Your name is written in large letters in my heart.

In bold letters.

I have tried so many times to erase them, cross them out, bleach them, but alas, when I don’t think about you, they appear there.

Your name. How hard it is to pronounce it, how painful, because saying it out loud, even if it happens involuntarily, I feel so lonely.

Your name, I could not say it, but we are in the same group, we live in the same hostel, you are always there.

If I don't call you by name or say a nickname with a smile, everyone will immediately understand everything and will pity me.

I don't need pity.

I am strong, confident and I can handle it myself.

Why bother girls?

Why do you need to know about my secret suffering?

That's right, not why. After all, you are happy, you are loved, and you are in love with the answer.

You are both so happy, and I am happy to see you like this, although I suffer inside.

Your name, I have to learn to pronounce it without bitterness and pain, I just have to find a way out.

JiHyo

I have always focused on making my girls feel comfortable, so that they know that you can always, under any circumstances, come up to me and tell me everything.

For 5 years it worked with everyone, for 5 years we became a very friendly team, grasping everything on the fly, intuitively feeling each other.

I thought I knew my girls very well.

But I didn't think I could miss the moment when one of the most beloved maknae of our group, more precisely the leader of the makne , DaHyunie , would change.

No, outwardly everything will remain the same, the inner state of her soul will change.

She was always one of secretive people, we could not guess exactly what she was thinking, what emotions she was experiencing.

But we found a way to get around the hidden corners and anticipate.

I discovered the first changes purely by chance, then the girls and I watched one of the new films just released on the screen, called "Eternity". When Nayeon- unnie read the film's annotations, we all raised our hands in favor. The essence of the film was that the main character is in love with one girl, who in turn is in love with his brother and asks him to help, to confess her love.

An hour and a half - this romantic melodrama showed us situations when a girl looked at him suspiciously (GG), sometimes jokingly suggesting that he was infatuated with her.

For an hour and a half we saw how much he loves her, that he sacrifices his heart to the very end, remaining invisible.

Towards the end of the film, as he stands in front of the altar in a tailcoat with a happy smile on his face and shows the bride walking in a beautiful dress, I hear DaHyun's voice softly whispering :

- There won't be a perfect ending.

I, briefly looking up from the unfolding scene, glancing at DaHyun's face , in one second I see her gloomy expression with eyes full of pain. I want to ask what happened when I hear the outraged voice of Jeongyeon sitting on my left side:

- How can he be happy when his beloved is getting married?

I widen my eyes a little whe