If the other half of me is gone, how could I still live as one?

"Mingyu-ah!!!" The loud mention of my name resounded the dorm. I saw the guy that always make my heart beats faster than the normal and the only person who can make me feel the butterflies inside my stomach.

"Hm, what is it hyung?" He sat next to me and he suddenly put his head on my shoulder, he showed me his hand and I saw a scar.

"Your dog gave me this." He ranted then pouts. He's so cute, I can't take off my eyes on him. 

"Why is he so friendly to Mimi but not to me?" He blurted once again, Mimi is his cat, and I have a dog called Chim, those two are friendly with each other eventhough cats and dogs are known to always fight. My hand fell on his waist, supporting him. 

"This is why I hate dogs." he said whilst closing his eyes. 

"So you hate me too?" I asked with a tint of sadness, ofcourse it's just for show, I just wanted to see his reaction. He sat up straight and looked at me, he held my cheeks and caresses it slightly. 

"Ofcourse not, you're my puppy, and the only puppy I love." hearing those words from him makes my stress flew away, I really love this guy. 

"I won't hate such a cute human." he smiled, again, from the past few weeks, he's been showing his gem-worth-smile and I don't know why, it's not like I don't like it, I really love him and his smiles, but this is something weird, uh nevermind, i'll just cherish the moments I'll be having with him. 

"Ah gross." Someone said from the doorway, we turned our heads to see who it was, we saw Jihoon hyung and Soonyoung hyung, grocery bags are on their hands, gripping tightly for secure.

"Said the one who made out last night." The two's cheeks flushed from what Wonwoo has said, oh so that's the reason why Wonwoo went to my and Soonyoung hyung's room? Wonwoo's roomate is Jihoon so that explains it. 

"Don't bring that up Jeon, atleast you have Mingyu all by yourself last night." Wonwoo's cheeks turned red and he looks like a tomato. 

"Why do you not get flustered when you cling on me?" I asked and I got punch on the chest as an answer. He burried his face on my chest not before glaring at Jihoon Hyung. 

"Mingyu-ah, you spoil Wonwoo too much, atleast have a day for your own." Soonyoung hyung said, Wonwoo tilted his head and look at me, as if telling me to disagree with Soonyoung hyung. Yeah, I spoiled Wonwoo too much and he often show his side that no one has seen before, when the two of us happened, it's like a broken water pipe, it leaks like there's no tomorrow and you have to fix it as soon as possible but I don't want Wonwoo to hide this side of him again. 

"I can't even live a single hour without seeing him so a day can make me feel dying." I said proudly and looked at Soonyoung hyung, I saw the smirk that's threatening to show on his face and he ended up making a weird face which cause me to chuckle. 

"What are you chuckling for?" Wonwoo said and he looked at Soonyoung hyung and Jihoon hyung who's putting their shoes on the shoe drawer.

"Nothing." I said and smiled, he burried his face again and soon, I can hear him snoring. I switch a little because my position is not that comfortable, I gently put him on my lap and held his waist, hopefully he didn't wake up. 

"Wonwoo hyung's becoming more tired day by day, do you happen to know something." Jihoon hyung said. This worries me, not only me but also the other members. Day by day, Wonwoo's becoming weak, he eats a lot so we thought he was just tired but as days pass by, we noticed something weird, every minute, he feels sleepy, he can't even open a bottle water, we tried to convince him to schedule a check up on a hospital but he rejected the offer.

"I asked him last night but he avoided the question and talked about our 2nd anniversary." 

"2nd anniversary? so are the two of you okay now?" Wonwoo confront me last night when he went to my room, he said he was hurt and he hates me for being so careless with the words I use. I know he's hurt because of what I said but I said that to not let the issues/rumours out, both of us will suffer and if the fans keeps on thinking that we're really together and keep pairing us up, a news might popped out and it's the end of our career, not just that, we can also receive criticism from the people who are strongly against on it. So I guess hiding it is the best. We're not the only one who's together in our group, there's Jihoon hyung and Soonyoung hyung too while the others are still on denial level. 

