Chapter 2 

Jaejoong was six, when my mother killed herself.

And I was only nine at that time, not knowing why my only relation has left me alone in this world, even without giving me a reason for leaving me like this.

I didn’t know what happened, but the doctors said that she was depressed at that time, and I didn’t even know we are going to lose the house until two people from the bank came and give Mr. Kim some papers, who said he would handle it from there and he was the guardian of me.

 I was crying in front of the casket where my mother lay so peacefully. Her cheeks white and painfully beautiful.

Just like a white rose from her garden.

And for a moment I hated the softness of rose petals that I always adored, I doubted the point of loving something, or someone so dearly if all would leave us wrapped in a painful memory one day.

That’s when I felt two arms snaking around my waist and suddenly someone was pressed against my back, breathing softly but still hiding a broken sob within.

Jaejoong.

“I’m here… I won’t leave you, promise”     

And at that time, I wondered if he would keep that promise, because I know I would be holding on to that. No matter what.

Or that is what I thought. Before life threw another stone my way.

It was only months later that the lawyers and the social services informed us that they were unable to track down my father’s whereabouts. I didn’t know how bad the things were, the loans my mother had to pay, and the social services coming to Mr. Kims place mentioning about orphanage would be the best place to suit me and Mr. Kim talking about adoption while Mrs. Kim was somehow in agreement of me being placed in an orphanage, which made Mr. Kim to constantly argue with his wife.

I knew they were trying to talk in low tones and trying to keep hush hush about this but I overheard them couple of times. And I never confronted them too. Because despite the fact that Mrs. Kim is in a disagreement for adoption, she never once treated me bad. She was always the loving Mrs. Kim that I knew, but deep down, I knew that she didn’t want me to be her son.

It hurt, for a while, to know that Mrs. Kim wanted me gone than being adopted to the family, but little by little I realized that maybe, I am becoming a burden to them. It was not a lie when I said Kim family was huge, 8 daughters and a son. Mr. Kim was barely meeting the months end with the job he’s keeping and Mrs. Kim despite how tiring it is to raise nine kids was still giving tutoring classes to the children in the neighborhood to help the household finances.

And I, no matter how selfishly I wanted to stay, couldn’t ask them to keep me with them. I would only add more burden to them.

I was seated in the veranda, looking at the house across, house that once I thought was mine, now being labeled as a house on sold. It was heartbreaking to see that her rose bushes were still blooming, as if they never noticed that the lady once who tended the bushes was never coming back.

This is the first time in my life that I felt true loneliness. I was alone in this world. My mother gone, never to be by side, and a father whose whereabouts unknown. No sibling, no next of kin, I was a child left alone in this wide world.

And it was so unfair. I was only nine, alone and what really broke me was that Mrs. Kim didn’t want me in her family.

And I couldn’t even hate her for her decision.  

“Yunho ah” I looked up to the voice who called my name, Mr. Kim.

“oh Ahjussi” did he notice that my voice was breaking?

“what are you doing here alone little one” his voice was endearing, like all the time he calls me. And he slowly lowered himself next to me, taking the unoccupied space to sit and start our conversation.

Conversation I knew was coming, and the conversation I anyway had to face.

“I was talking to Kim Omma” he sounded rather down, but still he addressed his wife as Kim Omma, his own way of acknowledging his love for the mother of his kids.

“are you fighting because of me?”

I already knew the answer, yet I still asked that question.

“No Yunho ah.. we aren’t fighting. At this moment, Kim omma and I are having some trouble in agreeing to each other. it will be fine in a while”

“what should I do ahjussi?”

“You don’t have to do anything Yunho ah, let’s wait a little bit more, I will talk to Kim Omma again, I can’t let you go to some unknown place Yunho ah, you belong with us. you are part of my family too”

His words were soothing, and his words made me almost want to believe him too.

“can’t you keep me ahjussi?” I leaned towards his side uttering the words, I knew the answer already, but still, like an idiot I asked him. And like always, ahjussi wrapped me in his arms, a big protective hug that gave nothing but comfort and love. Something I would definitely miss in the future.