Joohyun

August 16, 2014 - 5:10 pm 

Seungwan and all the members are in the practice room right now. Red Velvet just made their debut two weeks ago and since then, there was not a single day where they didn't step foot in the company and had their practice. As a newly debuted girl group from one of the biggest entertainment company in Korea, all eyes are on them and the expectations are indeed high. The girls was excited that they are finally reaching their dreams but despite of that, the pressure was still there and the nervousness they are feeling was a motivation for them to work harder each day. All of them wanted to do great and they all have their own responsibilities to fulfill, but among them, even though it wasn’t obvious because she’s a natural in fulfilling her responsibilities, Joohyun was really worried if she’ll do great being the leader of the group, and that feeling got worsen because of the scolding she just received earlier today.  

Sitting at the floor during their break, Seungwan was staring at their leader who was seated at the practice room’s couch lying her head at the headrest, gazing emptily at the ceiling. She was staring at their leader for the reason that she was concerned about her. Joohyun was playful throughout the day and even cheered them up before going to the company for the whole day practice. But after she was called by their manager to talk to her personally, her mood obviously declined even though she was trying her best to be energetic and give what she can do during their practice. 

Seungwan doesn’t know what their manager told their unnie, and mostly likely she wouldn’t know about it ever either unless it concerns the whole group. Joohyun never told them about her own problems and worries, not because she does not trust the members, but rather because she doesn’t want to burden them. 

Seungwan was grateful for their leader, she have always been so supportive of her and helped her a lot of times especially when she was just a new trainee at the company. Their leader even stayed with her to watch her practice until the late hours of midnight before their debut day. She listens to them, cares for her members genuinely, and had the team as her priority, that’s why Seungwan was eager to be there for their leader also especially when she’s the one needing their help too.

She was aware that Joohyun won’t tell them what’s bothering her or what the problem is, and Seungwan understands that. She respects whatever their leader chose to share or not with them because Seungwan knows that we all have our own privacy and preferences in life. However, even though she doesn’t know what’s worries Joohyun, Seungwan was still thinking of a way on how to uplift their leader’s mood. 

Standing up from the floor, she briskly walked to where the eldest is and sat crossed legs at the couch, facing her.

“Unnie...” 

“Hmm?” Joohyun answered, looking sideways at Seungwan.

“Yesterday when we were at the station where we had our stage performance, I heard something from the staff while I walked past them at the backstage. I don’t recall the exact words, but I heard that the station had to call an ambulance yesterday and it was there secretly at the parking.” Seungwan told her in a whisper.

Intrigued by the story, Joohyun sat up straight and faced the younger girl, listening attentively, “Really?” Joohyun said with a frown.

“Was there an accident yesterday at the station? did you heard why they have to call an ambulance?” She added, worry visible in her face.

“Yeah...I heard...come closer unnie...” Seungwan said with Joohyun getting closer at the younger girl’s face.

“I heard.....someone passed out because they forgot to breathe when they saw you performing on stage.....You leave people breathless, unnie.” Seungwan whispered softly as she look directly at Joohyun, waggling her eyebrows and flashed a playful smile.

Surprised by Seungwan’s smooth words, the leader was left slack-jawed for a few seconds, completely stunned by the younger girl’s sudden greasy remarks. 

“What the.... You had me there Seungwan!” Joohyun said loudly as she cringe while shaking her head and smacking Seungwan’s arms. 

As a response, Seungwan just puts her arm around their leader’s shoulder, looked at her eyes, and gave her a warm smile before saying with utmost sincerity, “It’s true though, unnie. I saw our stage yesterday online, and you were really REALLY amazing! To be honest, I watched our performance to check myself but I end up looking at you most of the time. You really did so well, unnie.” Seungwan told Joohyun without breaking their eye contact. 

Touched by the words of Seungwan, Joohyun smiled at her genuinely for it really warmed her heart hearing these things from her member and knowing that her hard work in practicing wasn’t just for nothing. The younger girl may not be aware of it, but she did make their leader felt better than she is just a while ago.

“Thank you, Seungwan-ah” Joohyun said softly, without removing the smile plastered on her face. 

Being the best leader that she is, she makes sure to acknowledge the hard work of the members too as she added, “But it wasn’t just me, We all did great yesterday. It’s because we all did our best for the team that’s why we pulled the performance well.”

Seeing the genuine smile their leader was giving now, Seungwan felt really glad to notice that the mood of their leader lightened compared a while ago. 

“Now!” Joohyun suddenly said aloud, causing Seungwan to get startled. 

