tell your siblings you love them. love you @sorables :) 

Also, if I ever put up songs, do try to check them out and listen to them while reading! I write my stories based on the music I listen to. <3

--- & italics are flashbacks.

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I had a nightmare
But now that I’m not scared

This is how you fall in love
Let go and I’ll hold you up
So pull me tight and close your eyes
Oh my love, side to side

-This is how you fall in love, Jeremy Zucker, Chelsea

It was a new day and we went on our way to pick Johnny up from where he lived.

Turned out there was nothing I could do to stop my brother from pushing whatever he wanted onto us. It didn’t help that Johnny agreed and I stood there, chewing on my bottom lip with anxiety. Johnny and I were still very awkward with each other but Johnny didn’t seem at all bothered by it.

Why? I thought to myself that maybe he needed money.

Why did he need money? Was he struggling? He could take this probation as a break, why was he agreeing to work for us? I stared at Johnny who was sitting in the front of my car while my elder brother drove us to the apartment he had rented for both of us.

Chenlong caught me staring at Johnny, my brother raising an eyebrow. I looked away quickly, crossing my arms across my chest when he looked back towards the front. Johnny didn’t say anything the whole ride and Chenle was listening to music.

When we reached the apartment, I saw that my brother had hired a couple of bodyguards. It was nothing new and Chenlong began prepping Johnny on how everything was supposed to be.

“There is 24-hour surveillance—not in the room but around the perimeter. There are going to be people monitoring who comes in and who comes out. This building is unoccupied.” He unlocked a door, pushing it open and I walked in, pulling my small luggage behind me. “It’s a bit small for my siblings but I think it’ll be easier to get to them with this size.”

“It’s good enough,” Chenle said, moving to sit on the couch. Chenlong nodded, Johnny silently placing his bag on the table.

“Your priority is that they do not leave the room… just yet.” He must have seen me sulk. “Groceries are ordered and picked up from downstairs. That will be your job, of course.”

Johnny nodded.

“I didn’t want to hire a cook because I didn’t want to have strangers with them so food will have to be prepared a day before so Chenle and my sister don’t starve.” Chenlong motioned to the curtains. “Curtains must be drawn at all times in case. We don’t know if anyone would be holding a sniper in the other building.”

My brother was paranoid, but we all knew that he had every right to be.

“In case of fire, get down and low. In case of shootings, go to the bathroom and lock the door and in case of anything…” He looked at us. “Yell out ‘Johnny!’.”

“That makes sense,” I grumbled.

“And in case of anything, you stand in front of my siblings, you understand?”

“Yes,” Johnny answered with a nod.

“And if there is an earthquake—”

“Why would there be an earthquake?”

“It’s… It’s protocol. The place is small but as I said, it’s easy to protect all of you this way. All the people I have hired have been checked over and over again and I will have a few people go on shifts but I do not trust them enough to let them come up.”

My brother then pointed to the balcony.

“You each get ten minutes of balcony time with Johnny. But he has to stand in front of you in case something happens.”

His words made me scoff. “How generous. Ten minutes. Ten whole minutes! Ten minutes of Johnny blocking the sunlight while I sit on the balcony and sulk.”

“Jiejie, at least we get ten minutes,” Chenle said from the couch, his beady little eyes on me.

“Wow, you really do not have any expectations, don’t you?”

“Stop being sarcastic.” Chenlong reached out to knock on my forehead with his knuckles and I swatted his hand away. “This is not the time. Also, I will be visiting you—”

“Bless us with your presence, why don’t you?” I whispered under my breath, my brother pretending he didn’t hear me. “Leave us with Jyani.”

“Jiejie, why are you saying his name like that?” Chenle piped up and I turned to him, both of us staring at each other. I knew this feeling well and this was the feeling of war.

“Why would I not? It’s Johnny but you have to enunciate the “Y”.”

“No?” Chenle looked at me like I was stupid and I wanted to wipe that look off his face. “It’s Johnny Hyung! Like… Joh-nny.”

“Have you seen how they spell his name in Korean? It’s Jyani—”

“Why is this a Jaehyun moment all over again?” Johnny said more to himself, rubbing his forehead while he listened to us bicker. “Alright—”

“But he’s American! He’s from Chicago. He’s Chicago-ean!”