"Hm, If only he didn't kicked me out of my bed, I will say yes." the two hyungs smiled at me. Soonyoung ruffled my hair and went to the kitchen with Jihoon hyung. 

-------

It's already 5 pm but the dorm is still covered with silence since this morning, Wonwoo's on his and Jihoon hyung's room, probably reading and me? I'm in my room and Soonyoung hyung is listening to some songs while forcing himself not to fell asleep but I saw him headbanging from time to time. I'm currently checking something on my phone, it's not neccessary but it's the only thing I can do now, the 9 members went out to have some time for themselves, I have to keep checking on Wonwoo because he's needy that's why I stayed home, but for Soonyoung and Jihoon hyung, I don't know why. I put my earphones on for me not be bored by silence. Minutes have passed until someone tapped my shoulder. 

"Mingyu-ah, they're finally here." Soonyoung hyung said referring to the members who went out. 

"I see you stop headbanging." he furrowed his eyebrows because of confusion but he suddenly remembered what he was doing earlier, he gave me a smack on my bicep while I started laughing. We went downstairs and saw the other members. 

"AH! MINGYU FINALLY YOU WENT DOWN, WE'RE ALL HUNGRY HERE AND IT'S ALMOST DINNER!!" Seungkwan shouted, i'm used to it tho. everyone knows how Seungkwan can be so noisy. I nodded and smiled at them. I went to the kitchen to cook a dinner for us but I don't know what to cook, how 'bout beef? pork? 

"Steak please." I turned my head to see the owner of that voice and I smiled habitually when I saw Wonwoo, leaning on the island. I grab his waist to close the big gap between us. 

"Steak it is!" He smiled and kissed the tip of my nose. I let go of him and he went to the dinning table, watching me. 

When i'm almost done cooking, I told Wonwoo to set up the table. While I was putting the steak on the serving plate, a crash suddenly heard here inside the kitchen, I put down what I was holding and went to Wonwoo, the other members went in, asking what happened in a half curious and half worried tone. 

"Hyung, are you okay?" I asked Wonwoo as soon as I went infront of him but he didn't replied, he's looking at his shaking hands but then he looked at me afterwards, smilling as if nothing happened.  

_______

After the dinner, the members started doing their night routine and eventually going to their rooms. All of us exchanges 'goodnights' and words like 'hope you fall from your bed' 'have a sweet nightmare' something like that. I also went to my room and saw Soonyoung hyung reading a school related book.

"Hyung, I hope you don't headbang again later or I'll really take a video." 

"I'm fully awake Kim Mingyu, so shut up." 

We both laughed, and when the laughter died down, he focus again on what he was reading while I'm using my phone to entertain myself. A knock made the two of us jump a bit since silence took over. 

"Who's there?" 

"it's Jihoon." 

"Ow." 

I opened the door and saw Jihoon hyung yawning, he pulled me outside then he went inside the room and shut the door in my face. Rude hyung. 

I came back to my senses when I saw that i'm standing infront of my room door, Wonwoo's neediness went to my mind so maybe that's why Jihoon hyung went it to our room. I started making my way to their room, it's a little bit far from ours so it took a minute after I reached the room. 

A slight creak was heard when I opened the door and saw Wonwoo sleeping on his bed. Hm, maybe Jihoon hyung wanted to have time with Soonyoung hyung? ugh gross. 

I gently sat on the floor near his bed and lean forward to see his face clearly, he's an angel when he's asleep, how could he be so clingy and whiney when he's awake? I move his fringe that was covering his eyes. Those may be lifeless but it's the most beautiful thing i've ever saw in my entire life, and i'm lucky that it sparkles only on me. 

"Hm, Mingyu-ah?" he slowly opens his eyes and when it did, he smiled weakly. I laid beside him, he wrapped his arms around me while I put my hand on his thin waist. The blanket was on my stomach so I can clearly see his hand and I suddenly feel worried when I saw the bruises  on his skin. 

