If he could explain the word "Beautiful", it was the spark in her eyes. It shines like the luminous light, like the transient of the waves, rising and falling to even close to crying in the magnificent picture perfect setting.

The sun scatter the light, the color of the water is ever changing yet always familiar, always blue. The waves come in as a deep aquamarine and turn golden as they stir the sand on the shore. Each hue is made more pretty by the brilliant white of the plumes, drawing the eye away from the cloudless sky.

They were both awe struck and was left frozen into their feet. It was a paradise they found and for a while, he realized so many things- things that is missing in his life. The sea, the mighty sun, the world parading it's beauty to give life right in front of his eyes. How could he fail to love the waves as they dance inward to crash on the pebbles? How could he fail to appreciate the salty air or the cold caress of the breeze? How can he miss the beach so much and felt joyful seeing it again for such a long time?

"Do you remember how we used to splash in the water like crazy freaks back in Busan before?", he asked, still cannot make his eyes move away from the astounding scenery.

He heard her sigh. She remembers it all. Every detail. Every feeling.

"Yeah. And go home shivering and wake up the next day with a cold.", she chuckled.

"And you're mother will call me and say, "Yonghwa, you pesky brute. What did you do to my daughter?" And swears to never let me see you again.."

"But ends up swallowing her words because she needs you to fix our broken shower.", she giggled again.

Her smiles and giggles. He felt like he is in a new life, living under the sun in the sky and the light so freely given, the days of needing support of others are over, that all he really need is her, nothing more. The sound that she makes is like a feather that tickles his bones, sending chills to his veins, making his heart pump, causing his whole being to be alive.

"Omma...", she softy muttered. "She's.. she's gone."

In that moment her face turned down and lonely. He saw those gravity-drawn shoulders painting a picture of her heart, as if neither it nor her soul would welcome a beat. He saw in her eyes that her brain has built some new walls. She's lonely on the inside and it hurts seeing her in pain. What have he done? He broke her too much and she is alone. How can she survive being alone for years? Her tears are shallow, he knows it, and can see it forming in her big eyes and about to fall.

She can pull herself to standing, she always can and learned it, yet tears come in such generous streams. She don't want to breakdown, more likely in front of him. She don't want to look desperately pitied.

"Shin Hye, I..", he wanted to console as he tried to reach for her hand.

But what it is he wanted to say? He cannot start for there's too many.

She swayed her arms away not wanting to be touched. She won't let him touch her again. Not anymore. That right to hold her had vanished into thin air and the familiar feeling, damn, it's coming back. She don't want to let it win and much more he'll win.

"Can we pretend not to know each other?", she backed away. "Just do what you want to do to survive and I'll do mine. I can take care of myself. I'll go look for my food and please don't..", she paused. "Don't follow me."

When the body and brain are on overload and running away is the only chance to survive, you run. That is what she do. She ran away until she can't feel his presence. The island is a mystery, a danger not knowing, where will she go? She's lost and now trapped, she cannot get out.

Drapetomania. An overwhelming urge to run away. She wasn't escaping him. She was escaping a stunted version of herself that slowly faltering. She was escaping an emotional space that had gotten too small. She thought she was strong but his mere presence is making her weak. How can she survive being lost when she's losing her battles by just looking into his eyes? But she is brave. She is now. And for once, bravery looked a lot like running away.
______________________________________________________

In the hospital bed he saw her lying soundly, face sulken and pale as a slender limbs. She looked different from the way she used to be and he couldn't believe she could suffer something way out of hand. She's a strong person, that's the way he saw her, but inside she's battling something irrational and dark. She's suicidal. One thing he never thought she could possess. He saw her as a strong woman. But that moment she isn't.

He moved his feet slowly. What he is doing there is not his idea. But he needs to be there, she begged to see him and he couldn't disagree.

"Yonghwa..."

Her smile extends to her eyes, twinkling like she's greeting a lover. How fast her face lighted up. She is really expecting him to come.
He froze seeing her awake. What it is to say? Will his words console her? He didn't know but being with her felt atrociously awkward. Maybe because she wanted something he couldn't give back.

"Soo Min..", he whispered. "How.. How are you feeling now?"

"I'm fine now because you're here. You're not forced to be here, are you?"

"N.. No. Of course not."

He is not good at lying and the purpose of a lie is a necessary defence, or of saving someone's feelings from being hurt. He seated beside her and quickly she grabed his hand, tight enough not to break free.

"You know it feels so good hearing such a consoling words from you, even if it's just a lie."

He inhaled deep hearing her sudden chaff. She chuckled and quickly the smile fades. She held his hand even tighter, began to kiss it many times and looked at him sternly in the eyes. He was dumbfounded. Coming over is a bad idea, he absolutely knows it. But he had a heated argument with Manager Jang earlier for he is making him do something against his will.