“That is not a word,” I pointed out, Chenle slowly standing up from the couch. “It’s Jyani. And both of his parents are Korean, I was his friend. I know very well—”

“Emphasize on the ‘was’,” Johnny mumbled, still talking to himself as Chenle and I began to circle each other.

“Weird flex, Jiejie, but okay. It’s Johnny—”

“JYANI!”

“Johnny!” Chenle yelled and I felt smoke come out of my ears. No one could piss me off other than Chenle… and maybe the past Johnny Suh.

“Alright, I’m leaving,” my elder brother said but we weren’t paying attention to him so he reached out to pat Johnny on the shoulder. “Goodluck… Jyani.”

My brother blinked when I began to yell that Chenlong was also calling Johnny the way I called him when Chenle screeched back that Chenlong didn’t know Johnny as much as we did.

“I really am leaving,” I heard him say when there were footsteps and the sound of a door slamming, both of us still going at it.

“Shut up, Chenle! I am Ahgong’s favorite!” I pointed a manicured finger at Chenle, the male swatting it away.

“But Ahma loves me more!” Chenle bellowed back.

“Ahgong says that you give him headaches!”

“Please.” Chenle raised up a hand to tell me to stop talking. “I bring Ahgong fishing! We all know Ahma wears the pants in our household and she calls me her little angel!”

“Ahma doesn’t know how big your head is—she’s visually impaired!”

“Wait till I buy her new glasses, and we’ll see how that’ll pan out!”

“I am in for a treat, am I?” Johnny asked, once more to himself when I hissed at Chenle.

“I wish China never lifted the one-child policy or you would have never been born!”

“Well, then you wouldn’t have been born either!” Chenle fired back and I let out a shrill scream, rushing forward to attack him the same time he was about to when Johnny grabbed both of us by the scalp, Chenle squealing.

“Ouch! Don’t pull so much, Hyung! I’m already balding—”

“Johnny! What the ? I didn’t condition my hair yesterday!”

“See, you’re calling him ‘Johnny’!” Chenle pointed out and I let out another yell, Johnny prying us apart when he forcefully threw both of us on the couch.

“What is wrong with both of you?” he demanded, Chenle massaging his head while I looked at the ends of my strands of hair where Johnny had pulled, making a face at my brother. He stuck his tongue out at me and I reached out and pulled it, Chenle howling in pain before kicking me.

“Now, I am going to the balcony,” Johnny told us, walking to the balcony. I saw that our balcony was just Chenlong’s style, with two locks. One outside, one inside. To open it, both locks had to be unlocked. Even the blinds were doubled.

“Already, Johnny Hyung?” Chenle asked, frowning. “But we didn’t end our fight yet.”

“I need my ten minutes,” he told us, reaching for a cigarette pack in his pocket, and opened the door just to slam it shut. He locked it and Chenle turned to me, both of us not looking away.

“What do we do now?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at me.

“We wait for Jyani,” I told him and he nodded slowly, both of us agreeing that we would be in a truce until Johnny came back. But Johnny was out for more than ten minutes and Chenle found his eyes watering, both of us falling back onto the couch when I decided I needed some sunlight.

I moved to the glass, tapping it with the tip of my finger when Johnny turned, unlocking the door and pushing it open, and asking if I needed my ten minutes.

I nodded in response, stepping out into the sunlight, and was about to move to stand a foot away from Johnny, but the male grabbed my wrist, pulling me towards him. For a moment, I forgot to breathe and was about to push him away out of instinct but I realized that he had turned towards me and stationed me right in front of him.

And there I stood, under his shadow before he let go, his body towering over me with his six-foot height.

As I stared at his chest, refusing to look up, I murmured. “You’re taking this very seriously.”

“It’s my duty.”

I don’t know what I had expected; but I stood there, tapping my foot with my arms crossed while Johnny simply did his thing. He smelt of musk and smoke and I sniffed, crunching my nose up when I snapped.

“Not fun. This is not fun at all.”

The idea of wasting my ten minutes on me being bored and not productive made me feel like I regretted even coming out in the first place so I snuck a look at him just to see him looking at me. I blinked before asking him if I could get a veto.

“You want a veto?” he asked, frowning at me. “Of your ten minutes in the balcony?”

“Yes, because what if I want to go to the balcony ten minutes from now?” I asked back, Johnny finally agreeing. “I want my ten minutes later.”

