Ever since the first three months of covid ended, when it went from oh, springtime, life just feels like that weird point between Christmas and New Years to  it's summer and I guess this is life now, Donghyuck has felt like his soul is fading away. 

The ensuing months have only made things go from bad to worse. It's February now, almost a year since this began, and Donghyuck is no longer the mentally stable one of his friend group (but they wouldn't know because he hasn't ing seen them in so long). 

Donghyuck wears his four inch doc marten platforms to the grocery store, the fishnet bodysuit (under normal clothes of course) on covid walks, tradgoth make up to class. He always has to be the hottest person in the zoom lecture, of course. He redownloaded mystic messenger for christ's sake. All just to feel something. 

He tried seeing people. He went to brunch at the one place with safe outdoor seating with a friend who talked about the gamestop stock market thing the entire time. He met another friend for bubble tea in the park, and they talked about school and reminisced but it wasn't safe, it wasn't comfortable like it was before. 

Oh, yeah, and Valentine's.  that. The two friends Donghyuck actually did like, Jeno and Renjun, were both shacked up with their significant others at least an hours long drive away. Donghyuck liked Jeno's partner, hated Renjun's, but that didn't matter. They were in love and kinda happy and they had what Donghyuck had wanted his whole life (Donghyuck came out the womb a hopeless romantic). 

Donghyuck's friends had moved in with their boyfriends at the start of covid. Donghyuck moved back home. 

Not that he didn't like his parents. No, Taeil was a fantastic mom and Johnny was a fantastic dad. But these days they were both pretty down too, and Taeil was on a diet which meant there was barely ever anything tasty at home (and no takeout for dinner either).

Donghyuck was ing exhausted. He was tired of doing schoolwork. Luckily he's gonna graduated college in a month or so but he's tired of thinking of what he wants to do after. He doesn't want to get a job, he doesn't want to look for a job, he doesn't want to travel (even if it was safe), he doesn't want to move out, he doesn't want to stay home and not have a job and be a bum. 

All he really wants to do is to take a long nap and then watch Rupaul's Drag Race with Taeil. 

But he and Taeil have already watched every episode in existence, and he does have to do something with his life: the fear of disappointing outweighs the hatred of being a real adult in the world, at least for now. 

He could procrastinate on that though, at least for the moment. He still had a month of college after all. He could wait until that's officially over. 

And all of that was why Donghyuck decided he hated February. He'd always thought March was the worst month of the year, but Taeil had always argued for February. And Taeil, like always, was ing right. 

So one ty February afternoon when it was sunny-ish and overcast-ish and may or may not rain Donghyuck decided to try and make a little better for himself. Maybe change would help? So he went to the tiny little park at the end of an alley up a long flight of steps, bypassing his usual covid hang out places. 

Memories flooded back as he trudged up those stairs. This was the park where he and all his friends drank this called neurogasm in middle school, asking each other if it had made them . This is the park where he tried weed for the first time. This is the park he'd gone to the day after he tried ecstasy last summer, his arms killing him because he hadn't drank enough water. 

This park was one of memories, not of the every day. But maybe by visiting, Donghyuck could bring some of that memory. Some of that joy, that excitement, that something that was so absent from his current life. 

Donghyuck reached the top. . Someone was there already. 

He meant to run back down but the person who was already there had seen him. Now it would be weird to leave after they'd already made eye contact. 

. Could get any worse?

"Hey," the guy said incredibly awkwardly as Donghyuck stepped into the little circle. The guy moved to the edge, by the gate with the view of the city. Donghyuck sat down on the opposite side of the park on the bench. 

"Hello," Donghyuck answered. He looked off to the side at the secret entrance to the grassy mess below this place. He and a friend, that same friend he met at the park the other day, went down there and smashed bottles against a wall in the eighth grade. They got yelled at by the neighbors in the houses nearby. They found a time capsule and left their rubber one direction bracelets inside. It had all been so easy. Maybe he go back down there once this guy left. 

