December 11, 2020 - 4:08 am

 

If there's one thing that gave Joohyun the strength and the courage to perform on stage again, after what happened these past months, It is because of the fact that her members are going to be with her. Since Red Velvet's debut until now, Joohyun have always been so thankful that her members are by her side, everywhere and everytime. Even after almost everyone judged her for a mistake she did without even knowing her own side, her four members are the first ones who believed in her, they are the first ones that comforted her, and they are the first ones that reassured Joohyun that they will always be by their leader's side.

 

But even if Joohyun kept on reminding herself that the members will be with her today, she still cannot help not to feel a little bit anxious. Today is going to be their first broadcasted stage performance with complete members, for their comeback, after a hiatus of almost a year.

 

And while staring into her room's ceiling, there are already so many things that's been running on Joohyun's mind the moment she wakes up, even though she's trying her best to convince herself that it is not the best time to get drowned with all these thoughts. 

 

"You need to focus, Bae Joohyun" she mumbled to herself. The leader closed her eyes and recalled one-by-one the things that she needs to do for this morning;

 

make a hearty breakfast for the members, make sure the members wakes up on time, prepare for today's performance, and talk to the members before proceeding to our schedules. 

 

Joohyun wants to make sure that her members will eat well and will have enough energy before starting their day. She also wants to talk to them because she is aware that her members, even after performing for six years now, still gets nervous on stages too, especially that it's been a long time since their last performance together.

 

Caring for her members and ensuring that they are okay have become the leader's second nature already. Not because she considered it as a role to fulfill, but because she treasures her four dongsaengs so much and considered them as family already. Joohyun never failed to listen to them, to assure them when they doubt themselves, and to be there everytime the members needed her. 

 

And that motivated Joohyun to shake off her own thoughts and to focus even more. Today is important, for her, for the members, and for their luvies. She knows she cannot fail them now. She wants to be the Joohyun unnie that both the members and their ReVeluvs can always count on, and that's what she's going to do. 

 

She gets off from her bed, fixed it neatly, and made her way into their kitchen. It's just 4 am, and Joohyun still have an hour to prepare the breakfast before her members wakes up. She keeps on yawning while walking in a half-asleep half-awake manner for it is still too early in the morning. Much to her surprise, she already saw Seungwan sitting in their living room, just staring into space. 

 

Seungwan can't sleep well that night. She keeps on turning on her bed trying to find the perfect spot, she already played the playlist that always made her fall asleep, and she even counted a lot of number of sheeps as well, but it was all to no avail. That's when she decided to just stay in their dorm's living room and wait until it's time to prepare for their day already. Seungwan's thoughts kept her awake. Truly, the singer is excited to meet their reveluvs once again and to perform together with her members after a long time. But along with that excitement, Seungwan can't help not to think of what would the people would say and what would their reactions be. It's really been a long time since she last step a foot on a stage, let alone to sing and dance in front of the cameras. 

 

What if I make a mistake? What if I forget a step? What if I fail to hit a note? Would our ReVeluvs like my performance? 

 

The singer does not want to let down their luvies. She already felt extremely sorry that their fans have to wait for a long time because of her, and the last thing she would want is to appear in front of them just to give a disappointing performance. Even though her ReVeluvs always reassured her not to apologize for anything and that they look forward for her return, she still can't help not to be sorry to their fans and to be clouded with all these thoughts that makes her heart worry to no end. She covered her eyes with her palms and let out a heavy sigh. 

 

Don't think about those things, just study the song again, recall the steps, remember your positions, and practice your par--  

 

Seungwan's thoughts to herself was cut short when she felt someone was sitting beside her. 

 

"Seungwan, what are you doing here? Why are you up so early?" Joohyun asked the younger girl while still rubbing her eyes.

 

"Good morning" She greeted their leader with a warm smile. "Nothing unnie, I just can't fall asleep anymore that's why I decided to stay here. Besides, it's only just an hour left before our wake-up call. What about you unnie, why are you awake already?" 

 

Seungwan knows that Joohyun is strong, their leader may not talk about her own concerns and problems, but Seungwan knows that their leader have her own worries too. And she does not want to burden her even more by telling her own, so she just put up her smile and said the best alibi she could make. 

 

However, Joohyun knows Seungwan well too. Despite being greeted with a bright smile, Seungwan's eyes tells the opposite, and the heavy sigh that she just heard from the girl just confirms that there is something in her mind that's been bothering her. 

 

"What's wrong Seungwan-ah?" Joohyun asked in a concerned tone facing her as she tuck the girl's loose strand of hair behind her ear. 

 

"Nothing really, just a little worried and nervous. I'm just thinking, what if I mess the performance later— I really don't want to disappoint our luvies, unnie..."

 

Joohyun did not say anything first. Instead, she links her arm to the other girl and leaned onto Seungwan's shoulders. 

 

"You won't Seungwan. You always give your best in our performances, that's why I can say that. Also, there's nothing our luvies would feel aside from being happy seeing you performing again, I'm sure of that." —— "Plus, you have the four of us beside you, so don't worry." Joohyun added while gently tapping Seungwan's hands.