-------

A loud ruckus from downstair made me woke up, a light from the window blinded me temporarily. I rubbed my eyes to rub away the sleepiness, I looked at my side and saw a giant cocoon. Wonwoo is a blanket hogger when he's sick and I felt worried once again. He shifted his position to face me  and I saw the frown on his pretty face. 

"Goodmorning Wonwoo.....are you feeling sick?" He nodded as an answer and opened his eyes. 

"I feel a little woozy." his voice is hoarser than his usual morning voice. I put the back of my hand on his forehead, he's not burning tho but you can still feel the warmness. I sighed and kissed his forehead. 

"You stay home okay? I'll tell manager-nim that you're sick." I said whilst caressing his cheek, he leans on my touch and he looks really cute, I can't even find a reason to not love him and I will never search for it because I know, reasons to not love him doesn't exist. He drifted to sleep again and I made my way out of the bed. 

When I went down, I saw the other members already on the dinning table.

"Morning Mingyu...uh where's Wonwoo?" Jeonghan hyung asked, he's the bestest hyung among all the members above my age with the exception of Wonwoo. Jeonghan Hyung even cried when Wonwoo was diagnosed with gastritis. 

"He said he felt a little dizzy, he's also warm." I told him while I sat on my chair. 

"Hyung, how hard were you last night that it even made Wonwoo hyung feel sick?" Chan said and Jeonghan hyung's shout made all of us fully awake.

"I...mean, maybe they stayed the whole night and....it's cold?" Chan said while smilling sheepishly, he's not that innocent as you think, but he's old enough to know things like this yet Jeonghan hyung keeps on baby-ing him. 

"Smooth." Jun hyung commented and received a glare from Jeonghan hyung too. 

"Ah Seungcheol hyung can you tell manager nim that Wonwoo's not able to participate in our fansign today?" Seungcheol hyung agreed and looked at me afterwards as if I've said something wrong, I went back to my sentence but there's nothing wrong with it. 

"Gyu, eventhough the two of you are dating you should still call him 'hyung'." ah , Wonwoo insisted tho. He said that I should never ever call him hyung because it doesn't look like we're together and I asked him if he's okay with it and he said he wouldn't insist such thing if he's not fine with it. I'm about to open my mouth to say something but he cut me off.

"...and eventhough he insisted." yeah yeah but whenever I call him hyung, a punch is always next on the line. I sighed and ate..wait something's wrong..

"Who cooked?" I asked them, we all look at each other, seems like they just ate and doesn't make any fuss about who cooked the food. 

"I'm here!!! I cooked the food!!" someone said from the door of the dinning room. We saw Nayoung noona and I can't help but laugh at what the other members reaction, they act like they were choking or spitting the food, Joshua hyung suddenly drank the whole bottled water in one shot. 

"Yah! i'm just trying to be helpful here because i'm not in the mood." she said and stomped her feet. 

"So Noona, what's the speacial recipe?" Seungkwan questioned.

"I bet it's her agony." then Hansol said, purposely rhyming the end of the sentence. Nayoung noona got mad but we can't see any reaction on her face, or nothing at all. 

"You guys are hurting my feelings.." she acted like she was about to cry but we just laugh at her because she looked hillarious. 

"Why are you even here Nayoung?" Seungcheol asked.

"Well, I'm not in the mood because the girls threw a slumber party at the dorm last night when I was out with Sowon and it was a messed, I told them to clean up right now and I bet they're having the best moment of their life."

She said while laughing like a witch and we only looked at her, feared by her aura. She stepped out of the dinning room while laughing. 

"She's a witch, OHMYGOD!! she didn't put any poison in our food right?" Minghao said, scared that his life may end here. 

"It's just her sadness Hao, calm down."  

---------

We arrived at the location of our fansign event today. Many fans are already waiting and we saw the confusion in each of their faces, maybe manager-nim haven't told them yet. When we lined up on the stage we did our gesture and also explained why Wonwoo wasn't here.

"Ah, Wonwoo-ah caught a cold last night so we decided to let him rest for a while." Seungcheol explained an the fans made a worried look. Soon the fansign started and I feel a little out of the mood, thinking if Wonwoo already take medicine or did he even eat? does his temperature goes down? what? I'm worried, I can't help it. 