My reminder made him nod, the man motioning to the balcony door. When I entered the apartment, I saw that Chenle was in the kitchen and that the cabinets were stocked with food. Chenle went back to the living room and I decided to go get myself some peanut butter.

I loved peanut butter and as much as I hated to admit it, Johnny was the one who introduced me to peanut butter and jelly back in high school. I eyed the cabinet that I had pushed wide open when I saw that the peanut butter was on the top shelf—except that the chairs around the kitchen island were built in and I couldn’t reach it.

I glanced over at the counter, deciding that I would try to climb. I grabbed the handle of the cabinet, pulling myself up and balancing myself on the counter when I heard Johnny’s voice. I could almost feel his and Chenle’s gaze on my back.

“Do you want help with that?”

“You really should help her with that before she falls onto the knife block,” my brother mused and I gasped when I heard that.

“Knife block? Why knife block? Where is the knife block?”

“Yeah, I moved it closer just in case.”

“You moved it closer?” I asked in disbelief, my annoying little brother letting out a hum. “What in the world are you— Why would you move the knife block closer?”

“In case…” His voice trailed and I felt myself slipping. “You do that!”

And just like that, my body fell backward and I let out a scream when I was caught midair—Johnny’s arms wrapping around mine, the male balancing me in his embrace. My nose slammed against the nook of his neck and I winced, hearing a slow clap.

Chenle was standing there, clapping very slowly when he spoke. “Wow. Very romantic. Five stars for Jyani.”

And a devious smile appearing on his face making me clamor to get off Johnny, wanting to kick him when Johnny told me not to move or he would lose his balance.

“Stop moving, Shanghai!”

“Put me down! Put me down!” my demands were met and the moment I was put down, it was me and Chenle on the floor with another round of the Zhong wrestling match when I heard the sound of plastic against the marble.

Both of us looked up to see that Johnny had placed the peanut butter, the bread, and the jam onto the kitchen counter, looking at both of us.

“Whenever you are ready,” he told us, motioning to the food when Chenle pushed me away. I hated how fast he was because he had run towards the peanut butter and grabbed it—running towards the bathroom just for me to realize what he was doing.

“Oh my god, you little dip!” I shrieked, Johnny laughing out suddenly. “What?”

“It’s been a while since I’ve heard that term from Ten and Lucas.” he seemed pleased to hear the term again but I was boiling and it didn’t help when I heard the turn of the lock in the bathroom.

“CHENLE! You know I like the super chunky peanut butter!”

“WELL, YOU AIN’T GOING TO GET THE SUPER CHUNKY PEANUT BUTTER!” Chenle bellowed.

I was standing in front of the bathroom now, hearing him open the jar when I kicked the bathroom door, raging out at him. It was fire against fire and we both yelled at each other when I reached over to put off the lights in the bathroom, the switch right by the doorway, Chenle letting out a blood-curdling scream.

“I can’t breathe!” he said but I wasn’t going to believe him.

“Enjoy your super chunky peanut butter in the dark!” I said and I saw that he had unlocked the door but I grabbed it, using all my strength to pull the door close, Chenle yelling out for me to open the door.

“Chenle, you do know that there is a switch in the bathroom, right?” Johnny asked from behind me and his words made me look back at him accusingly, Johnny taking my glare like a pro. There was a click and Chenle finally put on the lights, letting out a triumphant “AHAH!”

That little .

“Why would you, traitor?” I seethed at Johnny, letting go of the door when Chenle finally emerged. He was smiling, my brother putting the jar in my hands and telling me that he didn’t really like peanut butter and I knew that.

But he was up to something and with my hands holding the jar, he asked a very simple question.

“But I bet you would want bread with that, don’t you?”

And then he bolted to the kitchen, Chenle holding the bread and yelling out for Johnny that he needed his ten minutes, both of them running into the balcony when I processed what was happening.

“ZHONG CHENLE!”

I growled at him, stomping over to the balcony glass door, punching it, and telling Chenle to unlock the door and give me my bread when he smiled, a hand reaching out to fiddle with the blinds that were outside and I felt my body quiver, cursing at how everything was layered like how my older brother wanted it to be.  

“Don’t… you dare… close the blinds….” I hissed, Chenle sticking his tongue out at me before turning to Johnny and opening the blinds back up.