 

What Joohyun said isn't that much, but it sure does reached and touched Seungwan's heart. Tears brimmed her eyes as she remembered how her members are with her every step of her recovery, how they never made her feel that she's being left out or being forgotten, how they mentioned and remembered her in every chance they got, and how they cheered and supported her when she came back. There are a lot of things Seungwan is grateful for, and one of those will always be the existence of her members.

 

She blinked rapidly and rubbed her eyes, preventing herself from getting more teared up. 

 

"Thank you, unnie. You know you also have us right?" Seungwan said as she squeeze Joohyun's hand for she wants to reassure her too, just like what Joohyun have always done for them. 
 

Joohyun just nodded and gave her a smile for an answer. 

 

"And I'm also here for the both of you!!!"

 

The eldest almost leapt out of the couch out of shock when she suddenly heard someone talked behind them out of nowhere and wrapped its arms around her and Seungwan. Joohyun turned around quickly and was greeted by Seulgi with a laughter and a biggest smile.  

 

"YAH! KANG SEULGI! WHY DO YOU HAVE STARTLE US LIKE THAT?" Joohyun yelled with widened eyes while smacking the latter's arm.

 

"Unnie, you're the only who got scared. Wannie didn't even flinch." Seulgi answered while she and Seungwan was still laughing hard and even high-fived because of their leader's reaction. 

 

"YAH!" Joohyun kiddingly tried to get out of Seulgi's embrace, but the latter hugged both Joohyun and Seungwan even tighter from behind. 

 

"I really think it's meant that I'm standing between the both of you in stages. Wan-ah could always lean on my shoulders and I'll help you unnie by being at your side too. What I'm just trying to say is, I'll be beside the both of you too, so don't worry for later, Joohyunnie & Seungwannie." Seulgi said to them and rested her head on top of Seungwan's while still giving them a back embrace.

 

Seulgi did not hear much of the conversation between the two but when she went out of her room and heard Seungwan reassuring their unnie, she wants to be there for the both of them too and help them in anyway she could. Because out of all people, Seulgi knows what Seungwan and Joohyun's been through this year.

 

Both Joohyun and Seungwan's heart warmed at what they heard and they both smiled at what Seulgi said. The girl may not know it but she already accomplished what she wants to do. because her presence, will always bring comfort to Seungwan and calmness in Joohyun. 

 

Seungwan held her hands high and lightly pats Seulgi's head that's been leaning on top of hers, while Joohyun on the other hand just wants to tease Seulgi for startling her a while ago. 

 

"Hmmm... still no breakfast for you Kang Seulgi... because you scared me..." Joohyun teased while grinning. 

 

"Unniiieeeee!!" Seulgi whined while removing her embrace to sit beside Joohyun and leaned onto her right arm. The whining earned a laughter from the other two, and Joohyun just stick her tongue out teasing Seulgi even more. 

 

"Yah! why are we not included in that huddle?"   

 

The three girls formerly leaning onto each other turned around and saw Yerim walking towards them while rubbing her eyes with her hair still covering most of her face. 

 

"Why are you all here, unnies? It's not even 5 am yet." Sooyoung asked them while walking behind Yeri.

 

When they reached their living room, Yerim sat beside Seulgi and Sooyoung beside Seungwan leaning her head into her unnie's shoulder and closing her eyes again. 

 

Both Sooyoung and Yerim slept well as seen with their sleep marks visible on their cheeks and lower arms but it's still not enough because Joohyun, Seulgi, and Seungwan tried to hold their laughter when their maknaes just keep on exchanging their yawns.   

 

"Sleep more Sooyoung & Yerim. You still have some minutes left, I'll just wake you. Why are you both up already, anyway?" Seungwan asked the two.

 

"I heard Joohyun unnie shout, I thought something was going on, that's why I checked what it is." Sooyoung answered.

 

"Yeah me too, what are you all even talking about early in this morning?" Yerim asked while barely opening her eyes.

 

"Sorry to wake you both up, but we're really just talking about how Seulgi won't have any breakfast today." Joohyun answered while laughing at her own remarks at Seulgi.

 

"Because she startled unnie a while ago." Seungwan explained to the two while still holding her laughter too.

 

Yerim sat up straight from her seat and faced Joohyun. 

 

"Unnie, I promise I'll never do that to you, just give me my breakfast okay?. Don't worry, I won't give any to Seulgi unnie." Yeri kiddingly said and winked at Joohyun.

 

"YAAAAAAAH" Seulgi whines at Yerim while continuously hitting the girl's arm lightly for joining Joohyun in teasing her.

 

The physical bickering between the two made the other girls laugh even more and the five of them just spend the rest of their minutes before preparing for their schedules, sitting side by side in their living room, just talking and being together.

 

The future is uncertain, no one knows if they'll make a mistake or not later in their performance, and no one knows what would the reaction of the people would be. 

 

But one thing is for sure, the five of them will always have each other's back. 

 

 

 

 

 

December 26, 2020 - 8:10 pm

 

 

The most anticipated comeback of Red Velvet was a success, not only did they thrive in their own country, but their song became a huge topic and center of attention and praises too all over the world. Some people had their own opinion and unkind words, but that did not stop Red Velvet's comeback to be a success because of their own talent and the amazing music they never failed to create. Indeed, they always live up to their title, "The Best Idol Group Alive". 

