Another week had gone by. With little to no change. The doctors had managed to remove the tube from Yoohyeon’s throat, claiming her body was strong enough to breathe on its own.

But the members had a hard time believing it. If she was strong enough to breathe on her own, why couldn’t she just wake up then? How hard could it really be? Why did she still look just as lifeless as she had three weeks ago?

Since Bora’s meltdown, she had been choosing to stay in the waiting room instead. They had all basically been living in the hospital since the night of the car accident, and the thick tension was suffocating her. It was driving her crazy.

She would see patients recover and end up perfectly fine. And as horrible as it was, it made her bitter. She couldn’t help but wonder why the world didn’t just let Yoohyeon wake up. She sat there in the waiting room, watching people make miraculous recoveries and walk out the door. All while her best friend was laid up in her hospital bed, not getting better.

Family would break down into tears when their injured loved ones woke up, and they’d all hug. Bora would just scoff at the sight. She didn’t care that it made her evil. She knew it made her a horrible person, but she wished that was Yoohyeon waking up instead. That the people hugging were the seven members, happily crying because Yoohyeon had been the one to make the miraculous recovery this time.

Seeing the girl she had come to love so much struggling to breathe, having to stare at her pained and cut-up face all day... It was too hard. Bora couldn’t find it in herself to keep staying in that damn room. She wondered how the other girls hadn’t cracked yet.

One of the members always stayed in the waiting room with her to make sure she wasn’t alone. They took turns. And whichever member was out with Bora would also leave with her to Yoohyeon’s apartment periodically to take care of Pie.

At least when she was there, helping care for Yoohyeon’s puppy, Bora felt like she was doing something to help.

Today, it was Siyeon who left with her to help take care of the dog.

Handong, Yubin, and Gahyeon all left to grab a bite to eat from the hospital cafeteria, which meant Minji was alone with the younger girl.

She hated it. She hated being alone with her. It reminded her of everything that was wrong with the world. Every time she tried to remember what it looked like when Yoohyeon smiled, the sound of her laugh, or even the way her forehead wrinkled up when she was concentrating on something... Minji instead saw the memory of Yoohyeon standing over her, just after pushing her out of harm’s way, and watched her get hit by that car. Over and over again.

Her mind wouldn’t allow her to forget. That scene replayed in her head constantly, every hour of everyday. She couldn’t escape it. She heard the sound of her own bloodcurdling scream echoing in her ears as she realized too late what Yoohyeon had done. She saw the look of worry on the younger girl’s face in that one second between her pushing them out of the way and being hit. Hoping she had been fast enough to keep her two friends safe. Not quite comprehending the fact that it meant she would be getting hit instead.

Every time Minji closed her eyes, she was back out in that intersection. Every time she tried to sleep, she heard her own screams echoing through her head as she saw Yoohyeon’s body laying unmoving on the street.

It was torture. Minji was sure it was some form of hell. Some form of punishment for not doing a better job of protecting the younger girl.

The leader laughed humorlessly. The first time she ever really felt close with Yooh was that night when the younger girl had been trapped in a nightmare of Minji getting hurt. And now here Minji was, trapped in her own hellish nightmare after Yoohyeon had gotten hurt saving her life. All while their group sang songs about being trapped in nightmares. The irony of the entire situation wasn’t lost on her. The world worked in funny ways.

She slowly scooted her chair closer to the bed and kept her voice soft.

“I’m sorry. I know you probably aren’t even hearing me right now, but I’m so sorry. I’m supposed to take care of all of you. And I failed. You’re here feeling pain I couldn’t even begin to imagine, fighting for your life, because of me. You are paying a price meant for me. I’m sorry.”

A tear rolled down her cheek.

“That night in the practice room... I told you not to worry. I told you nothing bad would happen to us. And I promised all of us would be safe. I promised to keep you safe. And I let you down. You were so afraid of losing me then. But I never once thought it would be me losing you.

I’ve failed you. In every sense, I have failed. I promised to protect you from everything bad. I’m sorry I couldn’t keep that promise. Everything you’re going through right now... It’s supposed to be me. I don’t know how I let this happen. It should be me on that bed. I should be the one suffering in pain. Fighting for my life. Not you.”

