Namjoon’s surprised the first time someone messages him – this you? He’s not sure he’d expected there to be photographers and bloggers at the event last weekend, but then again, he’s not really sure where else they would be. He is sure that it’s an untouchable feeling to have your photo and performance featured on someone else’s blog for all to see – the knowledge that photographers found him interesting enough to pose as the subject of their photos.

Most of the blogs he finds are as ‘undiscovered’ as he is, but it’s still a cool feeling. The photos are fantastic too – Namjoon finds himself saving them all, even posting a few to his Twitter and Tumblr (with credit, of course).

He finds himself in the comment section of one particular blog, more famous than the others and seemingly gathering a lot of attention.

Namjoon’s not overly worried though – what’s there to even be worried about?

At worst, people will make assumptions. In the comments of some indie photography blog, it’ll die down quickly. People will make their guesses, gossip, and then forget all about it ten minutes later.

He forgets sometimes, but Seokjin’s famous. People know his face more than his name, but as one commenter noted – he’s in advertisements everywhere. He’s bound to get noticed when he’s out and about, it’s just part of the job. The chances of someone actually recognising him in the back of some music gig photo is ridiculous, but stranger things have happened.

Besides, being seen together in a photo is nothing drastic. It’s not like they’d even been doing anything – just in the background, leaning against a wall and talking with drinks in hand.

It’ll blow over.

(Namjoon does save the photo for himself, however. Tells himself that it’s just for memories, nothing more).

~*~

 As it turns out, the photo does not, in fact, ‘blow over.’

He’s not sure when or how, but he really started to notice when people – absolute strangers – started to tag his Twitter username in posts concerning that one particular photo.

Namjoon’s not sure he totally understands. There’s been a lot of debate over Twitter these last few days regarding him and Seokijn – mostly causing a fuss over LGBTQ issues, Namjoon realises. There’s very little representation of gay men in the entertainment industry in South Korea, which Namjoon knows is a problem...but how did he suddenly end up as the face of the movement in just a few short days?

There’s a clear divide – some people are hardcore believers that Seokjin and Namjoon are dating, while others are getting upset for a whole variety of reasons. There are comments getting angry at people for ‘shipping’ strangers together, comments about how bizarre it is to think these things without evidence, plenty of unsightly homophobic material (Namjoon skips past most of the content falling under that category). There’s even a lot of people agitated that others keep tagging Namjoon and Seokjin’s personal Twitter accounts.

One way or another, it shoots Namjoon to a whole new level of stardom – who would’ve thought that controversy breeds fame?

It becomes a "problem" when his group chat notices.

~*~

~*~

Namjoon doesn’t hear from Seokjin all week, so he does what he does best and worries – even if there’s not really much he could’ve done to prevent this. Does Seokjin hate him now? Is he in trouble with his management because of Namjoon?

Jimin tries to assuage his fears one night while he’s cooking something at the stovetop (with strict orders for Namjoon to stay seated at the kitchen bench on a barstool).

“Don’t worry about it!” he says cheerfully, waving his wooden spoon and somehow not splattering the walls with red sauce. If Namjoon went anywhere near that pot, they’d be scrubbing sauce from the ceiling for weeks – some people just get all the good genes.

Namjoon just focuses on his laptop. He’s working on something new, trying to keep a semblance of order in his otherwise chaotic cesspool of emotions. Yoongi had yelled at him several times for moping and causing trouble, so he’s trying. He really is.

“He’s just super busy at the moment,” Jimin explains, as if Namjoon had actually responded. “I’m not allowed to tell you, but I did see one of the project proposals when I was over there the other day and it looks so cool.”

Seokjin’s never been too busy for Namjoon before.

Yoongi slides into the kitchen on socked feet, saving Namjoon from replying. When they’re both engaged over the steaming pot, Jimin offering for Yoongi to try some, Namjoon slips out unnoticed with his laptop tucked under his arm.

~*~

It doesn’t take him long to bring his new song to a place that he’s comfortable with releasing. Nothing’s ever perfect, but for now at least, he’s happy with the sound.

In fairness, he’d started working on this song ages ago, long before plenty of his other songs that have since been uploaded to his SoundCloud account. He’d abandoned it because he couldn’t figure out where it was supposed to go, what he intended for the piece to become – but this week feels like the perfect time to bring it back.

It’s a slow song, perhaps one of his slowest yet. Soft, sincere; tender and delicate even. Comforting when he feels like he needs it the most.

He uploads it over the weekend.

Seokjin retweets it on Monday morning. Seokjin never retweets his music, not to his public account, but something’s changed. He still doesn’t reply to Namjoon’s texts, and Namjoon’s stopped trying.

~*~

Seokjin must not be concerned with the image he paints by retweeting Namjoon’s newest song, or maybe he just doesn’t care. Their small corner of the internet goes crazy over the interaction, drawing up all kinds of fantasies from the tiniest action.

~*~

~*~

Namjoon doesn’t mean to go MIA, but it happens anyway. He can’t get the thoughts out of his head, can’t stop thinking about how uncomfortable he might be making Seokjin with every message he sends. They don’t call anymore – it’s Namjoon’s fault, too. He pretends he’s busy and Seokjin accepts him at face value.

It’s not a lie, he is busy. He’s just ignoring all of that too.

He doesn’t even have a job to focus on – his workplace, a garden shop, closes up over the colder months and moves all the plants from the local nursery to a big greenhouse facility downtown. There’ll be work to do when spring finally rolls around, but for now, Namjoon’s confined to this tiny apartment with nothing but his mind for company.

He realises he’s probably not been hiding it that well when Yoongi corners him on the couch and forces him to talk.