 

After weeks of preparation and being in the middle of promotions, Joohyun decided to invite her members in a post Christmas dinner with just the five of them. They did not have much free time on their hands due to their comeback, that's why Joohyun took this free day as an opportunity for she wants to treat her members and celebrate all their hardwork for this year. All of them spends most of their time being with each other, but It still feels special to go out once in a while and celebrate things without doing and thinking about work. Joohyun always enjoy being together just like how they are right now, and one of the things that will always make her laugh is how her members will always squabble like kids over the silliest things, and Joohyun is witnessing it in front of her right now. 

 

"That's not even how you draw a bear, and what's this letter c-shaped thing?" Seulgi pointing at Seungwan's doodles on the placemat of the restaurant they went to dinner for.

 

"Well, this is our representative animals, and these are the food that we ate tonight." Seungwan grins, proudly showing off her drawing to Seulgi and Joohyun.

 

"Huh? Did we even order macaroni? I can't remember.." Seulgi scratches her head and points again at the placemat filled with various drawings. 

 

"THAT'S A SHRIMP!" Seungwan answered with a pout, making Joohyun and Seulgi laugh out loud. 

 

Seulgi covered her friend's mouth because she shouted a little too loud for the ambience of the restaurant, and Seungwan just tickled Seulgi with the pen she got on her hand making the girl laugh and giggle even louder than she already was.

 

"Shhh, the waiter is already looking at us." Joohyun whispered as she chuckled. The three of them looked down and composed themselves while trying to avoid the waiter's gaze. 

 

"Unnie, we should have decided altogether what to get for dessert. Sooyoungie and Yerim are taking too long in deciding." Seulgi said while trying to look at their maknaes on a distance standing behind a glass full of cakes and assorted desserts. 

 

"It's okay let's just wait for them. How about we bet on what they would get while waiting? What do you think?" Joohyun intriguing the two with her eyebrow raised.

 

"Hmmm, I think they'll order hotteok for us. (korean sweet dessert pancakes)" Seulgi saying her bet.

 

"Those two will get us a red velvet cake, I can feel it." Seungwan answered confidently on her choice. 

 

"I'll bet the opposite, Kim Yerim won't even let Sooyoung suggest a red velvet cake for our dessert. Because when we finished our schedule yesterday, She keeps on complaining to me why do shows only give us a red velvet flavored cake when there's so many flavors out there." Joohyun told them while remembering Yerim's continuous whining from yesterday's schedule causing her to laugh again.

 

After a few more minutes of waiting, Sooyoung and Yerim appeared in front of their unnies with wide grins on their faces, almost jumping out of excitement with the surprise that they got. 

 

"TADA!" Yerim said while holding out a red velvet cake on her hands.

 

"I knew it!!!" Seungwan exclaimed as she celebrate her win with matching claps and dancing with her hands. 

 

"YAH! was it not just yesterday where you keep on complaining to me about receiving red velvet flavored cakes all the time?" Joohyun said in disbelief.

 

Yerim shrugged, "Huh? I don't remember saying that, I love red velvet cake! I could even eat it for the rest of my life!" Yerim sarcastically said pretending not to know what their leader is saying. 

 

Joohyun just playfully shook her head and scoffed at their maknae's denial.

 

"What are you hiding behind your back?" Seulgi trying to peek out of Sooyoung's back as the girl was hiding something, but Sooyoung is quick on her reflexes and turned her back even more to Seulgi. 

 

"Yerim and I have a surprise for all of you, but you have to close your eyes first unnies." Sooyoung ecstatically said. 

 

"Ahhhhhh! Tell us now!" Seulgi excitedly answered while leaning towards Sooyoung. 

 

"Nooo! Come on, it won't take long just close your eyes for a sec." Yerim insist while giggling. 

 

The three of them eventually closed their eyes and eagerly wait for what their maknaes have for them. 

 

"Okaay...Don't open your eyes yet...Not yet...Just one more...okay! open your eyes now!"

 

"SURPRISE!!!" Sooyoung and Yerim cheerfully said in unison. 

 

When Joohyun, Seulgi, and Seungwan opened their eyes, they saw the red velvet cake Yeri was holding earlier but this time, there were five candles with the color of green, purple, pink, yellow, and blue sticking into it beautifully. 

 

"Well, Sooyoung unnie and I decided to get the red velvet cake because we thought that it would be the perfect dessert for our celebration as Red Velvet being together tonight. Also, we wanted to give you three a gift but we didn't have the chance to buy one. Sooo... when we were looking at the desserts a while ago, we asked someone if there are any candles for sale and it turns out that they do. Suprisingly, the candles have many colors available and of course, we picked our colors." Yerim explained to them. 

 

"Yeah! and I'm pretty sure that our gift will probably be the best gift you'll receive this Christmas. Imagine, a gift given to you where you can say your own wishes and probably come true. Plus! Yerim and I are also the presents because where are you gonna even find maknaes as cute and loving as us?" Sooyoung confidently blurted and smiled brightly while wiggling her eyebrows towards their unnies. 

 

Yerim and Sooyoung high-fived and cracked up when they saw the three looking so speechless with their own explanation of their surprise. In return, Seungwan jokingly gagged made faces of disgust at what Sooyoung and Yerim said causing all of them to laugh at her gestures. The thoughtful gift maybe just a little thing for others, but Joohyun, Seulgi, and Seungwan will always appreciate everything the maknaes give and do for them.