"I can survive anything if I feel loved", she again started. "Even these pains that come to explode from within, these silent hand grenades, with your kindness and compassion, I know can make it. Because when you smile at me you are my heroine, my morphine, finer than any doctor can prescribe. You see, Yonghwa, you're my healer. All I need is you. Why can't you love me back?"

He deeply sighed and is almost lost for words. She's becoming more aggressive now and from what she is doing, she's not accepting a no for an answer.

"You clearly know the reason why. I love Shin Hye."

"Tell me. What's with that Busan girl?", she cuts him fast.

"Why can't you let me be happy with my Busan girl?"

"You don't deserve a useless lass."

"Then who? You? She's far more better than you."

He saw her eyes furied with anger. What he said had hit her and she wanted to scratch. Soo Min frustrations build up and she's an inch to explode. She looked like a toddler having a tantrum, wanting to shout and beat her hands on the ground. He took a deep breath seeing her curled her hand on the blanket, she wanted to vent but won't let it out.

"This conversation is going nowhere.", he said and stood up. "You're a strong woman, you can get it through. I wish you a speedy recovery."

He can't stand another minute in that room. He moved fast wanting some air. He don't want to say the words he needs to say and hurt her even more. It's so easy to be cruel but he can't. He owed them his fame. There's so many times he wanted to say things and cried foul for being controlled by her father but took it back. It seems like he learned to deal with it but hell, it is too much already. She wanted to take his happiness away. How absurd she could get?

"You're really a pragmatic fool, Yonghwa."

That blaming voice outside the door made him stop and meet his cold stares. He definitely knows that stare. He is infuriated. Like the way he behaves everytime things are turning against his side.

"Manager Jang.."

"Come with me.", he demanded.

"I'm going home. I don't have any business here anymore."

"God damn it! I said come with me!"

His shout comes like a thunder rocking every bit of him. There he goes again being manipulative and what a pity he didn't have a choice but to always agree. He found himself in his manager's penthouse, face to face, without a way out. He can push himself to the limit if it involves a career move but he got a hunch he wants something more and it's scared the hell out of him.

"You know how I love my daughter, right? She's the only one I got.", he started while taking a gulp of his whiskey.

He stood silent and that short silence is a fine tailor like his thoughts that are silken thread. The words that is about to come on Manager Jang's mouth is making him scared, utterly scared.

"I know what matters most to you, Yonghwa. And I know you're an obedient artist. This is the first time I would do this my entire life. I'm not the one who's begging, you know it. I make people follow me but for my daughter, I could make an exemption. I would swallow this God damn pride.."

"Manager Jang, I can't. Please..."

"I lost my wife in such a tragic way. I can't afford to lose my daughter in the same way."

"I will do anything you wanted me to do but not this thing. I'm in a relationship and you know it."

"The fame you always wanted, I can give you more and not lose it.", Manager Jang said, completely ignoring his pleas.

"It's the least thing I wanted now."

Did he heard himself right? Probably not. It's something he can't afford to lose. But he can't afford to lose Shin Hye too. It's like choosing two unarmed guns to kill an opponent but whatever he chose, he still lose.

"I don't believe you. You're one ambitious freak.", he chuckled.

He is about to fervently plead, more keen than what the old man is doing. They are begging to one another, like two clashing souls wanting a win. And he was appalled when the begging man laid his last card. He went down on his knees, the last thing he thought he would do, begging for something he wanted to have.

"Please, Yonghwa..", he said and he was thunderstruck.

Why on earth will the old man beg onto his knees for such a stupid deal? He is gripping his hands, much tighter than what Soo Min did in that hospital room. And he was baffled. What will he choose? He was stuck in an extremely cruel situation and at that moment confusion feels like the greatest enemy ever created, simply an anxiety in a different cloak. It's harsh, eating up his soul. But he must choose and whatever he decides to pick, he'll end up suffering all his life.

God, why?

But even heaven is silent to his inquest. He didn't know what happened in that moment. He just found himself into another world. A world so dark he couldn't get out. He chose fame over love. And that day became his biggest heartbreak.

She saw her crying her heart out, begging for him to take back everything he had said. He wanted to but he can't. He was imprisoned to someone's hands and she can't save him.

"Why, Yonghwa?", she asked as tears streamed down her face.

Every teardrop is squeezing his heart. Her deep breaths is breaking his soul. He don't want to hurt her, not ever. But hell, he's doing it. And its killing him slow.

"I.. I think this isn't working anymore.", he tried hard not to break his voice. "You