Seulgi

[January 25, 2021]

Seungwan... [8:10 pm]

When Seulgi has calmed from her breakdown, she insisted Joohyun that she should do what she wants to do as well and don't mind her just staying at their dining. Now settling at their couch in their living room when Joohyun left, she was emptily staring at her phone and sending messages at her and Seungwan's conversation mindlessly.

[January 25, 2021]

Seungwan... [8:10 pm]

Seungwan... [8:10 pm]

When Seungwan was still with them, Seulgi was aware that her friend is the type of person who doesn't reply to the messages she got immediately. She was not active on social media and she takes her time in answering the mails and messages she receives.

However, everytime Seulgi sent a message to her with a hint that she wasn't fine or that she needed the help of the younger girl before, Seungwan would always reply to her in an instant or as fast as she could.

[January 25, 2021]

Seungwan... [8:10 pm]

Seungwan... [8:10 pm]

I'm not okay, Seungwan-ah [8:11 pm]

I'm so sad [8:12 pm]

Where are you... [8:20 pm]

Minutes have already passed since she last sent a message but Seulgi was still staring at her phone. She doesn't know why she was waiting for a reply, but deep down Seulgi knew she was hoping for something that is impossible to happen.

“My heart hurts so much, Seungwan-ah... What should I do...” She mumbled under her breath as her tears starts to pool her eyes once again when it dawned on her that it was hopeless to wait because Seungwan won’t get back to her no matter how much she cried.

But no one can really blame Seulgi if she’s having a hard time to accept that Seungwan was really gone. The two of them have always been by each other’s side, not just literally in their group’s usual formation, but also in support and being there for each other all these years.

They shared everything together; their room, the songs they wanted to sing, and even their own worries, the both of them talked about everything and got each other’s back. Seungwan takes good care of her ever since they were still trainess, she even told everyone that Seungwan was like a mom because of how she cares for her. And even though Seungwan always tell that Seulgi was her pillar, the older girl also lean on her a lot. The hugs and kind words Seungwan gave her whenever she's sad and crying, Seulgi misses that now more than ever.

Seulgi wiped her tears with the back of her hand and bit her lips holding out her sobs for she doesn’t want to burden Joohyun or any of the members further more because of her loud cries.

Still having their conversation flashed on her phone, Seulgi can’t help not to scroll down and read the past messages she had with Seungwan. The more conversation that she read, more tears streams down her face as well. Even though her heart hurts too much now by reading all these messages, Seulgi kept on scrolling and reading further back more until she stopped when she saw a photo Seungwan sent to her before.

It was a photo taken at the practice room, initiated by Seungwan. Seulgi was seated crossed-legs at the couch flashing a smile that caused her eyes to disappear while giving Seungwan bunny ears, and the latter was lying on Seulgi’s lap showing a pout and a wink at the selca that she took.

With her eyes filled with tears, Seulgi sadly smiled as she remembered the day that photo was taken. It was a day where she felt opposite than she was feeling right now, a day where Seungwan was still by her side.

~

November 23, 2020 - 2:15 pm

Digging through her pockets the moment she went out of their dorm’s front door, Seungwan hurriedly went inside again as she forgot to get her phone in her room. When she entered, She saw Seulgi walking towards their living room with a can of pringles on her hand.

“Seungwan-ah! Where have you been? I heard the door opened twice so I thought to check who it was.” Seulgi asked her before stuffing with the chips.

“I haven’t went out yet, actually.” Seungwan chuckled as she scratch her head thinking how could she possibly forget her phone.

“I forgot my phone and I’m just getting it before I go.” Seungwan continued before walking towards her own room again.

Seulgi followed her and leaned on the room’s doorframe as the younger girl looked for her phone on the bed. “Where are you going anyway?” Seulgi asked in a muffled voice as she chew with full.

“I’m going to the company to practice our dance for the comeback.” Seungwan answered her without looking as she was still struggling to find her phone on her bed full of pillows and stuffed toys.

“Hmm do you want me to come with you?” Seulgi said as she went towards the younger girl’s bed helping her find the phone.

Seungwan stopped what she’s doing and turned her gaze at her friend. Her heart warmed hearing the offer of Seulgi, appreciating the thought of wanting to help and accompany her in practicing. However, as much as she wants to say yes at Seulgi, she contemplated for a while for she doesn’t want to disturb her friend’s free day. Especially that in just a few weeks, their schedules will be packed for the comeback and having a day-off will be difficult to have again.

Not removing her look at Seulgi, she waved her two hands in front of her, declining the girl’s offer.

“No no I’m okay, you don’t have to join me. I'm just practicing during our day-off because I haven't performed for a long time and I want to prepare myself ahead before our practices for the comeback. Thank you for the offer though, Seulgi-yah.” Seungwan said as she flashed a smile at Seulgi then pats the older girl’s head.