 

"Come on, let's all wish together" Joohyun said, making the two standing members in front to sit at her both sides. 

 

They lit up the candles, closed their eyes, clasped their hands together, and whispered their own wishes and thanks. 

 

Yerim was the first one to open her eyes, as she look at her members still with their eyes closed, her heart warmed and a smile formed on her face. Even though she rarely express her affection, Yeri always feel so blessed to have them in her life. Since she joined the team, not even once they made her felt as an outsider or someone who joined the group late. They welcomed her with open arms and took good care of her all the time. Yerim appreciates all of her unnies with her heart, and even though she is the maknae, it makes her want to protect them more knowing how kind and soft-hearted her unnies are.

 

When Joohyun opened her eyes, she saw Yerim looking at her with a smile. She returned it back and looked at the rest of her members with a loving gaze. As she was observing them, Joohyun can't help but to feel proud of what kind of persons the members have become. She saw them grow in front of her eyes, and all of them have really come a long way. The years they have all been together might still be short compared to others, but Joohyun values every moment with her members, especially days like tonight, where she truly feel at bliss. 

 

As Sooyoung was saying her wishes, all that she and the members been through this year flashed on her mind like a record. They've all been through a lot but she was glad they've always overcome it together and made those as an opportunity to grow. Sooyoung squeezes her eyes harder as she pray her last wish, It is very important for her and there's nothing more that she wants than for it to happen; May my family, friends, and loved ones be happy, healthy, and safe. 

 

Seulgi's eyes glisten the moment she was done saying her wishes. She thought she was the last one to finished, but when she looked at her side, Seungwan was smiling still with her eyes closed and hands clasped together. A smile formed at her face as well and tears brimmed on Seulgi's eyes once again when her heart felt ever more grateful to have Seungwan by her side this time of year. Seulgi loves all of her members and she would always want them to be complete, that's why being together like this tonight makes Seulgi more emotional. 

 

Seungwan does not wish for anything because she felt like there's nothing she could wish for more. Instead, she said all her thanks. Seungwan always say she's grateful for she genuinely feel that way. Despite everything, she never asked for more because she feels blessed and have been appreciative with everything that she have and anything that she gets. With her eyes still closed, her heart warmed and she cannot stop smiling as she list all the things that she's grateful for; I'm grateful to be here, I'm grateful for my family, I'm grateful for my loved ones, I'm grateful for being with my members tonight, I'm grateful for the people that's been there for me, I'm grateful for the people that loves and supports me, I'm grateful for my dreams that came true, I'm grateful for my lovely ReVeluvs, and most of all I'm grateful I get to be Red Velvet's Wendy. 

 

When Seungwan opened her eyes, she was greeted with smiles and loving stares from her members. She felt shy all of a sudden and immediately covered her face and laugh with her usual nervous laughter. 

 

"I'll be the first one to melt instead of the candles because of how all of you stare at me." Seungwan softly said in a muffled voice. 

 

As Joohyun saw all of the members are done saying their wishes, she initiated, "Okay! Let's blow the candles now. One, Two, Three!" 

 

The girls blow the candles altogether and made weird noises with claps and loud cheering after, just like the dorks they are. 

 

"Red Velvet Jjang! (the best)" 

"YEAH! Let's Go Red Velvet!"

"WOOF! WOOF!"

"Red Velvet! 2021!"

"RED VELVET FOR PRESIDENT!" 

 

The people at the restaurant looked at their direction but it does not matter for them as they continued on cheering. They are in their own world and being together tonight is indeed a celebration. 

 

Joohyun got the cake knife and gave the members each slice. They all enjoyed eating it together and indeed, the moist red velvet cake with the cream cheese frosting that melts in the mouth taste a lot sweeter and more delicious than any other red velvet cake the girls have received.   

 

As Seungwan takes her last bite, her phone suddenly rings. 

 

"Hi Eomma (mom)... -I'm with the members right now... -Nope, we're having dinner at the restaurant nearby... -Just the five of us... -Having our dessert, but it's okay they'll understand... -Hahahaha, yes yes I'll tell them... -Okay! see you, I love you too."

 

"Something wrong, unnie?" Sooyoung asked as soon as the call was dropped. 

 

"Nope, It's just my mom. She told me to mention that she congratulates us for our comeback and greeted a merry christmas to all of you."

 

"Thank you eomeoni! and merry christmas to you too auntie shon!" The members greeted brightly as if Seungwan's mother is present and could hear them. 

 

Seungwan giggled at her members' cuteness, "Okay, I'll tell her all of your greetings too." 

 

"I have to go now though, I'm sorry. I mentioned it already yesterday right? About our family gathering tomorrow. Mom and I will prepare and plan tonight the ingredients we should buy tomorrow for the family lunch." She added. 

 

Sooyoung remembered how Seungwan excitedly told them yesterday about their little family gathering this Sunday, and she felt extremely happy for her unnie since It's really been years since Seungwan get to celebrate the holidays with her family being complete in Korea.

 

Sooyoung gave her a smile and said, "It's okay unnie. You don't have to apologize, you should go." 