“Let’s go back to practice before I hit you so hard for making me worry about that story, to the point that you’ll be the one ending up in an ambulance!” Joohyun added as she stands up from the couch and kiddingly raise her hand as if she’s going to punch the younger girl before offering her hand to help the latter stand up.

Hearing this, Seungwan giggled at what Joohyun said before grabbing the offered hand.

Following her in the middle of the practice room, Seungwan let out a sigh of satisfaction and smiled as she looked at their leader’s back knowing that the playful attitude of their baby-like unnie is finally back.

~

The moment Joohyun entered her own room, she felt her legs giving up on her making her slumped at the back of the door as soon as she locked it. 

Now, even after a lot of minutes had passed, Joohyun was still sitting there with her knees close to her chest and her hands covering , as she cry her heart out.

She held back her tears a lot of times today because she wants to be strong for her members and not to breakdown in front of them, but now that she’s all alone, all the tears that she prevented to fall was now pouring continuously. 

Sitting there with nothing but a heavy heart, Joohyun vividly remembered all the times and situations wherein Seungwan made her feel better whenever the younger girl notice that their leader was having a tough day or something was bothering their leader’s mind. 

It has always been a memory that could bring happiness to Joohyun whenever it crossed her mind. but now, as she remembers it, all she can feel is longing and having a heavy heart.

She puts her hand into her chest and clenched her fist as she take a lot of deep breaths between her sobs, for she is having a hard time breathing now.

If Seungwan was there and she saw her unnie in this situation; how she was on the floor with her swelled bloodshot eyes, the way her whole body was trembling because of tearing up too much, and how she was already struggling to breathe yet still can’t stop crying, Joohyun knows Seungwan would be heartbroken seeing their leader and her members like this. 

She knows if Seungwan was there, she would most likely give them a tight embrace until they stop crying, If Seungwan was there she would probably tell all the jokes and greasy line she can think of just to see them smile a little bit, If Seungwan was there she would give them a genuine smile as if to tell them that things will be okay eventually, and If only Seungwan was there, Joohyun won’t definitely feel this weight in her chest that kept on reminding her that someone that’s been a part of her life won’t appear ever again. 

She wants Seungwan to be there, to tell them that they will be okay. To have Seungwan by her side again and making her laugh just like how it’s always been when she’s feeling down like this.

But no matter how much Joohyun wish for things to end differently, Seungwan won’t be back in their lives anymore. Seungwan was gone and Joohyun and her members was left to be reminded of it every single day. 

Not bothering to wipe her tears anymore, the eldest was now just staring emptily at her bed as she tries to have deep and slow breathes to regulate her breathing and sobs.  

As she eyes the tissue at her bedside table, Joohyun saw the pink box that’s been sitting there for a month now, the present Seungwan gave to her for Christmas and New Year. 

Joohyun doesn’t have the strength in her heart to open it before that’s why it was still unknown to her what the gift was, but she has a gut feeling that the matching bracelets she saw her members were wearing a while ago was definitely from Seungwan. She doesn’t know why but Joohyun felt opening the gift now, as if it was meant for her to open it today, maybe because of the reason that she saw her all of her members wearing what might Seungwan have given them that gave her the urge to open it now.

Standing up from the floor, She walk towards the bedside table and gets the gift before sitting down on her bed.

Joohyun heavily sighed as she intently stare at the pink box that’s in front of her. She touched the box and dust it off carefully first, before opening it. After untangling the red velvet ribbon, she lift the cover of the box and saw a smaller white box inside of it. 

As she opened it, Joohyun saw the same accessory that’s on the wrist of her members. Same white gold snake bracelet, Same star-shaped gem charm that was dangling on the chain, and her star charm having a pink color, just like her representative color in Red Velvet.

Putting it in her palms as she observed it, Joohyun gave out a sad smile with a tear running down her cheeks. 

“It's so beautiful Seungwan-ah, Thank you.” She mumbled to herself. 

After wearing the bracelet on herself, Joohyun peeked inside the box again and saw that there was something more inside. It was a modern oakwood photo frame in a horizontal orientation but the picture on it wasn’t visible yet as it was placed upside down. She took it out of the box and looked at the other side, only to see the same back as the one facing her a while ago. 

Finally noticing it, Joohyun realized that it must be the book-style type of photo frame as she haw the hinges between the two oakwood. 

When she opened it, a white envelope was inside causing it to fall into her lap. Joohyun sets aside the letter first, as she looked lovingly at the present in her hands. 

Joohyun smiled seeing how beautifully designed the sides of the frame was, it has colorful heart sticker gems all over it and it definitely showed how Seungwan would always spend time and put a lot effort in every present she would give. 

