January 26, 2021 - 12:20 am 

"Sooyoungie!, Sooyoung-ah!" 
 

"Hi, Seulgi!"

Joohyun groaned and slowly shifted in her bed when she heard the voice she's so familiar with, greeting her other members. It got her forehead to furrow for the voice was so clear, that she thought it immediately as a dream, because Joohyun knew there's no way she would be at their dorm right now.  

She knew that voice all too well and this time, she can hear her singing. This make Joohyun shook her head convincing herself that it was all in her mind. When she opened her very swollen eyes slowly and saw the time, Joohyun heavily sighed and pulled a blanket over her head. She felt bad for crying herself to sleep that she didn't even saw the members before they go home, when she's the one who ask them to come in the first place. 

"They must've left by now." she mumbled to herself.

Joohyun immediately felt her head aching the moment gets up and sat on her bed. Not only does her eyes and head felt heavy but her heart clenched once again when she felt the cold chain on her wrist making her to look at the bracelet she wore last night. Tears starts to fill her eyes once again, but her gaze was instantly turned into the room's door when she heard her again.

"Hi Sooyoung-ah, Hi!"

Joohyun's heart pounded and her stomach dropped when she recognized that the voice was coming from their living room. She's convinced that it wasn't just a dream and it's not just in her head because the voice was so distinct that she can hear her talking, singing, and even laughing now. She abruptly stood up and went for her door not minding the dizziness she's having from standing way too fast.

When she got out of her room, the whole dorm was dark and the only source of light she's seeing is at the end of the hallway coming from their living room. Her heart felt like it would leap out of her chest as she walks nearer to where the voice was coming from. 

As she turned, she suddenly stopped on her tracks and the tears that was building up a while ago now streams down her face as she looked at their couch then to the only source that's been lighting the whole dorm. Joohyun covered , doesn't allowing herself to let out a loud sob for she didn't expect to see all of them here this time. 

"Seungwan.." she whispered 

Still with tears swelling on her eyes, she stares at Seungwan being all excited and forming a heart with her hands showing it to her and to everyone that is watching her last Instragram live more than a year ago.

Joohyun's heart sinks seeing her on their television and the other three members sitting side by side watching her with the opposite of Seungwan's expression of excitedness and giggles being shown. As Seungwan's eyes glisten and her smile reaching her eyes talking brightly, Yerim hugs manen tightly while keeping her gaze low hiding her tears away, Sooyoung not removing her eyes on her unnie as she just let all the tears run down her face freely, and Seulgi curled up to her knees trembling as her sobs comes in waves. 

She wiped her tears before settling down beside Sooyoung. Nothing was the same anymore, the couch that's been a little too small for the five of them when they sat together, now feels a little too empty. And the absence of Seungwan was really felt even if there's only a liitle space left on where they are sitting.

"~Don't get hurt~, I won't get hurt."  

Sooyoung was there when that lnstagram live happened, she even commented and hyped her unnie a lot. That's why she knew that part was going to come, when Seungwan hit her elbow on the table and Sooyoung commented "don't get hurt", with her unnie replying that she won't. She was bracing herself for that part because her heart breaks everytime she remembers how Seungwan always act as if the world didn't cause a lot of hurting to her. 
 

Don't get hurt anymore, unnie...

The leader beside her takes Sooyoung's clenched fist and hold it with both of her hands squeezing it tightly, letting the younger girl know that she is there for her. Sooyoung just closed her eyes and buried her head into Joohyun's shoulder crying her eyes out, for her heart hurts too much everytime she remembered that her Wendy unnie deserved better. There's so many what-ifs but there's nothing she could do to have her unnie back and that pains her even more, But if there's a thing that still keeps her sane after everything that happened, It is the thought that Seungwan won't get hurt anymore, and that's what Sooyoung have ever wanted for her Wendy unnie all this time.  

"I'll sing this for the members. I shall sing, I'm Wendy who sings, please listen."

Joohyun thought that there's no point in hiding her tears now as it continue to fall on her face while she clutched her chest listening to Seungwan singing.

She have always love Seungwan's voice because she always sings with all her heart, everytime she sings it is impossible not to get lost on her voice as she puts every emotion needed in it.  Her lovely voice can make people feel, her eyes glistens, her face expresses the song, and Seungwan's voice can always warm anyone's heart. 

From the very start it is the thing that she loves the most doing. She would always practice hard even though she does not even need it anymore. She would learn every new song she'd discovered. And, she would give her every best everytime she sings. Joohyun was there, she saw everything. She'd watch Seungwan practice and supported her. She saw how Seungwan would always strive to improve and how much her love for singing never lessened all these years for it is her passion. That's why it pains Joohyun so much, thinking how could the world be so unkind to a person who have only shown kindness all her life and just want other people to hear her sing. 