 

"Do you have a service coming? or are you gonna take a cab?" Joohyun asked.

 

"I'm taking the cab, unnie. It's just 5 minutes past 10, I'm sure there are still a lot of cabs in the area. What about you, how are you all gonna go home at the dorm?" 

 

"Like the usual, unnie. You remember how it's always more fun if we walk to our dorm when we have our dinner with just the five of us, right? besides, our dorm is just minutes away from here even in walking." Yerim answered Seungwan. 

 

Seungwan laughs reminiscing how everything is literally funny for the five of them when they walked the streets of Seoul deeply late at night; the blinking streetlamps that their leader would imitate by closing and opening her eyes rapidly, the innocent hump on the road that yerim aggressively fought when she tripped because of it, the no parking signage pole where Seulgi and Sooyoung would take photos endlessly as if it is their own photoshoot. It's just the common trivial things that can be found on any other streets, but the fun and laughter they shared makes it unforgettable and made a precious memory for them. 

 

"OH! before I forgot, I have something to give to all of you first. but I have a favor, please don't open it in here, Just open it once you're already at home, okay?" Seungwan smiled at them before digging into the huge bag by her feet under the table.  

 

"Waaah! I did not expect to receive presents today and now it's the second gift for tonight! What do you have for us, wannie?" Seulgi said tapping Seungwan's arms excitedly, making the girl stop from getting the gifts.

 

"Secret! Later when you got home at the dorm already, alright? I'll just give you a clue. Hmmmm... It's something I'll always treasure in my heart..." Seungwan greasily said while placing her hand onto her chest, but suddenly cackled when she saw her members cringe while making confused and disgusted faces. 

 

"YAH Son Seungwan! What kind of a clue is that?! Something you treasure but you'll just give it to us???" Joohyun blurted out. 
 

Seungwan just smirked and shrugged then continued on getting the presents in the bag. When she got all of it, the other members saw four medium sized boxes that is a little bigger than Seungwan's hands, each was wrapped individually in pink, yellow, green, and purple color, with a red velvet textured ribbon tied around it, and a sticker of an animated hamster holding a cookie on the top left side of the boxes. 

 

"I prepared this weeks ago and I planned to give this on the 31st to celebrate the new year. but I thought that I'll just give this tonight when Joohyun unnie invited us for dinner because we didn't get to do this last year and I think that it's perfect to give this for christmas to all of you. I really am happy and grateful that we get to do this again. Merry Christmas, my members." Seungwan confessed to her members warmly before standing up and distributed her gift, hugging them one by one, and the members returning the hug back while saying their thank yous. 

 

"Merry Christmas, My Chingu (friend)"

"Merry Christmas, Dooyoungie"

"Merry Christmas, Yerimmie"

"Merry Christmas Joohyun unnie, thank you for treating us today. You know you'll always be the greatest woman of this generation for me, right?" Seungwan hugged their leader last, then proceeds on her way out already. 

 

"Unnie! message us when you get home already, okay? Be safe!" Sooyoung shouted. 
 

Seungwan turned to them once again, "yes yes!, be safe going home too! bye bye!" she said with a smile, waving her hand goodbye and gave each member a flying kiss before completely leaving the restaurant. 

 

After a roughly 30 minutes or so, the four of them decided to go home too. As planned, they did not take the cab nor asked for a service. Instead, they walked the night streets of Seoul. 

 

As they are walking, Yerim place the purple box that she's holding near her ears and shakes it, "something she'll always treasure? hmmm, I wonder what Wendy unnie got for us." 

 

"She wrote us a letter for sure, that's why she doesn't want us to open it yet at the restaurant." Seulgi with furrowed brows also did what Yerim was doing.

 

"Unnie, Yerimah, don't shake it too much, what if it is fragile?" Sooyoung chuckled as she saw the two abruptly stopped the shaking of the boxes and looked at each other with their eyes widened. 

 

"And we're almost at the dorm, you can open it as soon as we got home" Joohyun added. 

 

"Come on unnie, let's walk faster" Yerim said as she held her hand towards Seulgi and the latter accepting it. They both playfully skips forward, leaving the other two girls behind.

 

"Kim Yerim! be careful! you might trip again like last time!" Joohyun cracking up with Sooyoung remembering how they made fun of their maknae fighting with a hump on the street before. 

 

When they arrived, they called it a night already. The three younger girls thanked Joohyun for the dinner and went into their own rooms. 

 

Joohyun slumped into their couch and looked at the pink box that's on her hands and smiled. Just like the other members, she was also looking forward in opening Seungwan's present for them. She shakes it lightly trying to guess what's inside first and it only produced a light sound, the box is tolerable to hold for a long time but it has some light weight on it as well, Must've been packed and Sooyoung might be right, it's fragile. 

 

Even though she's thrilled to know what it is, she decided to open it after she freshens up to settle for the night. Joohyun placed it first on her room and made her way to take a bath.

 

When she was finished, she sat on her bed and placed Seungwan's present in front of her. She hums excitedly as she took her phone from her bedside table to take a photo of the gift, but the giddiness she felt was immediately replaced with her heart pounding as she saw the amount of missed calls and messages she received from their managers. Joohyun took her time taking a bath but it was not long enough to have this amount of notifications from them. 