"Mingyu-ah?" I snapped on my thoughts and saw a lady in her mid 20's maybe 25 or something, with a long hair and her bangs is see through. 

"Ow, i'm sorry." to let the worry that i'm feeling, I pinched myself. 

"Omo, don't hurt yourself. you've been acting pretty weird, I guess something is on your mind." she said then smiled, I apologized once again, I signed her album and saw a post-it.

"How's Wonwoo?" she questioned that made me look up to her. her smile means something. 

"He's weak this morning but you don't have to worry noona, he's strong." I said and smiled weakly at her. I read the question that was written on the note that was sticked on her album. 

'do you love Wonwoo?' 

The question made me feel the butterflies again and my heart is pumping. I looked at the lady but I was greeted with the same smile that she wore earlier. 

"Ofcourse I love him....as a hyung." words that went out of my mouth are lifeless, has no meaning or such because I know I love him not just as a hyung or as a co-member, but something even more but do I really have to show it infront of this noona? 

"You seems unsure." this lady is weird, I just smiled at her and after that she didn't held my hand, when I put my hands up, she just smiled and shakes her head. 

"I don't want him to be jelous, these fangirls are enough to hold your hand. Please be by his side, he needs you more," I felt weirded by her again but I shrugged it off and continued talking to the fans.

-------

"I'm exhausted but it's worth it since we saw carats today!!" Chan said while stretching his limbs. We're already inside the van and you can see the exhaustion yet a happy feeling in the air. 

"Oh, Mingyu-ah, manager said that Wonwoo's already fine." 

"Already?!" 

-------

"Yah! Mingyu-hyung! lower your voice we're trying to rest here." Seungkwan said and he put his head on top of Hansol. Members in the van were all tired and also Mingyu, but he can't just accept the fact that Wonwoo's already healed because if he's not mistaken, it takes 2 days for Wonwoo to drop his temperature when he has fever/cold. 

"I just..."

"You just need rest Mingyu." 

Mingyu nodded and drifted to sleep with the same thought earlier. A beep from his phone can be heard inside the van but all of them, including Mingyu were already asleep and no one knows that it was Wonwoo. 

____________

"Oh, it's true that you're healed already." Mingyu whispered when Wonwoo went to the latter's room. 

"I'm not burning that much so a medicine and wet cloth are all I need." the older explained while playing with his fingers. There was something he wanted to tell Mingyu but something is stopping him from doing it. He shooked his head, guilt is building up inside him. He doesn't want to stress Mingyu over this, the younger just got home with the other members from the fansign and Mingyu is surely tired. 

"What is it?" Mingyu blurted out when he saw the uneasiness aura in Wonwoo. He sat up from lying and looked at Wonwoo, worry can be seen in his eyes as he look at the older. Wonwoo shakes his head vigorously. 

"It's nothing..sleep now, you're tired." this kind of scene is when Mingyu will snap and tonight is one of those moments. 

"Ah really? Wonwoo, is it one of your insecurities again?" Mingyu doesn't want to snap or does he? He hates getting into fight with Wonwoo, he hates shouting at the older but this is the time where he will just snap and blurt out things that he's been building up. 

Wonwoo looked at Mingyu and he saw the anger and worry in the latter's eyes. 

"You're just tired...." 

"Yes i'm tired, i'm tired of your insecurities. what is it again?" even though he didn't shout it made Wonwoo tear up.

"You...went to fansign without me and.........i'm just thinking what if you saw someone......better....than me." Mingyu sighed and turned around, back facing Wonwoo.

"But I didn't. those are innocent fans, you don't have to feel insecure to them. You're just worrying yourself over nothing." Wonwoo teared up even more but Mingyu didn't even make a single glance on him.

"Nothing? Mingyu this isn't nothing! If ever you found someone else there is it nothing? You'll be leaving me and I will be left broken!" the older wanted to say something else however opposite words were thrown. 

"But I wouldn't! That's just pure bull Wonwoo!" with that being said Mingyu went out, leaving a crying Wonwoo. 

