me,” you murmured. “I’ve been in and out of hospitals since a few years back so…”

“He didn’t like me then,” Haechan said, his eyes falling down onto your hand that was still on his. You did not retreat back since you’ve touched him, distracted by the questions and his surroundings, Haechan turning his palm over to intertwine your fingers with his.

“I threw a tantrum when he told me I wouldn’t be able to go to church with him anymore,” you tell him, Haechan raising an eyebrow. “I screamed and cried the whole night. You were my only friend.”

Haechan was hit by his father that night, the male replaying the memory in his mind.

“Is that why you disappeared?” he asked and you nodded.

“I got sick not long after and my only thought was me afraid of dying. But I’ve lived until now.” You pause. “But you’re right. He did not like you then.”

“Well, he most probably wouldn’t like me now,” Haechan told you, letting out a small laugh. It was strained but it was meant to lighten up the mood. “It’s fine. Guess we’ll just have to be Romeo and Juliette.”

“Don’t make it seem like you’ll be around that often,” you tell him. Don’t give me false hope. Even my sister had stopped visiting.

“I will. I told you, didn’t I?” Haechan tightened his hand over yours. “My father is in this hospital.”

“Oh.”

Both of you basked in the silence under the tree when Haechan felt your body shiver from beside him and he decided that it was time to bring you back to where you belonged. As both of you walked back, a person was waiting for you.

“Nurse Xiaojun—” you began, the cute nurse quickly rushing to you to make sure you were okay.

“Please don’t ever do that again,” Xiaojun said. He had been too worried and he would get into trouble if people found out he was allowing you to leave your room. “I was worried sick.”

“Sorry,” you said meekly and he sighed, massaging his shoulders before grabbing the metal pole.

“Let’s bring you back.” Xiaojun was looking around warily when his gaze settled onto Haechan. It was filled with distrust, the male telling you to give Haechan back his jacket. You had forgotten all about it, shrugging it off and giving it back to Haechan. “Wait here, let me handle a few things.”

You nodded, Xiaojun disappearing behind the counter when you turned to bid Haechan goodbye.

“I have to go,” you tell him and he nodded, hanging his jacket off his arm. A nurse came out from behind the counter—this time a woman and told you that she’d you straight back to your room. You gave him a small wave, Haechan reaching out to grab your elbow gently.

“What room are you in?” he asked you.

“The room where the first light hits,” you said teasingly as if you wanted him to figure it out. You did want him to figure it out, smiling at him before being escorted away.

Haechan watched you disappear into the elevator for patients when a voice spoke.

“I wouldn’t get involved if I were you.”

Xiaojun knew that gaze anywhere. It has been a while since he had seen you this happy and you deserved it. But no one deserved the pain of losing another to an incurable disease.

Haechan flickered his eyes over to Xiaojun and tugged on his leather jacket.

“What’s wrong with her?” Haechan asked, casually this time as he leaned over the counter. Xiaojun knew who Haechan was. It was hard not to when he was all over the news as some lyric-writing, song-composing genius.

“Cancer,” Xiaojun finally told him. patient-confidentiality. His mother was taken away by cancer too, and if he could stop someone from dealing with the same thing he did, he would.

“How bad is it?” Haechan asked, Xiaojun noticing that he did not seem fazed. Xiaojun did not answer that question because he didn’t know as much as the doctors did.

But he did know that time was not on your side and your parents and your sister were just waiting for the moment to come. You were not getting any treatment anymore simply because they have given up.

Because Xiaojun did not answer Haechan’s question, the male did not think much about it. Haechan exhaled, tapping his finger against the solid marble counter twice before giving Xiaojun a small nod to show that he was leaving.

One step out of the hospital, he had reached for his phone and saw that he had text messages from Renjun about the payment.

Haechan: sent
Renjun: Thank you.
Haechan: one last thing, do you have any idea why she’s in the hospital?
Renjun: that’ll cost you more.
Renjun: her fams really private and it already took so much for me to figure out where she was at
Renjun: can’t you ask the doctors?
Haechan: Don’t you want the money?

Renjun knew of the rules of patient confidentiality. He sighed.

Renjun: I’ll see what I can find out

Haechan gave him an okay emoticon before feeling his pockets. He took out a cigarette and for once, the quote rang through his mind.

You’d push through, Haechan told himself.