 

32 missed calls - 81 messages

 

She does not know why, but the moment she saw the amount of notifications, she instantly knew something was wrong. 

 

Her phone ringed again and it was still their manager.

 

Joohyun's chest tightened with each passing second and her eyes welled up hesitating to hear whatever is waiting for her. She breathes heavily and with her heart still racing, she answered the phone.

 

The color drained from her face as soon as she heard what their manager said, and the tears that was welling up earlier, now streams down her face endlessly. Joohyun felt dizzy and the phone slipped from her hands, losing every strength that she have.

 

She covered her face with trembling hands, in disbelief of what was happening with her breath getting more shallow and rapid. Her body was shaking as she sobs and pleads to wake up from this nothing short of a nightmare. 

 

No, please...please.. it's not true, please...

 

Her heart that's been pounding a while ago felt like it stopped. And with every sharp breath that she took, the tighter the pain she felt on her chest becomes, 

 

For nothing could ever prepare Joohyun from the news that caught everyone off guard...

 

JUST IN: Korean Singer Wendy of Red Velvet killed in Seoul Highway Accident 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

January 25, 2021 - 6:25 pm 

 

“Unnie talk to me, please. Tell me it’s not true, Please unnie.” Sooyoung said hysterically while shaking Joohyun, but the latter did not move and was still sitting curled up on the bed with her head between her legs and chest, trembling.

 

Joohyun can’t understand what Sooyoung was saying, she didn’t even heard when the girl barged into her room for her mind was still in shocked. All that she knew is her heart gets heavier by the minute and her tears won’t stop falling. 

 

Sooyoung sat beside the girl on the bed and lean on her shoulder, “Joohyun unnie, please...” 

 

Joohyun looked up and saw the members are in her room. Sooyoung was beside her, while Seulgi and Yerim are standing by the door. 

 

“Unnie, it’s all over social media but I know it’s not true. I know Wendy unnie is okay, she’s okay. It’s just a fake news, right? please, tell me unnie...” Sooyoung pleaded with tears in her face, grasping Joohyun’s arm tightly, hoping to hear from their leader that it was all just a well-planned prank by Seungwan. 

 

But her heart went into her stomach when Joohyun just bowed and shooked her head. 

 

“No! you’re lying unnie! It’s not true!” Sooyoung shouted as she runs her hand through her hair, shaking her head in disbelief, wailing. 

 

Seulgi also went into Joohyun’s room immediately the moment she saw why Seungwan was trending. She was expecting the leader to tell her that she already talked to Seungwan and that she is okay, but Seulgi froze by the door when she saw Joohyun curled up sitting in the bed, looking up into them with bloodshot eyes and tears all over her face. 

 

Seulgi’s head spin the moment she saw Joohyun shaking her head, denying Sooyoung’s claims that the news was not true. She cannot believe what was happening, her vision becomes blurry and she puts her hand on her chest as she felt it getting tighter. She held onto the doorframe to steady herself but she lost every strength she had as she faints seconds after Joohyun confirmed the dreaded news. 

 

- Ding Dong -

 

The sudden sound of the doorbell made Joohyun snap out from her own thoughts. It occurs often, where Joohyun would stare emptily out of nowhere with the memory of the past in her mind.

 

Sometimes it’s the memory of the night when her world fall into pieces upon hearing the news. She vividly remembers how Sooyoung looked at her with desperation in her eyes pleading to tell her that the news is not true. She also remembers how she had to call for their manager’s help because Seulgi faints in front of her but none of them is in the right mind and have the strength to grasp what’s happening anymore. But sometimes, it would be the memories of Seungwan being with them and the days they all shared together. However, no matter what memories would be on her mind, she still ends up in tears without even realizing it.

 

Joohyun blinked for a few times then wiped her eyes and cheeks before answering the door. When she opened it, she saw their manager holding two plastic bags filled with the food she ordered in both of her hands.

 

"Joohyun, are you okay?" The manager said full of concern in her tone upon seeing the leader's puffy eyes and glazed face.

 

There's no point in answering a question that has an obvious answer that's why Joohyun just gave her a faint smile and thanked her for bringing the favor that she asked, "I owe you this one, unnie. Thank you."

 

"Did they reply to your message?"

 

Joohyun lowered her gaze shaking her head making the manager to sigh heavily and hugged the girl in front of her, "Just message me anytime if you and the other members need anything, okay?"

 

Joohyun nodded, "Thank you, unnie"

 

As soon as their manager leaves, she went into their dining, remove the food from the package, and arranged the table.

 

After everything was set, she settled at her usual head seat in their dining table and takes out her phone checking if one of the members have replied to the message she sent yesterday.

 

[January 24, 2021]

If you’re free and only if you want to, can you all come by the dorm tomorrow by 7 pm? I’ll be waiting. [5:29 pm]

 

Joohyun asked the members to come because she have something to say. Most importantly, she also wants to see them.

 

The last time she saw them was a week after Seungwan’s accident, when the management called for a meeting about the group’s future plans. That day, she saw how the members just had their heads down the whole time and did not utter a single word. Joohyun knew they didn’t want to be there and talk about such things immediately, but when did the company even cared for them anyway. She was angry at the company and how inconsiderate they are of the members’ feelings. She doesn’t want the members to be forced into being okay when it’s clear that they are not ready yet, that’s why with all the courage still left in her, she personally asked them to give them a break, to give the members a time for themselves, and told them to respect Seungwan by not making a profit out of what happened to her.