--------

"Hey." a little voice said when I went to the kitchen to drink something. There's Chan leaning against the door.

"Why is Wonwoo Hyung crying?" believe it or not, Wonwoo is the hyung that Chan really care the most. Chan's favorite hyung is Wonwoo, they're close, so close. If it's Wonwoo related, Chan will pry about the topic, he's very possesive at the same time supportive but ofcourse, he shows those sides of him only in the dorm, there must be a reason behind it but who knows? 

"He's feeling insecure again and I snapped." I said whilst playing with the cup that I was holding. Seeing how his eyes twitched made me feel uneasy, Chan and I are not that close however, we don't ignore each other. 

"You should be more careful when he feels insecure because it's the time when he feels weak the most." what he said made me realize one thing. Wonwoo's weakness is his insecure side, it's also his enemy that he's been fighting for years already. argh. why are you so damn stupid Mingyu? 

"Settle this hyung and if I saw him cry once again, I will not hold back my fist anymore." I may say that it made me afraid but I just nodded my head and sighed when he went out of the kitchen. Chan's growing up and his punches are on another level too...

Insecurities are the thing that I hated the most. Why do you have to feel insecure when someone's attention is completely on you? only you? If I could just burn those insecurities down, I would have a long time ago. 

"Mingyu?" ugh you gotta be kidding me. It's Jihoon hyung, another member who care for Wonwoo the most and he always retaliate using violence. 

"Yah i'm not gonna hit you since i'm tired. I just have something to tell." whilst saying those words, he made his way on the counter where I was sitting, he sat next to me but with one chair between us.

"Wonwoo's been fixing his insecurities since then but it takes time to get rid of it and you should adjust too, you should understand him more when he feels insecure, instead of just shouting and getting mad at him, why don't you just cling on him and tell him how much you love him? it's effective, base on my own experience." 

"How did you even know about this?" I asked reffering to how he knew that Wonwoo and I fought because of his insecurities.

"I was curious when Wonwoo went in the room crying so I went out and saw Chan making his way to his room and he told me what happened." 

I sighed. This is stressing me out but I should make a move now. 

"Hyung. I'll sleep with Wonwoo, okay?" I rushed upstairs after I said those words. He may or may not want to see me but I don't care, I want to settle things here so stopping me is no use. 

When I opened the door in their room, I saw Wonwoo sitting on his bed, knees up while hugging it. 

"Hey..." his sobs made me weak, him gasping for air made my heart broke. this is what I hate the most, the love of my life crying and I was the reason behind those tears. 

"Wonwoo..."

"I'm sorry Mingyu-ah...i'm sorry." he said then looked at me, he frowned but sadness is still evident. 

"i'm sorry but can't you just understand me and my insecurities? is that even hard?" 

"I'm sorry too, Wonwoo. I should have comforted you. I shouldn't have snap at you, i'm sorry. It's my fault.." with that being said, I could say that love is more than hate. 

-----

Days have passed, Mingyu is nowhere to be seen and the dorm is a mess. Wonwoo is being hype despite of not seeing a glimpse of Mingyu while the others are starving to death.

Mingyu's one of the cast for the new episode of Law of the jungle and he flew to Indonesia for the shooting, it may take days for him to come back. 

...and it's been 3 days of the starving challenge for the other members. No one knows how to cook, Joshua can but it's either salty or you can taste nothing, in short it's awful. Mingyu is really valuable in SVT's life, he's the cook, who always do the laundry, cleans the dorm etc. he's their life saver. 

A loud bang coming from the door stops the ruckus inside the dorm. There's their manager-nim, standing an holding foods. 

"Wah! manager-nim! thank you so much for bringing us food. we're all gonna die here."

"Manager-nim!! that's not enough for Seungkwan hyung!" 

"Shut up and eat."

------

"Wah! the food is so delicious!!" Seungkwan shouted as he plopped down the couch. Everyone was lying, either on the floor or sitting on the chairs. The boxes of food can be seen everywhere and no one's in the mood to pick up the trashes. 