We're listening Seungwan-ah, We're all here.

Seulgi knows that Seungwan has always been a woman of her word, but no matter how much she wish for her friend to do what she just said, she knows it will never happen.

"Wait for a little while, I'll finish this and go to the dorm soon."

Even if the video finishes, as much as she wants to wait to have Seungwan by her side, it is impossible and the only thing she could do is to watch her. Seulgi longed for her friend that's why while staying in the living room, she decided to play Seungwan's Instagram live that's been uploaded by their fans on youtube. She lost track on how many has she played already, but if it is the only way to see her smiling again, to hear her singing again, to see Seungwan so happy and excited to know that the members are there watching her, then Seulgi wouldn't mind to replay it a hundred times more.  

No amount of videos could ever fill the longing Seulgi have. No amount of hugs she had received from other people could equate to the hugs she shared with Seungwan. They have always been together, and she still chooses to be with her even though it is only through this way. She won't let go and her cries won't stop anytime soon but it's okay, because Seulgi knows Seungwan will understand her. After all, It was Seungwan who said that It's okay to cry when you feel like crying. 
 

Yerim bit her lips as she looked at her side and saw her three unnies. Even though nothing can be heard between the four of them except Seungwan singing and their own sobs, Yerim thought that this is better compared to having to deal with grief alone.  She looked at manen on her lap and sadly smiled remembering that the last time the five of them are gathered watching television in their dorm’s living room was also because of the owner of the stuffed toy she's holding and the same person why they are together right now. 

~

December 5, 2020 - 11:15 pm

“Ugh, I’m so tired ” Yeri slumping at their couch the moment they entered the dorm. 

“Me too. My legs hurt so much, I thought I won’t be able to walk anymore after the practice. Massage my feet, Yerimah.” Sooyoung said as she lie down at the opposite end of the couch where Yerim is seated and placed her feet at the maknae’s lap. 

Yeri pushed off Sooyoung’s feet and glared at her only for the latter to put it again on Yeri’s lap to further piss her off.

“Ahh! You won’t remove it?” Yeri smirked at her and started to tickle her feet. This made Sooyoung to suddenly sit upright and smack the maknae’s arm, “Yerimah!”

Yerim just sticked out her tongue and Sooyoung responded by making faces at her. 

Joohyun sitting at their countertop just shook her head and lets out a small laugh at the bickering she’s witnessing, “the both of you still have some energy left to tease each other huh?” 

“Well thanks to you unnie we get to rest a lot tomorrow. Finally, I don’t have to wake up too early. Thank you for requesting a day off from practice tomorrow, unnie.” Seulgi said as she sits at their dining room with a glass of water on her hand. 

“You’re welcome. The practices are hard but all of you really did very well. You deserve a day off, just do everything that you want for tomorrow, except if you have other schedule of course.” Joohyun told all of them.

“Hmm... I don’t know for all of you but I don’t have any other sched for tomorrow. And I’m going to rest and relax tonight by watching a movie, everyone is welcome to join me if you want to. Seulgi, wanna watch a movie tonight?” Seungwan sat beside Seulgi in their dining and offered her the bowl of freshly sliced fruits that she’s holding. 

Seulgi’s face lits up at the mention of having a movie night. “Will you make other snacks other than fruits?” 

“Sure!” Seungwan nodded at her.

“Ramen?” 

“I’ll boil the water right now.” Seungwan smiled and pats Seulgi’s head as she saw how her friend gave her the biggest smile and made a little dance when she stood up from her seat and get a pack of ramen in their food cabinet.

“Movie and Snacks? I’m definitely down for this. Thank you Seungwan-ah!” Seulgi excitedly follows Seungwan in their kitchen and hugged her from behind. 

“Unnie! Why do you only invite Seulgi unnie and made her a snack? We want one too.” Yerim pouts and Sooyoung nodding along with what Yeri said. 

“Correction, I said that everyone is welcome to join me. Besides, I thought the both of you are going to sleep already. You two kept on saying how tired you are just a while ago.” Seungwan answered them as she poured water into Seulgi’s ramen.

“Tired? Who’s tired? Are you tired Yerimah?” Sooyoung acting with her full-on confused look. 

“Me? Definitely Not. I could even practice 5 rounds more!” Yerim sarcastically said.

Seungwan shooked her head smiling and asked, “what snack do you want to eat?”