 

Suprisingly, the company heard and granted what she asked. After that day, all the members went into their own home including Joohyun.

 

Three weeks after, Joohyun knew she had to take responsibility. She went back into the dorm and told the managers that if the company have something to say to the group, just tell it to her, because Joohyun doesn’t want the members to be burdened even more.

 

She didn’t saw them since then, and when Joohyun sent a message, they’ll just answer their leader with a short reply, which she understands because she also doesn’t know what to say to her members too.

 

Joohyun knows that everyone has their own way of coping up, everyone is different, and she and the members included have also their own ways of grieving. It upsets Joohyun so much that even if the company granted their hiatus, they are still breathing under their necks all this time. Not allowing them to post anything, not allowing them to talk to ReVeluvs, and not allowing them to go out without a manager accompanying them.

 

That’s why first thing in the morning yesterday, Joohyun went into the company and talked to the higher-ups once again, requesting to give what she wants the members to have during this time, freedom to do everything that they want to do to be okay.

 

The moment the managers told her that higher-ups gave a go signal already to what she asked, Joohyun immediately sent her message to the group chat. Not only did she want to tell them about the information as soon as possible, but she’s also really want to see the members again.

 

Since yesterday, Joohyun can’t stop looking at her phone, checking if the members replied. But up until now, only minutes left before 7 pm, their group conversation just had the same chat as yesterday except for the three circles found at the bottom indicating that the three members saw her message.

 

Joohyun wasn’t even sure if any of the members will come but she still cannot help to feel anxious. She’s scared that she might say something that will do more harm than good. Despite of that, she’s still hoping that the members will come.

 

Joohyun fidgets as she peaked into her phone to look at the time for the nth time but her gaze turned into the date,

 

January 25... It's already been a month... 

 

Now, Joohyun felt a little sure that the members will come. Something in her knew that it wasn't just a mere coincidence. Somehow, she knows that it's meant for them to see each other today, after a month since they had their christmas dinner... the last time the five of them are together... the last time they saw Seungwan...

 

Indeed, time passes by, but the pain and hurt that they are feeling is still the same as the day of Seungwan's passing.
 

Her eyes starts to blur again but she suddenly blinked rapidly the moment she heard someone at the door, entering their code to open the lock.

 

She knew the members will come but her heart was still racing at the thought of meeting the members for a long time.

 

Joohyun was looking at the doorway waiting, when she made eye contact with Seulgi as soon as she enters.

 

“Hi unnie..” Seulgi greeted her softly and gave her a smile not reaching her eyes.

 

Before Joohyun could even stand up, Seulgi already went into their dining and hugged the leader before settling down to her usual seat.

 

When Seulgi saw Joohyun’s message, she didn’t want to go at first. Not because she doesn’t want to see the members, but because she doesn’t want them to see her crying at everything that reminds her of Seungwan in their dorm. But thinking that she’ll get to see the members, made her decide to come.

 

It takes a lot of Seulgi’s strength just to come at the dorm, just like how she’s trying her best right now holding back her tears, remembering that the usual person who seats beside her when they are at the dining will never be there again no matter how long they may have waited.

 

“Have you eaten dinner already?” Joohyun asked, with Seulgi just shaking her head in reply.

 

“I ordered some food, you should eat.”

 

“It’s okay unnie, let’s just wait for them. Did they say that they will come?” The younger girl asked.

 

“No, no one replied, but I know that you will all come.” Joohyun answered.

 

Seulgi felt bad hearing that no one replied to their leader, “I’m sorry unnie I didn’t sent a message back, it’s just that...”

 

Joohyun held Seulgi’s hand as she saw how the girl looked upwards and tugs on her own sleeve trying to find a way to continue what she’s going to say without bursting into tears.

 

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it. Thank you for going in here.” Joohyun said at her, smiling softly.

 

Just a second later, both of them heard the door open and saw Yerim walking with her head down, towards to where they at and sat in front of Seulgi.

 

Joohyun looked at their maknae with worry in her eyes. She haven’t seen her for so long but Yerim lost so much weight since she last saw her. She can understand her though, since a month ago she also cannot eat a complete meal without losing appetite after a bite or two. But still, Joohyun is worried that Yerim is forgetting to take good care of herself.

 

Joohyun faced Yerim and tucked the girl’s hair to see her clearly even with her head down, “Kim Yerim...”

 

Yerim bit her lips and kept her gaze still low despite their leader calling her name. There are no words to be said, Yeri just let the tears she's trying to hide fall, as Joohyun caress her head comforting her.

 

Thirty minutes have passed since Yeri arrived but Sooyoung is still nowhere to be seen.

 

"Is Sooyoung unnie comi--"

 

Yeri's sentence was cur when the three of them looked towards the doorway when they heard someone was coming.

 

As Sooyoung goes nearer to where the girls are sitting, Joohyun's heart sinks seeing her flushed face and swelled glazed eyes.