"It's already past 9 pm, shouldn't we sleep now?" everyone approves in what their leader, Seungcheol, said. Wonwoo made his way to his and Jihoon's room, he feels a little dizzy so he walks carefully. 

After a few steps, he held his head, it's spinning, his world is spinning and it's like as if he can't hear anything only the ting sound. This is one of the signs that he always wish to not happen, but he guess that the time will come..

The members stops what they're talking when they heard something from the upstair, the first one who get up is Jun while the others are tailing him. 

When they finally step their foot on the hallway, they saw someone lying on the floor, and it's none other than...

"Wonwoo!" Jun shouted as he ran towards the unconcious body of Wonwoo, the members got panic but the elders calm them down.

"Chan! call an ambulance!" Chan called ambulance like what Jun told him. This isn't their first time witnessing this kind of scene, other members faints too but the member who they worry the most is the one who's lying lifelessly on the concrete floor.

------

"Finally! I'm gonna see him, ahh I miss him so much." Mingyu said while settling his baggage on the van, yesterday was their last day of shooting and he does feel exhausted. But the thought of seeing Wonwoo makes him vivid like there's no shooting happened and he isn't tired at all.

"Someone's so excited to go home." Eunha said as she put her baggage too inside the van. Mingyu just smiled and nodded.

"Omg, Mingyu you look like you're inlove." Mingyu look at her, wide eyes.

"Tell me, is she a member of Pristin?" Eunha nudge him as she whisper the words to Mingyu.

"What? no." Words are enough but Mingyu shakes his head whilst saying those words.

"Oh? is it Wonwoo? Your ship is pretty popular inside your fandom, and i'm a fan." Eunha said and shows her fangirling through squeezing her cheeks and daydreaming.

Mingyu didn't answered and just shook his head, Eunha turns her head to Mingyu because of his reply which is silence.

"It was meant to be a joke but i'm really is a fan---- wait! don't tell me--- is it true?" to express his anwser, Mingyu shifte his gaze back to the baggage.

"Omo! is it? is it???" she nonstop smacked Mingyu's back. fangirls yeah.

"Uh no? and i'm not inlove, I'm just happy that I'm going to see the members again." he said but Eunha didn't buy it.

"Yeah yeah." she answered whilst giggling. 

When they arrived on Incheon Airport, they saw their van from their perspective company, Mingyu rushed inside the van. 

"Hello Manager-nim." the manager smiled at him, hesitating whether to tell Mingyu or not. Their Manager knows what's going on between the members of Seventeen and eventhough those relationships happening in their group can be the cause of their downfall, he let them but keeps on reminding them to tone their sweetness down a bit when infront of the fans, because in a fan's eyes, everything seems to be perfect but infront of homophobic fans who doesn't like those kind of things can be really complicated. 

"Ah Mingyu-ssi, go straight to the dorm okay? Ahjussi will take you there." he received a nod from Mingyu and he was relief that Mingyu didn't ask him anything but guess he was wrong. 

"Where are you going Manager?" 

"Ah--a meeting, yes a meeting with the CEO in a private restaurant." 

"Hmm okay... take care on your way there Manager-nim, bye!" 

Mingyu isn't stupid, he may look like it but he's the complete opposite of what the fans thought. When he thinks that something is going on, he will make sure to witness it by himself, and he's never wrong about that feeling. As soon as he arrive at the dorm, he suddenly felt uneasy, the feeling of worry went down from his spine to the toes. His whole body tensed up as he hold the doorknob, and every twist of it adds an anxiety to his uneasy feeling. 

...And when he opened it, no one's there to greet him but the wrappers and boxes of food. He rushed himself upstairs and checks every room but...

No one was there. 

He walks to the hallway with silence surrounding him until he stepped into something liquid, he shooked his head and saw blood, that blood....he can't be wrong about this feeling.... 

-------

It's his, this blood belongs to him, if i'm not mistaken. Wonwoo bled a lot before because of his sensitive skin and I'm always the one who cures him. I picked up my phone and dialed Manager-nim's number.