“Yes!” Sooyoung and Yerim said in unison.

“You can look for any store that is still open for delivery and order from there, my treat.” Seungwan told the both of them.

“Really?!!” Sooyoung said with her eyes widened and big smile on her face.  

The maknaes hold hands and squealed in excitement as Seungwan nodded at Sooyoung’s question.

“You’re the best Wendy unnie!” Yerim said while giving Seungwan a thumbs up. 

“You tell that to everyone who treats you food.” Seungwan jokingly rolled her eyes at Yeri. 

“Order food now, Yerimah. I’ll just get our blankets, it’s freezing in here” Sooyoung said as she run into her room. 

While Yerim and Seulgi is busy finding a store that is still open to deliver, Seungwan approached Joohyun who is seated at the countertop and just listening to them all this time. 

“Unnie, join us tonight. You’ve worked so hard too. It’ll be amazing if you get to relax as well. Unless if you have other schedule for tomorrow, you have to sleep of course.” Seungwan said as she sat beside Joohyun. 

“No, I’m also free tomorrow” Joohyun answered.

“Really? That’s good unnie. Come on, join us please. I’ll let you decide on what movie to watch.  Promise, no horror.” Seungwan gave Joohyun her puppy eyes and raised her right hand as a promise. 

Joohyun just smirked at the girl as Seungwan continued to convince her, “I’ll even treat you tteokbokki too. Yerimah!!! Order some tteokbokki for Joohyun unnie.” 

Seungwan does not even have to treat Joohyun food nor let her be the one to decide what movie to watch because from the very start, Joohyun decided to join the movie night already the moment Seungwan announced it to all of them a while ago. 

“I’ll just freshen up first and I’ll join you right away. The four of you decide on what to watch, I’m good with anything, but don’t start the movie without me, okay?” Joohyun looked at Seungwan and smiled at her. 

“Okay unnie!” Seungwan ecstatically answered and gave Joohyun a side-hug, before jumping from the countertop and joined Yerim & Seulgi in their couch. 

Days full of practice and schedule is not a new thing for them. Going home tired and almost passed out is just the usual thing. However, ending a day with them doing the simplest things together having fun and relaxing at the same time, can make a single day different and truly special.

~

Yerim's tears soaked the stuffed toy's head as she cling tighter into it. Her unnie is not there with them anymore but all the memories they shared are very much alive. It  bring tears and cause her heart to ache as she recalls every moment with her all the time. But Yerim doesn’t mind, for she never wanted to forget Seungwan no matter how painful it is to remember all the memories they shared together gets. 

Joohyun didn’t even notice how much time has passed until Seungwan mentioned that she had done the live for an hour already. She was singing Snow (Zion T.) when she said that it will be her last song.

She watched as Seungwan closed her eyes feeling all the lyrics as she sings. The way she placed her hand on her chest and getting carried away with the music. How she looks at the camera so lovingly with a smile that never fades. Seungwan indeed look the happiest everytime she sings. 

The instrumental part of the song came and the singer also paused for a while before she speaks again. With sincerity but still a smile plastered on her face, Seungwan looked at the camera and told something that made Joohyun to cry harder than she already was. 

"You just have to be with me, always. All the time?

Please, be with all five of us, for a long long long time, 

Forever." 

More than ever, It made Joohyun miss Seungwan so much. She wish the five of them could be together right now. She hopes to cling on her and give her a hug even for the last time. To say in person that even without asking them to, they will always be with her no matter what. 

Joohyun placed her wrist closer into her face as she stare at the star gem charm while listening to Seungwan talking. A tear dropped atop of it and she wiped the gem carefully tracing all of its sides with her finger. It tugged her heart finally sinking in that it will be the last thing she will ever received from her, but Joohyun felt that it’s meant to be this one because Seungwan herself is like a star too.

A star who shined so bright bringing happiness to everyone, A star who is so beautiful inside and out, and A star who always chose to shine even through the difficult times.

Now, Seungwan was indeed a star, a star so far away but the light that she brought to many remains and will always be there.  

renebaebae

Son Seungwan, 

Just like how the stars never leave the night sky, We will always be with you too. I know you want us to be happy, but it might take a little longer for us to get used to a world that is a little dim than before because the world was definitely a brighter place with you in it, Seungwan-ah. 

Thank you for being a part of our lives. 

I love you and I miss you.

Wherever you are, I hope you know that we’re with you all the time.

Your voice will never be forgotten. All the kindness, love, and happiness that you gave to us will be remembered.

And as long as the four of us are here, you will always stay and be in our hearts,

Forever.

- - End - -