 

Sooyoung was already there even before 7 pm, however, she didn't left her car because she cannot stop crying even with just a mere sight of their dorm. She finds it difficult to go to the place where she sees Seungwan at every corner of it. It hurts too much remembering that her Wendy unnie should be there with them, in the place they all considered a second home.

 

She tried her best to avoid eye-contact with any of her members as she sat beside Yerim but her eyes immediately went to Seulgi as she sees her staring emptily at the seat beside the latter.

 

Seulgi looked up and met with Sooyoung's eyes on her. She saw how the girl might have cried on the way here with the evidence of her puffed eyes. Trying her best, Seulgi greets Sooyoung with a faint smile and girl responded with the same sad smile that she received.

 

The silence was deafening. The members are just waiting for Joohyun to talk but the latter isn’t ready yet as she was practicing in her head what she’s going to say before uttering a single word.

 

Joohyun looked at her members, all of them hanging their heads low with their hands clasped on the table, when she suddenly observed that the three of them have the same kind of bracelet on their wrist. It is a white-gold snake chain bracelet with a round star-shaped gem charm dangling on it. The one they are wearing is almost identical with each other but the only difference is the color of the gem; Seulgi has yellow, Sooyoung has green, and Yerim has a purple one.

 

She wondered if the three of them bought it together before and coincidently wear it today, when it suddenly struck on her,

 

It must be Seungwan’s Christmas gift...

 

She haven’t opened what Seungwan gave last Christmas. Not that she forgot about it because she even place it atop her bedside table to see it everyday, it’s just that Joohyun still doesn’t have enough strength in her to open it yet.

 

She let out a heavy sigh and started talking,

 

“I went to the company yesterday and talked to the higher-up to asked them to lift our social media ban and let you go even without our managers. I know how much you wanted to talk about Seungwan—“

 

Joohyun voice lowered at the mention her name. Just saying Seungwan’s name out loud made her absence even more felt, making Joohyun teary.

 

She blinked rapidly drying her eyes and swallowed the lump in before proceeding,

 

“There’s no social media ban anymore. You also don’t have to call the managers anymore when you want to go somewhere. Don’t mind about those things, I’ll handle it all. Just—“

 

She paused again seeing Sooyoung looked sideway and rapidly wiped a tear that escaped her eyes.

 

“Just do everything that you all want to do...” Joohyun continued.

 

Days after Seungwan’s burial, Sooyoung wanted to talk about her. She wanted to post and tell how amazing of a person her unnie was. She wanted to show to everyone who her Wendy unnie is in her eyes. She wanted the world to know how beautiful Seungwan’s heart is. But she wasn’t able to because they were not allowed to talk about her and there’s nothing she can do about it then. That’s why when she heard Joohyun said that the social media ban was lifted, she teared up as her mind automatically thought of everything she wanted to say to everyone. All the things that she wanted say and the world to know about her precious unnie.

 

Noticing that their leader wasn’t talking anymore, Sooyoung cleared and excuse herself from the table.

 

“Thank you unnie.. I’ll just stay in my room for a while.” After saying that, Sooyoung stood up and went to hug Joohyun.

 

Even though she doesn’t communicate with her for the past weeks, She’s thankful for her and everything that their leader does for them even though she herself was hurting as well.

 

“Thank you so much unnie...” she whispered again to Joohyun as they hugged.

 

After Sooyoung went into her room, Yerim also excuse herself and went into her own.

 

Joohyun was waiting for Seulgi to stand before she goes into her own room, but even after minutes passed, Seulgi was still not moving from her seat.

 

“Are you just going to stay in here?”

 

The younger girl nodded.

 

“Don’t mind me Seulgi. It’s okay, you can go to room.”

 

Seulgi still not looking up into Joohyun, just shook her head.

 

“I— I don’t want to go to my room...” Seulgi said with a shaky voice and suddenly covered her face with her hands, letting the tears she’s trying so hard to hold fall.

 

Seulgi didn’t say why she doesn’t want to go to her own room but Joohyun clearly knows the reason.

 

Because ever since predebut until they debuted, Seulgi and Seungwan are inseparable. For years, they shared a room together and they even connected their beds sleeping next to each other for a long time. And even when they already had their own rooms, Seungwan would always love to go and hang in Seulgi’s despite it having a smaller space than hers.

 

Seulgi doesn’t want to go to her own room because it was too suffocating for her. Not for the reason that the room was small but because being in there made her heart hurt too much that she can actually feel it ache physically. It was just a small room but it was but every corner of it was filled with memories of her friendship with Seungwan.

 

Joohyun knew that there are no words that could comfort her. Instead, Joohyun just stood up and wrapped her arms around Seulgi. The girl hugged Joohyun back by the abdomen and clenched her fist into their leader’s shirt as she wails, crying out her friend’s name in between of her own sobs.

 

“Seungwan!....Seungwan-ah!...”

 

Seungwan's name echoed all over the dorm. Looking upwards and pressing her lips together, Joohyun was doing everything she could to prevent herself to cry in front of Seulgi. But even so, Joohyun’s own eyes still starts to welled up upon hearing Seulgi’s desperate cries for Seungwan.

 

Despite wanting to ease what Seulgi was feeling, there’s really nothing she could do but to only rub Seulgi’s back as she let the girl have her breakdown in her arms.