"How are you?" 

That pulled Donghyuck out of his head. He was grateful this guy didn't really want to talk to him; Donghyuck could tell from his tone of voice he just felt like he needed to fill the silence. 

"Ya know. You?" 

"Same." 

Donghyuck looked up at this guy. He was probably about his age, maybe a year older. He wasn't tall but not as short as himself. He was dressed like a normie hetero. 

But, he turned around, and Donghyuck froze. 

He was cute. 

Since covid began Donghyuck only really found himself attracted to kpop idols and people that dressed alt but here was this normie guy, looking cute. Ew. He had messy black hair and sweats and a UC Riverside hoodie on. 

"I like your jacket," the guy said. Donghyuck looked down at his beat up leather coat, covered with pins and buttons. 

"Thanks." 

"Actually, I like your whole outfit. What's the occasion?" 

Donghyuck got that a lot. "Going to the park. I need something interesting going on these days." 

The guy sat down on the cement ground of the park, leaning his back on those gates. "Maybe I should start dressing interesting then." 

"You should. Do you have to do zoom meetings a lot? It's incredibly gratifying to be the hottest person in the zoom meeting." 

"Mmh. I bet." The guy seemed like he was about to say something but stopped himself. He smiled a little and damn was Donghyuck touch starved because just that made his heart beat a little.

They sat there in silence, facing each other. it. Donghyuck was an extrovert and he kinda actually did want to talk to the cute straight normie boy. 

"Are you also incredibly lonely?" 

"Yes!" The guy cried. "I'm so lonely." 

"Same," Donghyuck groaned. 

"All my friends are either dating someone or obsessed with the stock market." 

"Right?"

"And my roommates are insufferable." The guy sighed. "At least I have my job still. Most people aren't as lucky." 

"What do you do?" 

"I used to work in Silicon Valley but now I work from home." 

Donghyuck couldn't stop himself. "You're a techie? Ew!" He should've known from his normie clothes. 

"No, I know, I know. My parents made me do it. They said I had to try for three years then I could do something else. I just started though so that ." 

Donghyuck breathed a sigh of relief. "When did you start?" 

"Last fall. That's when I graduated college." 

"So you're like 22?" 

"Yup. You? What's your situation?" 

"Moved back in with my parents. I worked in a restaurant near my school so now I don't work. I still have school, but I'm about to finish." 

"Those zoom classes though. I feel you." 

"Yeah but being a techie more. I feel you." 

"Not to mention all my roommates have the same job as me. They're insufferable."

The guy sighed. "You seem cool. Too cool for me." 

"I'm probably not. You seem too grown up for me. Even if you're just a year older." 

"Yeah, well. I haven't done in my life. In hindsight, I think that's more important." 

They were silent in that little park for a few moments. The wind picked up, ruffling their hair. This was the most emotionally deep interaction Donghyuck had with someone other than his parents in ing ages. Probably since before covid. Therefore, he was madly in love with this guy. Even if he was a straight techie. 

"I bet you are," he mumbled. 

"What?" 

"I bet you are." He paused, getting quieter. "The hottest person in the zoom lecture." 

Donghyuck flushed. He was a techie, but maybe he wasn't straight.

"Oh?" 

"Yeah." The guy looked pointedly at the cement. 

"I really wish we could make out right now," Donghyuck admitted. 

"M-me too. But..." 

"Yeah." Donghyuck adjusted his mask. It kept slipping; maybe glueing spikes to the front hadn't been the best idea. 

"Give me your number though." 

"Huh?" 

"Give me your number. We can text each other when we get the vaccine. And make out. I-I'm not very good at it but..." 

"I really don't care," Donghyuck answered, and told the guy his number. He put it in his phone and a few seconds later, got a text back. A simple smiley face. It was really, really cute. was Donghyuck lonely. 

"What should I put your name as?" The guy asked. 

"Donghyuck. And you?" 

"Mark. Mark Lee."