CHAPTER IV: PERSISTENCE

“Feeling this way was a particular kind of horror, having the emotions without the memories.” 

— Cassandra Clare, Welcome to Shadowhunter Academy

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Winter seemed to have come early. Almost as if the gods had decided to change their minds on a whim overnight, it was freezing cold and Sehun could not help but rub his palms together in a bid to generate some heat as he trudged through the thick of the sycamore forest. As the cold wind swept his hair back, he lost count of the number of times he wanted to use the cold as an excuse to give up and head back to the warmth of his residence. He did not really have much of a reason to be here in the first place.

It had only been a couple of weeks from the last time he intentionally sought out Haerin and it would have been the understatement of the century to say that their conversation did not go as planned. Sehun was not naive. He had not harboured hopes of triggering Haerin’s memories by catching her alone and carrying out a normal conversation, but at the very least, a tiny part of him still clung on to the hope that at her very core she would still be the Haerin he could recognise; that perhaps, just perhaps, she would even instinctively realise that they were not strangers. To his dismay, the Haerin he met had recognised him, but only in his status as her ‘attempted kidnapper’. Sehun was a fighter; after the early death of his father, he had been raised with gruelling training by his older brothers and physical pain had never been foreign to him. However, no amount of training had ever prepared him for the pain of seeing the love of his life recoiling immediately at his touch and looking at him with not an ounce of recognition, glaring at him like he was a stranger. He had tried to remain strong and heed Junmyeon’s advice but how could he? How could he act like nothing was wrong and go about befriending the woman he already knew better than himself? What more when she spoke about another man with the same sense of admiration in her eyes that she used to only reserve for him? 

Sehun slipped then. He knew he should not have lost control and rambled as he did but he simply could not keep pretending that he knew nothing about her. Self-control had never been his strong suit; especially when it came to Haerin. Ironically, after their meeting, he had returned to the capital even more heartbroken than before and had spent the next two weeks busying himself with his duties with a relentless fervour that even his brothers knew not to step on his toes. He really should not have come back but no matter how painful it could be, Sehun could not stop himself from riding to the edge of the sycamore forest on this cold winter’s night. He could not give up that easily. 

Before he could drown in his thoughts any longer, Sehun stopped as he heard several voices in the distance. Cautiously, he made his way towards the direction of the voices without attracting any attention. To his surprise, he saw a group of young men in a clearing, all armed with bows and arrows, seemingly practicing archery. Instinctively, he moved to turn back with the intention of reporting this to his brothers back at the capital but stopped short when he noticed a familiar figure a couple of metres away from him, also hiding in the vegetation.  

“Well, looks like we meet again.” 

Sehun was quick to react as he had already anticipated her gasp of surprise, quickly covering with his hands. Taking in the furious look on her face, he knew she recognised him and so he started to walk deeper into the forest, away from the clearing. 

“Do you not know how to say hi like a normal person?!” Haerin hissed as she stomped after him, keeping her voice low until they were a comfortable distance away from the group. 

“I would have if you weren’t sneaking around,” Sehun smirked, trying to goad her into a response.

“I wasn’t sneaking! I was just…never mind, you won’t understand.” 

“As the clearly more professional spy, I think I will, sweetheart.” 

Sehun grinned patiently as he watched Haerin’s obvious internal struggle, silently rejoicing in the fact that no matter how different the Haerin in front of him might be, she was still an open book in front of him.  

“Fine, but you can’t tell anyone okay?” Haerin relented, as she plucked at her fingernails nervously. 

“Do I look like I have anyone to gossip to?” Sehun deadpanned. 

Haerin’s cheeks turned a bright crimson as she bit her lips in exasperation. His haughty attitude annoyed her but after their previous encounter, she was no longer afraid of him and although she would hate to admit it, she rather enjoyed their mischievous banter. It was a welcome change for her from her life in the village; there, despite Dong Jun’s best efforts, she was still treated much like an outsider. Even Dong Jun — although she was grateful for his kindness and warmth, she knew he still treated her different, like she was this especially fragile vase that would break apart with the slightest touch. With Sehun, it was different. Despite his arrogance and mysterious nature, he had always treated her as his equal and she unexplainably felt this sense of comfort in his presence. Not so much the sort of comforting protection that she felt when she was with someone like Dong Jun; but the kind of unexplainable sense of comfort in knowing that she could be her uninhibited self. 

“Fine, I’m trying to spy on their archery training okay?” Haerin finally admitted, trying her best to avoid Sehun’s gaze and hide her embarrassment. “The village is having an archery competition and I really wanted to take part too! But Dong Jun refused to teach me, said it’