“Oh! here it is” Seulgi exclaimed, feeling the phone hidden inside one of the pillowcase.

"But it really is okay, I'm just watching some movies anyway. Unless if you want to practice alone, of course." Seulgi added as she pass the phone at Seungwan and sat at the bed facing the other girl.

Seungwan stared at Seulgi for a while thinking whether to accept her offer. If Seungwan was being honest, she would have said yes the moment Seulgi asked her for she really loved the thought of having Seulgi helping and accompanying her at practice. But the thought of being a burden to Seulgi made her hesitate to accept it a while ago. But now that the older girl insist, she won't say no to her especially since it'll also be an opportunity to bond and spend time with her friend after many months of not seeing and being with each other.

"No no! I don't mind you joining me for practice, I actually like it more if you're there. But are you really sure you don't have anything important to do?" Seungwan asking her once again, making sure that she'll not burden Seulgi in any way.

Seulgi immediately stood up from the bed and made her way outside the room, shouting, "I'll just change my clothes!, I won't take long! Don't leave without me, okay?"

Seeing how the older girl sprint towards her own room, Seungwan chuckled, "What a cutie."

After closing her room's door, Seungwan settled in their living room while waiting.

As she leaned her head back at the couch, Seungwan suddenly remembered her trainee days. Thinking about it, she felt thankful more than ever to have Seulgi in her life. Since her first week stepping at the company from the first time being a trainee until now, Seulgi have been there helping and guiding her even after all those years. Ever since before, Seulgi never once hesistated to offer her help especially when it comes to her members and their team. She was supportive in every way possible. Even if it was an individual activity of the members, Seulgi would always shows her support for them. She would help them and be by their side no matter what. She loves and appreaciates the members with her whole heart and do everything to help them in every chance that she could get. That is why Seungwan always considered Seulgi as her pillar, not just for her but for the team also. She works hard and never lacked in giving her best at everything that she does, and that inspires her every time.

Seungwan is really grateful for Seulgi, even though she teases her and they both bicker to no end, the love and admiration Seungwan have for Seulgi won't ever change.

"Seungwannie, I'm almost done! I booked for a cab already too, It says that It will arrive in 10 minutes!"

The loud voice of Seulgi from her room made Seungwan to snap out from her thoughts, "Okay!" she answered.

Thinking of a way on how to reciprocate Seulgi's kindness in accompanying her, She excitedly took her phone out from her pocket and looked for a restaurant that Seulgi may love when she treats her later for dinner after their practice.

She was looking forward to the dinner date she'll have with her friend later, as she excitedly took a screenshot of the address of a restaurant that was full of 5-star reviews from the customers because of their famous Spicy Galbi Jjim (Spicy Braised Short Ribs) that they are serving.

Hearing Seulgi close her room already, she placed her phone back into her pocket and waited for the other girl with a smile plastered on her face thinking of the small surprise she had for her friend.

The older girl sat beside Seungwan while busily looking into her own phone, "The cab will be here in 7 minutes. By the way, how many hours do you plan on practicing?" Seulgi ask her while she also hids her phone back into her bag.

"Hmmmm... I plan on practicing our new dance and some of our old songs. I'm thinking maybe until 8? So... that will be for 5 hours." Seungwan answered her.

"What?! That's too long for just a casual practice, Seungwan." Seulgi said in surpise as she turned her head facing the younger girl.

Seeing the furrowed brows on the older girl's forehead, Seungwan felt bad for forgetting to tell her about her plans earlier, "I'm sorry I didn't told you beforehand. It's okay Seulgi, It's really okay if you don't want to come with me now." She answered in a small voice.

Seulgi sighed, "No, that's not it. I actually don't mind the hours, In fact we practice even longer before. It's just that... I'm worried that you're pushing yourself too much. This is not even a official schedule of practice, and didn't the doctor advise to not overexert yourself and to take your schedules slowly? You just told us that 2 weeks ago."

Looking directly at Seulgi and seeing the concern in her eyes, the younger girl leaned on her friend's shoulder, "It's okay Seulgi-yah, don't worry, I can handle it. Besides, I think if my body got used to working hard again now, It'll be faster for me to adapt again with the many schedules we're going to have for the comeback."

"Still... If you want, let's just practice everyday for 2 hours each. I'll join you again too! Just don't tire yourself too much by practicing 5 hours straight!" Seulgi stated trying to convince Seungwan.

"But you said it yourself, we practice even longer before, all day all night." the younger girl told her in defense.