“She’s very mad, Johnny,” Chenle said and I could see Johnny chuckling, despite my younger brother dropping honorifics. “We have to stay here for another hour until she cools down—”

“Ten-minute rule, Chenle,” Johnny reminded him and I pumped a fist into the air.

“AHAH! See you in ten minutes, you little imbecile!”

“I did not think this through,” Chenle was saying when I had an idea, a smile traveling up my face just to see Johnny eye me worriedly. “What… W-W-Why is she smiling?”

The balcony door was a handle and I ran into one of the bedrooms to see that there was, indeed, a chair by the desk. I dragged the chair back and Chenle’s eyes widened, the male about to unlock the balcony door when I shoved the chair under the handle, finally locking the inside lock for double stability.

Let’s see them try to get in, I thought.

Chenle tried, pushing down the handle but to no avail and I smirked, Chenle giving up.

“Well, that backfired.” he looked at Johnny. “Just you and me, Hyung.”

He looked down at the bread.

“We have twelve pieces of bread and if we ration it out, we’ll be able to last three days.”

“Why three days? There are twelve—”

“Johnny Hyung… we’re not going to eat just one piece of bread each day! Three pieces per day, lunch, breakfast, dinner, and we better pray that it rains.”

“I know there is such a thing called a rain dance,” Johnny told Chenle and I watched the two idiots end up talking while I was sitting there alone. I decided to let them in, removing the chair and unlocking the lock when Johnny slid the door open and asked me carefully.

“Are you calm?” he asked and I shrugged sullenly.

“Not for long.”

Chenle was about to say something but Johnny covered his mouth, shushing my brother before telling him that he should go play some games.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Nighttime was arriving and we were sitting on the couch with Johnny in the middle. It was a very big decision for all of us. Chenle and I glaring at each other with Johnny right in the middle.

“I want that one. It’s the one with the bathroom,” Chenle said, pointing to the bedroom that I wanted.

“I want that one. I’m a girl. I need my privacy,” I told him, Johnny saying ‘Guys…’ but the male was ignored when I added. “Also, you should sleep with Johnny. You’re both men.”

“Equality, Jie,” Chenle said, glowering at me. “I’m the youngest!”

“You being the youngest and me giving it to you is not equality!” I knew he wouldn’t back down. No, not my brother. I found myself eyeing my phone that I had placed on the table when Chenle seemed to be thinking the same thing, my younger brother taking out his phone. “We call Gege.”

“He won’t answer your phone call.”

“Bet,” I hissed back. “If he won’t answer mine, he won’t answer yours.”

“I call his personal phone; you take his work phone number,” Chenle said and I nodded.

“We all know Chenlong-gege answers his work phone more than his personal.”

And then we began to call Chenlong, both of us staring at our phone screen when it began to beep repeatedly, a sign that both calls were rejected. Then another ding, a notification coming up from the top of the screen—a message in our group chat.

Chenlong: Whatever it is, figure it out.

We groaned when another ding sounded and we looked back to our screens.

Chenlong: Ask Johnny.

With that, we all turned to stare at Johnny, the male looking cornered.

“Who do you think deserves that room?” Chenle asked, shifting closer when Johnny eyed him.

“Yeah. Who, Johnny? Who?” I asked, Johnny turning to look at me when he stood up so suddenly, we all jumped back to press our backs against the couch.

“I was about to tell you that your brother told me to take that room and that both of you have to share a room,” Johnny said, walking into the other bedroom—slamming the door shut and locking it.

Chenle was faster than me, my brother rushing towards the room he wanted and slamming the door shut in my face as I pounded my fists against the door.

ing Zhong Chenle!

There was no reason why I would want that room, I was so used to sleeping in the living room but I knew I was doing it to spite Chenle. I stared at the door, shaking my head and retreating back onto the couch, putting on the TV.

And this… This reminded me of Shanghai, a place where I worked so hard, I didn’t stop.

A place where I told myself that I would make my dreams come true.

I flipped through the TV channels, sitting on the couch with my knees against my chest, drowning in the feeling of being alone. I couldn’t help but smile to myself—Korea. I was back but it still felt like I was alone in my high-rise apartment, drinking a glass of wine on a Friday night.

I felt my eyes grow heavy and I leaned back against the couch, sleepiness washing over me.

The sounds of the TV blared in the background and I fell onto my side, hugging the placement pillows to my chest when I heard the door open from one of the rooms.