"Manager! where are they?" my voice sounds disrespectful but I don't care, an apologize is going to be serve later, all I want to know now is what happened, where are they.

"Mingyu-ssi....." 

--------

I look at the glowy letters above me. Seoul City Hospital. It was too shiny that it blinded me and take my thoughts away of why am I here. I saw Seungcheol-hyung, leaning against the wall near the door. He saw me and the look on his face is the emotion I never wanted to see. 

"Hyung, what happened?" 

"It's Wonwoo..." the name he mentioned stops my world. I can feel the tears and it disappointed me because it falls rapidly. Just by the mention of that precious name and worst outside the hospital? this were  the scenes that I never wanted to come, that I never wanted to witness, that I never wanted to face. It's a torture to me, it's reaping me apart slowly and the pain can't just go away in a snap. 

Turns out he have a respiratory illness which he refuses to cure for many years because he knows it's fatal and his body won't last long. Wonwoo hyung is a kind of guy that wants to end it all rather that hurting himself in the process of pure hopelessness. 

I calmed down and wiped my tears, we went inside and i'm feeling numb, my legs are wobbling, my thoughts were taken away. My body became a pack of sadness, anxiety, worry, uneasiness.

Seeing the other members crying outside the room, It made me think that this is something serious. 

"Hyung, he's waiting for you." Chan told me, I held the doorknob and the feelings earlier came back into my body but one emotion stands out the most.

Loosing someone.

"Mingyu-ah...."

His voice is weak, it's like as if he haven't talk for ages, he looks pale, he has a bandage on his head, I knew he's always been frail but why didn't I notice that he's more than that. I ran towards him, and hug him...

"Mingyu-ah, I'm sorry for greeting you like this. I'm sorry I can't take away the tiredness you've been feeling since then... I'm sorry I made you worry." 

"This isn't something you need to apologize for Wonwoo... tell me, tell me what's happening..." 

I looked at him, still analyzing what's happening on him right now. He looked away and then...I saw tears.

Those silver tears that I don't want to see on his beautiful face, it flows on his cheeks because of pain and suffering. I've been seeing his sunshine like smile since then... was that the last?

"Mingyu-ah....I.....I won't l-last l-long." I gave him a puzzle look.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mentioned it before, I'm sorry you have to know it when it's too late already, I'm sorry I'm gonna leave you like this." 

"No, It can be cured right?" I asked with a sad smile plastered on my face.

"I'm sorry Mingyu-ah but we're talking about how vulnerable life can be. They said there's nothing they can do. So please, please let me have you by my side for tonight, until my last breath and please.....smile for me?" 

I hugged him once again, I'm never ever gonna let him go, even if it's his life or soul or body, I will never ever let him go. Please please stay alive for me. I don't want to loose you now, I need you, I want you, I love you. 

"Wonwoo-ah, please please stay alive for me. please, I'm begging you...." 

"Mingyu, I love you and I'm not gonna replace you, even if I'm already gone in this world." 

Those words, those words were signs that he's being taken away from me. why, why him? why him God? why do you have to take him? 

"I love you too, and me too, I will never replace you...I will never--" He kissed me, and it's gonna be our last. His hand meet my cheeks, it's soft, vulnerable but i'm loving it, simply because it is the hand of my love. 

"Be happy, I'll be always in your heart," there it is, his gem-worth smile that I'm going to miss, the gem-worth smile that I will never ever get to see again. 

------

I'm feeling lifeless, standing infront of your boyfriend's grave just felt so....lifeless. The other members are behind me. They're forcing themselves not to cry loud because Wonwoo hates people who cries infront of him but it can't be helped, once it falls, it will not stop whether we like it or not. And this? I think it will be the end for him, the ending he never wanted to come. 

He was known for his emotionless face, but who knows that his smile is worth a gem? We're thankful yet we feel the agony inside us for this certain reason, although I want to end the pain, his smile keeps me alive and makes me want to continue our journey which is on halt. I will....

I will reminisce the days we spent together...

I will reminisce the day you told me the reason behind your smiles...

That if the other half of me is gone, we could still live as one with you in my heart.

END