She stopped to hear the steady beating of the heart monitor. Sometimes it drove her insane, and other times it brought her comfort. To know Yoohyeon was still there. She used her hand to wipe the tears off her face.

“I hope you can hear me right now. Really, I hope you’re listening to what I’m about to say.” She took a deep breath and mustered up every ounce of courage in her body.

“I can’t even begin to imagine what kind of pain you are in right now. I wish I could take it all away. You don’t deserve this. You are the last person on this planet who deserves to be in this much pain. I wish I could fight it with you or better yet, for you. I wish I could help give you strength. I would trade places with you in a heartbeat if I could. But I can’t do any of those things.

And I know you must be exhausted. You must be so tired. Fighting so hard to come back to us. So if you can hear me, I’m telling you that it’s okay for you to go. You can.... You can go. It’s okay if you want to stop fighting. You’ve been fighting so hard for so long. Since the moment you pushed me out of the way and got hit instead. And I guess, even before then.

Please don’t feel like you need to come back for us. If it’s too much for you, just let go. I don’t want you to be in pain anymore. You deserve to rest peacefully. I know we told you we wouldn’t be able to live without you, but we’ll find a way. I’ll make the life you saved worth it. I’ll make you proud. And I know you’ll be watching over us. I’ll help the girls heal. Don’t worry about any of that. All you ever do is put our needs first, but this time, just this once, I need you to think about yourself.

You shouldn’t suffer anymore. If you can hear me and if it’s what you want, you can go. I’ll be okay... I love you and I always will. No matter what happens, I need you to know that.”

The thought of Yoohyeon leaving her forever tore her heart in two, but to ask the younger girl to suffer in this pain just for her would be selfish.

Her eyes watered again. It felt like she couldn’t even go ten minutes nowadays without crying.

“If there’s one thing I have learned from you, it is selflessness. I always used to hate how you prioritized everyone before yourself. I wished you’d think about yourself a little bit more and take care of your own needs. But now I understand. I understand how selfish it is of me to ask you to keep fighting just so I can be happy. I didn’t realize what real selflessness meant until this moment. But now I know. The most selfless thing I can do is let you go. So I’m doing it... I’m letting you go.”

And for a second, Minji really thought Yoohyeon could hear and understand her. Because the beeping on Yoohyeon’s heart monitor gradually began to slow. The older girl heard it and it broke her heart. But she knew it was the best thing. Yoohyeon deserved peace.

“No one else is here... It’s okay, Yooh, take all the time you need.”

Minji squeezed Yoohyeon’s hand. She feared it would be the last time. Her voice caught in and it came out as a strained whisper.

“I really am sorry. You didn’t deserve this. You should never have been in this mess. It should have been me. It should be me. I don’t know why you had to go and play hero. I hate that you did it. I hate how I couldn’t protect you. How I didn’t try harder to save you. But if it’s your time, I understand. I love you. Always and forever.”

Her heart rate continued to decrease slowly. The older girl watched sadly as the number dropped, one by one.

Then out of nowhere, her heart rate spiked up. And Minji felt something squeeze her hand. It was so slight that she thought she imagined it. She froze completely, wondering if she’d feel it again. To confirm whether or not it was real. Then she heard a whisper.

“I’m never leaving you.”

Minji’s eyes widened and it felt like the world had completely stopped spinning. It was so quiet that she could barely hear it. But it was there. Yoohyeon slowly opened her eyes and gave the older girl’s hand another squeeze, this time slightly stronger. Minji knew she wasn’t imagining it anymore.

The leader looked into the younger girl’s eyes and she couldn’t even describe it. The feeling of finally being able to remember what Yoohyeon’s face looked like when there was life in it. Remembering the warmth and love in the younger girl’s gaze. In that moment, everything else melted away.

Even in that cold hospital bed with all the machines hooked up to her, Yoohyeon’s smile held the warmth of a thousand suns.

Tears fell freely from Minji’s eyes. For the first time since that fateful night, she cried tears of joy. In the younger girl’s eyes, she could see unbearable pain. But she could also see the signature loving and concerned gaze that the she always wore. The same one she had worn when she first stepped foot into the conference room at the company and been introduced to her new group mates. The same one she had worn when she’d pushed Minji and Gahyeon out of the car’s way.

Yoohyeon’s smile was weak, but still sincere as ever.

“If it meant saving you, I’d do it all again.”