God won’t give you what you can’t handle.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Haechan sat on the beige couch of his Airbnb with Mark in the kitchen while he tried to cook a few eggs for the both of them. Haechan, unlike the other times when he would pester Mark to do a good job, was staring at the TV that had the news on blast. Mark found this weird, the male looking behind his shoulder multiple times before muttering under his breath how different Haechan seemed.

“Bro,” Mark called, Haechan’s mind somewhere else as tuned his best friend out. “Hyuck?”

“Mhm?” Haechan snapped out of it, looking up to Mark to see him in his apron and a spatula in hand. “Yeah.”

“I said I failed with the eggs but Jeno and Jaemin are coming over. Do you think we should buy take-out?” Mark asked and Haechan blinked, nodding silently. “Are you even listening to me?”

“Yeah.”

“What did I say?”

“You failed with the eggs.”

“What did I say after that?” Mark prodded Haechan, the latter frowning before realizing he did not catch what Mark said after that. “What’s happening, Hyuck?”

“Sorry,” Haechan mumbled under his breath. “Just… What did you say?”

“I said Jeno and Jaemin are in Korea right now so they are coming over. Do you think we should order take-out instead?”

“Yeah. Sounds good. Sure.” Haechan’s voice came out as robotic and Mark’s shoulders dropped down before he threw his hands up into the air.

“Lee Donghyuck, what is wrong with you? Is there something you’re not telling me?” Mark knew something had happened. How could he not? He could see that Haechan was not acting like himself since he came back from where ever he went.

Haechan hesitated. He wanted to tell Mark about you. He never kept secrets from Mark. It wasn’t part of their friendship to not tell the other what they were going through. Maybe that was why they got along so well.

“I found my father,” Haechan began and Mark dropped the spatula. “Mark…”

“Sorry, sorry,” Mark said quickly, picking up the spatula and placing it on the kitchen counter. “And? How is he?”

“Dying,” Haechan said, his voice stiff. He wanted to elaborate more. Mentally rotting, he wanted to say. Old age had taken him away and I’m confused as to what I’m supposed to feel. But he didn’t say anything else other than the fact that he was dying.

“Dying,” Mark repeated after Haechan, the gears in his head-turning. “How about you?”

“What about me?” Haechan asked, frowning at Mark’s question. His friend sighed, going to the couch and sighing.

“How are you handling it?” Mark asked. He was worried about Haechan more than Haechan’s father. Mark was a kind man but he didn’t like what Haechan’s father did to him. In the end, Haechan was family and he’d always put Haechan first.

“I’m fine.”

“Liar,” Mark said and Haechan’s lips twitched. “Tell me what happened, Hyuck. Tell me everything.”

Haechan then found himself telling Mark. How he found his father and how his health was deteriorating. How his hair was full of gray and he could hardly remember Haechan.

“He had me when he was old, you know? But I didn’t expect time to catch up with him this fast. It threw me off,” Haechan said, frowning. “And now I feel like… I feel like I can’t even tell him how I feel because it won't matter. He’s not in the right mind to understand how mad or how betrayed I felt then.”

Mark rubbed his forehead, a hand going to pat Haechan on the shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Hyuck,” Mark said and Haechan shook his head.

“Why would you be?”

Mark did not say anything to that, turning to Haechan and asking a question that made Haechan freeze.

“Anything else?” Mark asked, Haechan shaking his head. He didn’t want Mark to know about you. You were his secret and as much as he loved Mark, he needed you to stay that way.

“No,” Haechan lied and Mark accepted it, the male nodding.

“What are you going to do now? Are you going to keep visiting your father?” Mark asked, Haechan nodding.

“I have no choice,” Haechan answered with a smile on his lips to show that he was actually more than fine. “Don’t worry about me, I’m good.”

“I know you are. No one is as strong as you,” Mark said to Haechan and even that gave him strength. “Let’s order food, the other two are coming.”

Haechan chuckled. He knew that Jeno was going through something of his own—a woman who kept telling him that he was more of a brother to er. That was the first thing Jeno complained about when he sat down, soju in hand and a meat gripper in another.

“So what? Just because she’s two ye—almost three years older than me, she gets to treat me like a child?” Jeno complained, Jaemin rolling his eyes.

“Yes, she does,” Jaemin tells his artist, Jeno shoving meat into his mouth. “Because you, Lee Jeno, have no idea how to take care of yourself. Do you know he doesn’t even know how to sort out the laundry?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” Mark answered, shrugging. Jeno scowled while Jaemin adjusted his bucket hat. “How’s Korea treating you both?”

“Good.” Jaemin shrugged. “