"I know, but this isn't even an official pratice. Yes, we practice outside of our schedules but you should take a break and not push yourself too much in practicing, Seungwan. Next week our schedules will start already, and for sure we will be filled again with workload. Come on, how about until 5?" Seulgi said to her in a soft tone.

Thinking about what Seulgi had said, Seungwan appreciates that she is surrounded by people that looks out for her. She may be really hard on herself sometimes without having the knowledge of doing it, but having people like Seulgi who voice out her own thoughts whenever she may be forgetting to take good care of herself, made Seungwan feel that she is really taken good care of by the people around her.

"Until 7?" Seungwan said hoping to persuade Seulgi by lessening the hours of their practice by an hour.

"6." Seulgi stated, not backing up with their negotation.

Hearing this, Seungwan sat up straight from leaning onto Seulgi's shoulder and exhaled slowly as she prepares herself to pull the big guns now to convince Seulgi.

She clinged into Seulgi's arms and purposely looked up to her with puppy eyes, "Seulgi-yaaah, Let's meet halfway. What about 6:30?" She said in the cutest manner that she could.

Without even reaching 3 seconds after she said those, Seungwan let go of Seulgi and covered her now tomato-like face as she groaned and cringed at herself for what she did. Registering what Seungwan just did, Seulgi felt the secondhand embarassment and smacked the younger girl's arm continously, cringing as well.

"Why do you have to embarass both of us like that! You know I'll agree with you in meeting halfway without even doing aegyo!" Seulgi said in her slightly louder voice as she continuously hit Seungwan's arms still feeling embarrassed.

"You know I have to make sure that you'll take the bait" Seungwan grinned as she fan her face after feeling hot from feeling shy.

"Well, that was a fun and cute bait!" Seulgi also said in a cute tone mocking her friend while laughing and pinching Seungwan's cheeks, teasing her even more. "Look at you! you're so red!" She continued as she laughed looking at her.

"You're so red too! Why did I do that.. that's so embarrassing." The younger girl said as she continued to fan her face while shaking her head and burst with laughter too.

The two continued on teasing each other and the only thing that made the two stop laughing is the notification that comes from Seulgi's phone indicating that the cab they booked is already there.

Even though the practice was tough, the both of them still gave their best and had fun practicing as they both laugh in between the dance whenever they made a small mistake or remembered a funny moment they had in their past stages and concert.

Indeed, Seulgi being there with Seungwan was such as big help for the younger girl, for she gets to ask the steps she had forgotten already and ask Seulgi to assess her dance without being uncomfortable or shy performing in front of her friend. All throughout the practice, Seulgi have been so kind and kept on checking up on Seungwan asking her that if ever there's anything that she needs help with, she should just tell her so.

After the hours they both agreed to practice earlier, the both of them are now settled at the practice room's couch resting before going home.

Lying down at Seulgi's lap, Seungwan immediately wants to take a picture of her and Seulgi because it was really a happy day and that was because of getting to bond and spend time with her. She feels genuinely happy and thankful for being with Seulgi and she wants to have a remembrance of today by having a selca.

"Look in here Seulgi-yah!" Seungwan ecstatically said while holding the phone up in front of her in an angle that both her and Seulgi was seen despite her lying on the latter's lap.

Seulgi immediately looked at the camera and smiled widely.

"One more." Seungwan stated as she winks and pouts with the meaning of it as giving a kiss towards Seulgi. The older girl on the other hand was still flashing her cute and wide smile. and this time, giving Seungwan bunny ears.

"Send me the photos later, okay? Today was really fun! Thank you for letting me join you, Seungwan-ah." Seulgi said as she pats the younger girl's head.

Hearing Seulgi say that when she's the one who should be thanking her, Seungwan's heart warmed once again. For the nth time today, she cannot help not to think how blessed she was to have Seulgi as her friend causing her to sat up from lying down from the girl's lap and pulled her into a hug.

"What are you saying, I should be the one thanking you, you know. Thank you for coming with me and helping me, Seulgi." Seungwan told her in almost a whisper.

Seulgi hugged her back and despite it being said in a soft voice, Seulgi heard it all and it made her smile, "You're always welcome, just ask me anytime okay? I'll come with you."

Seungwan didn't reply anymore, instead, she tightly squeezes Seulgi again before releasing her from the hug.

"Let's go home now? or you want to rest some more?" Seulgi asked her.

"No, I'm good! Let's go! I'll book the cab this time!." Seungwan answered a little more excited, thinking of her surprise treat for her friend who only knows that they'll just go straight to the dorm from here.

Looking out of the window of the cab they're riding, Seulgi was spacing out thinking on what to order for dinner after she freshens up once they got home already. On the other hand, the younger was just staring at Seulgi with a grin on her face, waiting for the older girl to finally realize that the direction of the cab was not the same route they normally encountered.

