joohyun stares at the box of hair dye. her hands grip the side of her sink as she takes calming breaths. her phone next to her phone lights up with the next message, the name 'changmin' flashes before the screen goes dark again.

there's a choice in this- jennie's words echo in her mind. she could do this alone if she chooses. but does she want to?

her eyes creep up to look at her reflection in the mirror. she looks as she always does sans make-up. her hair is wet and dripping, pink is fading. her mind wanders to all the things that are happening, the things she has planned.

seungwan was not one of those things.

this year was supposed to go differently. she had a plan that no other person had to be involved in this. with how seungwan is moving up in her life, she's backed into the corner now. she thought bringing her to her house would ease seungwan's heart. that she won't feel like joohyun is dismissing her. but it's not the case. joohyun can see how it affects her.

seungwan's eyes keep looking far away. when she used to look forward to the time they spent together, now she looks like she's somewhere else entirely. but she's still there. with joohyun. coming and going, showing up, and being by her side. when joohyun least expects and when she wants her to be there. seungwan reads her, she feels her. they are connected somehow.

best friends, joohyun thinks back to when seungwan told her they were like that. best buddies. the only one person who would have her back no matter what. not jennie who would ask her boyfriend if she could, not kibum who would not answer his phone. not seulgi who would ask what's wrong but wouldn't call until the morning.

sure, best friends. no one like her usual friends. nothing like she and jennie were. if they were to be together right now, seungwan would be prying on what was wrong. she'd be protesting the change joohyun is about to go through. she would be asking if she's sure.

joohyun really shouldn't be doing anything about the situation and just let it die already. it's always in the choice. and joohyun keeps making the wrong ones.

she's not doing anything to put seungwan at ease. she knows she's causing more stress than she needs to. seungwan would be having peaceful nights if not for her. she wouldn't be wondering about joohyun, she would be enjoying her life.

and she gave enough. joohyun gave seungwan her body to experience true lust. even if it was pretended, that humans are beasts. they move on to passion, obsession, and lust. seungwan knows how it is to desire and how to satisfy. joohyun was her play doll, she could try anything she wanted on her. she did give permission after all.

the hair dye on the sink mocks her. she knows she's giving in - she's admitting defeat to her father that she rebelled against. she knew pink hair would be a problem for him and it was. the whole situation changed when she changed her appearance. she should have known he would think of something else to get her to go back. he would pull the rug from underneath her.

nothing good would last long in her life. if she thought her father would leave her be- she was mistaken.

if she had another choice she wouldn't do this, she tells herself. she has half the mind to call jennie and ask her to talk her out of it. she wants to she really does. but instead, she grabs the dye and opens it.

it goes without saying that seungwan got under her skin.

preparing for the evening, she keeps wanting to look at the photos seungwan sent. it's not only the alluring ones. the ones where she'd randomly send her are just as pleasing. she could stare at them all day. she has her own ritual of going through all four photos of seungwan that she has before she goes to sleep.

somehow, over time, seungwan has become the only thing that can calm her heart. so she clutches her phone in her hands and looks at seungwan making silly faces - seungwan hates taking photos so she always makes fun of herself on purpose. it's endearing and frustrating at the same time. can't she realize how beautiful she is?

joohyun sits in the dark room, the dress she brought last week hangs on her closet's door. if she were to turn on the lights it would feel too real. everything feels better in the dark- her own fantasy. her own world where nothing matters. just her and...

she looks down at her phone, swiping to the side. seungwan on her knees greets her.

joohyun just stares.

seungwan is an enigma of a woman. the surprise she felt when seungwan reached out to her out of a sudden- it still makes her want to stick her hand in her pants. but that would be too much, she's not a teenage boy who can't keep his hands to himself.

but it is an accomplishment of some sort. ity is not that important these days but it's incredible to make seungwan feel good. the new experience for seungwan- the hands on her, the tongue, the body parts that were never touched by another person. at least not like that, not ually.

she thinks back on how shy and how embarrassed seungwan was to touch her as well, hands trembling on her s. experiences should make a person free. the brand new self-assuredness that it brings- joohyun knows how different it is when you act on your ual desires. it makes her proud of seungwan and how far she has come. joohyun felt pride that it was her seungwan thought of.

who else?

joohyun's mind wanders to several faces.

it's a fake relationship after all. seungwan has no real commitment to joohyun at all. everything could be compared to the playground make-believe. they were playing together.

joohyun did not think everything through when she agreed to this kind of experience. she wanted seungwan to have someone who treated her right for the first time, but she's starting to wonder if she got way ahead of herself.

sure, it's not that uncommon for people to have casual . although they don't pretend that they are dating on top of that. maybe it was joohyun's fault for bringing this 'girlfriend experience' into the mix. they could have done well without any real kisses, without touches, without .

joohyun's jaw clenches. someone else could have taken seungwan. someone else could have gotten on their knees and made her come. and seungwan could get on her knees for someone else.

is it any use to think this way?

no, it's not the time to think about it. she has to make sure she's ready for later.

"are you ready?" her father walks into her bedroom without knocking.

she's just putting in her earrings and doesn't say anything, her dead stare should tell him everything.

"we'll go with the driver." he ignores her, fixing his cuffs.

joohyun could see the gold glistering, he does love to spend money. even after everything that is happening. she knows what that means though - they have people to impress tonight. that's why she chose this dress as well;

as she stands the slit of her dress reveals her leg, the collarbones are exposed too. even if she's not comfortable in these clothes, she doesn't show it. she knows her father approves by the grin he gives her. they don't speak as they g