“What’s going on,” Yoongi says, kicking a foot up on the couch when Namjoon tries to sidle away. “Talk.”

“Nothing,” Namjoon lies, sinking down into the cushion and accepting his fate. Yoongi fixes him with a look, so Namjoon relents a little. “Things have been weird between me and Seokjin.”

Yoongi pulls his foot back off the couch but doesn’t move to sit down. “Are things actually weird or are you just making them weird?”

Namjoon deflects. “Don’t you have a date tonight with Jimin?”

“I cancelled it already,” Yoongi says, waving a hand like it’s nothing.

“You don’t have to do that, what about Ji-”

“He’ll be fine,” Yoongi cuts in softly. “You’re important right now.”

Namjoon buries his head in his hands and groans – Yoongi’s got him. “I’m worried I’m imposing myself on him, he probably hates me and is just being nice because he’s too kind.”

It scares Namjoon when he believes the words coming from his mouth.

Yoongi scoffs. “He doesn’t hate you.”

“What would you know? You’ve got the perfect relationship, of course you think everything’s fine!” Namjoon immediately regrets his words; he doesn’t believe a single thing he’d just said, just taking his frustration out on the only person who still cares. He lowers his hands, ready to apologise instantly. “Yoongi, I di-”

It’s too late. “What?” Yoongi snaps, taking a step back and crossing his arms. “What the did you say?”

Namjoon opens his mouth, but Yoongi cuts him off. “Just because you’re in some kind of self-imposed rut, doesn’t mean the rest of us have to suffer for it!”

“You’re welcome to leave,” Namjoon retorts. He doesn’t realise his jaw is clenched until his teeth start to ache.

“Right, because you’ll just magically fix this problem by yourself, just like you always do,” Yoongi says scathingly. “God, I can’t believe I cancelled on Jimin for this.”

Namjoon laughs coldly. “I’m sorry that we can’t all be geniuses, I’m ing working on it!”

“Working on what? Ignoring some guy because you’re too dog to own up to your feelings?”

“If that’s what he needs–”

“No,” Yoongi snaps. He looks furious and it makes Namjoon’s chest constrict until he can’t breathe. “I can’t believe the Namjoon that I became friends with, that I ing moved in with, is the same one sitting in front of me right now.”

Yoongi’s hands clench into fists until his knuckles go white. “That Namjoon would never have backed down without a fight, never have missed an opportunity just because he was too scared to take it.”

“ you,” Namjoon spits. “Maybe this is the real me.”

Yoongi laughs at him. The sound alone makes Namjoon feel impossibly small. “I’d tell you to go yourself, but I think you’re doing a pretty bang-up job of that already.”

Namjoon doesn’t even get another word in otherwise before Yoongi’s turning on his heel and stalking off. He hears a door down the hallway slam, a lock click. The tension in his shoulders vanishes once he realises he’s alone, but it’s only replaced by a cold emptiness.

He drops his head into his hands, elbows resting on his knees as he leans forward and tries to breathe. “,” he whispers shakily, because there’s nothing else to say.

~*~

Namjoon can’t help himself. There’s only one person he wants to talk to right now, even if it seems like the worst possible idea. He’s finally dragged himself to his bedroom, even if he can’t find it in him to sleep. Yoongi’s bedroom door had been wide open, but the office door was shut. He didn’t bother trying to open it.

~*~

Namjoon wakes up with a fierce determination – today, he’ll set things right. He’ll apologise to Yoongi firstly, but he’ll also stop being so cautious and actually do something for a change.

That second part of his master plan scares him to no end, so he focuses on the initial steps – find Yoongi, get on his knees and apologise, treat Yoongi to breakfast at that really expensive restaurant with the weird eggs. Easy.

Or not. The first thing Namjoon does when he swings his bedroom door open and takes a step out is to collide with Yoongi – Namjoon reels back only to hit the back of his head against the door frame, somehow shoving his hand into Yoongi’s temple as he flails wildly for balance.

“Dude, what the ?” Yoongi groans, doubling over and grabbing at his head. “Seriously?”

Namjoon hisses when he touches the back of his head – no blood, but tender and very painful. “Okay, wait, god, can I start over? Let me just,” he says jamming his thumb over his shoulder and back towards his bedroom. “I’ll just go back inside and we can pretend this never happened.”

Yoongi’s quick, though, hand whipping out to latch onto Namjoon’s wrist. “No, wait.” Namjoon doesn’t really have a choice, so he stands still with his palm still pressed flat to the back of his head. “I’m really sorry about last night.”

“Me too,” Namjoon replies, before he’s even aware of it. “I said some really ed up stuff, I didn’t mean any of it.”

“Even the part about me having the perfect boyfriend?” Yoongi asks slyly, tone ten times lighter already. He drops Namjoon’s wrist, and Namjoon’s not fast enough to catch it before his limp arm hits the wall with a thunk.

Namjoon blanches. “No one’s perfect, you two seem very happy, I’m sure you’ve got your own issues, it wasn’t fair of me to make that assu–”

“Shut up, I was kidding,” Yoongi says blankly. “You’re not the only one who said , I shouldn’t have pushed you like that.”

Namjoon chuckles. “You were right, though.”

Yoongi smiles, and it warms Namjoon when he realises it’s genuine. “I always am.”

Yoongi looks like , Namjoon realises. Bags under his eyes, pale skin, dry lips – had he even slept at all last night?

“I’m going to do something,” Namjoon promises. He can’t let it get this bad again. “You were right, I’ve let myself be weak for too long. I don’t know what, but I’ll do something.”

Yoongi nods. “Good thing I’m a genius,” he says, looking devious. Namjoon flinches as the words come back to him. “I’ve got an idea.”