But the thing that made Joohyun gasped as she opened it, is because of the photos that was inside the frame.

It was two photos, the one on the left was her and Seungwan in Switzerland. While on the right side, is a group photo that the younger girl really loves. 

Seeing these photos filled the leader’s eyes full of tears once again. Through her blurry vision, she lets out a sad smile as she caress Seungwan’s photo and looked at it intently as if memorizing every feature of the younger girl.

“I miss seeing your smile. You look so pretty and happy here, Seungwan...” 

Setting down the photo frame beside her, Joohyun grabbed the white envelope that fell on her lap and saw her name written on it. 

She swiped at her eyes, not wanting to dampen the letter and smudge the writing, but her tears kept on coming any way.

After carefully loosening the flap of the envelope, she saw a purple paper inside, and took the letter out. 

Joohyun took a deep breath first as she prepares herself, and with trembling hands, she started to read the last letter she would ever receive from Seungwan.

///

///

To The Best Woman Of This Generation, Bae Joohyun~

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! 
 

Unnie, did you like the color of the paper I used and the sticker designs on the frame? I picked your favorite color and I designed it personally, It's pretty right? Hahahaha >U<. Kidding aside, I hope you will like my gift and I hope that this will make you smile, unnie :)

Aside from the fact that we all look cute in the photos I chose to get printed and framed (hahahaha I’m just kidding o_o) there’s really a reason why I picked those. 

First, for our photo in Switzerland, I chose that because just like how you were behind me and giving me a backhug, I just want to tell you that I also got your back, unnie. For so many years now, you have always been my silent source of strength even with just of your few words. Everytime I’m losing my confidence or doubting myself, you always give compliments towards my work and voice. You always listened to me and care genuinely whenever I have concerns and worries. And just like how you physically lean on me on that photo, I just want you to tell you can lean on me too whenever there are tough and difficult days for you. 

Second, our group photo. Us Red Velvet got this far because we're with you, unnie. I don’t know how you do the things that you do, but the four of us are so blessed because we have you. And just like how you’re always there for us and how we are usually positioned in all of our schedules, I want to tell you and I hope you’ll always remember that Seulgi, Sooyoung, Yerim-ah, and I will always be by your side too, through good times and the tough days. I cannot thank you enough unnie for all the hardwork, support, care, and everything that you did just for us, just for Red Velvet. Thank you for taking care of us, thank you for treating and seeing us just like your true dongsaengs. Thank you for everything Joohyun unnie. 

Unnie, did you know why I chose a star-shaped charm? I chose that out of all designs because a star shape have five sides and it reminded me of all the members and us as Red Velvet. The five of us have been together for years now, there are bright days but there are days too where it seems that the world was unkind to us. Despite of it, we’ve been through it all well and it made all of us closer to one another. I’m happy and really thankful I get to debut with the four of you, and no matter what the future holds, I will always treasure our memories and I will always be grateful that we get to experience and achieve our dreams together as five :) I am thankful to have been Red Velvet’s Wendy. (I wrote this paragraph to all of you hahaha, so don’t get too surprised when you all know this reason ^^) 

I don’t know if you can still recall it unnie, but before we debut, they asked us to write a message for each other. Can you still remember what I wrote for you back then? I understand if you don't, It's been years ago anyway hahahaha. 

What I told you before will always be the same, 

"This heart will not change until the end..!!"

No matter what other people may say, you will always be the best woman of this generation for me and the best leader we could ever ask for. I'll always believe in you and you will always have me, Joohyun unnie.

May all of your wishes come true, and May this new year be as amazing as it can get!

Let's always be healthy and happy!

Merry Christmas and Happy Happy New Year, Joohyun Unnie!

I love you ♥

~ All the love, 

Son Seungwan ♥

///

Joohyun never thought that it could be possible, but reading every sentence in the letter makes her heart hurt even more. 

By the time she was done reading it, Joohyun was already crying uncontrollably and her erratic breathing make it seem like she’s going to pass out soon enough. 

Being overwhelmed so much, she lie down on her bed hugging the letter and the photo frame in her arms, as she continue to pour out her grief in a flood of tears. 

“Why did you have to go so early, Seungwan-ah...”

“Please...”

“Please come back to us Son Seungwan. Please bring our Seungwan back...” Joohyun cried to herself, embracing closely to her heart the presents she received from the member she wished were there with them. 

Not only her, but all of them were hurting too much, because nothing could ever compare to the pain of losing someone you love and who’s already been a part of your life, unexpectedly.