When she saw the famous waterfall-like building, the Trade Tower in Gangnam-gu, that she was sure they don't normally pass by when going home to their dorm, Seulgi blinked from spacing out and frowned as she pays her full attention at the window, observing the direction the cab was taking.

After a minute of looking sideways continuously looking at the buildings they passed by, Seulgi finally turned her gaze at Seungwan, who still have a smile plastered on her face.

"Yah! I think you typed wrongly when you booked the cab. The ride from the company to our dorm only last for 20 minutes max with traffic, we should be home by now. Besides, I also think we're going on an alternative route." Seulgi said with a confused look visible on her face, as she look at Seungwan then followed by looking out again by the window.

Seungwan laughed and smack Seulgi's arms lightly. When the older girl turned to look at her, she placed her phone infront of Seulgi's face, with the screen almost touching the latter's nose. "Surprise!"

"What the.." Seulgi squint her eyes as she reads what was flashed on the phone that was placed too near at her face. Still not understanding what was written due to her weakened eyesight, she grab it instead and read the location of where they are going.

"We're gonna eat dinner outside and you're going to treat me?!" Seulgi asked as she turned to face Seungwan with her eyes litting up in excitement and an open mouth smile, looking surprised.

Seungwan smiled at her warmly and nodded, "It's been a while, huh? Let's eat dinner together! I can't believe we haven't had a date in a year! and since we're already outside anyways, why not make the most out of it, right?"

Touched by the surprise of her friend, Seulgi link her arms with Seungwan and leaned on the latter's shoulders as she wiggle with excitement, "Waaaaah!! Thank you Seungwan-ah!! I'll eat a lot, thank youuu!"

Happy that her little surprise was a success, Seungwan just smiled as a response before leaning also on Seulgi's head that was resting on her shoulders.

"Let's do this more often, Seungwan! Don't forget to send me our pictures, okay?" Seulgi told her while still clinging into her arm.

"I'll send it right away when we get home later, and yeah we definitely should…" Seungwan answered with a smile still plastered on her face.

Seulgi might not know it, but as Seungwan stared at the cab's window, she already made a mental note to herself that she'll make sure to spend more time with Seulgi to make up for the time that they didn't get to spend together for the past year. And, to continue to express her thanks for the friendship and kindness Seulgi have always given to her.

~

It was as if the night sky relates to what Seulgi was feeling when she suddenly heard the heavy downpour of the rain against the window making her snap out from her own thoughts. She blinked for a few times, removing the blurriness in her eyes and wiped the tears off her cheeks. Looking down on her phone once again, she sees the pool of tears on the screen that fell atop of it when she was emptily staring at the past selca she had with Seungwan. As she wiped it, Seulgi's heart felt heavier than it already was when she read the messages her friend sent to her before, with the photo she was just staring a while ago.

[November 23, 2020]

"Thank you for joining me in practice, Seulgi-yah! I really had fun today, thank you!" [10:21 pm]

"Let's do this again!, but it's definitely your treat next time >u<" [10:21 pm]

"Good night, I love you :)" [10:22 pm]

The tears she just had wiped off her face, was now replaced by newer ones as she cried again at the messages Seungwan sent before.

"Next time..." Seulgi mumbled.

"It's my turn to treat you for dinner next time we see each other again, Seungwan. I promise..." She muttered under her breath along with her sobs.

There's no one in this world who certainly knows what comes after life, even Seulgi doesn't know if she'll ever meet Seungwan again and fulfill the promise she just said.

But Seulgi thought, if she speaks it into existence, maybe there's a little possibility of it happening. She thought that if many people knows that she have faith that she'll meet her friend again, then maybe she will really do. Because, if she and many other people really believed that the both of them are meant to be friends, then there's no reason for it not to happen at all. 

As their luvies said, Seungwan and her are soulmates after all.  

hi_sseulgi

To my friend whom I love,

I think it is amazing that despite the fact that there are so many people in this world and you live so many miles away from us before, yet, we still get to meet you and be part of each other's lives. I'm thankful and happy that you became my friend, Seungwan.

I'll always treasure the friendship we had, and I'm always grateful for you and everything you did for me.

I miss you so much. I miss our hugs, I miss patting your head, I miss you having you by my side and leaning on my shoulders, I miss singing with you, I miss you everyday. 

I don't know when, but let's meet again in the next lifetime Seungwan-ah. And when that time comes, let's be friends sooner than we did and be together for a longer time.

Let's sing all the songs that we love and perform together again... 

Until that day comes, please be happy and healthy wherever you are Seungwan. Please take care of youself just like how you take care of us.  

I love you, wan-ah.

I'll always be your friend, 

Forever.