Footsteps, I thought sleepily to myself. They were heavy and they stopped in front of me and I felt a presence right by me but I couldn’t even bring myself to open my eyes.

I felt someone reach out, pushing the hair away from my face. The touch was so light, fingers against my cheek as the person rubbed my cheek with their thumb. I stirred, hearing Johnny’s voice speak out gently in the background.

“Stubborn girl,” he whispered and right when I was about to slip, I felt arms wrap around my body to lift me. “Stubborn girl.”

I felt my head tilt to the side, Johnny holding me in his arms as he moved me to an unknown place. My body hit something soft and I felt a blanket get pulled over my body when there was a of skin against my lips—a finger lingering over my chin when suddenly he pulled away and emptiness.

Emptiness.

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I was dreaming.

I was reliving what happened years ago and I found myself running towards Johnny’s place. I knew the area like the back of my hand and I remember pushing through his doors just to see him on his couch—beaten up like Lucas.

I remember feeling furious, feeling mad at that he had brought Lucas down a road of fighting. Should I beg? Should I ask him why he was doing this? This was Johnny—

“What are you doing here?” I remember him asking and I found myself reaching out to grab his hand, feeling the warmth of his palms. “What—”

“Quit the gang,” I found myself saying. This wasn’t me. I never asked for anything and yet here I was, almost begging Johnny to quit something he had joined. “Lucas came back hurt again today. Quit it—”

“What did Lucas say?” Johnny asked carefully and I had stopped, biting my lip. What did it matter what Lucas said? I didn’t care what Lucas said. He was in it because of Johnny and Johnny alone.

“He said not to think about it—”

“Then don’t think about it,” Johnny’s words were simple but I shook my head, telling him that I wanted him to quit. That I wanted Lucas to go away from that life. “Trust me, Shanghai. Why can’t you trust me?”

“Because I can’t trust someone who breaks promises,” I found myself saying, my eyes b with tears. “I know you haven’t applied for law school yet, Johnny.”

“I’m working on it,” Johnny told me and I turned away, frustrated. “It will work out. I’ve been your friend for so long.”

“What are you hiding from me?” I found myself demanding. “What can I say for you to stop all this?”

Johnny didn’t say anything, the male looking down onto the floor when I found myself desperately seeking his. Before I knew it, I had reached out to slip into his arms, my lips finding his.

A kiss, I thought to myself. Maybe he’d understand, maybe after this, he’d know that I wanted him to stop fighting.

And the kiss was desperate—my lips molded against his, his arms tightening around my waist as I pressed myself onto him, Johnny deepening it for a second when he pulled me away,

“I can’t,” he managed to say and whatever I wanted broke down into pieces. “I made a promise, I can’t. You have to trust me.”

That was when I felt myself realize that whatever I said could not stop him from making up his mind.

That night, I walked away from Johnny Suh, telling myself that I had lost myself and my pride.

I had put it down for someone who didn’t value me enough to take my opinion into account.

Never again, I told myself.

Never again.

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I woke up on a bed and wondered what I was doing on the bed. I found myself moving out of the bedroom, my eyes landing on my brother who was in the kitchen, Chenle sipping his coffee.

“I have made myself a nice cup of coffee,” he said, a devious smirk on his face. “It’s 7 am and there is only enough coffee for one so it’s between you and Johnny, Jiejie.”

I saw Johnny on the living room couch, the male blinking at Chenle’s voice. My brother’s voice went deep, Chenle whispering.

“Let the hunger games begin.”

“Chenle… give me the coffee powder.”

But my brother had to annoy the out of me, letting out a whoop and taunting me with an “Oooh, my coffee is getting cold.” when there was a knock on the door and we all looked up. Johnny didn’t look surprised and I saw that he was sitting by the TV with a glass of yellow liquid—Tea? I didn’t bother to ask, the door opening for me to see two people.

The first, I’ve seen Chenle hang around with before.

The other, I’ve never talked to him but have known him from the news.  

“Jiejie,” Renjun greeted, bowing down to me when the male behind him studied me carefully. He had thick-rimmed glasses and he had shadows under his eyes, Johnny raising a hand to greet the other male.

“Jeno.”

“Johnny Hyung,” Jeno said, going to give Johnny’s hand a firm shake.

“Jeno Hyung!” Chenle called out from the kitch